Need to vent a little.....

I can really relate to all this. I've been with my husband 20 years, and he has so many wonderful qualities. But eating healthily and exercising aren't priorities to him, even though he has high blood pressure and worsening back issues. He stopped going to physical therapy and won't do the exercises that will help his back condition.

It is so frustrating! I know nagging wouldn't help. He already knows he should be doing exercises, but would rather lie down and mess about on his netbook. Why can't he devote just 20 minutes a day to his physical wellbeing? I love him, but flabbiness and indifference to his health are big turn offs.

Actually, cranking up the volume on my DVDs and not putting equipment away may be a bit passive aggressive. Still, I'm not asking him to do anything extreme - just to take better care of himself.

It's kind of sad so many of us have this issue.

If he has a heart attack, who will make me a latte every morning and show me funny web comics? Plus, it was nice getting to do the abs section in STS with a partner. Maybe I'll nag some after all.
 
I laugh at some of the things written here. I know it's not a laughing matter, and I am fortunate to have a husband that is active. We love to lift, bike, and ski. However, I have a sister that has been going the rounds with her husband about his inactivity. He was planning on being active after retirement. Unfortunately he had a heart attack a couple of months ago, and is now in cardio therapy. I think it snapped him to attention. He now has a full gym in the basement. Let's hope he uses it!
Very sorry to read of your BIL's heart attack. Here's hoping that he follows through with giving his heart the attention it requires.
My father had a heart attack last August and quit smoking that very day! :) It smartens men up when they are fortunate enough to come out relatively together. He has always been active, but obviously the smoking and stress was way too much for him. I have seen stress and hopelessness just do people's health in no matter how 'fit' their bodies might be.
 
I just need to vent a little. My husband has never put his health first. I keep telling him it's not about having time it's about making time for what's important.
Amen, sister! Truth!
Whatever...I don't need man sweat stinking up my workout room.
A bright side, lol! ;)
OMG.... I'm so glad I'm not alone in this boat. It seems to be much easier to complain about how he feels like crap.
OMG. Every. Single. Day. A conversation with my DH always comes back to his myriad aches and pains, doctor appointments, tests... :mad: I'm losing my mind and my patience!!
My husband still thinks that secretly, he's still 32 and is slim and fit and healthy and has the metabolism of a cheetah and "will exercise when he retires and has time." In reality, he now has a spare tyre around his middle, breathes heavily, and is 100% sedentary. He has no muscle tone to speak of anymore.

I'm heading out the door daily, like Dirt Diva, all on my own.
Clare, so true. My DH used to be SO strong! It's one of the things I adored about him. It saddens me that he doesn't care.

Sorry about your FIL. Wow, so young.

I am heading out the door on my own now too... I'm registered for both of Cathe's RTs this year, as well as a weekend of ladies' sporting clays/spa/FUN. :D
Wow I don't know if I would have it in me to stay with someone for years if my other half didn't put his health and fitness as an important priority. Kudos to all of you for managing to maintain a marriage under these circumstances. My partner and I are both into fitness although have different interests. - wonder how the hubbies would feel if you all took regular vacations without them and joined friends instead?
Jamie, the struggle is real. :(
 
My dh works a lot and always puts our family first. As a result, he stopped playing squash, running and working out long ago. This past week I put my foot down, started doing more chores in the house, demanded more of the kids and asked him to do bj gaddour 10 minute tortures - 1 per day. He agreed and says he is enjoying it. He is not allowed bread anymore either and he booked a physical! Thanks for this thread. It helped.

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I've never had a boyfriend or husband (I assume my love for fitness is one thing that keeps guys at bay, but that is another topic) so in a way I can't relate but I can relate on a general level: I worry about all the people I care about who don't take care of themselves. I lost a long time friend in February and just last Thursday experienced the loss of a wonderful coworker (he was only 65). It is my firm belief that they would've had several more years with us had they cared for their health.
We have a choice to take care of ourselves or not but that choice, as well as all the excuses about not having time, I'll do it when I retire, I don't feel good, I can eat what I want 'cuz I worked hard all day . . . well, they end with death.
Preaching to the choir I am.
 
This past week I put my foot down, started doing more chores in the house, demanded more of the kids and asked him to do bj gaddour 10 minute tortures - 1 per day. He agreed and says he is enjoying it. He is not allowed bread anymore either and he booked a physical! Thanks for this thread. It helped.

Yep,;);) Girl power! :p
 
My dh works a lot and always puts our family first. As a result, he stopped playing squash, running and working out long ago. This past week I put my foot down, started doing more chores in the house, demanded more of the kids and asked him to do bj gaddour 10 minute tortures - 1 per day. He agreed and says he is enjoying it. He is not allowed bread anymore either and he booked a physical! Thanks for this thread. It helped.

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CeciFifi, so glad your DH started being more active. Hope he continues down this path.
 
Oh My Goodness! I love this thread. I have so many comments and so many of my own vents, I don't even know where to begin.

I met my guy in college and he worked out (weights and cardio) and was yummy. We would even go to the gym together and it was great. Over the years he just stopped. The thing is that he is approaching 50 and is still slim, so he and no one else sees an issue. The problem is he has basically zero muscle tone, his skin is sagging, he is quite billowy and due to his diet of eating like a teenager whose parents are out of town, his skin, eyes and stamina are just horrible. I also constantly hear about how tired, sick, sore, etc. he is. (all while lying on the couch inhaling sugar). I have also noticed lately he is forgetful and just has brain fog.

He did an IronMan a bit over a decade ago and to this day I have to hear what an athlete he is. That was an awesome activity he did...but it was over 10 years ago! He is also an all-or-nothing guy. Meaning he will suddenly get the urge to mountain bike, road bike, run, etc and will go out for a 100-mile ride, steep mountain or 15 mile run. Then come home and collapse for 3 days. All while moaning how the trail kicked his ass, how his time was slow, how the bike needs tuning and how he can no longer move. I tell him I feel like I am with a 90 year old. Eating and exercising, in my opinion, should make you feel energized and ready to take on the day - not make you run to the bathroom or the couch and start decomposing.

Just yesterday we were shopping and I was in the fitting room with him and I saw his inflamed, puffy body, splotchy skin, dark circles under his eyes and just fatigued look on him...yet he is slim! I just feel sad for what kind of life he could be having and one we could be having. If we have an activity planned, I have to ask him NOT to exercise since he will be a slug for several days and not be able to function (since he goes all out for several hours, rather than just a shorter workout).

The thing is, he knows. He always tells me I am like a machine and he is in awe of me and he wants to eat like I eat. I tell him to do it! He sees me prepare things and sees how easy it is and sees how good it makes me feel and look. Yet, he will do it once, then go straight back to fast food. Then he tells me he doesn't have time - he will start a good eating program when he retires. He will start exercising more consistently when he retires. He will do everything...when he retires. I told him he eats now anyway...just eat right!

He also noticed how horrible and splotchy his skin looks. I put up several pictures of us and in every single one, my skin is bright and my eyes are bright. He looks absolutely horrible. People always think there is a 20 year age difference between us (I am ten years younger than I am and he is ten years older than he is). I just don't understand why he doesn't' follow through with the knowledge he has.

This I must also vent about - I exercise and eat right for me and for him and for my family and friends (I feel like I can provide more for them while healthy and feeling great). However...I find it infuriating when he and I are somewhere and strangers/acquaintances/whomever make the comment about how thin he is and he responds with he is a runner, biker, swimmer, does races, IronMan, etc. (again...over ten years ago. Once! Has not ridden his road or tri bike in over a year, last time he swam was probably several years ago and will run maybe every couple of months). They then turn to me and say it must be hard to keep up with him! (if only they saw him constantly on the coach groaning about his ailments on a daily, hourly basis). They will then ask if I am also a runner/biker. I tell them no, I do several other daily activities. When they find out I workout from home, the look on their face says "oh, how cute" and then say I should go out and try to keep up with him. This happens so often due to our work/social schedules.

I have to laugh at the men think they are tasty muffins comment - so so true. I work with almost all men and am in awe at how hot they think they are. Also, the comment about food-pushers...I am surrounded by them! I do my own thing, go on my own vacations, and live my own life. Everyone disagrees with my lifestyle (yet wants to follow it...it is quite confusing), but I am the only one without meds and chronic issues. I also wake up from a night of sleep without the need to immediately take a nap.

Clare - *hugs*. I know about being with a workaholic with priorities that are just demeaning to your soul.
 
My husband not only does not exercise, he often ridicules me for exercising. He tells me I am wasting energy when I could be working. I have told him it relieves my stress as well as keeps me fit to be able to work in the garden and other jobs that require muscle and endurance. I will not be undermined and will continue to exercise as long as I am breathing. As much as we wish, desire or cajole, we cannot change a person if they are not willing. He is however, healthier because for the past several years (since quitting smoking) I have been cooking healthy.
 
This I must also vent about - I exercise and eat right for me and for him and for my family and friends (I feel like I can provide more for them while healthy and feeling great). However...I find it infuriating when he and I are somewhere and strangers/acquaintances/whomever make the comment about how thin he is and he responds with he is a runner, biker, swimmer, does races, IronMan, etc. (again...over ten years ago. Once! Has not ridden his road or tri bike in over a year, last time he swam was probably several years ago and will run maybe every couple of months). They then turn to me and say it must be hard to keep up with him! (if only they saw him constantly on the coach groaning about his ailments on a daily, hourly basis). They will then ask if I am also a runner/biker. I tell them no, I do several other daily activities. When they find out I workout from home, the look on their face says "oh, how cute" and then say I should go out and try to keep up with him. This happens so often due to our work/social schedules.

Gobias, I don't blame you for being infuriated with that. I would have a hard time keeping my mouth shut and not telling them the real deal. Glad you felt comfortable to share your story with us. It's good to know us Cathlete's can lean on each other when needed. ;)
 
However...I find it infuriating when he and I are somewhere and strangers/acquaintances/whomever make the comment about how thin he is and he responds with he is a runner, biker, swimmer, does races, IronMan, etc. (again...over ten years ago. Once! Has not ridden his road or tri bike in over a year, last time he swam was probably several years ago and will run maybe every couple of months). They then turn to me and say it must be hard to keep up with him! (if only they saw him constantly on the coach groaning about his ailments on a daily, hourly basis). They will then ask if I am also a runner/biker. I tell them no, I do several other daily activities. When they find out I workout from home, the look on their face says "oh, how cute" and then say I should go out and try to keep up with him. This happens so often due to our work/social schedules.

Omg...I am choking on this!!! I actually slammed the counter, ya I did. This is what gets me every single time, because he does this too. Once on a group ride, which I happened to be leading, he couldn't keep up and other guys started passing him too. When we circled the lake to enter a black trail, there I saw him cutting trail. I was astonished when he later denied it at the campfire, but I didn't say anything. Why not just own it, there is no shame to this. Besides, everyone has good and bad days, but when it comes to a man versus a woman...holy cow! Another one, I'm riding a double black trail alone, taking my time on the technical portions when I hear this guy yelling to get out the way. Are you kidding me!! I glanced over my shoulder and he was way behind me, and I know it was because he saw my ponytail and figured he was going to buzz my wheel. No one has the right to tell someone to get off a trail, especially on technical spots. I kept a dance in front of this guy for the next 2.5 miles and I'm not talking about blocking his way, I made sure he could see me ahead, and I gauged this by hearing his bike going over the technical spots. At the trailhead, with him behind me, I looked back and will never forget that red, sweaty, pissed-off face. That was very *cute* moment. Stick it to them Gobias, you know what strong feels like.
 
Just a quick update. It's June 5 and dh still asks me after my workout if I can choose something for him. In ten minutes a day, Monday to Friday only, my dh has visibly lost weight! How! So glad he is doing it. Glad he loves bj who is Sooooooooo funny

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Just a quick update. It's June 5 and dh still asks me after my workout if I can choose something for him. In ten minutes a day, Monday to Friday only, my dh has visibly lost weight! How! So glad he is doing it. Glad he loves bj who is Sooooooooo funny

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CeciFifi - that is so awesome!! I got into it a little with my DH this weekend. My 50th bday is coming up and I told him if he wanted to get me something he could get me either a big tractor tire or battle ropes. He gave the weirdest look and shook his head. He proceeded to tell me, "Um, you're going to be 50". Excuse me.... please tell me you didn't just go there. Needless to say I could not keep my mouth shut. He tried justifying his comment by saying "well I'm just saying with the issues you have". Okay, I have osteoarthritis. It is not going to define me and oh by the way, exercising is what keeps me going and makes me feel better.
 
Okay, I have osteoarthritis. It is not going to define me and oh by the way, exercising is what keeps me going and makes me feel better.

Amen sister!! When I was pregnant w/ my daughter, I fell down a flight of stairs. She was fine thankfully but I ended up w/ a ruptured disc in my lower back. I have always respected it but will NOT let it dictate what I do. I rest it and baby it when needed. But I also try to do back exercises to make myself stronger. This is what my husband doesn't get. Perhaps I should become a couch potato and simply say I'm protecting my back? Perhaps he should pay for weekly massages?
 
Amen sister!! When I was pregnant w/ my daughter, I fell down a flight of stairs. She was fine thankfully but I ended up w/ a ruptured disc in my lower back. I have always respected it but will NOT let it dictate what I do. I rest it and baby it when needed. But I also try to do back exercises to make myself stronger. This is what my husband doesn't get. Perhaps I should become a couch potato and simply say I'm protecting my back? Perhaps he should pay for weekly massages?

Yup, I've seen lots of people do just that...... Then, they'll complain that it hurts all the time b/c they are overweight causing more compression and have no muscle tone b/c they won't exercise. At that point, they can't even lay down and get relief so they go to the doctor for pills for relief. I can't tell you how many times I've seen that scenario play out. That spiral only goes one way....just like a toilet. The old saying "move it or lose it" is probably more meaningful now that it ever has been. Kudos to you for pushing through the discomfort. And yes, he should still pay for the weekly massages!!
 
My dh worked out but didn't watch what he was eating. He had a TIA (lay term temporary stroke) the week of Christmas at age 52. It was his wake up call. I had gripped, nagged, bitched for years LOL.

Its a fact men don't' take care of themselves. You should see the retirement village. The women that still have there men alive are more jealous and uptight than any 20 something. Then the single men are getting every women sending him food and flirting. Its comical but their just aren't many men in the retirement ages. My son worked in a nursing home a very large facility and its was mostly women. There were only a few men.

My dad died back in December. My mom has needed help with stuff but she said the unwritten rule you dont' ask husbands. I'm like ya are all over 70 are they still really worried about affairs. Well yep those men still kicking with Viagra over a certain age are in hot demand LOL. My moms retirement village stound like the old 60's show peyton place. I get a kick hearing about her neighbor Dr. love that's how he answers his phone LOL. I use to work with him when I graduated college. Its just weird him being in a retirement village to me. He told me he is just waiting for my mom to ready to date again wth. My parents where together 48 years not sure how long he'll be waiting on that but she calls me all the time talking about him. I guess she is interested. She has been telling my borhter and sister bout him. SO my sibling said since I have something in common with him and knew him 25 years ago, they want me to vet him before she can date him LOL. Its so weird how things are reversing with my mom care.

Well I tell my dh I don't want to be one of the many widows looking for my retirement hook-up he needs to keep healthy LOL

His dad died at age 68 and my dad died at age 70. My dh turned 54 this week so he at least starting to see the real implications of bad life choices

I keep telling my dh you want to live to old age you will be the "stud" every guy wants to be in their young years.

I sure did ramble this post. Ya keep that whip cracked on those cranky men get'm in shape
 
On July 5th DH and I are doing a 3 Day Refresh (from BeachBody). He agreed to do it with me. I thought he was going to back out so far he hasn't. He better not or I'll be extremely disappointed. We'll see how he does with this and how it makes him feel. I'm hoping that he feels better mainly because he's only putting good things into his body and getting rid of some of the crap inside. ;) I'll let you know how it goes.
 

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