I think we have to be willing to play around with foot positioning, hand grip, hip hinge, knee bend...much like perfecting our own personal squat position...to deadlift in a way that feels good for each of us. I have no idea what your build is. From an anatomical standpoint, I have read that people with long calves or legs and short arms can be at a genetic disadvantage with deadlifts. I personally prefer the stiff-legged version because I feel them more where I need them- the hams. I also make sure to do bridgework or hip thrusts & tablework at least twice a week.
The following isn't really aimed at anyone in particular, it's just general observation and advice about deadlifts from my own training and a few others I know...Making a suggestion to anyone struggling with them that is PURELY from personal experience (in other words, I make no claims for medical or scientific backup here!), it's to get really good first at 1) spinal erector exercises 2) floorwork- leg lifts for the medial glutes, inner and outer thighs, 3) tablework, and 4) bridgework/hip thrusts. When done with good form, I believe that they build up the core and hamstring muscle flexibility + strength in a safer way than deadlifts, especially for people with limited lower back flexibility and strength. Once those four things can be done with great form and maybe with some ankle weights or dumbbells used (as appropriate), deadlifts usually feel easier, more natural, and less painful. That is purely anecdotal, just something me and a few other people on another weight-training forum have noticed. I don't know if that's equally applicable to men and women, but I know as a woman that my adductors (for example) were pathetically weak. I couldn't dream of doing a decent lunge until I'd strengthened them up. Some of the bodyweight-only work on a stability ball for hamstrings that Cathe does (GS is one that utilizes them) are great in term of feeling the muscle work in a different way and stretching them out. However, I find those exercises are not all that effective for putting on any mass or making deadlifts easier. That's just my experience, though.
I'm not necessarily the norm, but I think much of what I'm saying is applicable to a fair number of trainees. I know many people don't look at them this way, but I do consider spinal erector exercises, tablework, floorwork, and bridgework/hip thrusts essential to building a foundation of strength. I think this is especially true if we've spent a lot of time sitting in our lives, either in school or on the job and/or have weak legs due to our genes. With as much time as we've spent with legs tucked under a desk, it's no wonder so many of us have knee and back pain by age thirty or so! I aim to do these types of exercises twice a week or so without fail, and my training suffers every time I have ever let this one rule slip. I could not do standing work well at all without mastering floorwork first- I don't have the genes for strong legs with knees and ankles that cooperate with lunging and squatting well. Floorwork doesn't replace standing leg work, but wow, does it ever make all of it easier. They address weaknesses hard to hit in standing work- adductors, abductors, medial glutes...I also avoid sitting at a desk or table as much as possible, and try to shift my legs a lot in different postitions if I'm stuck at one all day.
Push-ups are my personal Waterloo. I try and try. but I barely see any progress with them at all. A year into serious training and I still suck at them. It could just be that I'm not built well to support as much as I weigh easily in a push-up position. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.