Why do people have more than 2 kids??

This is an interesting discussion. Just wanted to add a couple of thoughts.

First off, let's not assume that Janice was trying to be offensive! C'mon. Having been on the receiving end of being accused of deliberately offending others here, I hope we can remember to give our fellow Catheities the benefit of the doubt. I've also been guilty of jumping on people for *their* posts and I do regret that. Anyhoo, to the topic at hand :)

I am happily childless by choice. I'm also 100 percent in favor of good and decent people having large families simply because good and decent people tend to have good and decent kids. World could use more of 'em. In fact, I've always been impressed with the parents on this board, so I say, get to it, fit people. Let's have more Cathe babies :+ Seriously though, if people want large families and have the emotional, financial, and mental means to take care of them, why not?

Also, just wanted to comment momentarily on the popular (in the world, not this board) notion that people who choose not to have children are by definition more self-absorbed than people who procreate. My decision not to have children was one of the least selfish and self-absorbed decisions I have made. It wasn't as if I said, "well I want to go hang-gliding this weekend so I guess I'll skip the baby thing." I'm not immune to the joys of raising children, I just know in my heart that for me the joys would not be enough to counteract the negatives.

Sparrow

Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming ‘Wow - what a ride!’ — Peter Sage
 
I have 3. I was blessed with twin girls and my son next. My daughters even being only 6 include their little brother in everything he has reached milestones he wouldn't have being individual. I ultimately wanted 6 but with the hyperemesis to me it is not worth it. My sisters have children same ages just a few months apart as well so they have cousins to play with and I make sure my kids have a fulfilling day each day sure I am busy and exhausted at the end of a day but it is not forever one day I will wake up and they will be smart, responsible, polite, independent and then I will have my rest, go back to work and watch them grow.

Life is filled with unexpexted changes you can't see what is ahead. My hubby worked with an excellent company and they downsized he now finds work to do (self-employed in Michigan) it is so bad right now we do not live off the system we have a home we pay almost a thousand dollars a month to have health insurance. That was not expected when we started out. My husband is just as involved with our children as I am. We do not go out, we do not go on vacations we do not expect anyone to take care of our children because we had them. I love my 3 children there is no where I would rather be at this point in my life. Even with stained carpet & writing on walls I know personally 2 couples that can not even handle 2 they will not go to a store because they do not want to take the kids or they can not juggle additional activities until the husband comes home.

beth6395
 
Putting aside people who have children for the wrong reasons, I think parenthood is like a calling. Similar to a "calling" to be a doctor or a teacher or an engineer. I strongly believe that each one of us has some outstanding ability or talent, and that many of us have more than one. I think the ability and desire to be a parent is one of them. I think it's something that we're born with and either is enhanced or discouraged by nurturing.

I believe that parenting is a very strong, very important calling that you either have or you don't. I notice that more women have it than men, but plenty of men have it too, and plenty of women don't have it or have only a weak version of it. When a couple comes together and they both have the "calling", they should have as many kids as they want, in my opinion.

My brother and SIL are such a pair, and they are the kind of people who can stay perfectly calm in a sea of chaos. Although I'm a tad prejudiced, the kids they are raising are turning into wonderful people. The kind of people who have big hearts and care about others. They are the kind of people the world needs more of. The world is so lucky to have great parents like my brother and SIL and Melody and Kassia and Susan and Heather and Sara and all the other mothers who have posted on this thread. I thank these wonderful people from the bottom of my heart because the work they do is so important for us all.

-Nancy
 
I have 4 wonderful kids, yes it is expensive, and seems like there is always some kind of drama going on, but I love that!! and I sat one day looking at my life, and you know what? I may not have a lot of money but I have all I could ever want or ask for, my house, my kids and food to feed us all, and we have loads of fun together, yes it is very stressful but as the one mother said in "Parenthood" I like rollercoasters, I wouldn't trade my kids and my wonderful family in for nothing,
 
Nancy,

I want to say thank you for your nice post. You would not beleive some of the comments I get for having 3 children....especially when we are grocery shopping. I take all 3 of my children with me when I shop. Sometimes, my mil goes with us, which makes it easier. I have to agree about how the world needs more wonderful people. My children are so loving and caring to each other. They are best friends. The other day I took my oldest and youngest to a dr check-up. My middle child stayed with my mil. When we got home, she said he was lost without all of us. This is the lifestyle we are used to and we all love it. I have always wanted to be a SAHM with a bigger family. I always tell myself the expensive stuff will come later. Right now, my life is dedicated to being a good mother and wife.

Hugs to all the mothers out there!!!!

Sara
http://www.picturetrail.com/saraburnham1
 
I have 3 of the best kids 17, 6,and 4. I see them all as a blessing because I was told I couldn't have children. So you can say they were kind of the best surprise ever:) I wouldn't trade them for the world. Yes, finances are tight. We don't have the luxury vehicles or the expensive vacations but we have a home that is filled with laughter and love every day. And we don't need the material things. Those material things aren't there to tell you they love you and give you a hug when you have a bad day. Just my 2 cents:7
 
To keep things light hearted I must quote my sister in law who says "never have more children than you have hands, or you will truly be outnumbered!" (Yes they have 2, and talking about a 3rd!!!)

I have 2 girls, started late in the game so biology took care of having more. I must say I MARVEL at the parents who have 3 or more because they are truly gifted. Not everyone can handle the responsibility, raise all to feel loved, secure, self reliant. Certainly money is a factor, but you know I was one of 5, my dad was a teacher, mom did not work all that much outside the home (worked overtime in the home!) and we managed fine - not rich, but nowhere near poor. I feel challenged in fact by raising my children in a world where they have so much more wealth in their house that DH and I did. It is an effort to teach them the value of money when "we can't afford it" is rarely the case. All of us siblings on the other hand were taught that value - paid our own way thru college, some grad schools, all bought our own homes with minimal to no assistance. Forgive me for bragging but I am proud of how my folks raised us to be independant and educated. So that is the challenge isn't it? Raising your 1,2, 8 kids to stand on their own two feet. From an early age in fact.

SO how about those of you with 3 or more, tell us oh tell us how do you do it? What are your golden rules? And hats off to the big families!

Julie
 
Sparrow,

Thanks for voicing your opinion about being childless. It seems in this world that there is harsh judgment against those who chose not to have children. While DH and I are weighing the pros and cons about having a child, there seems to be judgment from our families and some friends about why we haven't had children yet (we've haven't even been married two years yet!). It's such a personal decision and a forever life-altering one. I believe that good things come to those wait and if it's meant to happen, it will.

Heather
 
I agree! Many have children because it is expected and if one doesn't want to have children people seem to think there is something wrong or make dismissive comments like "Oh! You say that now." Wait until you meet somebody." (People with children also think they are the only ones busy while childless people are off vacationing and eating bon bons)
Personally, I'd rather adopt in hopes of offering someone a shot at a better life. It pains me to know how many children age out of foster care without ever having found parents to love them.
 
>I agree! Many have children because it is expected and if
>one doesn't want to have children people seem to think there
>is something wrong or make dismissive comments like "Oh! You
>say that now." Wait until you meet somebody." (People with
>children also think they are the only ones busy while
>childless people are off vacationing and eating bon bons)

Yes, I agree. I can't tell you how many people said to me, pre-DH, "when you meet the right man you'll change your mind." I've had people leave adoption pamphlets for me (assuming I suppose, that I can't have kids, not that I don't want them) and even had someone say that I should get some help because any women who doesn't desire children "must have something wrong upstairs." And comments like "oh you don't know busy if you don't have kids" and "what do you do with all your free time?!" are my biggest grrrs. Not having children is as valid a lifestyle choice as having children, and I wish people would recognize that.

Sparrow


Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming ‘Wow - what a ride!’ — Peter Sage
 
My husband wanted two and I wanted four. I grew up on a big family and liked the bustle. He was an only child and, well, let's just say in seventeen years as parent he still hasn't gotten used to the noise and mess of three kids. :) We "quit" at two, my daughters, 18 months apart. Number three was an oopsie. At the time, I had gone back to school to study exercise physiology and nutrition and I was shocked but it took me no time to rethink my life and realize I can be a student anytime. I may take a class this fall to get started on a nursing degree which is what I ultimately want.

Sam turned nine so it will be a while before I can be a full-time student and by the time I can, my oldest two will have flown this nest. Sam turned out to be a boy that particularly delighted my father in law. My mother has thirty grand children and quite a few great grands and now two great great grand children. My parents raised thirteen kids and although I grew up in that family, I am humbled, particularly by my mother but boy, I couldn't do that! I think you will get many many answers on why people have the number of kids they do. Here where we have the capability of family planning, it's far different than in countries where the natural resources do not exist so that large families mean poverty and hunger. I know may people who have two because thats the even number which balances out each parent.

I always knew being a mother was going to be the only thing I could focus on while my kids were small and it turned out that when the girls became teens, it was just as necessary to stay full time though I intended to slowly prepare for the day when they moved on. I still do but have no desire or intention to get too involved in schooling and career planning until Sam is entering junior high. By the time he goes to college, I will be ready. Hopefully, I will have acquired some organizational skills by then. ;)

I love my husband dearly for agreeing to this being a full-time gig. We struggled a great deal in our early years so I could do that. It has gotten better and better as he was promoted over the years. It is very expensive raising three kids. There will come a day when he gets to semi-retire and I add a second income and take up some of that responsibility and I chose nursing so I can continue to nurture. Mothering can be the most selfless of all things and I have always been selfish about it. It requires all my focus. I admire working mothers so much because they have the hardest jobs of all. As a stay at home mom, I have always supported my sisters and friends who work as well as parent by using my flexible schedule and the simple fact that I am here at any given time to help all our lives run smoothly and keep all of our children safe and cared for.

Thanks for the thought provoking question, Janice!


Bobbi "Chicks rule!"http://www.clicksmilies.com/s0105/tiere/animal-smiley-032.gif
Tell me what you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? -Mary Oliver
http://www.clicksmilies.com/s0105/linie/smiley-linie-008.gif
 
I think big families are wonderful! I didn't give birth to a big family (we only have 2 kids) but I grew up in a family of 6 kids and I'm so glad that my parents had us all. We're all best friends now (all of us in our 40's) and I can't imagine not having that big circle of people around me all the time. My parents had little money but we were still rich as we had every necessity and lots of love.
 
Just back to say thanks for all the kind words regarding my post ^, but mothering 4 DS is easy when they're as loving and precious as mine.:)

Noone should ever judge another human for any reason. I respect an individual's decision in any situation - I do not walk in another's shoes and would never ever presume to second guess or judge their decisions...I am not them, I do not live their life. Childless or child-blessed, we are all beautiful individuals.

And I always appreciate the opportunities for discussions that this forum presents.

Nancy, you're above post regarding the importance of parenting was so well spoken and I know it was heartfelt.

:)
 
While DH and I are weighing
>the pros and cons about having a child, there seems to be
>judgment from our families and some friends about why we
>haven't had children yet (we've haven't even been married two
>years yet!).


My DH and I waited 6 years before we had our first! Don't let anyone rush you... you'll know when it's time.
 
Julie, you asked how those of us with 3 or more do it? "Just do it!" Really, when they are here, you just do what you need to.

I had to jump in again because this thread got me to thinking of when mine were young (they are 20, 17, and 14) and how much I totally enjoyed simply being with them and all of their "firsts". . .day of school, when the third was born (we were in Argentina) etc. I didn't work outside of the home and we didn't have much money, but I wouldn't change that for anything.

And now there is nothing more I love to see than our driveway filled with cars because they have their friends over. I have had one teacher and one guidance counselor tell me i should have had more :)
 
i've been following this post and can finally explain why i'm stll thinking about another in addition to my 6 y.o girl and 2 yo boy

THEY'RE FUN!!
 
I agree with you sparrow that your decision to be childless by choice is a very UNselfish and Unselfabsorbed decision. I have one child and he is 10. He is by far the best thing to ever happen to me. BUT....... I chose to not give him a sibling because I simply love my life just as it is. My son has special needs and is a handfull so I was scared I couldn't manage him and another baby at the same time. I am constantly criticized and beat up because I didn't give my son a sibling. Apparently if you only have one child, that makes you selfish, self-absorbed, blah, blah, blah. and of course you are considered a bad mother for not giving your child siblings.

Women will always judge each other harshly; that's what I have found and you can never please anyone.

Sparrow, I admire women like you who stand by your decisions.
 
Hey, stop it. I didn't think Janice was being offensive. I thought she was being curious and humorous. That little winking smiley should make everyone understand that the question is light-hearted and inquisitive. That's very Janice, by the way. She's a thinker and she has often given me the opportunity to delve into my mind and discover new things. She certainly didn't tell anyone she thought they should not have more than two. It always makes me very sad when these threads go to hell in a handbasket, so to speak. :) It is unnecessary and better to ask for clarification than to start shooting sparks. Good heavens, I can't leave you kids alone for a moment. :)
Bobbi "Chicks rule!"http://www.clicksmilies.com/s0105/tiere/animal-smiley-032.gif
Tell me what you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? -Mary Oliver
http://www.clicksmilies.com/s0105/linie/smiley-linie-008.gif
 
>Hey, stop it. I didn't think Janice was being offensive. I
>thought she was being curious and humorous. That little
>winking smiley should make everyone understand that the
>question is light-hearted and inquisitive. That's very
>Janice, by the way. She's a thinker and she has often given
>me the opportunity to delve into my mind and discover new
>things. She certainly didn't tell anyone she thought they
>should not have more than two. It always makes me very sad
>when these threads go to hell in a handbasket, so to speak.
>:) It is unnecessary and better to ask for clarification than
>to start shooting sparks. Good heavens, I can't leave you
>kids alone for a moment. :)


Thank you Bobbi. I did not mean to be offensive or judgemental, even if it came across that way. I know most people who have kids, even if they decide to have 12, never regret ANY of them. I did not mean for my post to come across any other way. I am just trying to understand something that I know nothing about....MOTHERHOOD. So, yeah, I get to claim ignorance if nothing else, lol. This has been a great discussion and very enlightening for my curious mind.

Melody...LOVED LOVED LOVED your post. Got me teary eyed!

I must say that the post telling me to remain childless hurt though. OUCH.:eek:

Thank you all for the debate.:D I am bowing out now...
 
Janice,

I posted on this question under the pregnancy forum. You can read that if you would like. For I have ten children, and yes, I had them all with one husband.

I know you well, from reading all of your posts over the years and I knew right away that you were not offending anyone or judging anyone. I know that you have an inquiring mind. I love all of your posts.

I learn alot from reading your posts and all of the responses that you do get. I feel that there are very very few people on these forums who try to offend others. Every once in a while I will see someone with only a few posts that I know they are just trying to start a fight. I have never found that with you.

You are a very interesting and intelligent and loving woman. You have a posted a very good question. Even though I have ten children, I did not find it offending - for you are a real sweetheart. You say what you think and what you are struggling with, with such honesty. How could anyone ever feel offended by one of your comments, I do not know - unless they really do not know where you are coming from.

Keep on posting and keep on asking - this has been very educational!

God Bless You,

Cheryl
 
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