the beginning
I was almost 7 years old when my family moved from Minnesota to California. Before the move, I remember being a popular, confident, leader-type kid, with a healthy, normal body weight. At my new school, I did not have a warm welcome from the kids. I was different. I was scared. I was made fun of because I had short hair – called a boy. I was very unhappy, but probably couldn’t express it. I don’t really remember doing so, but my mom tells me I would go to the nurse’s office complaining of a sore throat. You know that feeling when you’re trying not to cry? Obviously I turned to food for comfort because I started gaining weight. My unhappiness probably didn’t last long but by then the eating pattern had been established. This was the late sixties, a time before there were discussions of people using food for comfort. My parents didn’t make the connection. I really didn’t put it all together until I was in my 30’s.
the elementary school years
I was fat. Terrible at sports, picked last for teams. Although I don’t remember, my mom tells me how awful it was shopping for clothes.
the teens
Still fat in the early teens. Did some of the crazy fad diets of the 70’s. Looking back at photos, it was nothing compared to overweight teens today. At 16 & 17, I actually became quite slim without really trying. I’d moved to England and it was just such an exciting time in my life that food wasn’t important.
early 20’s
Always worried about my weight, always on a diet, but most of the women I knew were as well. For the most part I remained at a pretty normal, healthy weight. Looking back at photos, I wasn’t really that fat. That was the time, early 80’s, when the gigantic portion sizes started. We thought it was so great to go to lunch and get such a “deal.”
late 20’s
Too much partying. Too many alcohol calories followed by the drunk munchies (many people know what that means), late night restaurant meals, not enough exercise. The weight really started packing on. I probably gained 30 lbs. in one summer, and then continued gaining at a slower pace.
early/mid 30’s
I married at age 32 and gained about 50 pounds in six months, already starting close to 200 lbs. My parents-in-law ate very high-calorie fried southern food, and I joined right in. It gave me a great excuse – they were doing it, so why shouldn’t I? And I was having fun playing newly-wed and making big multi-course meals. And not enough exercise. For the next 8 or so years, I went up and down, but never got much below 200, if at all below. I lost 50 lbs. in 5 months by joining Weight Watchers. I gained it back. I would start a new diet every Monday, if not every day, only to fail by 10:00 a.m.
late 30’s
In 1998, I weighed 250 lbs. and had pretty much given up and decided I would live my life as a fat person. I would start buying decent fat clothes as a symbol of acceptance rather than the raggedy old sweats I would wear. I don’t even remember what made me give it one last try. I decided to start eating the number of calories I’d have to eat to maintain a healthy weight. I committed to daily exercise. The weight began to come off. This was encouraging. I read fitness magazines, purchased lots of exercise videos.
the 40’s, including now, my late 40’s
There were several big breakthroughs for me. By reading fitness books and magazines, I discovered why losing weight had been so difficult, and that choosing the right foods was as important as eliminating the obvious bad foods. I did not realize the impact sugar has on food cravings. No wonder I couldn’t stick to a slimfast diet past 10:00 a.m. I’d consumed 11 teaspoons of sugar and by 10:00 a.m. was stuffing whatever I could find into my mouth. So educating myself on nutrition was major. Besides the impact of sugar causing me to overeat, it also made me feel negative. When I exercise and eat a healthy diet, life is great. I feel much more positive about everything. I discovered that I had no idea how crappy I felt on a daily basis until I started to feel wonderful. Feeling crappy was just normal. I believe that diet and exercise is key to helping people fight anxiety and depression, and to helping us (and kids) stay focused. I learned that by consuming all of the packaged foods with crazy, strange ingredients, our whole bodies become inflamed, inside and out. My diet improved greatly and I continue to educate myself and improve my diet.
I noticed that I wasn’t as lazy any more. You know that feeling when you sit down to watch tv or read a book and you realize you forgot something? Before, it was such a drag to have to get back up. I found myself thinking no big deal and bouncing up to get whatever it was I forgot.
I have always had a terrible habit of continuing unhealthy eating if I have just one unhealthy snack or meal. It could go on for hours, days, months, or years. In the last six months I have really been working on staying very aware that it’s not the occasional high-calorie meal or snack that makes me fat. It is doing it day after day. I have actually eaten what I consider plenty more than necessary high-calories meals these last six months and have still lost 10 lbs. because I am not letting it spin out of control. Staying aware is a big deal. It is so easy to just zone out and eat and eat.
Another huge breakthrough was discovering Cathe on fitness tv. I had done aerobics (think Jane Fonda) in the 80’s, as well as step aerobics, and continued it off and on through the 90’s, but I knew I should be adding weight training to my fitness routine. I just didn’t enjoy it. But with Cathe, I suddenly had a personal trainer to take me from start to finish through weight training. I loved it. And I loved Cathe’s step aerobics as well. By this time I had managed to drop from 250 to maybe 180. With my new exercise program and improved diet, I went to a new level. In June of 2005, I had officially lost 100 lbs.
Since that time I have still had weight gains and re-losses but I’ve never let it get so out of control that I gain all of my weight back, which had happened to me before. And, I’ve always continued with my exercise program even if my diet wasn’t great. Exercise has been a part of every day life for over 10 years.
I acknowledge my food addiction and still sometimes do crazy things with it. But my management skills are greatly improved. I record everything I put into my mouth so I know the number of calories I eat each day. Because of my activity level, I can eat a surprisingly high number of calories and still lose/maintain weight. Besides my formal gym workouts, I move around a lot more than I did in the past. I am thankful for my high maintenance border collie who gets me outside and keeps me active. I still have between 10 and 20 lbs. to lose to reach a truly healthy weight.
I have so many of Cathe’s dvd’s and love them all. I’ve purchased all of the sets that have come out in the last few years. I’m not even close to the level of fitness of Cathe and her workout cast members, but I am amazed at what I can do, modifying wherever necessary. I am stronger than I have ever been in my life.
Thank you Cathe.
