Stay-At-Home Moms..(Long)

tricia

tricia

Cathlete
Hello all,

I wonder how many of you might be stay-at-home Moms (or, in my case, work out of the home while also taking care of my 18 month old daughter.) For those of you who are SAHM's, how do you fit in your workouts and healthy eating while also providing the same for your child(ren)?

I have done much better with my workouts recently, since I am starting on the Body For Life Challenge-I'm getting seriously motivated. I just wonder how others make it all work (or juggle as best as they can!)

Also, do any of you struggle with the feeling that others don't respect how much work is involved in staying at home? I sometimes find that, even if it's not spoken, the question of What did you do all day is just hanging there. I don't want to imply in any way that my DH is not a great guy, and I am grateful that he is able to run his own company and support us, all of which allows me to stay home. But I go back and forth with feeling guilty that he has to do all the money-making, and feeling upset when I ask for time to work out and it ends up being after I put the baby to bed at 8:00. Then, I have to try and be quiet so I don't wake her up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, this just turned into a bit of a rant, Sorry about that - I'm usually a very positive person. I guess I just wonder how many are having these same issues? Do I always have to be the one to compromise? I think not! Hearing how some of you have dealt with this would really help me out.


Thanks!
Tricia
 
I think I understand the guilty feeling. I do work almost 30 hrs. per week, but mainly evenings, so I have my days pretty much free, plus my kids are in school during the day. For awhile my DH would ask me to work more day time hrs., but with my job it's not an option. What I have determined is that they get a little jealous, because they can't be home too. They won't admit it, but I know that's what it is. When talking to other stay at home moms, they get the same treatment. Be thankful you don't have your kids in child care and don't feel guilty. He'll eventually come around. Men tend to think staying home all day is easy. They don't often get it. I am not bashing men, so men don't come at me. It's just the fact. I can reassure you it gets easier as your children get older. Mine pick out my workouts for me now. Its kind of cute.
 
Tricia:

Don't ever feel guilty about putting your family first on your priority list. I think it's a shame that stay-at-home Moms are made to feel somehow less than whole because they've chosen to dedicate themselves to the needs of their family. Be grateful that you are in a position to do so and try not to worry so much that others don't respect how much work it is. You know, and you've decided that it's worth it. Can you think of anything that you could be doing that could be more meaningful than raising your children? I have yet to come up with anything that would make it worthwhile to leave my kids with someone else. Who else but you should be there to fix the hurts, to heal the ills, to teach the lessons, to instill the values?

Finding time to exercise can be tough. I can remember trying to finish a Firm workout when my son was two and my daughter was four months old and having to pause the tape numerous times to rock her to sleep or give a bottle. Remember that it will get easier as she gets older and that taking care of yourself helps you to be a better wife and mother for you and your family.

God Bless, Lynda
 
Tricia:

Don't feel bad about staying at home with your kids. I think it's great you are doing that. Being a Mom is the most important job you will ever have.

The time goes so quickly - good lord my daughter is going off to college next year. Each age has its great points.. I actually love the teen years. Guess I'm fortunate we are very close and they are great kids.

I worked part time when they were little, then split up with my ex so worked but they were ALWAYS # 1. Weekends I stayed home with them didn't get sitters so I could go out. Drive me NUTS the single moms that spend more time looking for a guy than being with the kids (sorry I'm a VERY judgemental parent!!)

We have pics with my kids when they were little (older than yours though) lifting 1lb weights.... and now my daughter 18 does cathe with me!

Finding a time maby be tought like Lynda said it may be a lot of pausing of the tapes too!

Best to you :)
 
Tricia-
Please don't apologize for the rant, you brought back many memories of when I had my first baby... My husband was working horribly long hours and nights once or twice a week & I was at home w/my new baby. There were times I'd get so frustrated trying to get laundry done, workout, make dinner and hopefully take a shower before my DH got home. It was a very beautiful time, yet it was also lonely- kind of hard to explain, but I know exacltly what you're talking about.

I've often told people that having one or two babies is harder than more because it is such an adjustment. The guilt, frustration and still trying to feel like someone besides a "mom"- ugh.

Working out is just a matter of making time- I don't mean that to sound harsh, just make it a priority but be flexible. Right now I try to put the two youngest down at the same time and get a good block of time to workout. If its not working out, I can do a weighted workout with the kids hanging around, just make sure weights are out of the way and be aware of where they are. Coloring books, a special box of toys, etc. sometimes helps when I start in order to keep them occupied for a little while.

The kids all know that this is my time and the older ones will leave me alone during this time. It is frustrating to start a workout (physically and mentally) and have to stop abruptly but resume when you can.

Hope this helps- I know many of us do (or have) felt the same way so you're not alone. I love my DH incredibly but sometimes I would love him to try to run the show at home to appreciate what we do.

Brenda
 
Tricia:

Sounds like you are getting a well needed boost so far....

All of us suffer from the negative vibes every so often. From what I am told, being a working mom is no picnic all the time either. Probably very little of the time. Can you imagine trying to squeeze all this stuff in if you were working too?????

I am a SAHM with 3 boys, ages 5, 3 and 1. I workout at night, almost exclusively, and it takes motivation. I have done naptime workouts though, when I had fewer and younger kids, that might work for you. As for making time to eat right, you have to be a little "selfish". I think we SAHMs SOMETIMES play the martyr, and then wonder why we are frustrated, doughy and out of shape...you have to take sometime for yourself. It will make you a better mom, a happier person, and you will live longer to enjoy your grandchildren.

Go grocery shopping every sunday night and only buy healthy stuff, like fresh fruits and veggies that are pre washed or pre chopped and easy to snack on...like apples and those baby carrots. Don't use "Oh I don't have time...I am a busy mom" excuse to stuff yourself with unhealthy breads and chips, sugar and the like. It is just your "evil twin" using this convenient excuse as a crutch! Habits are habits. Make new ones.

As for workouts...I like to say "My family can have 23 hours of the day....give me an hour to workout"

Oh yeah, and let the housework go. Cleanliness is overrated!

HTH
Jen
 
Hi Tricia, I think what your doing is awesome! Nothing is more important. My son is now twelve, but from birth to kindergarden I stayed home with him. And most of the people you encounter that don't seem to respect your choice of staying home will probably fall into one of two categories 1)they don't have children yet, 2)they are envious, because they can't afford to stay at home with their children. So hold your head up and know you made the right choice.

As far as squeezing it all in, you gotta get creative. When my son was about the same age as your daughter I remember having a hard time fitting in my workout. So everyday around the same time (after his nap) I would put him in his highchair, and set my exercise bike up right next to it. Before I put him in it, I made sure I had activities lined up for him. First the cheerios, then his rattle, next the pots and pans... and on and on. And that worked really really well. Most days I could get in 30-40 minutes. As soon as he got cranky (and he always did) I was done. I know it's not your ideal way to work out, so maybe limit it to two or three days a week. But it might help. My sister-in-law had twins, and her answer was packing them up in the double stroller and walking a few miles. You sound really dedicated and determined. If theres a will, theres a way. Good Luck! Carolyn
 
Hi Tricia,

you brought up some good points, and I'm sure very common feelings among us moms. I'm currently on maternity leave, with my second one being a little less than 4 months (first one almost 2yrs). And yes, there are times when I feel like the work at home isn't appreciated as much as outside work, and that even my husband doesn't really understand how much work it can really be. What has helped me a little is arranging time for just "me". I'll leave my husband home with the kids, and just go out shopping, walking or something. AND, most importantly, he'll prepare the foods, feed the kids, clean the house (=everything I normally do) in the meantime. I've found that if I come home to a messy house, with everything waiting to be done I just get more frustrated; why could he just hang out with the kids if I have to do all the work. I've just noticed that for some reason we tend to sometimes treat our men more like babysitters (in the sense that "if they only watch the kids while I do this and that, they don't have to worry about anything else, the food is ready etc.)I don't know if others find this to be true? Now that we arrange my private time so that my husband actually takes care of the household instead of just "babysits" when I do my own thing, he can actually appreciate more all the work involved, since he's actually doing it himself. And he's actually enjoying making a really nice lunch all ready, kids fed and napping (whenever that's lucky enough to happen!) for when I come home. How great to come home, too!

As far as eating right, I try to make simple but nutritious and healthy foods for everybody. So far it's worked good; my older kid loves carrot sticks, tomatoes (those little cherry tomates are her absolute favourites!), cabbage (yes!), broccoli etc. She loves munching on those at the table for aa "appetizer" while I prepare the warm dish. I usually make food in bigger portions and freeze ready portions of the rest; everyday cooking is just too much for me...;)

I workout in the mornings, I get up at 5-6am, which gives me enough time to complete my workout and shower before everyone else wakes up. That's really about the only time I don't get interrupted, the downside is that I have to go REALLY early to bed (9-10pm), so I really don't get a chance to sit down and relax for awhile after the kids are asleep (which would be really nice!). But I still find that this arrangement works best for me at this stage.

Well, this became sort of long..., hope some of it is helpful...;) and good luck with getting things arranged!

MariaS
 
HI Tricia,

I'm not a mom, but having been a nanny and spending many long days with kids and then hanging out with them after the job was actually over, I can empathize. I have great respect for stay at home moms and dads for that matter. It is by far the toughest most demanding job in the world, especially when the kid or kids are young. There is still unfortunately a stigma out there that some women are "just" stay at home moms. If people have never done it, they don't realize what it entails nor do they realize that you don't get coffee breaks lol!

When the parents I worked for went to Canada on vacation, I stayed with their three kids for 3 days. I was only able to exercise one day because I was really tired the rest of the time. I chose to workout super-early before they got up, but I understand that this may not be an option for you. Is a babysitter or mother's helper an option? I babysit for stay at home moms on occasion for only a few hours, and they often go to the gym or workout in the basement for an hour when I get there. I'm also wondering if you have any friends with kids around the same age. A lot of people seem to set up rotating play groups that work well and give each mom a break one day a week.

I think anyone juggling work and parenting struggles at times. I hope you find a solution!

Gina
 
I think you should be proud of being a stay at home Mom. However, I understand that people also have goals of their own that run outside the realm of raising kids, and that can be tough to juggle with a family that needs your care. And it can cause frustration.
One thing I'd like to point out is that I realize alot of men are insensitive to what SAMs go through in the course of a day. But I think it also is important to realize that alot of men with kids miss their children during the day. Also working a job outside the home presents different types of pressure that a stay- at- homer doesn't experience. Things like constant deadlines to meet that are put on you by someone else. At home there just is not that pressure. So be thankful that way. Both sides need to understand the unique situtations that they deal with and to handle it better.
And I probably understand the "home" side better than most because although I work 45 to 50 plus hours a week I still have to do all laundry, dishes, and probably 80 percent of the housecleaning. My wife can't seem to ever get anything done even though she only works maybe 20 hrs a week.Caring for our 3 yr old during the day is about all her low energy state can handle quite frankly. You want to experience frustration, come chat with me sometime. LOL!!! I always get the old "all men do this stuff" routine whenever I mention levelling this work distribution a bit.
Trevor :)
 
OK, a little more advice (sorry!!)-

A quote from my husband: "If Mom's happy, then everyone's happy."

This goes with what Jen was saying- make the time for yourself and don't feel guilty. If I'm having a bad day and am upset about something, one way or another, the kids feel it and mirror my feelings. When I'm happy they also reflect that, this includes my responsibility to myself to eat cleanly, get lots of water and workout.

A few more hints that may help:

DO try to find a sitter/mother's helper for a few short hours so you can workout w/out interruptions. DO NOT FEEL GUILTY! The day often goes by and I'm thinking, what the heck did I do today? There's not alot to show for it, but that's ok.

If you can't get a babysitter, consider paying someone to clean the house every other week just to get to the things that you don't have time to do (I know money can be tight but I budget for this as a necessity and my DH agrees- the bathrooms need to get clean sometime!)

Don't eat the kids' food- this is hard. Chicken nuggets, PB&J, etc are so good! They add up to many calories that you don't realize you devoured.

Don't put so much pressure on being the perfect mom. The laundry doesn't always get done, the house is messy sometimes, my DH doesn't always get a homemade dinner, or any dinner for that matter. Sometimes grilled cheese is ok for him, too.

See if you have Peapod in your area or something like it. Order your groceries online and they deliver for a small fee. This keeps me from shopping w/kids or hungry and buying extra junk. I can stock up on my fruits, veggies, etc as well as diapers and wipes.

Invest in a baby jogger (new or used) or borrow one. My 1st daughter and I went on many adventures together, then when my son came we got a double. I've already been through 2 singles and 2 doubles (we have 5 kids that range from 10 mos to 8 yrs).

HTH- please take time for yourself- your baby & DH will be glad you did.;)

Brenda

BTW Trevor, do you make house calls? My laundry is piling up, too and I'm not sure the last time I mopped the floor!
 
Hi Tricia, I am a sahm to 3 boys whom I homeschool so my days are busy. They are 7,9, and 11. When they were younger I would workout in the mornings but not until my youngest was 3 and could reasonably understand that mommy needed her time and his brothers could occupy him for a time. I still exercise in the moring between 8-10 and we start school around 10 or whenever I finish. I do NOT and I repeat DO NOT sit on the couch all day eating bon bons and watching soap operas like many people believe that we do. NOT!!! I hate bon bons and soap operas as a matter of fact.

As they get older it does get easier, I don't have diapers to change or have to nurse a baby so things will get better. My sons can fiend for themselves for the most part. My dh would not have it any other way when it comes to allowing me to be able to stay at home. He claims that I do have a "job" and that is taking care of the boys and the house (which with homeschool gets neglected more and more).

We are still equal partners in the marriage giving 100% to it, whether I or my dh were to bring home the bacon so to speak. :) We don't live in a fancy home and only have 1 vehicle and all our furniture is used but we choose to live a simpler life so that one parent can be at home with the kids.:D Today's society is all about money and material things, I think that we are giving our children the best thing there is a stay at home parent that is always there for them. If you can work from home too then you get the best of both worlds.

Don't belittle yourself you are doing a great thing by staying home with your daughter.

And your workout time is yours and yours alone and like the other person said "if momma ain't happy then nobody's happy!!!!"
 
I've been a sahm since my son was one. My children are now 14 and 10. I had planned to start working full time this year after getting my real estate license but I couldnt stand how often my niece was getting sick in daycare, so I'm watching her during the day now. I'm still doing some real estate work as well.

My current method is getting in a workout while my niece naps. I leave the phone downstairs and tell everyone that I'm off limits during that time. She usually naps for about 90 minutes. If she gets up before my workout is over, I'll bring her into the room with me, give her one of my stability balls to play with and finish up the best that I can. When the kids are out of school, I'll bring one of them upstairs with us so that they can keep an eye on her when she doesnt sleep long enough.

I've used a few different methods to get some exercise in with young children. When we've lived close to a zoo, I've put them in the wagon and pulled them around for a few hours. It got me sweating running up the hills. I've had a seat on the back of the bike and took long rides when I just had one at home. A backpack also works well for getting out when the baby is getting fussy and just wants to be held. I've belonged to a gym with babysitting before. It really helped to get out of the house with other moms and be able to exercise. The kids also loved playing with the other children. When we lived in Washington, the gym was too expensive (they wanted 3k to join and we knew that we werent going to live there long) but I finally found a small group of woman at the rec center that met for a class a few times a week for about $15 a month. The moms would take turns babysitting.

I've also felt confident enough about staying home being the right thing for my family so other's opinions have never bothered me. I know that my kids are better off having me around and it gave me time for being really involved in their lives and for volunteering. No matter what you do, someone is going to think that he could plan your life better. Live your life the best way you can and dont worry about other people's standards.
 
I was a stay at home mom until my son was three years and three months. Then I had to go back to work for financial reasons. I usually did my workout at around ten in the morning, but I was flexible enough with my schedule that I would fit it in whenever I could, even if it meant I was doing Firm tapes at midnight. I also went on a lot of walks with DS and the dogs.

My DH was very supportive. He was gone a lot (military), but when he was home, he pitched in with dishes and laundry. I'm responsible for the rest of the cleaning. Even now, he takes care of the dishes and laundry most days. He had been a single parent before we married, so he understands better than most how much work it is to care for a child and a home.

Don't feel guilty that he is doing all the financial support. You're also providing something worthwhile to your daughter... a mother who is home.
 
Hi Tricia! I've never been a SAHM been in the workforce for 32 years but when I was on maternity leave I made it very clear to my DH that I work VERY HARD taking care of home & family needs that for only 1 HOUR I ask him to give me to work out. And I made sure of this by having a gym membership at the time so the minute DH came home from work out the door I went to the gym!!! No guilt that's not allowed!:7 By working out it made me a better mother to my son & wife. I had much more energy to do all the things that needed to be done. I kept the dinner warm for DH before I went out the door & my son was already taken care of. Where there's a will there's a way if you want it bad enough. Can you work out for 30 min. while your son is napping & then at 8:00 work out again for another 30 min.? Just a suggestion. Or can you workout for the complete 60 min. while son is napping. I also cook up my meals on Sunday suggestions brown rice/sweet potatoes/grill chicken/grill fish as well as make up a spinach salad; this way my son & DH can eat whatever they want & all I have to do is warm up my meal. HTH, Kathy:D
 
I have been a SAHM for about 5 years now. My daughter is 6 and my son will be 3 in two months. Since October I started some part-time work to help out our financial situation..

I know for myself I HAVE to work out in the morning before my kids get up or I just can't seem to fit it in. Also, I like it in the morning because there are no interuptions it is my alone time for the day. Once my kids wake up it is mommy time and work time. I treat it just like I have to get up and go to work outside of the house and I tell you it makes my attitude towards my children soooo much better. There are times like last night when my son was running 105.6 temp and we were up all night that I give myself a break and sleep in. I will still try and eat healthy all day though to keep my energy level up and so I don't feel so bad about not working out...

As far as eating goes on Sunday nights my husband and I have started grilling a bunch of meats to get through the week. I make a large batch of brown rice and freeze it in individual servings. I cook up a pot of black beans and pinto beans to freeze as well. I use them for chicken tacos and the black beans I use for a bean dip with pita chips. I cut up a head of brocolli and cauliflower(I also always have plenty of other veggies on hand). During the week for lunch I pull out a chicken breast, some rice and veggies. You can also make a stir-fry or chicken tacos with corn tortillas. It may sound like it would get boring but you can season your meats all different ways. The key is to have it prepared so that it is ready to throw into whatever dish you like. I snack on things like fruit, yogurt and nuts etc... I really think the key to eating healthy is preparation. I know if I am running all day with my little ones and I do not have food ready I will just reach for whatever is easiest and that is usually JUNK!!! I try hard to keep overall healthy things in the house for the kids. I let them have a treat but it is usually not something that I am overly tempted by. Fortunately my kids are not chocolate freaks like me so I can keep it out of the house...

Good luck and don't feel alone there are so many moms in the same place as you as you have found here from your post:)

Jessica
 
I am a homeschooling mom to four boys 8 and under and we are expecting our fifth child this summer. I have exercised consistently for 6 years with videos and I have found that unwavering commitment and flexibility have been the keys for me. It's just something I do every weekday, like showering or feeding the kids or a zillion other things that get done everyday. I've had to be flexible about when I workout and what my expectations are when I do workout. I used to only want to exercise in the morning in complete privacy and silence. When I'm up all night nursing a baby though, it's not realistic to get out of bed one second earlier than necessary. I sometimes exercise when the younger ones nap, although if I'm beat or we have lots of schoolwork to do I use that time for other things. I typically work out with someone jumping on my step, trying to hoist a weight, or my older ones giving me form pointers. I've learned to multitask and can carry on brief conversations with the kids as I am trying to figure out some choreography.

My husband regularly tells people I work 10 times as hard as he does, and when he watches the kids he never calls it "baby sitting" but "parenting." It's hard work and you deserve tons of repect!:)
 
I work out of my home and take care of my 4 year old. I don't feel bad, but I do feel like I miss out on adult conversation and getting out of the house. So, I come here to get more adult conversation, and then try to get out of the house at least once a week for some "me time". But that doesn't always happen. I don't think that say at home moms are praised enough. I am considered a stay at home mom, even though I do work and make money. My husband has said numbers of times that he would give anything to stay at home, have my job, and then I could go work at his job. I usually think, gladly! Then there are days taht I think, no, I can't complain too much, really. I get up with the boy and the dog, have my own schedule, get to go to the park out the back yard for an hour a day. How many women out there wouldn't wish to have that? I guess sometimes people just get in a rut and want something different. It's like the old saying goes, "the grass is always greener on the other side."
I do my workouts when my son is napping. If he chooses not to nap, I then have him go play in his room and explain that i am going to workout for a while. He gets upset, but then finds something to play with in his millions of toys and is ok.
I don't feel comfortable working out at night because we don't have any window treatments on the front of the house and I know that people driving by woold be able to see me, and so would any nosey neighbors! I do have the fabric that I will be using to make my curtains with. Now I just need dh's grandmother to come over and coach on how to do it. I'm sure it's very easy, but I've never done it before.
Ok, so, now that you all know my life, I'll be leaving to get back to work!

Kathy
 
Tricia,

It is wonderful that you have chosen to be a SAHM - I have chosen to be home with my chldren for 19 years, now. When I had three children, I worked full time - but my husband wanted more children - I told him that it was either more children or me work, I didn't think it would be fair to do both with more children.

I have never once regretted that decision or have not felt guilty - but my husband supports me in being at home - we now have ten children - seven of which are still home - the ones home are from age 3 to age 17. Plus I have been home schooling for 12 years - so I started when my 17 year old started school.

My days are always really full - we have four boys in hockey 7 months out of the year and 8 of us also do martial arts karate - and I still fit in my workouts - I work out in the morning (6AM) - and sometimes I do my weight training at night when my husband is home.

Enjoy your little girl - you will never regret being there for her - they grow up so fast.

Anyone who has children know that they are work - but there is fruit in being home and watching them grow. My husband owns his own business - he is a roofer - he often says my work at home is much harder than his - and roofing is not easy, especially in the winter or during the muggy summers.

I am glad to see so many women who are home - but I support women who have to work outside the home - we all need to support each other in our decisions.

Cheryl
 
Just adding another voice to the mix...

I'm a SAHM to 3 boys who I homeschool. They're 7, 9, and 11 (hey, I sound like Calico!). When my first son was born I didn't care about fitness. But when he was about 1 year old I just hated being jello-y so I started FIRMing. I used his nap-time. When there were 2 children, I just fit it in wherever I could but I didn't get serious until I found out I was preggo with #3. For a few years I only exercised during nap-time or after the kids went to bed (8pm or so) because I didn't want to take time away from them. Now it's after we finish school or after they go to bed...I guess I still fear taking time away from them. Ideally it's after school so I don't take time away from DH, but he understands that exercising is very important to me. He's seen the changes in my physique and mood. In fact he can tell when I need to workout! He knows I need and endorphin hit!

Do what you can to carve out time for fitness...and if you only had time to fit in, say, biceps because nap-time was short, at least it was something. Try running a fan or some other form of white-noise while you workout so you don't wake her. I still do that! Maybe Cathe's voice will lull her to sleep...

Hope this helps
:) CinDee
 
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