Why do people have more than 2 kids??

I haven't read any of the other responses.

I have one biological DS age 25. He was planned and is loved more than I can express with words. He was born because of the love DH and I share and which overflowed into the creation of our DS.

We tried for years and years to have more. We both read an article about adoption at different times, one not knowing the other had read it and having never discussed it. One night at dinner we looked at one another and at the exact moment the words "let's adopt children" came out of our mouths.

We are now the parents of 3 more DS by adoption. The adoptions were planned and they are loved more than I can express with words. They were born because of the love DH and I share (ie, I truly believe since the moment of their birth they were our children - that this was God's plan.) and that love overflowed into the creation of our youngest 3 DS. THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO DIFFERENCE IN THE LOVE I FEEL FOR MY DS BORN OF MY BODY THAN THOSE BORN OF MY HEART AND SOUL YET FROM ANOTHER BODY FOR ME.

It is my heartfelt purpose in life to be a mother and if I could financially afford it, my home would be filled with more children, which would be by adoption. My adoptive DS suffered in their infancies and each have special medical, physical, psychological needs. This too is part of The Plan. They have a very special purpose in life - why else would they have suffered so much and have to endure much the remainder of their lives. If no other purpose, they have taught me to truly love, to acccept life and embrace it, to face each day with laughter no matter how tough things may be, that I don't really have things hard at all, that if broken, abused children can love unconditionally and smile everday - I have no excuse not to do the same.

There are many parents of adoptive and biological children with "special purposes" (I prefer this term over "special needs") who would tell you the same as I have.

There are many people who should not have children, but do. Unfortunately, it is the children who suffer. That said, my DH and I have been very blessed by 3 women who fell into this category. There are also people who choose not to have children, and that is a choice I respect. When first married I adamantly never wanted children. I loved my niece and nephew, but none of my own please and thank you. Our hopes, desires, dreams all change throughout our lives, obviously mine did.

I digress but think that # of children is a very personal choice and yes more children means more work, sacrifice, and often more heartache. It also means more love, memories, family support and good times. Not to mention more hugs and kisses. More children is hard work, but nothing worth doing or having comes easy. I know there's the using up the planet with too many people argument, but I believe we need to be responsible in our use and care of the planet no matter the # of children/people. The cycle of life is precious and we as adults need to "grow up" and work to clean up our messes rather than leaving it for the children to do.

I believe we learn alot from children, our own and others' - if we only listen. And without children, the world ceases to exist.

Gee, sorry about the wandering novel. :)
 
I thank God everyday for my third daughter!!!! I can't picture life without her. I haven't read any of the other responses to this post yet but I can't imagine any other response. Was she necessarily planned? No. Was she more then welcome? ABSOLUTELY!!!!!! I cannot picture my life without my children...........any one of them!!!
 
Melody, you are the greatest. You are such an inspiration to me, you have no idea. I just wish you lived closer so I could kidsit. Those boys of yours are just the best. I've never even met them, and yet I've become extraordinarily fond of them. What a wonderful family you have.:D
-Nancy
 
I am one of the few that absolutely hated every minute of both of my pregnancies. I do, however, love my children more than life itself and could not imagine my life without them. Both were very difficult pregnancies in which both my sons almost died and I almost died in my second birth. I can honestly tell you that I wouldn't trade one moment and would definately do it over again. Due to this, I am unable to have a third child. I have the ability to get pg again but was informed that I would have an 85% chance of dying and the child would definately die. I have two beautiful boys and that is enough for me. We thought of adoption but I am happy with what I have. I have raise my two sons basically by myself. My DH is a truck driver and gone 6 days a week so as it turned out, I don't believe I would have the time to give myself equally to all, as I also work full time. The financial aspect never was an issue with me. Not saying that we have a lot of money, we don't, especially in the beginning, but I think what we do when we have children is think a little less of spending on ourselves and that leaves money left over to raise your children. I have never felt my children to be a financial burden. I find that my DH is more of the financial burden:7 Just my two cents.
 
My DH and i have 3 awesome children, ages 20, 17 and 14. I wouldn't have it any other way. Well, had i been younger when I had my first ( I was 29), I would've had more!! There's a whole lot more to look at than finances. in the world of economy it's called "marginal costs vs. marginal benefits" Benefits aren't always measured in terms of finances and with children that is most certainly true! It's not always pretty around here, my youngest 2 fight a lot, but I love them and love having them around, and LOVE summer vacation when we are together and more relaxed. There really is no way to measure the benefits having children brings, although as humans we tend to want to see things written in black and white. So, why???? Maybe simply, for the unmeasurable rewards.
 
This is exactly why I will not have more than two, despite any desire I might have for another child. These are very powerful arguments. There is a need to weigh social and ethical responsibilities against personal desires. The "pursuit of happiness" regularly comes at the expense of the good of the many.

I don't think Janice's question is at all judgemental, nor is she ignorant. She simply desires to know the opinions and feelings of others. What's wrong with that?
 
Wow ....Melody. That was the most beautiful post I've ever read. You are so dear.

I was adopted and so were my 2 brothers. I am now building a home for my mom (adopted) to retire in and will care for her. Keep this in mind as you age and your dear children who you have given so much love to care for you. All your love will return a hundred fold you selfless person!!! Blessings!!!

Briee (There are a dozen other posts up there that are soooooo meaningful as well. I can't say anything more. We have 6 and have a blast!!!)
 
Wonderfully put Marie!!
Personally I have four beautiful children whom I adore and I feel so blessed!! And yes it can be difficult $$$ wise, and our home is chaotic, but I wouldn't trade any of it for anything in the world! They are each so different and unique and I truely just enjoy being with them!
Jen

Personally I would never make judgements about someone just because they have or don't have children or by the # of children they have. It's none of my business!
 
Hiya,

I'm just as curious as you. I have been involved in social work and everyday I come across women with very very high fertility rates - usually people from the projects. Often, women will get pregnant as a means out of poverty. They know that they are poor so get pregnant by a man who they think has a lot of cash. Then, when that relationship doesn't work out, the get pregnant agin by a different man and an so the the cycle continues. Having children for these people is also a way to have support in their old age. Therefore kids are not looked upon as human beings to love and to take care of, but pawns to be used in the game of life.

My opinion on more professional people having kids is that it is their own choice. Maybe they love kids or just don't have a good birth control method. Who knows. I figure it is all up to the individuals. Just my .o2 cents
 
My grandmother Paradis had 19.
I had one.
She had enough for me....
She was pregenant every year for 25 years....Lost the 1st 5 . Oh and 2 were twins......
What a woman
Thanksgiving dinnner for breakfast lunch and dinner every day.

I love kids, it is just the babysitting with working...
Too hard.
Do grandkids count...


Hey someone could be related to me and i would never know it.
I have not met 90% of my mom's family....
Anne

http://www.picturetrail.com/acatalina
 
Some of the posts on this thread are just mind-boggling! I must say, I never fail to be impressed by the sweeping generalizations that people can make based on their tiny bit of anecdotal experience, or maybe by what they see on TV.

For the record, I do not think Janice is ignorant nor did I or anyone else say she was. I *did* say that her question seemed rather judgmental, because, frankly, it was. It started from the assumption that 2 kids = wonderful; 2+ kids = something wrong with the parents.

I have two kids and that's my personal choice. I do not think this fact makes me any more socially or morally responsible than my sister, who has four, or my best friend, who has three. It also does not make me less socially or morally responsible than my SO, who has one child, or my very, very dear friend who has chosen to have none. People do what works for them, and believe it or not, some families, large and small, are very carefully planned.

And Melody, you're my hero! :)

Marie
 
"Usually having your first child is an "oopsie" or a big decision. Sometimes you make the decision not really being 100% confident it is the right one, but once the maternal instinct kicks in, you manage, and find you love your baby more than anything. Agree with this?? Few people regret their first."

Umm, it is my sincere hope that people have no regret for having their 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc...

Thank you Judy, Marie and Melody. You're collective replies sum up every thought I have on this topic and then some.:)
 
Wow.. Melody you are such an inspiration. I've reread your post several times. Wow is all I can say.

Marie great thoughts.

WOnderful responses to a very poorly stated and insensitive initial post.
 
I think Janice should remain childless after reading that post. People have several children because they love them and the bigness of a family. In my observations, people from big families are some of the most respectable, honest and sincere people I know. That's because their parents are awesome, loving and patient. That's all I'll say!
 
Ummm....huh....yes, speechless. I have 3 children ages almost 6, 4, and 18 months. I am 27 and dh is 26. We had our first "surprise" (sounds better than "oops") when we were 20 and 21. We did not have much money since we just graduated college and dh was starting a new job. I learned how to budget well. We did not have a ton of "stuff" that americans think they need, but we had the most beautiful baby in the world.

When my first surprise was 1, I found out I was pregnant with number 2. I learned how to budget even better and doubled my love and happiness. Dh and I decided 2 boys were enough and he was scheduled for a vasectomy. Now, 5 days before his vasectomy, my baby girl was conceived. Yes, 5 days....that is what I call fate. She was meant to be. I cannot imagine life without her. Our home is filled with children and I feel truly blessed. I don't feel overwhelmed or crazy.

At this point in my life, dh is making more money and I have been able to stay at home with my children. I will until they are all in school. I am willing and able to sacrifice a few material things so I can be with my children. We have grown used to this and we are still HAPPY!!!

I don't quite know the point of your question and I understand how some people are offended. I think you need to understand that everybody is different. Every person has different wants and needs. I feel like my family is complete and could not imagine life any other way.

Sara
http://www.picturetrail.com/saraburnham1
 
I thank god every single day for my 3 children. My 3rd child came after being told that I will never have a baby that was biological. I have a 7 year old adopted daughter and 6 year daughter concevied through an egg donor and I thought I was the MOST blessed woman on the earth and then little Mariah came, my miracle from god. I cannot for a moment imagine our family without her. Children are wonderful and they teach adults so many things, things you would not learn from other adults. They teach us equality,innocence and how to see things again for the first time. I feel that everything in life will always be okay because I have 3 little angels that look our for their mommy and what a feeling knowing that we moms are so INCREDIBLY loved.


Susan
 
I have three, and I highly recommend it!
The transition from one to two is more difficult than from two to three.
When you have three the body of your family is just big enough to have a lot of rich wonderful dynamics. To me having one and then two was wonderful but more of a intimate one on one bond. But, three was when our "family" really formed. It became much more of an entity all it's own. It is awesome. Children change your life and for me bring out the best in me. Not for everyone, for sure. Getting to be someone who doesn't have children, I imagine you get to do a lot of personal development that I am sure is very valuable. For me that will have to wait till I'm old. I guess the experience of putting my own stuff on hold is for some reason what I need in this life. I love it!
Heather
 
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