Why do people have more than 2 kids??

Just a simple misunderstanding, Janice. I have always found you to be a smart, interesting woman and I am not surprised that you would make a query and look at all the lovely answers to the question. I think you'd make a great mom as well should you ever go down that road. And, of course, those who were offended just read something into your post that wasn't there. It could be that sometimes moms with three or more kids get people who think that's terrible and feel compelled to share. I know when I was pregnaat with a very young baby on my hip, I had people tell me I should have waited. I just stuck my tongue out at them, stuck my fingers in my right ear. since I was holding Ali on my left hip and said, "la la la la...." ;) I'm quite used to you starting these interesting conversations and everyone else will too once they understand where you are coming from. Keep them coming, okay?
Bobbi "Chicks rule!"http://www.clicksmilies.com/s0105/tiere/animal-smiley-032.gif
Tell me what you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? -Mary Oliver
http://www.clicksmilies.com/s0105/linie/smiley-linie-008.gif
 
I have been following this thread with much interest. I have read all the posts except those which started with mud slinging. I tend to tune out ALL the words of those who throw insults. I think Janice asked an honest question and I really admire some of the responses from those who have children and from those who do not. I really enjoy reading the many different perspectives and life experiences of the women (and men!:) ) on this forum.

I am childless by choice. From a very young age I knew that I did not want to have children. Through the years only a very few people commented that I would change my mind. No one has ever persecuted me to my face for this choice. Behind my back I am sure something has been said . . .:) . But that's okay because it is MY choice just as it is others CHOICE to have 1 or 2 or a dozen. All I can hope is that people stick by their beliefs and their choices and take care of those that they bring into this world.

My husband has three kids from his first marriage. They are all adults now but I have been in their lives since they were pre-teens. They are three of the most wonderful people I know and my life is so much greater having them in it. I have never tried to be their mother. The greatest gift all three have given to me is their friendship and trust.

I do not know nor will I ever know what it feels like to have a maternal bond with a child. I cringe when I think that to some people this makes me a selfish person. However, I realize that there is no way to please everyone. No matter what you do, no matter what choices you make, there are always those who will disagree and who may even put you down for it. I certainly have gained new perspective on this issue. Thank you Janice for providing the vehicle for all of us to do so.
 
Well, here's what happened to me. My husband and I decided we wanted at least one child. That's when my daughter was born. Then we constantly argued...he wanted three and I said I would only be pregnant twice. Needless to say...I had twins. We both got our wish.

Fastforward to today. You don't have to tell me about expense. We just had three graduations. The twins from Case Western Reserve and my daughter from medical school. Hopefully they will contribute to making this world a better place.

Sorry for bragging...once a mother, always a mother.
 
I think it just boils down to we all have different takes on life. What floats my boat, may not float yours. I grew up with 5 brothers and a sister, we were pretty poor, but I loved being part of a big family. I have two children, almost raised and out of the nest... and then along comes Hope. I adore her, she is the light of my life. She makes absolutely no sense financially, she complicates life, but she also lights it up, and gives us so much joy. In my opinion, there is very little "logic" involved in love. I love my kids... I can't imagine life without them. They are not a part of life, they are life. I don't know if this makes sense. This is something I feel very deeply, and it is very hard to put in adequate words. PS However....7 kids would send me to the funny farm. I don't know how my mom did it. She was a single parent for about half of our upbringing. :9 :* :+ :p :eek:
 
I have 1 child and hope to have 1 more but that's it. I had even waivered back and forth on having a 2nd for the first few months of my son's life!

My sister, on the other hand has SIX kids. I don't know how she does it! In my eyes she is WONDER WOMAN and I am not kidding! I would never in a million years want to have that many children. That's just me.

I don't feel I would be a good enough mother if I had that many. I don't feel I am capable of caring for/raising that many. Anyone who wants to and can do it is someone that I have great admiraton for!

As far as being pregnant goes...for the most part, yes, I LOVED being pregnant. It was such an AWESOME experience but that is certainly not why I want another child.

Parenthood is a HUGE undertaking so I can totally understand where Janice's question stems from. Yes, she worded her question badly... (it's not the first time someone was misunderstood on here and it certainly will NOT be the last)...but I don't think she ever meant to offend anyone. :)
 
Janice,

Just so you know, I never thought you to be judgmental or trying to start a flaming thread.:) That's the reason I did not read the other posts before posting, I felt someone would take it that way and I didn't really want to feel that antagonism (sp?) before posting. I just wanted to let you know how "I" feel about motherhood. And as I said above, I always appreciate the opportunity for "deep" threads.

BTW, how are you and your family doing since your recent loss? Take care....:)
 
You know, everytime I think about the subject of having kids I can't help but reflect on my own family and how times have changed. . .

My parents had 12 children. I'm #11 so growing up with a big family is something I've always known and enjoyed. My mom was a stay at home mom (of course!) and dad was always working hard to support all of us. He was an electrician and did many side jobs for extra money. We had a garden so during the summer months my mother canned and froze fruits, vegetables, made sauerkraut (yuk!) and made a little extra money as a playground sub at our school. Sure, we didn't have all the material things some of my other friends had but I never felt "poor".

My point? My parents did what they had to because back in those days a good Catholic family didn't have a choice as far as how many kids they wanted. I don't want to make Catholicism as issue - just trying to make you understand where my parents were coming from. We were born in the years 1946-1967 so most of the kids were born in the 40s and 50s - a different time in history. People back then didn't worry about getting laptops, cell phones, video games, etc. for their kids. Not as many kids went to college also. You just didn't have all the expenses parents have today in raising kids.

So you'd think that coming from a big family I'd want a lot of kids. Ironically, of the 7 of us who've had kids, none have had more than 2! I don't think it has anything to do with growing up in a big family but more a reflection of the times. All of the moms in my family work full-time so the expense of daycare alone makes having more than 2 prohibitive. I know I could have become a stay-at-home mom like my own mother and pinched pennies a little more but this just wasn't my choice. I enjoy the time with my kids very much but if I was with them full-time I don't think I'd appreciate them as much IMO.

For those who choose to have more than 2 and/or stay at home, you have my utmost respect. Isn't it great to live in a time in history when we have a choice? I think so.

Sue
 
I havea often thought of what it would be like to raise thirteen kids in this day and age. My husband always accused me of overindulging my kids to make up for a sense of deprivation but he was wrong. It's true thata we were not showered with toys and gifts except at Christmas and on birthdays but I never felt deprived and the sense of love and acceptance was far more precious than having a lot of things. I have learned to make my kids wait or earn what they want when they view the dazzling array of stuff out there and can't help but want it.

Melody's post evoked such a strong sense of self-less love that to me defines beig a mother. It's a feeling I cannot truly describe and biological or adopted, it's all the same. That you have been given a great gift in being called as Nancy described it so aptly and beautifully. Each child is precious and to raise them is to discover each of their gifts. We all have to fit together to become a family and they have a natural tendancy to be gifted with individual talents which separate them from one another and yet compliment each other. They conflict at times but they are also fiercely loyal and protective of one another. I am awed by it. My daughter Sydney came home from scool one day, glowing. She had gone to the cafeteria at lunchtime to find that her friends had a special lunch for and had declared the day Syney day because she alone among her group had never conflicted with any of the others. I got rather choked up. She has an incredible sense of humor and she is mature and wise beyond her fifteen years. Compsssionate too. If we put out a passle of children such as she, in spite of all the truly sad and frightening things out there in the big, bad world, things are bound to turn out just fine. Knowing there are mother's like Melody and Judy and indeed all of you who speak so lovingly of your children, warms the cockles of my heart. It's such an honor to know you in cyberspace. :) We prove we are all kinds of mothers and together we are a formidable bunch, protectors of the children who will one day be out there changing the world for the better!
Bobbi "Chicks rule!"http://www.clicksmilies.com/s0105/tiere/animal-smiley-032.gif
Tell me what you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? -Mary Oliver
http://www.clicksmilies.com/s0105/linie/smiley-linie-008.gif
 
Just had to {{{{{{{Bobbi}}}}}}}.

Your post beams of your love of motherhood and thereby, of your love for your children.

And, BTW, I always benefit from "hearing" your optimism in life.
 
Thank you all, again.

Yep, that's me, DEEP THOUGHTS.;-)

Melody...you are too kind! My family and I are plugging along, putting our lives back together. Tomorrow will no doubt be hard, but overall, I think I am coming through with flying colors! Thank you so much for asking!:)
 
hi

i have 5 childrem (2of them twin girls)and im planing of having more.as i see it its all in your mind.if you see children as something you have to have because of the prussure around if you see them as a big responsibilty and thats all you missing the whole point. children are part of you your chance to do a better job then your parents b u t with a lot of fun.a lot of kissing and huging.as i said i have five and i can still find time for "myself" to sport to read and most of all to thank god that i can have children and care for them.some folks will pay millions for them.to be a mom is the whole and true meaning of being a women and dont forgive me all the feminist woman thats how create us.have fun and to have children is also the chance to make a better you.:) :) ;-)
 
Janice, I think it's a highly personal decision and I know you didn't mean to sound judgemental, but I can understand why some took it that way. With such an emotional subject things are bound to become personal in a thread like this.

I couldn't have more than one. Nicole is the most amazing blessing in my life and she wasn't an "oopsie". She was planned and wanted. I would have had more if I had been able to, but God had other plans. I thank Him every day for her. Money would have had nothing to do with having more children, for me anyway. Neither would the potential loneliness of the one. Life is busy anyway - even without kids. I know people who are either childless or their children are grown and don't live close, and they still struggle financially and are way too busy. We make time in our lives for the things that are important to us. As someone else in this thread suggested, DH is more of a financial burden - LOL!!

I don't know what else to say, since I'm late to this party and you have many sides of this issue already here. And yes, I did enjoy being pregnant. Carrying a life inside you is experiencing a miracle every single day, but to be honest at the time most of my co-workers thought I was bonkers for enjoying my pregnancy so much. Again, that is a HIGHLY personalized issue. Hope this helps!!

Carol
:)

(edited for too many spelling errors!!)
 
"...to be a mom is the whole and true meaning of being a women..."


I find this a hurtful comment from the post above. I vehemently disagree with it. Womanhood is how *you* define it, not how society or religion or whatever defines it.

What about transgendered people? There are men who are convinced they were born into the wrong bodies, suppose to have been born female. Are they lesser women because they will never have children *as* women? As a feminist, I struggle with this particular issue.

Biology is not destiny anymore. Our culture absolutely romanticizes motherhood, and dismisses those of us who have the audacity, the gall, and the chuztpah to say, "Not for me, thank you."

Where would I be without my mom? Somewhere else, I suppose, but that's a moot point, right?

A very personal issue that we can only agree to disagree about!
 
>"...to be a mom is the whole and true meaning of being a
>women..."
>
>
>I find this a hurtful comment from the post above. I
>vehemently disagree with it. Womanhood is how *you* define
>it, not how society or religion or whatever defines it.
>
>What about transgendered people? There are men who are
>convinced they were born into the wrong bodies, suppose to
>have been born female. Are they lesser women because they will
>never have children *as* women? As a feminist, I struggle
>with this particular issue.
>
>Biology is not destiny anymore. Our culture absolutely
>romanticizes motherhood, and dismisses those of us who have
>the audacity, the gall, and the chuztpah to say, "Not for me,
>thank you."
>
>Where would I be without my mom? Somewhere else, I suppose,
>but that's a moot point, right?
>
>A very personal issue that we can only agree to disagree
>about!

ITA. I was going to post in response to that but me head hurts right now and I don't feel like getting into it. Thanks for saying what I thought when I read that.

Sparrow

Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming ‘Wow - what a ride!’ — Peter Sage
 
I think that anyone who felt judged has at one time or another been look down upon for being "just a mom." Been there! Ha ha on that one. I know I went through a period of malcontent that was based solely on the idea I was wasting my intelligance as a fulltime mom. Some of Rich's college friends, learning I was a small town girl from a big family, rather unsophistaced and naive, took that to mean I was a hayseed and none too bright because of it. One of those women later became a full time mom and told me she wasa inspired by me. The other later called me smart, which was high praise indeed.

I tried a few times to be a student and a mother and it was to the detriment of my kids. I am inherently disorganized and pulling it off was too difficult for me. My husband works in the car business and that's six days a week, long hours and I try to make his down his. We sometimes fought about finances and I told him I didn't want to get the kind of job I am skiiled for. I have no professional skills to speak of. I am a mother. :) My husband once told me I "brought nothing to the table" and that was in a financial sense but to him, financial security and a large income are the benchmark of sucess. I was cruel and said I could't get a job because I have a full time job being mother and father to my kids. I do all the cleaning, laundry cooking, school volunteering softball practice, soccer, swim lessons, swim team. I even maanged a softball team once which was really hard! I choose his books, buy his clothes and take care of him very well. He was hurt by that but that's the kind of team we are. I arrange time for him to have one on one with the kids and enforce it because kids don't remember what your check stub read, they remember the time you spent with them.

We came to a compromise when I told him that I would get a nursing degree LATER when my kids are grown. I am really happy doing this. There's nothing more rewarding and I have three kids who are doing well. They like themselves and they are happy. I get a warm feeling when the girls, now teens, call me mommy like they did when they were small. It always happens during those moments when they need me again. When they are stressed, sick and sometimes just enthused about something. My screw ups have been minimal. We joke that of course our oldest is the most neurotic. She was the experiment. You learn what works and what doesn't on the first. Is that why my second is so mellow? I dorove my pediatrician nuts when Ali was a baby, worried about everthing. By number three instead of picking up a dropped pacifier and boiling it, you spit on it, wipe it on your shrit and stick it back in. Just kidding about the spitting on it! :)

My relationship with my oldest daughter, a driven Type A child, has always been the trickiest but she's maturing and she's mellowing out and it's rare for us to conflict any more which is wonderful! Lately she hasn't seemed to think she knows everthing and I nother and that's a shift I am liking lot.

I used to be insecure and allow other people's sometimes well meaning sometimes rather biatchy opinions to matter. I outgrew that and I am very sure of myself now. I'm protective without smothering and they are responsible and trust worthy. No one will ever again make me feel like I gave anything up to have motherhood be a fulltime gig. When I grow up I want to be a nurse, lol! :)

Right now I want to be engulfed in my family, make sure we eat meals together and spend lots of time having fun when it's time for that but also taking care of the environment and trying to be good citizens and help out those less fortunate, etc., etc., etc... It is the most gratifying when they show you that they share your values, when they prove themselves to be compassionate and caring of friends, their elders. I just model myself on my mother though I am not nearly as patient. She was so amazing! I am blessed to have grown up in such a big family with such a great mother.

Do you think being a SAHM is becoming more in vogue now?
Bobbi "Chicks rule!"http://www.clicksmilies.com/s0105/tiere/animal-smiley-032.gif
Tell me what you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? -Mary Oliver
http://www.clicksmilies.com/s0105/linie/smiley-linie-008.gif
 
Me too, Wendy. I was the most mellow, calm preggo in the world. I ususally buzz around like a busy bee but not then. I was awash in progesterone and so laid back it was funny. No PMS for nine months! And eating food, sometimes strange combos, just because it was there. :D
Bobbi "Chicks rule!"http://www.clicksmilies.com/s0105/tiere/animal-smiley-032.gif
Tell me what you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? -Mary Oliver
http://www.clicksmilies.com/s0105/linie/smiley-linie-008.gif
 
I would like to believe she meant that for her the true meaning of being a woman is to be a mom. She obviously defines herself by her role. It's highly unlikely she thought she was something other than a woman before she became a mother. :D And look at dear Mother Teresa for whom "mother" was honorary. ;) I think you make a great point about biology and destiny, by the way. I think all mothers of daughters should consider themselves feminsts to ensure they raise women who are not constrained by societies idea that women are less than men.
Bobbi "Chicks rule!"http://www.clicksmilies.com/s0105/tiere/animal-smiley-032.gif
Tell me what you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? -Mary Oliver
http://www.clicksmilies.com/s0105/linie/smiley-linie-008.gif
 
I would hope I never imply that anyone is "just a mom" , BTW. Too difficult for me! I'd rather teach 'em for awhile and send 'em home!!

I am a good teacher, but would be a horrible mother.

Crikey, sometimes I can't even stand having my cats around, heehee! "As God as my witness, if I have to clean up one more hairball on the good carpet, someone's gonna lose a life or two!!!

Just kidding! ;)


I think that women who are deciding to Stay-At-Home are getting more respect than before. That's just my opinon though, I have no proof. They certainly have my respect.
 
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