Before getting into heart of the issue, I feel like I should preface this with some background info. I'm a 25 year old (going on 26 in August) single gal of Pakistanti descent. Like most women in my age group, I've been getting pressured to get married and settle down. Now, in the case of South Asians like myself, the pressure is even greater b/c...well, that's just how we do it, I guess. 
Once you've hit 30 and you're still single, you're considered a lost cause. You wouldn't believe the shock people express when they hear of a Pakistani/Indian woman over 30 getting married.
On top of that, coming from a Muslim background, we don't do the whole dating thing. Ish. My parents, being immigrants, are more traditional and were always hoping I'd let them find someone for me, and I would make the final decision, and together we'd choose someone of good breeding, with a good job, and of good character. Being born and raised here, however, I have a hard time trying to make my parents see that the above just doesn't cut it for me, and that I want to find someone on my own, and marry for love, not just b/c the person happens to be good/respectable. :-/
That was a lot of background! Now for the issue: today my mom told me that she had someone in mind for me, but was worried about how I might take it (the marriage issue has been a VERY sore point b/w us). Turns out, it's this guy that I've known since childhood. What my mom DOESN'T know, is that - as teens, he and I were friends (my parents, again, being very traditional, discouraged me from being friends w/ boys, so when I was younger I always hid my male friendships from them) - and I had a huge crush on him. By high school, I was in love with him. I broke off our friendship by the time we graduated b/c I told him how I felt, knowing he didn't feel the same, and just...didn't want to be friends anymore even though he wanted to. As a result, I kind of burned the bridges b/w us...I heard he was pretty upset that I had cut him out like that. Anyway...time went on and I got over him and eventually forgot about him. This is all stuff I never told my mom, so to her, she is suggesting a guy that I probably only know a little.
It's weird though, b/c all these years have gone by and I felt that I had gotten my closure. But lately, perhaps out of depression/feeling lonely (people in my age group have been getting engaged right and left, and it's getting me down), I've been thinking of him more and more. thinking about him and wondering what he's up to, wondering what the years had done to him, if he still held any resentment towards me, if our paths would ever cross again. I DON'T feel that I've fallen back in love w/ him just like that...I've just been thinking of him is all...
I always talked myself out of friending him on facebook, and out of these thoughts in general, because I don't want to try "recapturing the past" because, as it often goes, it's like returning to summer camp when summer's over, and it doesn't look as exciting/sunny/fun as it was when you were actually in camp, you know? And besides, we've both probably changed so much that we most likely have nothing in common, and won't even get along. Who knows.
But still. I was thinking of him. And then my mom mentioned him and asked me if I was interested. And I keep having that "feeling" -- that..."even though I can't explain it, it just feels right" type feeling. Although to be honest, I think I've become so cynical and so pessimistic as of late, that the "feeling" is starting to wane and I'm doubting it all over again.
In short, I'm torn about whether or not I want to even consider pursuing this. I don't want to set myself up for rejection, especially not with someone whose family runs in some of the same circles as my own family. But on the other hand, this silly little optimist in me feels that maybe...all this crappiness that's happened to me lately is just a build-up for the chick-flick-ish turn of events that may be before me. And then the pessimistic side of me intervenes and argues that I was never meant to have one of those chick-flick plot twists with happy endings b/c they only happen in books, movies, and about 1% of the female population, and I am not in that group.
And on top of that, if I did decide that I wanted to consider him, I have no idea if I should try getting in touch with him on my own, or if I should let my mom figure it out (again, this is not uncommon in our culture)...but I'm not sure which of us is less disaster-prone. I suppose the more important issue though is, whether or not bridges can/should be un-burned.
Erk. I've written my heart out, and I reckon a little sleep will let me think more clearly in the morning.
Once you've hit 30 and you're still single, you're considered a lost cause. You wouldn't believe the shock people express when they hear of a Pakistani/Indian woman over 30 getting married. On top of that, coming from a Muslim background, we don't do the whole dating thing. Ish. My parents, being immigrants, are more traditional and were always hoping I'd let them find someone for me, and I would make the final decision, and together we'd choose someone of good breeding, with a good job, and of good character. Being born and raised here, however, I have a hard time trying to make my parents see that the above just doesn't cut it for me, and that I want to find someone on my own, and marry for love, not just b/c the person happens to be good/respectable. :-/
That was a lot of background!
Now for the issue: today my mom told me that she had someone in mind for me, but was worried about how I might take it (the marriage issue has been a VERY sore point b/w us). Turns out, it's this guy that I've known since childhood. What my mom DOESN'T know, is that - as teens, he and I were friends (my parents, again, being very traditional, discouraged me from being friends w/ boys, so when I was younger I always hid my male friendships from them) - and I had a huge crush on him. By high school, I was in love with him. I broke off our friendship by the time we graduated b/c I told him how I felt, knowing he didn't feel the same, and just...didn't want to be friends anymore even though he wanted to. As a result, I kind of burned the bridges b/w us...I heard he was pretty upset that I had cut him out like that. Anyway...time went on and I got over him and eventually forgot about him. This is all stuff I never told my mom, so to her, she is suggesting a guy that I probably only know a little.It's weird though, b/c all these years have gone by and I felt that I had gotten my closure. But lately, perhaps out of depression/feeling lonely (people in my age group have been getting engaged right and left, and it's getting me down), I've been thinking of him more and more. thinking about him and wondering what he's up to, wondering what the years had done to him, if he still held any resentment towards me, if our paths would ever cross again. I DON'T feel that I've fallen back in love w/ him just like that...I've just been thinking of him is all...
I always talked myself out of friending him on facebook, and out of these thoughts in general, because I don't want to try "recapturing the past" because, as it often goes, it's like returning to summer camp when summer's over, and it doesn't look as exciting/sunny/fun as it was when you were actually in camp, you know? And besides, we've both probably changed so much that we most likely have nothing in common, and won't even get along. Who knows.
But still. I was thinking of him. And then my mom mentioned him and asked me if I was interested. And I keep having that "feeling" -- that..."even though I can't explain it, it just feels right" type feeling. Although to be honest, I think I've become so cynical and so pessimistic as of late, that the "feeling" is starting to wane and I'm doubting it all over again.
In short, I'm torn about whether or not I want to even consider pursuing this. I don't want to set myself up for rejection, especially not with someone whose family runs in some of the same circles as my own family. But on the other hand, this silly little optimist in me feels that maybe...all this crappiness that's happened to me lately is just a build-up for the chick-flick-ish turn of events that may be before me. And then the pessimistic side of me intervenes and argues that I was never meant to have one of those chick-flick plot twists with happy endings b/c they only happen in books, movies, and about 1% of the female population, and I am not in that group.
And on top of that, if I did decide that I wanted to consider him, I have no idea if I should try getting in touch with him on my own, or if I should let my mom figure it out (again, this is not uncommon in our culture)...but I'm not sure which of us is less disaster-prone.
I suppose the more important issue though is, whether or not bridges can/should be un-burned.Erk. I've written my heart out, and I reckon a little sleep will let me think more clearly in the morning.
