"Women who talk politics are such a turnoff."

[Elle_p]

Laura,
Keep in mind that this is only one man's opinion. A married man who you have no interest in dating. Not all men have the same opinion as your friend so don't worry that you would have to try and be someone else on a date.

You are smart enough to be able to read a situation and determine for yourself what is appropriate "date conversation" depending on who you are out with.

 

[toughYrun]

My DH and I didn't agree politically at all when we first met & got married, but over time his views (and his family's!) have all morphed into agreement w/ mine. People can change. So, it's not necessarily true that you have to agree w/ someone's political (or religious) views to have a strong, successful relationship (DH & I have been married for 23 years). I think it's more important that you each respect the other person's right to have a different opinion. Someone can still be intelligent & reach a different conclusion than you might. The legal field is a perfect example of this.

I've learned the following lesson the hard way: When you know a lot about a subject, you have to be careful about pointing out the weaknesses in someone else's views UNLESS the other person loves to debate as much as you do. (What's that phrase? You can't have a battle of wits w/ an unarmed opponent? ) No one likes to be made to feel like an idiot in a social situation. Most people don't look to debate serious subjects at parties or family dinners. They might tip their toe in the water, but when they find the temperature too hot, they flee.

It's not fair to say that most men are turned off by intelligent strong minded women who know a lot about politics. Your friend was wrong to say that, but maybe he was feeling overwhelmed when he just wanted to have a fun evening?

Lastly, I know some people have posted that certain things are deal breakers for them, but I'd like to pose another thought. I don't think love means finding our exact match, but rather finding someone who truly makes us a better person, appreciates our good points & overlooks our not so good points.

It's like traveling to France and complaining you can't find good pizza no matter how hard you search. Your search likely won't be successful AND you miss out on other delightful foods available in France. It's a double loss.

If you focus so much on finding one trait that you have in common w/ another person, you might overlook a hundred other traits that are actually more important over the next 50 years. (kindness, honesty, sense of humor, patience, respect for others, intellectual curiosity, tolerance for differences, work ethic, etc. etc.)

Just my thoughts...

You are so right!!! I wrote a similar post yesterday, but when it disappeared for some reason I didn't feel like typing it all again.

My DH and I are on opposite ends of the spectrum on many political issues, but I love my man more than anything, and he loves me too. Rather than debate him (or anyone else who holds different views) I choose to ask questions in order to gain a better understanding of why he holds the beliefs he does. I just don't have the need to convince those that I don't agree with that I am right and they are wrong.

I'm wondering Laura, do you like dating opinionated men?

 

[Stebby]

I have to wonder what Margaret Thatcher would have thought of this. I bet she would have had some choice words for men who don't like politically-minded women!!

Stebby

 

[LauraMax]

You are so right!!! I wrote a similar post yesterday, but when it disappeared for some reason I didn't feel like typing it all again.

My DH and I are on opposite ends of the spectrum on many political issues, but I love my man more than anything, and he loves me too. Rather than debate him (or anyone else who holds different views) I choose to ask questions in order to gain a better understanding of why he holds the beliefs he does. I just don't have the need to convince those that I don't agree with that I am right and they are wrong.

I'm wondering Laura, do you like dating opinionated men?

Hmmmm that's an interesting question. Like you & Joanie, I don't mind dating someone who doesn't necessarily agree w/my political views. I wouldn't want him to be on the opposite end of the spectrum, but I also don't want someone who thinks the same exact way I do. That would make things kinda boring, don't you think?

In fact, my current possibility is on the "other side," so to speak. But he's pretty moderate, & he seems rather amused & entertained by my own opinions, & how I express them.

I suppose dating someone as opinionated as I am would be OK, as long as the strong opinions are expressed respectfully, & my strong opinions aren't belittled or scoffed at. I guess. I don't think I've ever dated anyone as opinionated as I am. LOL!

 

[Fidget Queen]

Patty also says women with curly hair should buy a flat iron b/c men don't like women with curly hair. Her advice doesn't carry much credibility with me.

I HATE Patty. Hate her, hate her, hate her. The funny thing is that she claims that men do not like a lot of the qualities that she apparently doesn't realize she has. She has no idea what crap is flying out of mouth most of the time.

And why change yourself??? I believe in taking care of yourself (I haven't looked in a mirror in over a year, so my appearance is certainly drab now - but hygiene, exercise, clean clothes are musts), being open and kind, and being a GREAT listener. Otherwise, be yourself. Don't be fake, don't do your hair a way you don't like, don't try to be overly pleasing if it means hiding something about yourself. It's not worth it. Those who truly like you will appreciate you the way you are - PERIOD. I've found a great man, and I tell you, I have CRAZY, wavy hair, horrible acne and scars, no boobs, a big ass and a bigger nose, I don't cook, am a horrible housekeeper, have a bad memory, a crazy family, and I'm obsessed with workout DVDs . So Patti can go @*^$ herself. Of course, he's not a millionaire . We were both VERY honest with each other from day one, and so we have found companions that have very similar lifestyles, views, and social skills. If you're dishonest, you'll both end up unhappy. If a guy doesn't appreciate your political talk on day one, he won't appreciate it in year 5, either.

 

[MidgetDogg]

Well, I think I wasn't entirely clear about my discussion with him. Let me clarify a little:

1) We weren't debating or arguing about anything. We weren't even discussing anything controversial. In fact, I'd call it more a discussion about current affairs than politics, but that's how he characterized it. Discussing current affairs, i.e. the latest news stories, isn't too obnoxious or inappropriate at a social event, is it?

2) He shares the same political views as mine, so even if it was a controversial issue we likely wouldn't have disagreed about it.

I kind of got the sense he just thought a woman discussing politics is unfeminine or unladylike or something. Or maybe I'm just being defensive?

Just because THIS guy doesn't find women with political opinions attractive, it doesn't mean all of them don't. Truth be told, I have my own prejudice about men in law enforcement. It's unfair of me to lump them all together, but every one of them that I've had a conversation with other than "license and registration" have shown themselves to be on the chauvinistic side. But, I wouldn't say "cops are a turn-off", because there probably are some I would like. They would just have a slight disadvantage of getting me interested over say... a veterinarian would. On the other hand... a cop would have a MUCH better chance than a politician would. LOL.

But I'm happy with my politically opinionated conservative tae kwon do instructor. Married someone who had the same opinions as me and it was SOOOOO boring.

 

[MidgetDogg]

My DH and I are on opposite ends of the spectrum on many political issues, but I love my man more than anything, and he loves me too. Rather than debate him (or anyone else who holds different views) I choose to ask questions in order to gain a better understanding of why he holds the beliefs he does. I just don't have the need to convince those that I don't agree with that I am right and they are wrong.

This is a very good attitude to have. One of my favorite couples to see on TV are James Carville and Mary Matalin. Political opposites with a solid marriage. I LOVE them! I think they're great role models for acceptance and bipartisanship.

I want to hear other people's points of view because, hey.... they might just be right. One thing I can't stand are people who are so convinced they know what is right and everyone who doesn't agree are both wrong AND stupid. I won't even bother with them and will change the subject, or leave.

 

[ebonynicole]

Everyone has made some good and valid points about this topic. I take simply as this being one person's opinion so you don't need to second guess yourself about it.

Everyone has thier opinions and viewpoints about life, so having discussions about them shows some level of intelligence. I would like a man who does have something to talk about and can keep a conversation going. As long as we are respecting each other opinions then there shouldn't be a problem.

But the kep is communication and respect. Laura if your guy enjoys that about you then your good to go lady. Discussing current events in a social setting is appropriate in social settings, maybe not at a club but if in more intimate settings.

I would worry abut your friends comments and just take that for what it is

 

[twinkletoes129]

LauraMax, I think you should stop second guessing yourself and stop rationalizing his chauvinistic behavior. I'm still reeling that right in the middle of a reasonable conversation on an up to date current affair happening he could stop in mid flow to say such a rude, derogatory, misogynistic statement like that to you! The man truly has no respect for women. And for you to try to rationalize that in any way to be applied to you or any woman is utterly a waste of your precious time.

 

[angie_nrs]

Lastly, I know some people have posted that certain things are deal breakers for them, but I'd like to pose another thought. I don't think love means finding our exact match, but rather finding someone who truly makes us a better person, appreciates our good points & overlooks our not so good points.

Love that statement!

Plus, I gotta say, it would be really hard for me to find that perfect match at my age now vs. when I met my DH at 23. I think I had a more open mind back then. These days I have more of a tendency to dig my heels in. I think life experiences will do that to a person. But, in the early days, ignorance was bliss.....can't honestly say I ever remember talking to him about politics. LOL! Heck, I probably didn't even know the difference between a Democrat and Republican. But, I knew the best bands at the local bars.

 

[LauraMax]

Thank you all for your thoughtful responses, & for sharing your own personal experiences. Yes, I think he was being chauvenistic. And possibly a little annoyed b/c I'm more up to date on current affairs than he is? (of course, READING A NEWSPAPER could actually resolve that LOL)

Angie, finding a "perfect match" when you're in your 40s is like finding a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. If you can even find the end of a rainbow.

MD, I can understand your stereotying of law enforcement. I could tell you stories that'd make your skin crawl. Example: some of the cops in my town have purchased a house together in another town where they can take their mistresses. But you are also correct in saying they're not all like that. I know some who have a heart of gold, who I know are completely & totally faithful, & who I would trust implicitly.

And while I might be rationalizing my friend's rudeness, in his defense he did eventually come through with a very nice comment. At some point I said "can you at least think of two NICE things to say about me?" (I asked for two b/c usually the immediate response is "you're hot." Now, I don't really mind hearing that, but it's nice to know that's not my only redeeming quality ) Well, he didn't even say it. He said "you're smart & you're fun." That actually made me feel pretty darned good. Excellent answer. Even though being smart & fun are evidently not qualities police officers look for in a date.