When I was 7 years old, my father died, destroying my whole world. From that moment on, I started to gain weight. When I was fifteen, I developed an eating disorder (bulimia) to try to deal with my weight gain and succeeded in exacerbating the problem enormously. For the next twenty years, my weight went up up up and the eating disorder continued. I was ashamed and secretive about my problems and hoped that somehow no one would notice that I was so big. I turned 35, an age that had always had special significance to me, I think because my father died at the age of 34. I was 276 pounds. One flight of stairs winded me and I dreaded walking anywhere. All my activities were sedentary. It was getting worse and worse.
I was snoring badly and finally went to a sleep clinic for testing. I had severe, extremely dangerous sleep apnea. I was put on a CPAP machine immediately. The very next day, I had so much more energy, it was like I was bouncing through the world on springs!
Once I had more energy, the lightbulb went off and I realized that I not only wanted to make a change, it was in my power to do so. I started to move myself around, walking to work some days. I started to lower my calories and raise the protein I was getting. Most importantly, I kicked my bulimia completely and for good. And you know something? It was easy! I was ready to make these changes and it all was just so right and comfortable. After twenty years, to not have to be secretive and ashamed completely changed my way of being in the world.
On the fitness front, being a beginner and so incredibly out of shape, I got immediate results and was encouraged to continue. I started to do weight training. I really had no idea what I was doing, but found a book with some exercises and did some of them every day. I didn’t know anything about recovery or proper form or what muscles I was working, or even the difference between a stretch and a strength movement. But I was moving and taking joy in my physical self for the first time ever.
Over the course of the next twelve months, I lost 125 pounds! People that had known me for years didn’t recognize me. I moved easily through the world and had so much energy.
My muscles really liked being worked and before long I was having to buy heavier weights and I started to look for more instruction on strength training. I discovered Cathe! I bought almost all of her strength training workouts and discovered the joy of having strong muscles. I gained 15 pounds of muscle! I could lift anything I had a mind to! I developed confidence in my physical self, something I never had before. I walked with my back straight and my shoulders back. I had pride in my appearance. I believed that I could do anything I had a mind to.
Up to that time, I really resisted cardio. When I was heavy, moving myself through the world at a quick pace was my worst nightmare – especially breathing hard in front of anyone. But I listened to my Cathlete friends on the forum and asked questions about Cathe’s cardio workouts and before long I was giving them a go and really loving the feeling. Eventually I started running and discovered the sheer joy of propelling yourself through the world using only the power of your body. I LOVED running! I started to race, just 5Ks and 10Ks, but I never ever would have thought that was possible, just 5 years ago. I never would have considered myself to be not only a runner, but a racer! When I race, my personal mantra goes through my mind: “I run for the woman I was. I run for the woman I am. I run for the woman I will be.” I’m signed up for a half-marathon in the fall and I am training to run the whole thing with no walking breaks – a personal miracle!
It’s been three years since I lost the weight and I have maintained that loss. Way more important to me is that I haven’t thrown up in three years, I have gained tremendous energy and I am strong and I am confident. I didn’t get my life back; I got one for the first time. I believe in myself and others. I have a much more positive outlook and have turned into an optimist. I have challenges now, some physical, some emotional, but I have a stronger foundation to work with and I will find solutions to my problems. I’m 39 and I feel like my life is just getting started- and I can’t wait to find out where I’m going next!
