My dad is dying.....
- Thread starter naughtoj
- Start date
pink_fortitude
Banned
Janice, I know what you are going through, and my heart goes out to you. My FIL had small cell cancer that had originated in his lungs and spread to his liver and brain via lymph nodes. They gave him only six months but he made it 2 1/2 years. You can PM me anytime you want.
My heart really goes out to you. I have you in my prayers, I know this is hard.
Missy
My heart really goes out to you. I have you in my prayers, I know this is hard.
Missy
kathryn
Cathlete
Janice, I'm so sorry this is happening to your family. I'm sure it's especially hard this time of year.
My father died of cancer (colon cancer that had spread: he was operated on, but no chemo or radiation, as it wouldn't have added much time, and the time added wouldn't have been quality time becauase of the effects of those treatments on the body). The best advice I can give you is to spend as much time with your father as you can. If there is anything unsaid, say it.
As for your mother: she NEEDS to stop smoking, but I think you already know that.
My father died of cancer (colon cancer that had spread: he was operated on, but no chemo or radiation, as it wouldn't have added much time, and the time added wouldn't have been quality time becauase of the effects of those treatments on the body). The best advice I can give you is to spend as much time with your father as you can. If there is anything unsaid, say it.
As for your mother: she NEEDS to stop smoking, but I think you already know that.
I lost my Dad in May 2004. He had a small cell cancer that originated in his stomach at the base of his esophagus. It also had spread. The Doc told him that small cell cancers are fast growing cancers. The cells multiply as fast as fingernails and hair. They are almost impossible to cure unless it's caught very early. The problem is that there are usually no symptoms until it's too late. My dad also had large cell cancer (slow growth) in his colon. This cancer they were able to treat and cure completely.
However, cancer treatments these days are almost miraculous. There are many different kinds of chemo that will help your dad. They told my Dad he had 3-6months but he was able to survive with a good quality of life for couple of years. I hope treatments help your Dad to beat the odds too.
I'm very sorry about your dad. {{HUGS}} I know how tough it is. I'm tearing up just typing this note. I'm sure I'll ever "get over" the loss of my Dad. He was only 67. But, we are moving on.
I wish I knew about your Mom's condition but I don't. I know if would worry me to death. My own mom had a health scare about six months ago. I almost had a panic attack thinking about possibly losing her, too.
Life can be very tough sometimes.
However, cancer treatments these days are almost miraculous. There are many different kinds of chemo that will help your dad. They told my Dad he had 3-6months but he was able to survive with a good quality of life for couple of years. I hope treatments help your Dad to beat the odds too.
I'm very sorry about your dad. {{HUGS}} I know how tough it is. I'm tearing up just typing this note. I'm sure I'll ever "get over" the loss of my Dad. He was only 67. But, we are moving on.
I wish I knew about your Mom's condition but I don't. I know if would worry me to death. My own mom had a health scare about six months ago. I almost had a panic attack thinking about possibly losing her, too.
Life can be very tough sometimes.
naughtoj
Cathlete
Missy.......
Your post is very encouraging for me. I would like to know more. Can you shoot me an email??? It is [email protected]. I will then reply to yours. I couldn't get the PM to work on here...
Thank you all, again. I knew many of you probably have been through the same thing and would have great advice. I will push hospice. Nursing School has drilled into me to beauty of hospice care, for sure.
I don't know what to do about work. I signed on (I am "pool") for a lot of hours in December b/c I was out of school for a month. The hospital also does rotating holidays so I am supposed to work X-mas eve and X-mas. My dad's side of the family has a big celebration on X-mas eve every year. Normally, not a big deal if I don't go, but they always want me to. This year, because of the current circumstances and b/c my G-ma will likely not live another year, I am sure me going will be very important. If this is to be my dad's last X-mas, how can I not go? Do you think I should try to get out of the shift, atleast X-mas eve? I wonder if that is even possible?
I am laughing now how ironic it is that once I FINALLY get a job, this all happens. Now I would love to NOT have a job. LOL. You just can't win!!
What would you do if you had the choice? What changes would you make in your life? How can I memoralize him? ;(
Your post is very encouraging for me. I would like to know more. Can you shoot me an email??? It is [email protected]. I will then reply to yours. I couldn't get the PM to work on here...
Thank you all, again. I knew many of you probably have been through the same thing and would have great advice. I will push hospice. Nursing School has drilled into me to beauty of hospice care, for sure.
I don't know what to do about work. I signed on (I am "pool") for a lot of hours in December b/c I was out of school for a month. The hospital also does rotating holidays so I am supposed to work X-mas eve and X-mas. My dad's side of the family has a big celebration on X-mas eve every year. Normally, not a big deal if I don't go, but they always want me to. This year, because of the current circumstances and b/c my G-ma will likely not live another year, I am sure me going will be very important. If this is to be my dad's last X-mas, how can I not go? Do you think I should try to get out of the shift, atleast X-mas eve? I wonder if that is even possible?
I am laughing now how ironic it is that once I FINALLY get a job, this all happens. Now I would love to NOT have a job. LOL. You just can't win!!
What would you do if you had the choice? What changes would you make in your life? How can I memoralize him? ;(
Carol_is_fit
Cathlete
Janice, if I've learned one thing all these years it's that no job will EVER be as important as your family. Go to your supervisor and explain the circumstances. Having worked for many hospitals I can tell you (and you probably already know this) they aren't happy to let people out of working a holiday shift, but this is too important to miss. There will always be other jobs but your family is the only one you have. They will survive in that hospital without you there for Christmas. Perhaps you can negotiate a swap with a co-worker? I'm sure if you explain the situation to people you'll find someone willing to work with you so you can be with your family.
Carol
Carol
Janice,
I'm so sorry to hear about your parents. Last July my father took ill and by September, they gave him 3 days to live. Bless his heart he gave us another good six months of life with him. So miracles can happen. It might be a small miracle, but I know I treasure those six months like nothing else. It was so "hopeless" they even had the mortuary meet us at the hospital, make all the arrangements, etc. but apparently my father had other plans.
I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts.
Colleen
I'm so sorry to hear about your parents. Last July my father took ill and by September, they gave him 3 days to live. Bless his heart he gave us another good six months of life with him. So miracles can happen. It might be a small miracle, but I know I treasure those six months like nothing else. It was so "hopeless" they even had the mortuary meet us at the hospital, make all the arrangements, etc. but apparently my father had other plans.
I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts.
Colleen
janice... i am so very sorry to hear about your news. i have not been on the site in a while - in fact, not since i posted a response to the peter jennings thread - when i had just found out my dad has non-small cell, stage IIIb lung cancer. he just finished (hopefully) his chemo and radiation and goes for his follow-up CT this thursday to check the progress. i am praying for good news.
they gave him a prognosis of 11 months. i have a math degree so i understand both the meaning and limitations of averages... bear that in mind. small cell is typically aggressive, but there are people out there who beat their prognoses every day - not to mention the people who are cured completely. every case is different, and all you can do is pray and hope and be there for your dad. i have struck an unusual balance of optimism and realism - meaning that i deal with my dad on a daily basis as though this cancer is a short term problem we're dealing with... but i am going out of my way to show and tell him how much i love him and how much i appreciate all he has done for me and given me throughout my life. i lost my mom suddenly, so in a weird sort of way i am grateful to have some "warning" with my dad - so that i have no regrets over what i should have said and done.
most days are still surreal to me; i feel like i'm walking around in an alternate reality, constantly fighting back the lingering fear of having to face life without him. but in the end i know that no matter what happens, my friends and family will pull me through. don't be afraid to lean on them!
sorry for rambling, and please feel free to PM me with any questions you may have about dealing with treatment, etc. you, your father and your mother will be in my thoughts and prayers.
they gave him a prognosis of 11 months. i have a math degree so i understand both the meaning and limitations of averages... bear that in mind. small cell is typically aggressive, but there are people out there who beat their prognoses every day - not to mention the people who are cured completely. every case is different, and all you can do is pray and hope and be there for your dad. i have struck an unusual balance of optimism and realism - meaning that i deal with my dad on a daily basis as though this cancer is a short term problem we're dealing with... but i am going out of my way to show and tell him how much i love him and how much i appreciate all he has done for me and given me throughout my life. i lost my mom suddenly, so in a weird sort of way i am grateful to have some "warning" with my dad - so that i have no regrets over what i should have said and done.
most days are still surreal to me; i feel like i'm walking around in an alternate reality, constantly fighting back the lingering fear of having to face life without him. but in the end i know that no matter what happens, my friends and family will pull me through. don't be afraid to lean on them!
sorry for rambling, and please feel free to PM me with any questions you may have about dealing with treatment, etc. you, your father and your mother will be in my thoughts and prayers.
>
>
> This year, because of the current circumstances and b/c
>my G-ma will likely not live another year, I am sure me going
>will be very important. If this is to be my dad's last X-mas,
>how can I not go? Do you think I should try to get out of the
>shift, atleast X-mas eve? I wonder if that is even possible?
>
Just my two cents, but I would hope your job would be understanding and let you out of all the shifts you need. I was so fortunate and my work was a blessing. However, my sister who worked as a "nurse" at a Christian Science facility had the worst bosses...I found that sad, a church "hospital" and yet no sympathy for her. Anyway, she figured the heck with it and did what she needed to do. They were angry but she didn't lose her job and I don't think she would have cared at that point.
My aunt gave me some great advice when my dad first got sick and I had a lot of decisions to make. Make every decision with your heart and you will have no regrets.
Colleen
>
> This year, because of the current circumstances and b/c
>my G-ma will likely not live another year, I am sure me going
>will be very important. If this is to be my dad's last X-mas,
>how can I not go? Do you think I should try to get out of the
>shift, atleast X-mas eve? I wonder if that is even possible?
>
Just my two cents, but I would hope your job would be understanding and let you out of all the shifts you need. I was so fortunate and my work was a blessing. However, my sister who worked as a "nurse" at a Christian Science facility had the worst bosses...I found that sad, a church "hospital" and yet no sympathy for her. Anyway, she figured the heck with it and did what she needed to do. They were angry but she didn't lose her job and I don't think she would have cared at that point.
My aunt gave me some great advice when my dad first got sick and I had a lot of decisions to make. Make every decision with your heart and you will have no regrets.
Colleen
pink_fortitude
Banned
Janice, you can try [email protected] from your personal account, not this site's. for some reason it won't let anyone email me
Hopefully because of your circumstances you will be able to be with your dad for the holiday. I will pray for that to work out for you. I would definitely try to get out of it, so doubt. Work should be very understanding.
When Arnie found out he had cancer, the only thing he did was try to spend as much time with his kids and wife as possible. He worked a lot when they were growing up and didn't see them much. He had to work so that they had a place to live and had food, but he said that he wished that he would have made more time for them because in the end it isn't things it is people that matter. He told Dan to love me every day in a way so that I would never doubt how much he loves me, he told him to play on the floor with his kids and don't be afraid to cry with them and show them affection because that is what a real man would do. Good advice, I think.
All of the kids (5 all together) got all of their pictures together of special moments in their lives that Arnie was a part of: weddings, graduations, births, birthday parties, camping, etc. and they seperated them in groups: just him and his wife, him with the grandkids feeding them, holding them, taking them on a tractor ride whatever, him at Christmases and Easters with everyone at the table, etc. and they bought ENORMOUS picture frames and made collages. It was very beautiful and MIL still has them. It takes all the good memories that they had in their family and brings them all together in one place to remind them all though there were hard times and they didn't always get along, love was still binding and they created a lot of great memories together. It is an idea of something that you can do with your siblings to tie you all together through this difficult time. Great tears and conversations came from the nights that they put it together.
Missy
Hopefully because of your circumstances you will be able to be with your dad for the holiday. I will pray for that to work out for you. I would definitely try to get out of it, so doubt. Work should be very understanding.
When Arnie found out he had cancer, the only thing he did was try to spend as much time with his kids and wife as possible. He worked a lot when they were growing up and didn't see them much. He had to work so that they had a place to live and had food, but he said that he wished that he would have made more time for them because in the end it isn't things it is people that matter. He told Dan to love me every day in a way so that I would never doubt how much he loves me, he told him to play on the floor with his kids and don't be afraid to cry with them and show them affection because that is what a real man would do. Good advice, I think.
All of the kids (5 all together) got all of their pictures together of special moments in their lives that Arnie was a part of: weddings, graduations, births, birthday parties, camping, etc. and they seperated them in groups: just him and his wife, him with the grandkids feeding them, holding them, taking them on a tractor ride whatever, him at Christmases and Easters with everyone at the table, etc. and they bought ENORMOUS picture frames and made collages. It was very beautiful and MIL still has them. It takes all the good memories that they had in their family and brings them all together in one place to remind them all though there were hard times and they didn't always get along, love was still binding and they created a lot of great memories together. It is an idea of something that you can do with your siblings to tie you all together through this difficult time. Great tears and conversations came from the nights that they put it together.
Missy
Wow Janice I can definitely understand why you're in shock. I'm so sorry. Now that you'll have this month off you can take care of both of your parents. As I get older I know I'm going to have to do that with my parents too. My dad is also in his 60s and had a stroke a couple of years ago and it was such a scary thing to go through. The best thing we can do for our parents is take care of them while they're here; they took care of us and now it's our turn. I'll keep you in my prayers and I'll send positive vibes and thoughts your way. It is such a bad time to be going through this. I have a friend that has bone cancer (it started in her sternum and now it spread to her spine), she went to New York to get treatment and she had her first surgery today after all that chemo. Ugh, it's an awful thing to go through.
I hope you get the strength you need to deal with this. (((hugs)))
I hope you get the strength you need to deal with this. (((hugs)))
Fit_mommy
Cathlete
"How can I memoralize him?"
Just remember him...how much you love him and the joy that he brings you and your family. So long as you have him in your heart he will never leave you.
I think of my dad almost every day and he has been gone almost 10 years...this keeps him close to me even though he is no longer around physically.
HTH!
Just remember him...how much you love him and the joy that he brings you and your family. So long as you have him in your heart he will never leave you.
I think of my dad almost every day and he has been gone almost 10 years...this keeps him close to me even though he is no longer around physically.
HTH!
Janice
Spend as MUCH time as possible with him.
My Dad passed away in 89. I remember getting a call that he was very sick and telling me boss I would go tomorrow. He said NO GO NOW. His mother had recently died.
I went that day and it was the last time I saw him.
Tell him you love him. My Dad was a saint even when he was alive and he said things to me that day (I was going through a divorce with a 1 and 3 year old). My mother said how awful for him to see me this way - he took me aside I am NOT worried about you - you are a trooper and will do fine. You know how many million of times I replay that.
Also he has been gone 16 years and he still guides me. Through the tough times with my son - relatives write what my Dad would say, how proud he would be (is). Miracles have happened fueding relatives have gotten in touch and speak of my Dad and how he would want them to support me, his best childhood friend came back in the picture to offer support this summer.
Anyhow my heart goes out to you, my prayers are with you, and all good thoughts.
SPEND TIME with HIM..
Thoughts, prayers, hugs
Spend as MUCH time as possible with him.
My Dad passed away in 89. I remember getting a call that he was very sick and telling me boss I would go tomorrow. He said NO GO NOW. His mother had recently died.
I went that day and it was the last time I saw him.
Tell him you love him. My Dad was a saint even when he was alive and he said things to me that day (I was going through a divorce with a 1 and 3 year old). My mother said how awful for him to see me this way - he took me aside I am NOT worried about you - you are a trooper and will do fine. You know how many million of times I replay that.
Also he has been gone 16 years and he still guides me. Through the tough times with my son - relatives write what my Dad would say, how proud he would be (is). Miracles have happened fueding relatives have gotten in touch and speak of my Dad and how he would want them to support me, his best childhood friend came back in the picture to offer support this summer.
Anyhow my heart goes out to you, my prayers are with you, and all good thoughts.
SPEND TIME with HIM..
Thoughts, prayers, hugs