Ugh! SO makes up stories

D

divagirl

Cathlete
I need advice from the wise ladies on this board because something has just been brought to my attention in my relationship. My SO led me to believe that a shipment he was getting for his business was going to be free if it wasn't delivered by the New Year. I found out days before the New Year that this wasn't the case when I questioned him on it. I questioned him because he told me he may not have them in time and I said "Oh well you'll get them for free" and he said no and therefore I questioned further. This was the 2nd time in a matter of a week that he led me to believe a story that wasn't true. I told him I was concerned and I valued honesty etc. etc and he explained that he didn't ever intend to be dishonest with me and I just happened to be there when he said these things to others.

Yesterday he tells me that he told his female employees that he bought me a prada bag (which he did in NYC but its a fake) and says "If they ask you don't tell them its fake...so I'll look good"

My SO has been a great guy but this BSing others and making up stories is a concern for me. How should I handle this and how concerned should I be?
 
Divagirl-
Sorry but I say its a major red flag ... people who regularly embellish, fib, lie do so under any & all circumstances....
Just that one statement he made about "not telling its a fake Prada" says to me that he will lie if he feels it will make him look better, richer, smarter...you fill in the blank. Obviously you vale honesty so I say bid him farewell or save him for a friend (knowing he isnt always trust worthy)
 
I think my stomach just dropped. I'm in love with this guy already. This just started in the past 2 weeks and we've been together for 4 months.
 
>I think my stomach just dropped. I'm in love with this guy
>already. This just started in the past 2 weeks and we've been
>together for 4 months.

While 4 months may seem like a long time it is not. I spent, ok wasted, 10 years of my life with my ex and last year after he dumped me for another woman he was already seeing while he was with me I started to see his true colors. Everybody told me about him, but I was sooooo blind. I would give anything to erase all those memories that haunt me every once in a while. I know a lot about him now and I didn't back then. Now that I know all that I know about him I look back and I remember all the red flags that I didn't want to see throughout the relationship. I hate to say it, but I agree with teddy. Your situation is a red flag too and I don't think he is going to change. If you stay you will start to see more and more things about him that you don't like. It's up to you if you stay or leave.
 
Dump him - 4 months is not long at all - sorry to be so blunt, but if he covers up already - BIG RED FLAG!

Not to mention I would definitely tell his employees or co workers that your SO got you a fake Prada bag....if they ask...
 
>Not to mention I would definitely tell his employees or co
>workers that your SO got you a fake Prada bag....if they
>ask...

lol Reba! Which brings me to another flag... he's already telling you what to do and say!
 
"This just started in the past 2 weeks ..."

How do you know? You've just started CATCHING him at it...who knows how long this has been going on. It would make me question anything he said.
 
I'm with TeTe--you've only just started "catching" him within the last 2 weeks. Odds are very good he's been lying to you all along.
 
I have to agree with the others here on this, I understand you think you love him but really 4 months isn't very long-did you just meet him or have you known him for a long time & just started dating? Honesty is the MOST important thing to me when it comes to a relationship, once that is lost, you have nothing-IMO. You sound as though you value this also so I think you have already answered your own question, just don't want to admit it b/c it's the hard thing to do right now but trust me, you'll probably end up regreting it later and it's not going to be any easier splitting up after six months, a year, two, etc...

I lost trust for a guy I was with about 3 years into the relationship but we lived together and he had a son from a previous relationship that was 12 & I was attached to him too so I tried to make things work. Of course it didn't and after 5 years with him things finally ended & it wasn't any easier, just more time wasted trying to fix something that I should have known wouldn't get fixed.

I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide & remember, there are lots of people in this world, and you shouldn't settle for one you can't trust.
 
Sorry to tell you, but he's been lying to you all along. Your just now catching it. The lies are going to get bigger and more elaborate. Dump him, he's not worth it. By the way, your not in love with him, its only been four months. This is the time you look for this type of behavior.


Carmen
 
Well said Jen! After my failed relationship, I learned that love is not enough. You can love someone, but if there's no honesty, trust, and respect you're wasting your time and once you've lost those three things you can't just gain them back.
 
I appreciate all the honesty. I guess I have to have another conversation and keep my eye on things. This is very difficult to deal with.
 
Divagirl:

I'd tell them it's not Prada. I wouldn't even wait for them to ask. I'm one of those people who will call out a liar (no matter who he is) whenever I get the chance. One thing's for sure, that would teach him to not lie, anymore...or to not tell me that he's lied and then hope I don't accidentally let the cat out of the bag.

If he got mad about it afterward, I'd probably say, "Honey, if you don't want to be honest, then maybe I'm not the girl for you. I think we need to take a few days away from each other and think about that, because I'm pretty disturbed at this new side I'm seeing in you." If SO doesn't change, then you should realize that it will only get worse the longer you're with him. Do you want to cut your losses now or do you want to get even more emotionally attached and make it harder later?
 
>
>Yesterday he tells me that he told his female employees that
>he bought me a prada bag (which he did in NYC but its a fake)
>and says "If they ask you don't tell them its fake...so I'll
>look good"

He is asking you to lie to cover his lie. This is him being disrespectful to you. How would this make you look to his employees if one of them could tell--or discovered--that your "prada" bag was a fake? It would make you look like just as much of a liar as he is. How do you know that he has not sworn others to secrecy on some matter he doesn't want you to be aware of? You don't. Think about it.

MissL
 
I talked to SO about this tonight re: the prada bag saying I would not lie to his employees and I was concerned about his lying about this after we had a conversation re this last week and he got so mad at me. He turned around and told one of his employees on the spot that he lied about it while he was on the phone with me...basically mocking me and my concern.

Then he went on that all the people he spoke to about the matter of him letting me believe his shipment would be "free" thinks its crazy that I got upset over it. So now he took back his apology from last week saying that he doesn't see my point of view or why I was upset in the first place. He thinks I'm creating unnecessary drama, making a mountain out of a molehill and he feels he doesn't even know me anymore...he's disturbed by this side of me he seeing. I said "You don't understand why I'd be upset when I hear one story one week and a different one the following week". He says "No" and now thinks that we are not as compatible as he thought because he was just joking around and he was not going to walk on eggshells for anyone and not going to change and then said we should take a break. So....we broke up and I've been crying for the last hour. He made me feel like everyone he talked to (whoever that may be) thinks I'm crazy and I'm making up drama for no reason.

So in a nutshell...he lied and then broke up with me for it. ?????
 
This is the classic "I'm wrong but I'm making her feel bad about it" move. Don't let him get to you. He's probably a distant relative of my ex-boyfriend! :) *Hugs*
 
"He made me feel like everyone he talked to (whoever that may be) thinks I'm crazy and I'm making up drama for no reason."

What does that say about the (whoever that may be) he talked to about this? Do you think that they are buying his act, or that he is making it up for appearance's sake? Whomever he "talked to" may be letting it slide and not calling him on it, but don't let him fool ya. The seeds are planted in their minds now as well, and people will be disecting his tales from here on out.

And no, he isn't breaking up with you because he lied. He is breaking up with you because he got caught, and he knows that because you are a person who values integrity, he wouldn't be getting away with it any longer.

Julie
 
I ditto what Julie and others have said. Divagirl, you're honestly better off. He's not liking that you're calling him on something he would rather just get away with, no matter how trivial it seems to him. I wouldn't bother getting further into this, since you've had issues with him all along the way, from what I can remember you posting. I know you're feeling like you're in love with him already, but truly examine you're own feelings during this "break" and see if this is the type of guy you want to invest in, for the long term. I wish you the best.

Brandi

eta: I think that during the "getting to know each other" phase it is very difficult to determine if your personalities mesh. That being said, this guys aversion to telling fibs wasn't a deal breaker in my opinion NECESSARILY. I absolutely wouldn't have been down with his ways and I would have called him on it like you did. But when he turns the tables on YOU over it, and says he feels like he doesn't know you anymore, because you're HONEST? Hmm...that's the biggest red flag I've seen in awhile.
 
Divagirl,
I'm sorry you've been hurt over this, and I know this may not be what you want to hear or how you want to view it right now, but consider yourself lucky you are through with this guy. You should move on and don't look back! This guy is a total jerk. The lying was already a huge red flag, but his reaction to your calling him on it, in my view, is just as alarming. I doubt he talked to anyone about the free shipment issue - he is just trying to make YOU feel crazy. He also threw out too many excuses: i.e. others think it's ridiculous, I was just joking, I'm not going to walk on eggshells, yada yada. The only thing he said that's true is that he's not going to change. You deserve better. Don't for a minute think that you're crazy and creating drama - HE'S messed up. NOT you! (((HUGS))) You don't have to settle for somebody like him.

Cathy :)
 
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