Who One Star Rates a Friggin' Birthday Thread?!?

[Jonezie]

ImFiddy,

Janie1234 has a great Anais Nin quote in her byline. "We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are."

You see things from your perspective and I see them from mine. Neither one of us is "right." We are never going to agree about it...and as it's been pointed out...how boring would that be anyway?

The point is that SNM, the true moderator of this forum, has modified the system. And for that, several people are grateful...myself included.

 

[hiitdogs]

There is a difference between the majority who just ignore the star ratings and those that feel hurt/harmed/defamed by it. I'm saying I think most people who expressed a opinion in this topic did not think people should feel so effected by it. They themselves ignore it or it has no effect on them.

If that many people are saying the star rating has no effect on them then I think your theory of so many people feeling harmed by the rating is not true.

I think people should have thicker skins and move on with life rather than allowing a one star to ruin their day.

I agree that people should ignore the 1-star rating but there are several people (Laura being one of them, as is Jonezie) that get 1-starred, no matter what they say or what they do.

I think there is a difference between people needing to be more thick skinned because their thread gets a low rating every once in a while and those who are getting stalked, every.single.time they post, solely because of a personal vendetta.

I happen to know who is 1-starring Laura's and Jonezie's threads and I think it is pathetic. I really don't understand people's reasoning by saying "you just need to grow a thicker skin" they shift the blame to the victim and don't put the blame where it belongs - the (cyber)stalker.

 

[fit_fairy]

I think to say you know who is one-starring threads is sort of feeding the fire so to speak. Because honestly, there is now way for any one of us to know. Cathe and her web team may be able to tell, but we can not. Even if someone tells you that they did it doesn't mean they did. Or if they did that one thread doesn't mean it's ongoing either. This cyber stalking thing must go way deeper than the one-star thing and I am not privy to that info. Shirl was falsely accused and I am glad that was cleared up. Let's not have others falsely accused of things they didn't do.

 

[hiitdogs]

I think to say you know who is one-starring threads is sort of feeding the fire so to speak. Because honestly, there is now way for any one of us to know. Cathe and her web team may be able to tell, but we can not. Even if someone tells you that they did it doesn't mean they did. Or if they did that one thread doesn't mean it's ongoing either. This cyber stalking thing must go way deeper than the one-star thing and I am not privy to that info. Shirl was falsely accused and I am glad that was cleared up. Let's not have others falsely accused of things they didn't do.

I would say that feeding the fire is the continued 1-starring. It is not feeding the fire to say I know what some people have bragged about and what they have said about them. Do I think that they just said they did and didn't do it? Ummmh, No!!!!!

Some people just thrive on passive-aggressiveness and attacking other people but they never have the guts to confront the disagreements, clear it up and then move on because it would not serve their purpose. I think you have point when you say that the "cyber-stalking goes much deeper", it doesn't have anything to do with those who are stalked but it makes you wonder about the state of mind of the stalker.

I did not accuse anyone personally but I am sure they know who they are and that they are not "falsely accused".

 

[fit_fairy]

Some people just thrive on passive-aggressiveness and attacking other people but they never have the guts to confront the disagreements, clear it up and then move on because it would not serve their purpose.

Uh, yeah that's clearly a big problem here.

 

[hiitdogs]

Uh, yeah that's clearly a big problem here.

I am so glad you see it that way. You know what they say, the first step towards change is awareness.

 

[morningstar]

Aren't there any real f*****g problems in this world to discuss? Really?

 

[fit_fairy]

I am so glad you see it that way. You know what they say, the first step towards change is awareness.

Yes, and I am so glad you are aware of that

 

[Jonezie]

Fit_Fairy,

It's interesting that you've had such a reaction to this thread. It seems like you've taken some of it personally. And you may have proved the point better than anyone else. This forum IS personal to us...to all of us. Why else would we take the time to reach out with everything from "Am I peeing too much?" to "My family secretly hates me?" And when people say it's not personal, it just means it's not personal to them. This place brings out the best...and beast...in ALL of us, on any given day. Your reaction today is proof of that, and I'm at least grateful that you might be able to see my point.

Carola...thank you for lying down in front of the proverbial bus...on my account.

Jonezie

 

[fit_fairy]

Fit_Fairy,

It's interesting that you've had such a reaction to this thread. It seems like you've taken some of it personally. And you may have proved the point better than anyone else. This forum IS personal to us...to all of us. Why else would we take the time to reach out with everything from "Am I peeing too much?" to "My family secretly hates me?" And when people say it's not personal, it just means it's not personal to them. This place brings out the best...and beast...in ALL of us, on any given day. Your reaction today is proof of that, and I'm at least grateful that you might be able to see my point.

Carola...thank you for lying down in front of the proverbial bus...on my account.

Jonezie

I am ROTFLMAO right now. Your perspective is interesting. I think I responded to this thread once (I'll have to check- not that I care). I soooo don't look at this personally at all which kinda blows your whole the whole theory of this forum is personal. At least for me it's not. As far as Carola jumping in front of the bus for you, I am not sure what you are talking about. If you think it was in response to my post, my post had nothing to do with you at all. So keep your delusions of grandeur to yourself.

 

[fit_fairy]

I looked so that someone else won't point it out but prior to this morning's initial post I only posted to Linda in this thread. I could give a flying flip about one-star threads so you are WRONG about my reaction.

I was more reacting about people thinking they know who is doing it and some even falsely accusing. When the bottom line is there is no way to know who is doing it.

 

[DEEDEE2]

I think people should have thicker skins and move on with life rather than allowing a one star to ruin their day.

I couldn't agree more, I've seen post where people have said they were hurt by a 1-star rating...on the flip side do they do cartwheels for a 5-star rating? I just don't get why anyone cares. I guess I'm just not the star rating type, it doesn't influence whether or not I participate in a thread. I usually don't even notice them unless someone mentions it. So keep them or remove them...I probably won't even notice.

 

[lainiefig]

I was one-starred recently. I have to admit it stung a bit, but not for long. I actually wouldn't have even noticed if a friend hadn't told me, "Hey Lainie someone one-starred your thread." And it was probably personal since the thread was completely relevant to the board and didn't devolve into anything controversial or anything. I have no idea who has a personal thing against me and it bothers me a little when I stop to think about it, but life goes on (and I have a pretty busy life away from here, which is why I seldom have a chance to post anymore).

So I can understand people being hurt and I'm glad SNM changed things up a bit, but I also think it's best to ignore it.

OK, and I'm completely silly because I said ignore it but here I am posting about it.

 

[morningstar]

Jonezie, will you please stop trying to save us all from ourselves? You are not our personal saviour, and you are not the forum's saviour. Those of us that require therapy won't be looking for it here and we won't be looking for you to provide it.

Sorry to be so harsh, but it is truly getting to the point where I am avoiding threads that you have started or have posted in. You wanted honesty and straight-forwardedness - you got it.

 

[DEEDEE2]

I really don't understand people's reasoning by saying "you just need to grow a thicker skin" they shift the blame to the victim and don't put the blame where it belongs - the (cyber)stalker.

Hmmm...I don't see it as blaming the person who feels victimized, but as a way of taking control/power away from whomever is trying to hurt someone with a silly little 1-star rating. I mean let's face it, if the person who 1-starred that birthday thread did it out of nastiness, they are probably loving this thread. However, if the 1-star fiend had been ignored, they might have eventually just gotten bored and moved on.

Someone can only hurt you if you allow them to, and as I've gotten older, I have stripped many people of that kind of power over me.

 

[bonvivant]

Someone can only hurt you if you allow them to, and as I've gotten older, I have stripped many people of that kind of power over me.

Oh absolutely. I can't control what other people do but I can control what I do. The one star bandit(s) obviously can't be adult about what ever is bothering them. Fine. That is their problem. Try not to make it yours, too.

 

[Jonezie]

Jonezie, will you please stop trying to save us all from ourselves? You are not our personal saviour, and you are not the forum's saviour. Those of us that require therapy won't be looking for it here and we won't be looking for you to provide it.

Sorry to be so harsh, but it is truly getting to the point where I am avoiding threads that you have started or have posted in. You wanted honesty and straight-forwardedness - you got it.

Morningstar,

I would be lying if I didn't say it was sad to hear, but you are right...I am grateful for your honesty and would take brutal honesty over one-star stalking any day. I'm glad you told me before I sent a "how you doin?" e-mail. That would've been awkward! I hope you know it was never my intention to make you feel this way. I will continue to look for and love your posts...from a respectful distance...until and if the day comes when you feel differently.

All the Best!
Jonezie

 

[jloewe]

Morningstar,

I would be lying if I didn't say it was sad to hear, but you are right...I am grateful for your honesty and would take brutal honesty over one-star stalking any day. I'm glad you told me before I sent a "how you doin?" e-mail. That would've been awkward! I hope you know it was never my intention to make you feel this way. I will continue to look for and love your posts...from a respectful distance...until and if the day comes when you feel differently.

All the Best!
Jonezie

I see Fruitcakes aren't just for Christmas anymore..,from Cathe e-mailing me directly last year telling me not to come to the RT, and then not giving me the courtesy of an answer why I was the only person to receive this e-mail..to people admitting their family hates then..to this Jonezie whack job..fully expecting to see her rolling around on the ground during one of those religious shows..to people whining about a star rating on a FREAKING INTERNET MESSAGE board..I sure hope none of you ever get criticized in reality..

I'm out

 

[hiitdogs]

Hmmm...I don't see it as blaming the person who feels victimized, but as a way of taking control/power away from whomever is trying to hurt someone with a silly little 1-star rating. I mean let's face it, if the person who 1-starred that birthday thread did it out of nastiness, they are probably loving this thread. However, if the 1-star fiend had been ignored, they might have eventually just gotten bored and moved on.

Someone can only hurt you if you allow them to, and as I've gotten older, I have stripped many people of that kind of power over me.

I can see your point and agree with what you are saying.

My point is just that by telling people to grow a thicker skin it appears to put the blame on people who are being stalked. I don't know, maybe it's just a matter of symantics.

To me ignoring is not always the best solution and I think as a matter of fairness, I feel for me personally the right thing to do is to stand up and say "this is not right!" But that does not mean they I expect everyone else to do the same.

I think everyone has the right to say what bothers them and others have the right to voice their opinion in response. Just some do it in a more classy way than others and to me foul language or personal attacks ALWAYS lets me discount what that particular poster is saying.

 

[DEEDEE2]

I can see your point and agree with what you are saying.

My point is just that by telling people to grow a thicker skin it appears to put the blame on people who are being stalked. I don't know, maybe it's just a matter of symantics.

To me ignoring is not always the best solution and I think as a matter of fairness, I feel for me personally the right thing to do is to stand up and say "this is not right!" But that does not mean they I expect everyone else to do the same.

I think everyone has the right to say what bothers them and others have the right to voice their opinion in response. Just some do it in a more classy way than others and to me foul language or personal attacks ALWAYS lets me discount what that particular poster is saying.

Great post! And please don't misunderstand me. I too believe in speaking up when one feels it is necessary. I think were we differ is what we feel it is necessary to speak on. Child abuse, animal torture, racism, rape things of that magnitude,...you had better believe I would speak up on...but a 1-star on a thread on a message board...naw, not worth me getting my panties knotted.

Now I will speak up on nasty, abusive posts because let's face it, sometimes people are just rude, but 1-starring a post to me is like someone playing doorbell ditch. They ring your bell and run, like the little cowards they are. Cowards don't deserve attention. Now I totally respect posters that say, "Hey, I 1-starred this thread because..."