Worknprogress
Cathlete
My almost 17-year old daughter was talking to me tonight about her Homecoming dilemna. She had a "friend" ask her to go a couple of days ago and she didn't know how to say no, so she accepted but has another guy (the one she actually wants to go with) who is going to ask her tommorrow.
In asking me what she should do, I explained over and over, for about a half hour what I thought was the right thing to do. But she kept going on and on about all of it that I realized that she was really wrapped up in the drama of it all. So I simply told her that if she let all this drama continue that she was more interested in the drama than a resolution. That if she wasn't going to go with the first guy that asked her, that she needed to be honest with him right away and not drag it out. Of course, she got mad at me, stormed upstairs and proceeded to take a shower. This is where it gets ugly.
5 minutes later, while she is in the shower, I go upstairs and close all the windows so it doesn't get too cold tonight. I then hear her saying quite loudly that "why couldn't it have been me that died a year ago, rather than the best friend (which was her best friend's mother as well)." That she hated me and wished I was the one that died instead of our very dear friend.
Now, I know that kids when younger children get mad they will get say stuff like they are leaving home, etc. and I never took it personally. But this very special person in our lives that died was very real to all of us and left a huge gap. ?Also, this wasn't a young child saying this but my almost grown up daughter.
I am struggling with the fact that she could say something so horrific especially since we all still miss our dear friend so much. I continue to reach out to her daughter, make them food, etc. Her passing was a huge impact on all of our lives.
This isn't a game - it isn't something you just throw around in anger. What happened between myself and my daughter was just normal mother/daughter stuff so to hear her say that, it was devastating.
I know I am rambling but I am at a complete loss. I could have handled, "I hate you" or "you're the worst mother in the world" - anything other than, "I wish you were dead instead of Letty." And for the fact that she didn't even know I was up there so she wasn't saying it to me in anger. She was just expressing her feelings out loud.
I did confront her about what she said and things just went downhill. She never apologized for what she said. She just kept saying things to make the situation worse.
I don't know where to go from here.
Thanks for letting me ramble.
In asking me what she should do, I explained over and over, for about a half hour what I thought was the right thing to do. But she kept going on and on about all of it that I realized that she was really wrapped up in the drama of it all. So I simply told her that if she let all this drama continue that she was more interested in the drama than a resolution. That if she wasn't going to go with the first guy that asked her, that she needed to be honest with him right away and not drag it out. Of course, she got mad at me, stormed upstairs and proceeded to take a shower. This is where it gets ugly.
5 minutes later, while she is in the shower, I go upstairs and close all the windows so it doesn't get too cold tonight. I then hear her saying quite loudly that "why couldn't it have been me that died a year ago, rather than the best friend (which was her best friend's mother as well)." That she hated me and wished I was the one that died instead of our very dear friend.
Now, I know that kids when younger children get mad they will get say stuff like they are leaving home, etc. and I never took it personally. But this very special person in our lives that died was very real to all of us and left a huge gap. ?Also, this wasn't a young child saying this but my almost grown up daughter.
I am struggling with the fact that she could say something so horrific especially since we all still miss our dear friend so much. I continue to reach out to her daughter, make them food, etc. Her passing was a huge impact on all of our lives.
This isn't a game - it isn't something you just throw around in anger. What happened between myself and my daughter was just normal mother/daughter stuff so to hear her say that, it was devastating.
I know I am rambling but I am at a complete loss. I could have handled, "I hate you" or "you're the worst mother in the world" - anything other than, "I wish you were dead instead of Letty." And for the fact that she didn't even know I was up there so she wasn't saying it to me in anger. She was just expressing her feelings out loud.
I did confront her about what she said and things just went downhill. She never apologized for what she said. She just kept saying things to make the situation worse.
I don't know where to go from here.
Thanks for letting me ramble.
Sorry this has happened between you and your daughter. Disclaimer, I am not a mother so my only qualification on advice is based on once being a 17 year old girl.
