Overeaters Anonymous

spyrosmom

spyrosmom

Cathlete
woo-wee.....I can't believe I'm putting this out there.

Been trying to figure out what's wrong with me in the food department. I've got the exercise bit down to a T but the food - that's a whole 'nother can of worms. I eat when I'm happy, I eat when I'm sad, I eat when I'm bored, I eat when I'm not hungry. Then I feel bad. In fact, I am sitting here just having finished off a piece of mixed berry gallete w/ a mountain of cool whip. *sigh*

I know better, I really do. But I can't help it. I feel bad before, during, and after, and have to fight the urge to throw in an extra workout to burn it off. I've always thought it kind of went hand in hand w/ the fact that I love to cook, but I think I love to cook b/c then I will have munchies around.

It has gotten really bad lately, with me swinging thru a nasty drive thru on the way home from work to get a cheeseburger WHEN I'M ON THE WAY HOME TO DINNER. WTF is wrong with me!!!!! I know better, I really do, but somehow I can't help it. I've managed not to gain any weight, but that isn't the problem, I would like to shake about 10 more lbs so I can get to the 100lbs lost mark, but that is not the be all end all of the world. So why am I doing this to me? DH and DS just went to the park to toss a frisbee around, and I was WAITING FOR THEM TO LEAVE SO I COULD EAT. WTF!?!?!?!?!?!

So I checked out the OA site, and there are 2 places in town that have mtgs, but both are on the nights I work late. I was looking at the section about if I would fit in to the category of a person who would go, and I'd say at least half, if not more of the behaviors apply to me :eek::(. I really truly am not surprised, but at the same time am very shocked and somewhat embarrassed.

I then looked at the 12 steps and was completely turned off. They claim no religious affiliation but 7 of the 12 steps are religion/god based. No one religion in particular, but still the program seems to have a heavy religious spiritual undertone and that completely turns me off. In addition, both of the meeting places are churches.

Have any of you been or known someone who's been thru OA, or are there similar programs like it? It really does seem like a stupid, silly, trivial thing that I can't just put the fork down, but its not, and I really don't know what to do.

DH knows I have some body image and food issues, but I'm not sure he knows the whole issue. I am embarrassed to talk to him about it, but I don't know why. He seems ok with my body, but I don't think he would understand. I dunno. Thinking of just copying this post and emailing it to him, so I don't have to tt him face to face. This has always been a rough subject and I'm kind of at my wits end here.

So yeah, that's the story,

Nan
 
I am a binger, and it happens when I get depressed about something. You are not alone.

Caitlin

>^,,^<
 
Nan, you are NOT ALONE! In fact, I could have written exactly, WORD FOR WORD, what you just shared! As I was reading it, I had tears in my eyes (and it's NOT from my PMS NOR my personal life issues, lol).

I don't know what to say. I'm at a loss for words. No advice to give, no opinions to offer. Just fellowship in this journey.

I have been very open and honest about my own binging behavior and habits. And I had gotten to a point where I also checked out OA online but, like you, was totally turned off with the religious basis on the program....and I'm CATHOLIC! :D I shouldn't have a problem with the religious tone behind it.

I wish we could chat...in person, on the phone. I have so much to add, yet don't know how to express it so that I don't start talking in circles, like I tend to do. ;)

Currently, I'm totally refocussed and re-stoked with motivation. There is NEVER telling when it will come, or when it will go. I'm in the midst of some MAJOR turmoil in my home and personal life, yet I'm ON FIRE with both eating and workouts (again, like you, my workouts have NEVER been an issue).

Seriously, would you be interested in chatting on the phone??? I'm sure if you do a history search for posts by me, you will be able to turn up at least 10 that discuss my binging habits. (yeah, I offer that as proof that I'm not asking for your phone number cuz I'm weirdo, lol).
 
I've never been to OA but have read about it and i'm a binger. I've often posted my struggles on this forum as I feel it helps me get honest with myself by sharing. My husband to knows i have self esteem issues and eating issues but sometimes i down play the extent of it. Yesterday I dropped my DH off at the airport for a business trip and I couldn't wait for him to leave so I could binge and thats just what i did when i got home. So today i'm swollen and ridden with guilt. I too have 8-10lbs i would love to get off and know its the binging that is making them stay. My mom is a recovering alcoholic so i'm familiar with the 12 steps. They are the same for any addiction. As far as the god/spiritual thing, i'm not a religious person but view all of that stuff as believing that there is some higher power bigger then yourself out there. I've been to a psychologist about all of this so i know what i need to do but its just hard to get myself mentally there. Its funny because i keep changing my exercise programs because i'm not seeing results even though i know its my diet that i need to change. So i don't really have much advice to give but wanted to let you know i have the same struggles. It sucks. Mine honestly began when i read about the body for life program and started having a free day. I would restrict all week and then go hog wild on my free day. It really messed me up mentally. This is part of the reason why lately i have been doing so much yoga. I'm really trying to get back in touch with my natural hunger/fullness and get to the root of the emotional eating.
 
Nan - I pretty much had the same reaction to OA. I was seriously considering going to get my nighttime crazy eating (for no apparent reason...boredom, oral fixation??) under control. However, when I saw the steps and the literature they sell, I was completely turned off. I am not a non-religious person. Heck, I went to Catholic school for 12 years. However, I don't feel that "letting go and letting God" will stop me from overeating!

Carrie
 
Similar issues here with any 12-step program.

No, you are not alone and it is not trivial. I believe there are a number of programs out there that might serve you without the components that trouble you with 12 step, although in actuality the "God" in 12 step refers to a higher power according to your own understanding and there is no requirement to believe in a deity. But your point is valid. Is it possible for you to speak with a local resource clearinghouse or medical provider in your community to get a referral to a more suitable program.

Best of luck, hope you find what youu need.
 
I know the feeling!

I always fall back on my podcasts because they are anonymous and I can do the work on my own. I have a thing about privacy and the idea of a roomful of peeps I don't know knowing all my business turns me off.

The podcasts;
1. Sandra Ahten The Reasonable Diet or The Six Minutes of Sanity
2. IOWL: Inside Out Weight Loss with Renee Stephens.

Both are free off iTunes or are available as downloads from their websites as mp3s. You can play them on any mp3 player.

Either one of two things is going on and possibly/probably both.
1. You are eating for some emotional reason. For me, its one of the crutches I use to hide from life. Its an easy form of pleasure or it used to be. And, there is something in my life which I don't want to think about. The food serves a purpose.

2. You are being driven to eat by your body. I have an endocrine disorder. I don't process foods properly, especially sugars. There are several food substances and additives which drive your dopamine center and act like cocaine. No one wants to think that the commercial food industry is a group of dope peddlers, but they really are aware that fruit loops will drive a rat to cross an electrified metal plate. The top culprits for me are high fructose corn syrup which disables the body from achieving satiety (feeling full) and actively drives you to eat. Another culprit for me is anything hydrogenated, this man made form of food (a term used loosely) induces insulin resistance so that no matter how much food you take in your body is forced to pump out more and more insulin and ultimately makes you hungry and fat at the same time. The third food that I avoid is soy. Soy in the US is not the same as the soy plant in Asia. It has been genetically modified and here in the US we do not consume the same level of naturally occurring Iodine in the form of sea vegetables. Soy induces a thyroid resistance issue, in other words your body makes plenty of the hormone but your body can't uptake it. This creates a situation where you are temporarily thyroid deficient and put on weight and get cold. Also, excess estrogen tends to make women put on adipose and soy is chalk full of estrogens.

Or: you are deficient in a nutrient and your body is driving you to eat because you aren't getting enough of something.

Or: Tumor? A small tumor on the thyroid gland can cause erratic behavior and its easy to be tested for thyroid function.

So, you might wonder, What the heck is wrong with me? Why don't I just drive past the stuped drive thru? I'm not a dummy! Well, you aren't dumb, you may be addicted. This system in our brains is designed to drive us to fulfill basic needs such as eat, sleep, safety, mating. Don't feel bad about this. Feeling bad actively drives that system to fix something and the easiest first thing we learn as babies is to nurse for comfort. That association is strong because without it as babies we would die. Babies who don't feel driven to suckle are called "failure to thrive" babies and they often die.

The most helpful tricks/techniques I learned on IOWL. I learned not to beat myself up. I learned how to retrain my brain. I learned how to deal with the occasional 'oops' or even the frequent binge.

I hope that all this helps in some way. Hugs!
 
{{{{{Nan}}}}} I don't have any great advice for you; I just wanted to give you a hug. And hugs for everyone else trying to figure out this whole diet/exercise/body image thing. It's tough, isn't it? I don't binge, but I do have a sugar addiction that I struggle with. My DH and I decided over the weekend that we're going to schedule an appointment with a registered dietitian who specializes in weight loss and sports nutrition (provided we can find one in our area). Would one-on-one with a dietitian work for you?
 
I joined Alateen when I was younger and was turned off by the religious affiliation too. It bothers me that such good programs like AA, NA, OA, etc have to be compromised by an overdose of religion. The problems are universal; religion is not. It would have been a really good program for me, but just like any religious person wouldnt like me to shove my atheist philosophy down his throat, I dont like being preached at either. (The other problem was that both Al-Anon and Alateen suggest that if the alcoholic will not seek help, then you need to leave them. As if I would ever leave my mother...)

Anyway.

Have you considered attending a Weight Watcher's meeting? Considering your incredible weight loss and active lifestyle, you probably dont need to use their food or the point system, but attending a meeting with people who also have trouble with overeating might be a good way to get support, and if not, you could always just ask one of the leaders if she has any other suggestions for a more appropriate support group.

And on a very serious note, please realize that eating too much and not being able to stop gives off the same emotional red flags as eating too little. To me, this doesnt sound like a problem with self control... It sounds like an emotional problem or perhaps even an addiction (from your description, you seem to treat food the same way an addict might treat his drug), and I'm sure you could find professional help if you seek it.

I cant exactly relate to your problem with compulsive overeating, but I do have a tendency to go on binges for weeks at a time. A technique I have found very helpful in strengthening my self control has been to put one temptation next to me for an hour while I studied, worked out, or did chores in the same room. When I felt too weak, I destroyed the food or gave it away. Once you can handle an hour, bump it to two hours until it is no longer a temptation and you can have it in your house anytime.

Since I dont really have this problem, I'm not sure it would work, because it seems to almost be a fixation and not necessarily a problem with self-control with you. I just thought I might suggest that as an idea if you cant find any other support.

It was very brave of you to say this, by the way. :)
 
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Its not a physical or malnutrition issues, its surely a mind/head issue. I can trace this all the way back to being a kid. Fell off your bike? Eat a cookie! Dog died? Eat 2! Having a birthday party - eat lots of cake!!!

AND DAMN IT ALL TO HELL, I KNOW BETTER!!!!!!!!!!!

I am going to check out those pod casts, thanks for that recommendation.

For now, I am off to email this thread to DH and take Vlad for after dinner walkies.

Nan
 
Nan, I think that eating disorders run the spectrum from severe and life threatening to less severe and dangerous. While I don't think you are in immediate physical danger, it has all the hallmarks of an eating disorder: shame, feeling bad over eating, hiding your eating from your loved ones, etc. Emailing your husband is an excellent beginning to getting help and starting to feel better about yourself. I share your concerns over 12-step programs, even knowing how many people they have helped. Perhaps you may want to look into giving yourself the gift of therapy - it helped me tremendously to get over my eating disorder.

There's someone who has responded to your thread that I have similar concerns about, although much more so, and I'm sure this person knows I am referring to her: You know I have nothing but the greatest honour and respect for you. I would suggest gently and carefully that perhaps you aren't the right person at this exact point in your life to advise someone on how to handle an overeating issue. Nan may not realize the struggle you are currently having and your well-meaning advice could be harmful to her, especially as you have decided not to get any help for your own very serious and life-threatening eating disorder. I hope you will take this in the spirit of concern and honesty I have always communicated with you. I have a feeling that I am going to be ripped up one side and down the other for saying this, but I think it's important enough to say it anyway and take my lumps.
 
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Nan...I couldn't get to the keyboard fast enough when I read your thread. Like someone else said, you wrote my story word for word. I am a binger, too. I have been to one OA meeting and didn't care for it. Not so much because of the religious aspect, but because of the addiction terminology. I will never believe the "once an addict always an addict" story for myself and I refuse to admit I'm powerless to anything.

But can I offer some advice from one binger to another. RUN, don't walk, to a bookstore or your computer and order the book Women, Food and God. By Geneen Roth. And before I go any further, she explains in the book that God doesn't have to be God in a religious sense, but the powerful, meaningful, overcomeable (I just made that word up) moments in your life.

I CAN'T SAY ENOUGH ABOUT THIS BOOK. And trust me, I've read everything and done everything in my 36 years to try to overcome the bingeing mentality and tractor-full of guilt and shame that comes after a binge. This woman was on Oprah a couple of weeks ago and, when I heard her, it was like she was talking to me personally. I ordered on Amazon for half price and had it rush shipped. I just can't tell you how it has changed my life just in the first read. You just can't believe anyone is putting down on paper EXACTLY what you have felt. And every word in your thread sounds like where this woman started. Every word.

I've gotta run some errands but I'll check back later. If I haven't convinced you, I will happily order one myself and have it shipped to you. I'm THAT convinced you will love it.

Talk to you soon!

:)Jonezie
 
WOW. I could have written this same post Nan. I've been there and done that many times over. I'm sorry i don't have any helpful advice but I do think telling your husband is a big step forward.
Thank you for sharing and being so honest.
 
Jonezie said:
Nan...I couldn't get to the keyboard fast enough when I read your thread. Like someone else said, you wrote my story word for word. I am a binger, too. I have been to one OA meeting and didn't care for it. Not so much because of the religious aspect, but because of the addiction terminology. I will never believe the "once an addict always an addict" story for myself and I refuse to admit I'm powerless to anything.

But can I offer some advice from one binger to another. RUN, don't walk, to a bookstore or your computer and order the book Women, Food and God. By Geneen Roth. And before I go any further, she explains in the book that God doesn't have to be God in a religious sense, but the powerful, meaningful, overcomeable (I just made that word up) moments in your life.

I CAN'T SAY ENOUGH ABOUT THIS BOOK. And trust me, I've read everything and done everything in my 36 years to try to overcome the bingeing mentality and tractor-full of guilt and shame that comes after a binge. This woman was on Oprah a couple of weeks ago and, when I heard her, it was like she was talking to me personally. I ordered on Amazon for half price and had it rush shipped. I just can't tell you how it has changed my life just in the first read. You just can't believe anyone is putting down on paper EXACTLY what you have felt. And every word in your thread sounds like where this woman started. Every word.

I've gotta run some errands but I'll check back later. If I haven't convinced you, I will happily order one myself and have it shipped to you. I'm THAT convinced you will love it.

Talk to you soon!

:)Jonezie
Click to expand...

My library has it. Yay! I put on it hold. It may be a minute, though. There are several copies at our library and in their inter library system, and they seem to be checked out or on hold. Must be a good one :D But I promise I will read it.
 
Another good book on the subject, Nan, is The End of Overeating by David Kessler.

I wish you well with your struggle. It's awful to feel so awful about yourself.
 
I wonder if I should drop the calorie counting thing? Its kind of making me crazy. I started doing the Daily Plate about a year ago and it worked really well for a few months, I lost about 10 lbs. Then I started going nut-so!

It says I can eat 200 more calories today, so lets go find a snack! Hmmm....what's in the fridge. A string cheese, 50 cals, I'm still good. What goes with cheese? Crackers - yum! Look, those are right next to the peanut butter. Just a bite. Well, hell, that blow all that out of the water! Might as well see what else is around. I'll do better tomorrow.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

I think I really just need to focus on eating when I'm hungry. I eat when I'm bored, too. Let's go see what's in the fridge!! See above paragraph. *sigh*

I have Inutitive Eating on hold at the library as well.

DH did respsond to my emailing him this thread. He did say he doesn't understand, bc it is not his personality to be like that, but I knew he wouldn't. However, he is going to try to help in whatever way he can. I know he doesn't understand the mental aspect (and obviously I'm mental :p) and I appreciate him telling me he doesn't understand, rather than acting like he does.

So today on the way to work, I put some spine in my backbone, and have resolved this crap will STOP. Because that is all it is. Some stupid mental game crap, and I am better than that!

Nan
 
spyrosmom said:
I wonder if I should drop the calorie counting thing? Its kind of making me crazy. I started doing the Daily Plate about a year ago and it worked really well for a few months, I lost about 10 lbs. Then I started going nut-so!

It says I can eat 200 more calories today, so lets go find a snack! Hmmm....what's in the fridge. A string cheese, 50 cals, I'm still good. What goes with cheese? Crackers - yum! Look, those are right next to the peanut butter. Just a bite. Well, hell, that blow all that out of the water! Might as well see what else is around. I'll do better tomorrow.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

I think I really just need to focus on eating when I'm hungry. I eat when I'm bored, too. Let's go see what's in the fridge!! See above paragraph. *sigh*

I have Inutitive Eating on hold at the library as well.

DH did respsond to my emailing him this thread. He did say he doesn't understand, bc it is not his personality to be like that, but I knew he wouldn't. However, he is going to try to help in whatever way he can. I know he doesn't understand the mental aspect (and obviously I'm mental :p) and I appreciate him telling me he doesn't understand, rather than acting like he does.

So today on the way to work, I put some spine in my backbone, and have resolved this crap will STOP. Because that is all it is. Some stupid mental game crap, and I am better than that!

Nan
Click to expand...

This is my DH as well. He cannot understand why I eat when I am not hungry. Heck, I can eat a full meal and then "need" a snack 30 minutes later. He doesn't get why I don't want him to by Doritos, chocolate, cookies, candy... If it is in the house, I will eat it. His response "just don't eat it. Why do I have to deprive myself if you can't eat certain foods." ARRGGGHHH!!!

I actually got a similar reaction from my physician as well. I was talking about my difficulty controlling what and how much I eat. Her response "just eat a couple cookies from the package and then save the rest." Ummm, riiiight!

Carrie
 
spyrosmom said:
Its not a physical or malnutrition issues, its surely a mind/head issue. .....
Click to expand...

You hit the nail on the head, and if I may offer some advice....go see a therapist. I'm not kidding. The binging is a part of a larger issue that no amount of diet, exercise, and willpower can cure.

I think you are punishing yourself with food, so you have to figure out why you're mad at yourself. When you figure that out, and face it head-on, the binging will stop. It's a symptom of the problem, not THE problem.

It was for me. Good luck! :)
 
Nan...I couldn't agree with Gov'tgirl more. Your language is so familiar to me, because it's how the record plays in my head. But it does sound like you are punishing yourself, beating yourself up, swearing you'll never be "bad" again. The book I referred you to (Women Food and God) has one repetitive theme...if you treat yourself with shame, anger, fear or unkindness, you will be an ashamed, angry, fearful, beaten down person who can't keep weight off for more than 14 minutes.

It also says that your relationship with food is a doorway to things you never thought possible. A doorway, not something to be disgusted with. She explains this, of course, just in case you're like WTH you talkin' about?!?

Let's vow to never swear we're never going to do "it" again and to stop beating the you-know-what out of ourselves. Eat it, roll around in it naked, schmear yourself in it, or don't eat it. But don't shame yourself...to yourself, your husband, or any of us. There's nothing to be ashamed of. And, until reading this book last week, you would never hear that coming out of MY mouth! I was the queen of "I'm throwing myself a shaming! Wanna come?" 36 years of loathsome self talk...and then something just clicked. I know it will for you, too! And I am here for you every step of the way!

MWAH!

Jonezie
 
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