The Ex came back

[Jasmin416]

I had my ex (who broke up with me on sunday) call to pick up the rest of his things and then proceed to tell me he wanted to work on things and thought he could trust me again and said he felt that I wasn't willing to now work on things. Of course I said I thought we should just stay broken up because of all the turmoil. Now I feel like the bad guy and am in such emotional angst. My family thinks I should try to work it out but also say I should follow my gut. I don't even know what that is anymore. I'm so sad over this. I could use some encouragement.

 

[skimi]

sometimes stepping away from a situation can give you perspective and clarity. maybe you should just give yourself a little time to make that decision. i am sure your family means well, but they are not the ones who have to live with him. you need to make the right decision for yourself. listen to your heart and your gut, and not a guilt-trip someone is putting over on you.

good luck...

 

[SirenSongWoman]

Did you not come here some time back and ask if we thought this guy "smacking" your kitten was a problem (uh, YES)? Now you've asked, once again, if his most recent behavior is (yet another) warning sign? Believe me, I understand wanting to be in a relationship but, at what cost? There ARE better men and, even if there weren't, is being with a guy who plays cruel emotional games and who you have to worry about leaving alone with your pet(s) better than coming home to peace and quiet? Guys who behave this way in private are very good actors around others. It isn't your family who has to deal with his nasty insecure games so they really can't judge your decisions. That he's back so quickly tells me he knows he has you on a string and feels pretty certain all he has to do is pluck that string a few times and you'll come running. Why? Like Nancy said "Just say NO."

Meanwhile, I'm worried about you, girl.

 

[LaughingWater]

Gayla's advice is sound. Try not to let anyone, family or ex-boyfriend, sway you. My opinion is similar to Stacey's, but you really shouldn't let us sway you either. Only you have all the information to make a decision.

You're not the bad guy.

 

[pink_fortitude]

Gayla's advice is sound. Try not to let anyone, family or ex-boyfriend, sway you... you really shouldn't let us sway you either. Only you have all the information to make a decision.

You're not the bad guy.

Once again, I agree with Lori. Only you can make this decision because only you have all the information. (((HUGS)))

Missy

 

[goldenpath]

sometimes stepping away from a situation can give you perspective and clarity. maybe you should just give yourself a little time to make that decision.
.

I agree. Just because he came back, doesn't mean you have to rush and give him an answer NOW. Take the time you need, re-evaluate and do what is best for you.

 

[Jasmin416]

Thanks! I will just keep things as they are, take some time to clear my head. I don't like drama in a relationship like this and that I'm clear on. In the meantime I will just give kisses to my kitten

 

[Timber99]

I didn't see your prior post, but you seemed to have answered your own question here..."I said I thought we should just stay broken up because of all the turmoil."

Any breakup, no matter how hard or easy, is a loss and you will feel it. That said, after the pain subsides, it could be the best thing for you.

The best advice that I ever got, yet refused to take (!), was mentioned above. Sometimes the best thing that you can do is take a step asied and look at a situation when you are removed from it. Take some time away and go through the emotions involved. Then look at this situation as if you are someone else (a friend or co-worker) and you need to give that person advice on what to do. You need not jump b/c it is now his opinoin that the two of you work on this. If it is right, there is no timeline.

Good luck. These things are tough but they make us stronger and they help us to know what we want in life and relationships.

 

[trixie108]

My mom always says "Advice is something you ask for when you know the answer, but wish you didn't". I think you know what the best thing for you to do is, even though it may be hard. Hang in there! (((HUGS))))

 

[jennifer-in-mi]

The other day at work, the other thread was on my mind. Your EX reminds me an guy that was pursuing me. This person is a controller and wants to make you feel guilty for not doing what he wants when he wants it.
For your own sanity and safety, just run from this man as fast as you can.
It's horrible if he smacks a kitten, what's next?
Follow your gut on this one and keep walking.

 

[Govtgirl]

So typical....

They always come back when they sense you are getting over them. This is too much drama and turmoil for a good relationship. When you meet the right man, trust me, you won't go through all this crap.

The others who already wrote are 100% right. Tell him to go away. This is bad all around.

 

[jonahnah]

Let's use a metaphor:

He's the dog poop on the sidewalk of your life. You stepped in it. Now, scrape him off your shoes and keep walking. Otherwise, the crap will stay with you and you'd eventually get used to the smell and think it's normal.

It may not be poetry , but seriously, don't give this guy another chance--he and his kind are not worth your time or love. You deserve better than a kitten smacking, snooping, controlling, cruel piece of crap. Everyone does.

 

[Gayle]

Let's use a metaphor:

He's the dog poop on the sidewalk of your life. You stepped in it. Now, scrape him off your shoes and keep walking. Otherwise, the crap will stay with you and you'd eventually get used to the smell and think it's normal.

It may not be poetry , but seriously, don't give this guy another chance--he and his kind are not worth your time or love. You deserve better than a kitten smacking, snooping, controlling, cruel piece of crap. Everyone does.

Jonahnah - That was awesome!

 

[DirtDiva]

They always come back when they sense you are getting over them.

OOOOH so true! This guy sounds like a passive/aggressive type, just turn your head and walk on. Be strong woman, its one of our faults of always making excuses for bad behavior and allowing others to treat us poorly. And forget about trying to change him, very few people ever change unless they work very hard at it and at the risk of sounding chauvanistic, men rarely change for anyone, except their own ego.