Renee,
I truly am sorry that you're going through such excruciating pain.  It must be like a nightmare.  Please find someone that you trust that you can talk to and unload the multitude of feelings that you must be experiencing.  I have never seen such an outpouring of emotion for a beloved member of the forum like this before...many people are thinking of you and sending healing vibes your way.
{{{PEACE}}}