Why do people have more than 2 kids??

Eminenz2, Very thought provoking thread...what I always expect from you :)

I've come back to this thread today after leaving it on Thursday and was not surprised by many people thinking Janice was being judgmental. Janice has always been very direct and frank on this forum and I think some women have a problem with that. Knowing this about Janice, I read only curiosity in her post.

Every woman either directly or indirectly chooses her path in life. We all have needs that are somewhat based on our past and somewhat based on our present. Those needs pull us toward our path. What a boring world it would be if we were all the same! :)

I have the utmost respect for every woman who chooses to be a mother, no matter how many children she has as long as it is a choice not the absence of planned parenthood. I realize that Oops' occur and are accepted with love in the right home. Putting the emotions aside, there is the real world of affording what we have. It puts terrible stress and strain on a marriage when the family cannot afford the basic necessities in life. That stress and strain is then carried on to the children. That is logic and that is reality. I will say that this is probably not the case of the women who attend this forum, but it happens. I see it when I go grocery shopping and there are Mom's walking around with four or five children trying to manage grocery shopping and manage the children who are running around out of control.

During my internship for my Psychology degree, I worked with adolescent pregnant girls who thought nothing of popping children out right and left and was appalled that they were just repeating the behavior of their mothers and grandmothers. For those of you who have not been exposed to that world, it is the inverse of the romanticized world of pregnancy and motherhood...and, it's happening more than you care to think about.
 
Well, I'm a second wife. My DH (33) has 3 kids from his first marriage. This is my first marriage, and I want kids. We have one; DH has 4. I'd like another, so that we have 2 full siblings.
 
Eminemz2, I would personally like to tip my hat to you as a good teacher. As a mother one of the most valuable assets (allies:)) I have is the teachers who care for my children and help equip them for life. I know Sam's teacher--he's looping with her into the third grade and taught my 15 year old when she was a second grader--thinks of us as a team and expects her parents to work to with the kids to reinforce what they learn so they can suceed. She is so awesome! Thank you for what you do as a teacher. I think good teachers are one of parent's secret weapons for terrific kids. :)
Bobbi "Chicks rule!"http://www.clicksmilies.com/s0105/tiere/animal-smiley-032.gif
Tell me what you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? -Mary Oliver
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When we had first son, I was overwhelmed and considered only one. My dh is an only and didn't want that for a child so he hung firm wishing for 2. I came around and we had second son. Oddly, I then began wishing for another. Dh was overwhelmed this time, both by the responsibilty and the complexity of a family bigger than he grew up with. I supported the decision despite my own wishes. Fewer was better than too many, in my thinking. We had a vasectomy and 11 years later, I become pregnant. Yes it is dh's and we were shocked. Now I know what 99.7% effective looks like. We went through a crazy up and down adjustment, as did our high and middle school age sons. But our daughter is a blessing to all of us. We went through the same should we our shouldn't we decision when we considered a fourth but didn't.

My 9 year old in now a terrific aunt, her brother a very handy dad from all his practice with her. My other son, is even more handy but questions whether kids will be in his future. His fiance isn't interested and it's OK with him. I will support and understand no kids or a dozen kids.

Amongst my friends, I have friends with no kids, and some with many and we all feel judged from time to time. We are feel stretched from time to time and we all worry about the future from time to time. But the decision is nearly entirely personal and internal.

Teachreef
 
You know what I was thinking? Most of my friends who have more than 2 kids started before they were 25.

I have a number of friends who waited until their thirties and even one who was forty and they only had one or two. It seems a natural consequence of waiting longer, which is more and more common these days, to have fewer kids. You just don't have as many childbearing years as those of us who started in our twenties.

Still, some of the younger moms I know now, both working and stay at home, seem to have decided to stop at two. Of course, I know some who want more as well some who have more. Until now, I have never thought to ask them why. There are also women who get careers established and chose to work for awhile before starting families. My pediatrician had her family and raised them and became a doctor when they left home. She is a wonderful pediatrician too. There are so many variables. Asking a question like Janice did, the anwers reflect the many ways we all came to be where we are and look at us. We range from childless by choice, mothers of 1, 2, 3... Did we get up ten? We work, we stay at home. We had them in our twenties, thirties, forties. It's a very diverse group.

My mom had her first baby at 21 and her last at 42. She ws 40 when she had me. I am grateful for that but now that I am 43, I am glad diapers and two hour feeding schedules --I nursed and did all the middle of the night stuff :)--are over. I am still energetic and a busy body but thinking back to when my girls were babies and toddlers, 18 months apart, I am glad I was a twenty-something mom up to the challenge of all that entailed. Sam was born when my youngest daughter was 7 and it was very different. The girls were fabulous helpers and having an elementary aged son with two teen-aged daughters who are excellent and built in baby sitters is wonderful. And that is not to say that a thirty or forty something woman with her first baby or a toddler or two is not going to have a wonderful experience or less energy than I did as a younger new mom. There are advantages to doing it that way as well. We struggled financially because of my decision to stay at home. It might have been advantageous to get a degree and work and save before starting a family but it didn't work out that way so when my husband asks me how we made it when we had two small kids and a third of his present income, I remind him about eating 39 cent a pound chicken drumsticks a lot. I won't touch a chicken drumstick these days. And I buy only organic, free range meat which we could not have afforded in those days. :) I guess we all have different reasons for how many kids we have, when we had them, whether or not we work as mothers or stay home. It's terrific that we all have Cathe in common and we come together here and have such interesting and informative discussions.

I look forward to getting that a nursing degree with a combination of excitement and fear. I have been out of the work force for eons and I haven't been a student for longer than that. I am in no hurry though. I don't want it to be stressful or frustrating and I know that means it will be awhile before I become a full-time student and longer still before I become a nurse. I will always be a mother though. :) It has been on my mind to just take one class toward that far off plan but when I drive past the Community College and see the sign to register for Fall classes, I feel trepidatious about stepping outside my life as it is. I feel wholy confident and content in my roles now and chicken to step outside my comfort zone and add that one thing which will begin to prepare me for the other direction my life will take. :)
I do love that I have so many possibilites. :)

Bobbi "Chicks rule!"http://www.clicksmilies.com/s0105/tiere/animal-smiley-032.gif
Tell me what you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? -Mary Oliver
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I agree with you.... I worked in a Daycare for 2 years and then I was a nanny for 3 different Families. The last 2 kids killed me I was burned out!!! My husband and I have been together for 14 yrs. We met when we were 16. I love him so much but we don't want children. I am soooo tired of people being nosey and telling me we have time to change our minds and we really should have kids.
I would rather regret not having children then regret having them....and I know some women who do!!!!!
I have one woman every time she sees me she touches my tummy and says any news???? Every time I tell her no we don't want knee biters!!!
I don't know what it would take to get thru to her???
I will say I was sad to dissapoint my Parents but they understand!
 
I agree with you.... I worked in a Daycare for 2 years and then I was a nanny for 3 different Families. The last 2 kids killed me I was burned out!!! My husband and I have been together for 14 yrs. We met when we were 16. I love him so much but we don't want children. I am soooo tired of people being nosey and telling me we have time to change our minds and we really should have kids.
I would rather regret not having children then regret having them....and I know some women who do!!!!!
I have one woman every time she sees me she touches my tummy and says any news???? Every time I tell her no we don't want knee biters!!!
I don't know what it would take to get thru to her???
I will say I was sad to dissapoint my Parents but they understand!
 
Hi,

I'm currently childless (but will be trying in the near future) so I must throw in my overblown opinion. I can understand the arguments about multiple children and the bonds and love and all that, and I certainly don't intend to demean that in any way. However, considering how overpopulated the world is and the ever-growing number of children who need homes and people to raise them, why dont more people who yearn for a bunch of kids go out and adopt some? All that bonding and love certainly doesn't require inheritance or genetics to be wonderful and fulfilling. My husband and I want kids, but I'll be quite happy with one of my own and others who I bring into my home because they don't have caring families of their own.

cristina.....Go Portugal!!!
 
Hi Cristina,
I have 3 children. All of them are my own. I just wanted to respond to the question of adoption. I love my husband. Dearly. When I married him, I knew that my child would be a mixture of both myself and him. That's what I wanted. In my children, that's what I see a mixture of us. That's not to say that adopting is wrong, while I don't want to be pregnant again, somewhere inside me I crave a little girl. And I wouldn't mind adopting at all. I think it's a matter of what the couple believes is best for them.
Additionally, I've read statistics about how there is enough space on the earth to house everyone and give them an acre of land. So I really don't believe that the "world" is overpopulated, only certain areas, and I believe that is only because of the greed of the world we live in. Land is not meted out like it should be. Just like the countries that have starving children. The earth can produce more than enough food, but farmers are asked not too plant as much so that the prices asked for the food can be regulated. Or the money donated to certain causes for the starving childern is used to fund military expenditures. I truly beleive the greed of men has caused these disheartening problems.

On the topic of 3 or more children. I love my children and can only answer Janice's question by saying that the feelings and benefits I have cannot be equated in financial or equational terms. It is much deeper, and hard to explain without actually feeling it for yourself. Anyway, I would love to have 2 more but don't feel it would be financially in the families best interests to do so. If it happened, however, I'd keep the baby and we'd just have to make adjustments. This wasn't much help but...you know how that goes!:+

http://www.3fatchicks.net/img/bar02/flower02/lb/0/31/26/.png[/img][/url]
 
Overpopulation and indeed increases in population do not come from the First World. Birth rates tend to be steady or declining in the First World. In Third World countries women do not have the luxury of family planning in the way we do. That sounds like a great idea, forgoing biological children to adopt the many children in need but it isn't going to solve overpopulation. Here, and again I mention natural resources, we can afford more children and it does not affect the over population of the world much at all. Birth rates in the U.S. average out to 2.09 while "replacement fertility rate"' the number of children the average woman needs to bear for a population to sustain itself, is 2.1. Our birthrates are less than needed for our population to grow. It will in fact, decline. Not so, Third World countries. Certainly, people adopt babies from other countries. It is, however, expensive and time consuming and again, will not do much to prevent over-population at it's source.
Bobbi "Chicks rule!"http://www.clicksmilies.com/s0105/tiere/animal-smiley-032.gif
Tell me what you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? -Mary Oliver
http://www.clicksmilies.com/s0105/linie/smiley-linie-008.gif
 

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