I need opinions, very torn right now...

[jodijodi]

I have two young relatives who were both due at about the same time. Cousin 1 made the mistake of telling Cousin 2 what she was naming her daughter. Well, Cousin 2 had her baby first and gave her kid the name that Cousin 1 had chosen. Cousin 1 gave her kid a different, yet very similar, name. Now, these two see each other maybe four times a year...what difference would it have made if their kids had the same first name? Their last names are different and they rarely see each other.

You know, this is kind of funny that I didn't even think about it until I read your post. My cousin named her 2nd child the same name as my first child, who is a couple of years older. Apparently she'd had a name all picked out, and then at the last minute (in the hospital after the baby was born) decided to change it. She spells it slightly differently from my daughter's name. And when I heard about it, I was.....FLATTERED! Honestly, I was tickled that she liked the name enough to name her daughter that. The girls have never met; I haven't seen my cousin in years, although we have exchanged emails and I've been in touch with her mom and siblings. But I'm not sure it would matter even if we did see each other. In my mind, it was a happy thing. And my daughter thought it was kind of neat. It's too bad Clarissa's sister doesn't feel the same way.

 

[icumom]

This was funny family squabble at first, but now its sounding dysfunctional - its about alot more than a name isn't it?

Try to rise above the colossal immaturity of your mom and sister......you know, I deal with families who have children dying - maybe tragedy, a BIG problem would wake them up to how ridiculous this whole thing is...truly absurd, - that baby is someone to celebrate - even if you name him Rufus!

To the girl with all the Uncle Tonys.....hey, you lucked out, we had Cosimos and Depasquales!!!

 

[Clarissa]

My sister is one of my PT clients...I'll let you all know how it goes once I see her tonight. I'll be back on tomorrow as I work pretty late tonight.

Thanks soooooo much for all your suggestions and kind words. She is more easily influenced by my mom than I am, sadly.

Clarissa

 

[Bizybee]

Precisely the reason that we didn't tell anyone what we were naming DS, not even our parents. No hints, nothing. I didn't even give people a short list. I didn't need, nor want, anyone's commentary on what they thought of our name (Mason), good or bad.

If I had had a son, I would have named mine Mason as well...good choice!

 

[Miss Lee]

To the girl with all the Uncle Tonys.....hey, you lucked out, we had Cosimos and Depasquales!!!

Oh, I only mentioned the Tony's (acutally, Antonio) because we have so many. I had 11 aunts and uncles: Maria, Philomena, Assunta, Rosaria, Carmella, Donato, Antonio, Giuseppe, Salvatore, and Donato (and my mom's name was Michela)

Okay, Cosimos and Depasquales are way cooler -- lol!!

 

[aproudfit]

If I had had a son, I would have named mine Mason as well...good choice!

I have a son named Mason and I just love it - I second guessed it at first - when he was born 14 yrs ago there wasnt that many - now there are a lot more... great stong boy name....

Sorry - not trying to hijack...

Clarissa - I agree with most of the others though - Name your son what feels right to you - especially since your husband was so happy with the choice as well..

 

[ldy_solana]

She responded to my email saying: "gay", "really gay", "prickish", "this ones a dud", "you're kidding, right?" and etc.

Please help me, I am in tears. I already had asked my sister if it was okay and she laughed and said don't be silly, since the names are not the same, actually. Different roots and everything, mine being biblical... Thanks.

first off i think its a great name. does it offend your sister? if so maybe sis should say something directly to you otherwise its just third party opinion. luke/lucas two different names sorry don't see the issue here.


secondly "gay" "prickish" really are we grown? really nice i am actually kind of offended. we are talking about a child and this is the language we use. a simple "well i am not fond of it but its not my choice" deal would have been much nicer.

as somebody already said you are grown enough to be married and have kids so you are grown enough to pick out names(and anything else you like) so her opinion is nothing. its just a nice consideration to ask what they think but that should be the make all break all of it. if you and your dh agree that is all that matters.

honestly if my mother spoke to me like that should would have another thing coming. i would kill her with kindess but very much make it know that its a disrespectful way to talk to anybody especially when this should be a happy occasion.

then again i was raised a roughneck so i don't do kindess when ppl talk down on things i do.

kassia

 

[karenvictoria]

I have a similar dynamic with my mom. When I had my third daughter I told her the named we picked with all the excitment in the world. Her name would be Kameil with a K. ( not Cameil) Anyway her middle name is Isabella. She said she hated Kameil spelled with a K or a C. She said people would call her Camilla after the king of england's girlfriend. She said " Well then I will just call her Isabella and would call her Belle for short." I said after thinking long and hard that we are naming her Kameil and we are calling her Kameil. She didn't like it but I told her dh and I loved it as we wanted all of our girls names to begin with K. We already had a Kayla and a Kyra. It took us a long time to pick out Kameil. She didn't say much but made me feel bad kind of for sticking up for myslef. It ended up fine and she has always called her Kameil. Just say this is your and dh's decision and that is that. She will get over it as soon as she sees him.

 

[Worknprogress]

I'm sorry to hear that you're having these troubles. Pregnancy should be a blissful time (especially the first one) and you really don't need the added stress right now.

I agree with "icumom" whereas, I think the relationship with your mother is very dysfunctional since it sounds as though she tries to control you in all aspects of your life. Not trying to point fingers at your Mom, you love her, despite all her faults, and quite honestly, I think we ALL live with some dysfunction in our lives.

And let's face it, it's just not that easy to just ignore your Mom and do what you want. You will need to do that eventually for the sake of your own sanity, but only you can decide when the time is right and you feel strong enough to break free from her control.

I wanted a boy Michael and a girl named Kate but my brother and his wife beat me to it (they didn't know). So my son was Brian and my daughter was Melissa and that was that. But, after a second marriage and 19 years later, I was pregnant with a boy. I felt enough time had gone by and I could finally have my Michael.

Bottom line though, is only YOU have to live with your family and only YOU can decide what you can handle.

But, just a thought - what if both you and your sister had your boys, Luke and Lucas. and you just have a "personal family nickname" for each but to the rest of the world they get to have their respective name.

 

[Reese777]

Dearest -

Your mother sounds more toxic than my own has been from time to time - 100 TIMES more toxic. Not only would I not listen to her and name your little baby whatever the heck you want to, but I would steer clear of HER! She isnt influencing your life decisions -she is strong arming and manipulating you. It's a form of abuse!!!!! RUN AWAY!

This reminds me of my first mother-in-law. She wanted me to name my baby Nicholas, because that is how her ex husband signed the register when they got a hotel room for an adulterous affair! DISGUSTING! Then she was angry we wouldn't name the baby after him if it was a boy. He left her when my then husband was an infant and hadn't bothered to even have contact with him until he was nearly 20. No loyalty owed to him at all. It was so apparent she just wanted the child named after him to please HIM - with no concern at all to us or the child itself.

Was overjoyed when child was a girl....haha

Name your baby whatever you want. I might add that you need to put Mama in her place. There's nothing wrong with telling her that you don't want her talking to you that way. It's not right.

Be strong!

PS. Your sister can get over it. If I picked a name out and she didn't want me to use it I would use it anyway. I love my sister but for heck sake...you have different last names, right? My husband has a close cousin who has a daughter named Madison. If I got prego tomorrow and knew it would be a girl, I would not HESITATE to name her Madison. Madison Reese....I love it!!!!!!!

YOUR FEELINGS COUNT TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

 

[Govtgirl]

......My husband is furious with me for yet again letting her influence my sister and me, but I am sorry, I have to come up with a different name. I can't offend my sister. I know she didn't name her boy Lucas, but if she is upset, then I just can't do it . Hope this makes sense. Thanks again.

Obviously you can take all this advice with a grain of salt, but you posted for input, so here goes: I really think you should think very hard about what you are doing. I am going to haul off and be very blunt:

I don't blame your husband one bit for being furious with you. With this decision, you have essentially demonstrated to him how unimportant he is to you. You care more about not upsetting your sister than your husband. Apparently, he is expendable. And if you cave in to your mother and sister, he will know that he can't trust you or count on you. You two are supposed to be a team. You married him....love honor, trust, remember? I think if you do this, you are breaking those vows. And if you don't stand by your marriage vows, why should your husband? Yes, I am being very blunt because I think you are on very dangerous ground here with your marriage, and if this is how everything in your marriage goes, you may not have a husband around for much longer.

 

[Pearlstrand]

And if you cave in to your mother and sister, he will know that he can't trust you or count on you. You two are supposed to be a team.

I agree. Neither DH nor I live near family members (his or mine). We've had to learn to work together and be a team because we're all we've got! "Leave and cleave," as the verse goes.

And I'm guessing that this is your first baby. Do yourself a favor and put some distance between yourself and your mother, or you will be in tears all of the time! She'll find fault with everything you do in raising your baby, she'll undermine your confidence, and when you child is older, she'll undermine your authority with your son. The misery is only starting.

Do you like your husband's family? How is his mom? Maybe you need to forge a bond there and put some distance between your mom.

Remember: Your husband and child are your primary concern now.

Good luck!

 

[Gwynn]

I say you name your son whatever you want to. I have had personal experience with this.
My grandmother became enraged when I named my daughter after her sister, who has no
children. She already had a granddaughter named after her!!! Then when I had my son,
we named him after my FIL. Guess what? That enraged my dad. He already had a
grandson named after him!!! Wouldn't my kids have the same names as their cousins then?

I swear, families. I like the idea of keeping the name secret. A lady I bowl with, her daughter did that. They totally clammed up for both sides of the family until the ink dried on the
birth certificate They picked the cutest name too: Dylan.

Gwynn

 

[Sunshine1528]

Another who had a MIL, mind you, that had something bad to say about every name I ever picked.

Course DH agreed with her a few times. If I could go back, I'd do exactly what I wanted to.

It is your child and yours and DH's choice. Let no one influence you, but if you must take your sis into consideration, let it by YOUR choice.

I like Luke Daniel !

 

[Pearlstrand]

But more to the point...

You like Luke Daniel! So go with it.

In my opinion, if you're going to experience with the morning sickness, stretch marks, labor and deliver, then you're darned well entitled to name the baby whatever you want to!

 

[jodijodi]

Just to set the record straight:

Hello, I am Clarissa and I am 29 married to my high school sweetheart, with two children, Troy 7 and Lara Rose 4, and am pregnant with a boy(!!), due in mid-March.

This is actually Clarissa's third child. (Not that it makes it any easier to fight with family over his name.)

 

[LaughingWater]

My mother gave me hell about "Naomi" (my second daughter's name). She's a pushy thing sometimes but an otherwise great mother and grandmother, so her reaction to the name I chose was totally unexpected. I can't even bring myself to tell you guys what she said.

Well, I dug in and told her to get used to it. And after much huffing, puffing, and heavy, martyr-like sighing, she did. Now she says as she hugs my daughter, "Our little Nomi...no other name would fit..."

Same thing happened to my sister with 2 out of her 3 kids' names.

Clarissa, stick to your guns! Everyone will get over it eventually.

 

[JennieR]

Clarissa, I just wanted to Congratulate you on your pregnancy.

 

[Ronne]

I just wanted to chime in to agree with the others on keeping schtum till the baby is born - then it's a real person with a name and no-one is going to say 'ugh, what a terrible name!'

My brother is expecting his first next year, he's told my mum & dad the name (they know it's a boy) but not me because they want to keep it quiet. AND I AM PERFECTLY HAPPY ABOUT THAT! I will meet whoever he is when he's here!

You could try refusing to talk about it any more and tell everyone wait and see ...

 

[baylian]

Before I got preggers my DH and I had always had the name Ian picked out. It wavered a bit and at the time was pretty of unheard of. However my MIL kept asking us if we were going to stick with it, kept throwing out other names blah blah blah. She made it clear that she did not like the name. Plus we did not know what we were having so we also had a girls name picked out - Audrey. My sister in law was preggers at the same time and decided to find out what they were having (a boy)but never ever said what they were going to name it. I finally confronted her about two months before her due date and she said "After all of the crap I have heard you get about the name Ian I am not spilling the beans on what name we have picked - I am just playing dumb". She then told me they picked the name Devin but I was sworn to secrecy. Yes - a small firestorm erupted from my MIL because she did not know the name until they called to tell her he had arrived. And now Ian and Dev are like brothers.

Lesson learned - if ya think a close family member won't like it - don't tell until after baby arrives. In fact throw out a dummie list of names. Trust me - they get over it. If you decide to change it - which I don't think is necessary - don't tell her or anyone what you have chosen. Remember too sometimes people look at the baby and change their mind also.

FWIW - a friend of ours adopted a foster child when he was three. When our son Ian broke his arm in football their foster child for the next week refused to be called by his birth name and instead insisted on being called Ian. They had been saying Ian's name alot in conversation during the week after the incident. When the adoption papers were being finalized he wanted him name changed to Ian and so they did and used his given name for his middle. Your sister may ask him if he wants to keep his name and he may not.

Congrats on the baby - enjoy the journey as it is a true blessing from God!!!