OMG -- (sensitive issue - and LONG)

L Sass

L Sass

Cathlete
I am just floored - and heartbroken.

I went to a family reunion today. My DH's cousin's wife was pregnant with their second child. First child is healthy, spirited, wonderful, etc. at the age of 4. This pregnancy followed a miscarriage. Many of us have been there and know that heartbreak.

Mama was almost 5 months pregnant, heartbeat was good, etc. Big sis was super excited and all looked well. Some recent testing however revealed SEVERE deformities and conditions that would have been unbearably painful for this child if born.

The OB is in a practice of 9 docs. All docs conferred and were all in agreement that pregnancy termination would have been the most humane thing to do for all involved. Again -- all docs were in total agreement. As if that's not bad enough - here is where it takes a horrendous turn.

Doc advised mom and dad that since the recommended abortion was not necessary to save the mom's life, it was technically not "medically necessary." Their insurance would not cover it. Moreover, they were on their own in finding a physician or clinic to do the procedure. (I have a LOT of issues with that advice and actions of the doc, but that's a different story.)

So they searched to find a clinic/doc who would perform this procedure at this stage of pregnancy. They were devastated to have to go through this. Cousin called his mom (DH's aunt) and was just sobbing - trying to reconcile his beliefs and Catholic upbringing with this advice and the action they knew was best for everyone.

The day came to go to the doc's office for the termination, and of course the protesters were out in full force --- with the pics of aborted fetuses, calling them murderers, SPITTING on them. Oh my goodness, I don't know that I have ever been so devastated for someone. I simply cannot imagine the horror and the bottomless emotion that they had to endure -- on top of the actual loss from the procedure.

I NEVER would have thought about a situation like this. And I'm sure that those protesters have no idea or thought whatsoever of the additional layers of pain that they perpetrated that day. OMG.

Lorrie

www.picturetrail.com/lsass
 
I'm so, so sorry your husband's family has to go through something like this. I wish for them strength, courage and comfort. <3

I volunteered as a clinic escort last year. Our protesters were quiet and didn't carry obnoxious signs thankfully. They made their point, but they weren't cruel.

I personally think the protestors ~ quiet or otherwise ~ shouldn't be allowed anywhere close to the clinic.
 
I am so sorry for the pain, grief, and emotional suffering,
you and your family had to go through.
How dare people cast judgment on those already in such peril.
All I can think of is people who have nothing better to do, who do not have the whole story but are good and ready to judge others.
God Bless I am so sorry!
Brigitte
 
I'm so sorry to hear about this. I can't imagine what your husband's cousin is feeling right now. I believe the family made the right decision, but I'm sure it certainly does not help them feel any better. I've been lucky enough to have two healthy children, yet I was worried at the beginning of the pregnancies (like any mother/father would be). But after five months I was starting to feel good, and confident that everything was going well. You really start to connect with your baby by five months! The anguish they must feel. I'm so sorry for them. I hope that they will be able to heal from this and from everything they had to endure during the abortion.
 
Oh, I am so sorry! I had a friend who went through this, minus the protesters. She was ashamed of what she had to do, but there really was no other choice. I cannot imagine making that choice, and then going in to it, facing people judging you. How horrible. I will say a prayer for their healing.
 
What a heartbreaking story, Lorrie.

I hope they are finding a way to heal after having to go through something so awful...;(
 
Oh Lorie... I'm crying over here.;( What a sad, sad story. Like Wendy, I hope they are able to becoming closer as a family for having gone through something so trying and find a way to heal together.
 
Dear Lorrie,
I am so sorry to hear that this sort of thing can happen to a family...I am very relieved that your DH's Cousin has you in her corner of the world! Honestly, sometimes all we have is each other.

Deb
 
Wow. I am 24 weeks pregnant and I am speechless.
I cannot imagine what a hell they must be going thru.
Send them a huge hug from me - and give one to yourself too.
 
This is so sad. My heart goes out to your husband's cousin, his wife, and everyone involved. Prayers, hugs and kind thoughts from me to you and yours. As for the cruel protesters, self-righteousness is a dangerous thing but people obsessed enough to hang around clinics, spitting on people, are too focused on their big issue to make room for the tragic facts on the other side of the issue. For them, there is no gray area. No suffering is more important to them than their belief in their cause. I really just cannot imagine what kind of hollowness the formerly expectant parents were feeling before they went to bed, and how hard the reality will be upon waking. I'm so sorry for you all and pray they get through it with as little pain as possible.
 
Lorrie,

Your cousin and his wife did the bravest and most compassionate thing possible. It was an act of love.

It broke my heart to read that in addition to their grief they had to endure the protestors.

~* Vrinda *~
 
How awful:-( im so sorry:-( i can't even imagine going through something like that!

I do have a question...did the mommie and daddy to be get a second opinion before having the abortion? You know, to confirm what their doctor said.

all your family is in my prayers,agian...im so sorry:-(
 
hi lorrie,

so sorry for your family at this difficult time. dh and i went through this many years ago. we had some protesters but nobody spit,cussed or otherwise at us. and every woman in the waiting room that day had their reasons so it wasn't for us to judge(they only do it once a week at the clinic so its on an need basis when you get an appointment). we just supported each other. alot of pain and saddness in that place b/c nobody wants to go through this. and nobody needs to be made feel worse about it.

as somebody said self righteous is a dangerous thing and my cousin's pastor said its a sin b/c you are casting judgment on ppl you don't know nor their situation. i know its hard but take comfort that nobody on your side did nothing wrong and nobody has a right to make you feel otherwise.its between the family and God, just as those who caused more pain will have to answer to God in the end.

big hugs i hope time heals for your family.

kassia

http://www.picturetrail.com/ldy_solana

http://jtjulian2003.tripod.com

YOU CAN'T HAVE EVERYTHING,WHERE WOULD YOU PUT IT??

http://pic20.picturetrail.com/VOL1307/4842454/16585805/255246443.jpg
 
Oh, Lorrie, I'm so sorry that they have to go through all this! What a heart-breaking experience! Please know that I'm sending them and you {{{HUGS}}} and prayers!:)
 
Send them hugs and lots of understanding from me too.

Had an employee go through the same situation and he and his wife were first of all devastated, then so absolutely torn about the decision facing them. Very devout Catholics also and to watch this man cry was so very hard.

They went to numerous doctors up at Stanford to get additional testing before they made their decision and they also had to pay the 10K tab because our insurance wouldn't cover it. We are self insured and I made all the calls I could and nearly begged my boss to allow it but to no avail as he is a devout Christian.

My co worker has thanked me numerous time for my support - to be in that situation is probably the worst because your decision is final and no one ever knows if it truly was the right one. The praying they did and the support they received from family and friends had to make it the right choice for them at the time.

Thankfully you are there to support them. Hope all goes well.
 
Lorrie, I'm so sorry for what your DH's cousin and his wife have been through. I really don't know what to say -- it's so hard to understand how people can be so cruel. My thoughts and prayers are with your family and I hope the healing is complete and comes quickly.
 
I just reread your original post and im a little embarressed over the question i asked:-( im known for asking stupid questions:-(

Sorry about that:)
 
Lorrie,

I'm so sorry that your DH's cousin and wife have had to go through something so horrible. First, the pain of finding out such horrible news about a child that they were preparing for, having to deal with it the best that they can, and then to have to endure the cruelty of strangers during such a personal tragedy.

No one but them has any idea what they're going through; it's awful that people just assume that they know what they'd do if they were faced with the same horrible situation. It's easy to pass judgement and say cruel things when a person is so far removed from the situation.

My thoughts are with them, their four-year old daugher, and your family.
 
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