Enjoying the company of me! (Long, sorry)

Travisli

Travisli

Cathlete
Last week was spring break for my kids and pursuant to the parenting plan of my recent divorce they were to spend that time with their father.

I had taken Thursday and Friday off because I had made plans to go to Eastern Oregon with some friends but at the last minute I backed out of that trip because it dawned on me that in the last year I had spent zero time alone with me.

I was being given an opportunity to wake up when I wanted (provided Trigger didn't need anything of course :)) and do whatever it is that I wanted to do for four straight days. Seemed totally indulgent but I thought I deserved it.

I met a girlfriend I hadn't seen in a year for a glass of wine, baked cookies with a friend's daughter and went to dinner with some friends I hadn't seen for over two years. I walked a couple times with a girlfriend, and went for a 7 1/2 mile run (with a bit of walking thrown in) with her Saturday morning. But the very best thing I did was after that. . .

On Friday night I got it in my head that I wanted to go bike riding along the waterfront on Saturday. The weather men said it was going to be a gloriously beautiful day and I thought it sounded fun. I searched out bike rentals and made an online reservation for Saturday and then went to bed and proceeded to think of fifteen thousand reasons why I just couldn't do it. It is not within my comfort zone to do something like that alone and the sheer thought of it made me a little uneasy.

When my girlfriend and I went for the run on Saturday morning I mentioned it to her and she said it sounded fun and asked if she could join me. I jumped on that because then I was sure I would do it. . . even if it wasn't alone. But then after she got home she found that her family had other plans and she couldn't make it.

With lots of anxiety I got myself together and made my way downtown, rented a bike and took myself on roughly a 14 mile bike ride all by myself! It was the most fabulous thing I have ever experienced in my 43 years and I'm so happy that I did it. I rode the bike as fast as I wanted, as slow as I wanted as far as I wanted and anywhere I wanted. I stoped when I wanted, got my lunch where I wanted and just totally enjoyed my own company.

While it may seem trivial to some this was a big event in my life and by surviving it I have opened a whole realm of other possibilities that I never knew I had before!!!

Oh, and when I opened the door on Sunday night to my two boys smiling faces I was never so happy to see them as I was at that moment!!! 7 whole days away from me is the longest it has ever been and while the 10 year old called me daily it wasn't the same as actually having them with me.

Life is very good and I am very happy!! Thanks for letting me share :)
 
Well congratulations to you...and you!;) I think one of the things that I've also found in my 40's is truly enjoying yourself and who you are and the person you have become. It's a revelation - one you can't have in your 20's and even your 30's. My kids are about the same age, and while I enjoy them immensely, I also enjoy my alone time - it's necessary, in fact, for my well being.

I think it's wonderful that you chose to spend your time like you did - reconnecting not only with old friends, but with yourself. Awesome.

Heidi
 
That is just wonderful Travis! Good for you. I know when I'm out mountain biking, jogging, or rollerblading with nothing but me and my thoughts I love it, . . heck I down right need it.
 
Travis - well, I didn't know the whole story behind that bike ride until now! Bikes are amazing - they provide therapy on days when you need that, they provide challenges when you need those, they provide relaxation, a place to vent frustrations - and they take you places and teach you things that you would not learn otherwise. Good for you. So, how long until you buy yourself a bike???:p
 
Hi Travis:

That was a NICE thing that you did for yourself. I heard it was nice here on Saturday(but, didn't see it, 'coz I got home Sunday to see the drizzle).
You rode along the waterfront? It's so nice there when it is sunny. Did you stop at Saturday Market? They just opened 2 weeks ago, I believe.

That experience sounds like it uplifted you and cleared your head, and made you appreciate your boys smilin' faces when they came home. Just the remedy for a feel good Saturday afternoon:cool:!

That's such a positive post, like I've always thought you were(a positive person).

Take care!
 
I am already planning to save my pennies for my own bike. I asked the shop where I rented the bike how much the bike cost -- brand new it was $650, used $320, so I'm going to get one before the end of the summer. It only cost me $20 though to rent it so I will be taking advantage of that again before I get my own :)

When I was married I did not really get time for myself -- that is one of the reasons I threw myself into working out because it was me time and even though I worked out at home with my kids and husband close by, I was focused on ME for ME.

My husband discouraged me from doing anything outside of his presence. He questioned my motives and had a way of making me feel quite guilty if I wanted to do anything. That's why I started working out at home. After years of that conditioning, it became outside of my comfort zone to do ANYTHING alone. THAT is what makes the original post significant for me.

I got really good at making excuses for not being able to spend time with my girlfriends or do anything really. I am not laying blame on my ex because I accepted it and let it happen, but those days are behind me and as I come into the me of now - milestones like these are amazing and I still (3 days later) giggle to myself when I think that I did what I did!!! :)

Linda, I rode down the waterfront on the downtown side and crossed the Steel Bridge and then rode all the way up to the Sellwood Bridge -- instead of crossing the Sellwood Bridge and coming back down Macadam, I just turned around and rode back to the Steel Bridge and then when I got back downtown I rode up into the Pearl (my favorite Portland neighborhood) and tooled around -- I love Portland. I didn't go to Saturday Market, but I rode through it -- :eek:
 
Travis, I'm so glad you got to experience one of the great un-sung pleasures of divorce. I was in the same place a number of years ago and still remember being hit with all those realizations....I can eat food that I like and not hear complaints!....I have total control of the remote!....I can read as many books as I darn well please!

It's a powerful thing to be able to own your own joy after years of sorrow.

Enjoy these times, they are YOURS now and you deserve them.
 
Well BTDT too and I tell you it is sad that we let ourselves succumb to others and let ourselves miss out. As you said, I let it happen to me also and I can only blame myself. I am strong - I just let myself be overruled. Funny thing is, my ex never really knew how strong I was. Guess he didn't know me at all and thus, yes ma'am, I am much better off.

Congrats to you for "finding" that you are worth taking the time for yourself - we NEED it and DESERVE it. Being a mom is hard enough when your children depend on you but, as they grow older they can give you me time. We just need to fit it into the schedule.

I am so very happy for you and your new found "freedom" to be on your own without worrying about it ! Woo Hoo girl !
 
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