I'm SO aggravated! LONG

[Kimenem]

Christmas is my favorite time of year: the weather being cooler/cold (I'm in Florida so it only gets so cold here unfortunately), all the Christmas music (I can be in a bad mood and listen to Christmas music and it cheers me up), and just all the decorations and the overall feeling. For me, it's not about getting stuff, but giving. HOWEVER, b/f is SOOOO freakin' stubborn and always says he doesn't want anything! He can pretty much buy whatever he wants for himself and does so throughout the year. I thought I'd get one up on him this year and got in touch with one of his out of state friends who has helped him install electronics on his boat and buy fishing gear. This guy was suppoed to get ideas for more boat or fishing stuff and let me know through email/my cell. But b/f got suspicious and the guy caved and told him what I was up to. So the guy got in touch with another one of their friends who had a contact that sold collegate art. I was going to buy a big FSU picture (Renegade...for those of you who keep up with college football). The new guy came to the house with the woman's card (which says ON the card what she sells) and gave it to b/f to give to me. Another idea ruined. He keeps saying don't spend any money on him; that he doesn't need or want anything. But I feel so bad about that because he has to have something! I'm down to a gift card from Best Buy and a gift card from a cigar store that he likes. But as good as gift cards are because the person can pick what they want, it almost seems like the easy way out; not from the heart. Does that make sense? I'm just at a total loss here. Anyway, just wanted to vent and see if anyone else is in this boat.

 

[dbelden1]

DH & I are in the same boat...

Hi Kim:

I feel your pain too! DH and I have been very lucky over recent years that we make a good, comfortable living and pretty much are in need of nothing... This goes along with what you said... when we need/want something we just buy it! leaving little for b-days, Christmas, etc... I am frustrated as well, and so is he, that we can't seem to find anything to give each other this year...

One year I made DH some chili pepper material covered light/outlet fixture covers... he LOVED them.. I also bought some art work and combine those pictures and cool frames from our local Michaels store from Posters.com with the fabrics I bought so everything all matched... He was thrilled!

Another time, when I was a kid, we bought my father a trip to Hawaii... We gathered up all his snorkle gear, and wrapped everything separately and put them under the tree... we also wrapped a small box with the ticket in it, and made sure that he opened all the stuff first... after opening a few he was looking at us like we were all on drugs because he was getting his OWN stuff as gifts, but it all made sense when we were all done... it was pretty funny though since we were all in on the secret!

Maybe you could plan a get-a-way weekend to a B&B or something... get him a robe, slippers, manly smelling bath salts, a King size towel set, lotions or massage oils, etc, and give him a card (last of course) with a reservation confirmation or "good for one trip 5o XYZ B&B - date TBD"....

I'm still trying to figure out this year for us, so I'll let you know what other ideas I can come up with and look forward to hearing other ideas too!

 

[Peaceful Rainbow]

I second the idea of the weekend getaway, and you could plan it for a time when you know he may really need a break or to mark a special time.

 

[pippa]

DH and I are in the same situation...buy what we want/need throughout the year so no *need* for Christmas, B-day gifts. This year we've decided to go to the Cayman Islands for 5 days(we leave in 6 days!) and call it our Christmas gift to each other.

I can't tell you how nice it is to not have to be racking my brain to either come up with ideas of things to buy him or for ideas of things to tell him for me. It really ruins the spirit of the season when you are spending so much time worrying about what to buy. This is probably going to be my most relaxed Christmas ever!

 

[Kimenem]

I love the idea of going away but with his schedule, it would be almost impossible for me to plan it without him. We both want to go back to Manhattan but he works as a police investigator and also runs his own house plan business. He was going to try and not do any work related to the business after the 15th but things have picked up so now he will need to.

 

[Dela]

DH and I are in same boat, we just don't do gifts during holidays unless something really good presents itself, but we RARELY surprise each other.

Here are just some thoughts:

Tickets to a sporting event or concert
Ipod
Ijoy massage chair
Tivo
Wii
Gift certificate for a massage.

 

[berry99]

DH and I easily solved this problem long ago and we don't get each other anything for holidays. We get almost anything we want throughout the year and neither of us feels like racking our brains for the perfect gift and running around trying to find it. This works well for us. During the year when we want to buy something that's more expensive than $100 we just say that it's our Christmas/Birthday gift.

 

[ldy_solana]

you know though, i am the same way. i really don't want dh to buy me anything except maybe something cheap like a i really need a bath pillow or a 10 min. solution dvd or something. i just much prefer to help out charities. i don't have any time to help out so i could at least give cash b/c its always needed. dh sees it differently in that he wants me to actually have a "wow" me gift to open.

is your b/f the same way,just wondering? i just see the holidays as about getting back to the route of family and thankfulness and enjoying what we have. if i get something i won't be mad or anything (i like good surprises and thoughtful gifts)but i just like to give to others. maybe your b/f has the same ideas?

although shoe on other foot i love to get dh stuff b/c sometimes he does get the short end of the stick when there isn't enough spending money to go around somebody has to sacrifice something. viola always comes first of course but usually one of us can't just buy whatever we want.

kassia

 

[Kimenem]

I suggested we do that....not get each other anything. He said that was fine for me, but he insisted on getting me stuff, which I TRIED to talk him out of. It didn't work. That's why I feel even more like I need to find something for him. He has 2 iPod's, we have a DVR (he doesn't watch tv much anyway), I can't find a freakin' Wii, and it goes on and on. Thanks for the suggestions though.

 

[Sunshine1528]

So why not get a travel brochure to Manhattan and tell him to give you enough notice and you will schedule when he is available?

Maybe the first of the year will work better than now? Just give him a time frame so it doesn't go too long. And please . . . we know that we all need a break here and there. Perhaps a Friday nite through Sun would work and would be a perfect "break" for anyone.

If that doesn't work, do you like to cook? How about coupons for some homemade meals based upon his choices? Or some nice massage oils and lotions, chocolates and a very soothing CD with a promise for "XXX" # of massages when he needs them. Use your imagination for your coupons.

Hope it all works out for you.

 

[Vee]

Kim,

I can relate.

My DH seems to have everything. He loves electronics, gadgets cars and men's perfume and has the most amazing collection of everything related to these interests. It is really difficult to buy him anything that he will really use and will fit my budget (DH earns and spends BIG! Everything he buys is top of the line. I do the saving for us).

He buys me the perfect gifts - very thoughtful and much appreciated. But then I am a relatively less acquisitive person so it is easier to find something for me. My DH has so much stuff already.

He says the same thing to me about not getting him stuff.

There are many ways to express love and a thoughtful gift that the receiver enjoys is a very satisying way. I always feel inadequate in this one way of expressing love when it comes to my DH.

I have no suggestions for you - just posted to say I empathize.

 

[meowracer]

Kim - my DH gets whatever he wants during the year for himself. I don't even stress over getting him stuff - he really doesn't even seem to like getting presents. What he likes the most are little things I make for him that involve thought. The first thing I gave him was a terra cotta pot that I had put my own mosaic design on - took forever but cost little and little was all I had at the time! I always try to find him something fun that he won't expect. Try uncommongoods.com, redenvelope.com, sites like that. Once, I got him a watch that I had engraved on the back. Order him a robe and have it embroidered with something goofy that means he thinks of your arms around him when he wears it. Get him silly boxer shorts, or take him on a date that you completely plan and pay for. Sounds to me like you have an awesome dude that wants to take care of you - let him. That may just be gift enough to him.

 

[trixie108]

Maybe instead of a weekend getaway or trip, maybe plan just a day/night "getaway" near where you live? I bought my fiancee dinner for two, a hotel room and 2 tickets to a concert for a band he loves on New Year's Eve. We only live 20 minutes from there, but just the idea of spending a night away from home makes it exciting. That way he wouldn't have to drop everything with work. HTH. Good luck!

 

[Liann]

Christmas is my favorite time of year: the weather being cooler/cold (I'm in Florida so it only gets so cold here unfortunately), all the Christmas music (I can be in a bad mood and listen to Christmas music and it cheers me up), and just all the decorations and the overall feeling. For me, it's not about getting stuff, but giving. HOWEVER, b/f is SOOOO freakin' stubborn and always says he doesn't want anything! He can pretty much buy whatever he wants for himself and does so throughout the year. I thought I'd get one up on him this year and got in touch with one of his out of state friends who has helped him install electronics on his boat and buy fishing gear. This guy was suppoed to get ideas for more boat or fishing stuff and let me know through email/my cell. But b/f got suspicious and the guy caved and told him what I was up to. So the guy got in touch with another one of their friends who had a contact that sold collegate art. I was going to buy a big FSU picture (Renegade...for those of you who keep up with college football). The new guy came to the house with the woman's card (which says ON the card what she sells) and gave it to b/f to give to me. Another idea ruined. He keeps saying don't spend any money on him; that he doesn't need or want anything. But I feel so bad about that because he has to have something! I'm down to a gift card from Best Buy and a gift card from a cigar store that he likes. But as good as gift cards are because the person can pick what they want, it almost seems like the easy way out; not from the heart. Does that make sense? I'm just at a total loss here. Anyway, just wanted to vent and see if anyone else is in this boat.

To have such dilemmas... My DH has a list that never ends (new car, new tv, tools, new furniture - like a Celine Dion song, the list goes on and on and on). I'll trade?

 

[nancy324]

My DH and I are like you. We never buy each other gifts because we just buy what we want all year. But I never thought of this as being a problem! Frankly, we think we're the luckiest people in the world. We just look around us at all the people we know who are trying to figure out how to make ends meet, especially in this economy, and we thank our lucky stars. Although we can "afford" what we want, we never buy anything these days unless we either 1) really need it or 2) are really passionate about it. Truth is, even if you're maxing out your 401(k), which means you're doing much better than the vast majority, there is truly no telling how much you'll need to retire. Tax rates may be higher; inflation may eat up savings. I try to save as much as I can, and I'm never wasteful. I look at the 4th generation nanos coming out, but unless someone hands one to me for free, I'm sticking with my 2d generation nano, because it does everything I need it to do. I work very hard for what I earn, and there is no way I'm wasting it on things I don't need or am not passionate about! To us, the best gift we can give each other is a happy retirement, hopefully with some travel. We get very excited thinking about it, and hopefully in the end it will be worth all the work and all the savings.

Just offering our perspective in case you can relate.....

 

[ivorygorgon]

I feel very grateful to be in the same boat. DH and I do enjoy the excitement of Christmas. I love to see the presents under the tree and it is really fun to see a loved one open gifts. However, we are so blessed that we really don't need anything. We are very modest purchasers (see Nancy's post above, that is us to a T), and aren't big consumers in general.

What we usually do is wrap up little things - candles, nice bath soap, a bath scrubbie, maybe a CD (although those are getting phased out), etc. DH loves tools so I like to buy him some kind of "toolie" each year. I think he is getting a tape measure this year.

On a philosophical note, Christmas has become so much about consumerism and less about the spirit of giving. I can't even imaging getting the kinds of expensive gifts, growing up, that folks these day feel they need to give and receive. It boggles my mind that people give and receive thousands of dollars of Christmas gifts. We prefer to keep it very simple.

 

[fit_fairy]

My DH and I are like you. We never buy each other gifts because we just buy what we want all year. But I never thought of this as being a problem! Frankly, we think we're the luckiest people in the world. We just look around us at all the people we know who are trying to figure out how to make ends meet, especially in this economy, and we thank our lucky stars. Although we can "afford" what we want, we never buy anything these days unless we either 1) really need it or 2) are really passionate about it. Truth is, even if you're maxing out your 401(k), which means you're doing much better than the vast majority, there is truly no telling how much you'll need to retire. Tax rates may be higher; inflation may eat up savings. I try to save as much as I can, and I'm never wasteful. I look at the 4th generation nanos coming out, but unless someone hands one to me for free, I'm sticking with my 2d generation nano, because it does everything I need it to do. I work very hard for what I earn, and there is no way I'm wasting it on things I don't need or am not passionate about! To us, the best gift we can give each other is a happy retirement, hopefully with some travel. We get very excited thinking about it, and hopefully in the end it will be worth all the work and all the savings.

Just offering our perspective in case you can relate.....

Very well said Ms Nancy!!

 

[Beavs]

I'm not clear why you need to "one up' the boyfriend or feel compelled to express your affection for him through expensive gifts that he already told you he doesn't want. Giving from the heart doesn't mean you need to go to the mall. I bet if you really think about it, you could do something heartfelt for him without spending much, if any money. Or perhaps you could make a donation to a charity is in his honor. Whatever you choose, if need not be of materialistic origin.

 

[fit_fairy]

I'm not clear why you need to "one up' the boyfriend or feel compelled to express your affection for him through expensive gifts that he already told you he doesn't want. Giving from the heart doesn't mean you need to go to the mall. I bet if you really think about it, you could do something heartfelt for him without spending much, if any money. Or perhaps you could make a donation to a charity is in his honor. Whatever you choose, if need not be of materialistic origin.

Wow, another very good point!!

 

[dbelden1]

Or perhaps you could make a donation to a charity is in his honor. Whatever you choose, if need not be of materialistic origin.

I agree Beavs, too!!! With all the economic woes we have going on now, and some of us in a better financial position - this is a great way to give at the holidays!

I had a former boss that would donate in our honor to a food bank/shelter just up the street from our office every year. They sent out a nice letter of thanks and that is what he gave us in lieu of any gift exchange! It made me cry every year!

We also decided to follow this example for our wedding this past May (since it was a 2nd time around for both of us and we didn't NEED anything) and didn't want to take away the joy of giving, so we asked that people donated to a worthy charity in honor of our marriage. Again we received tons of thank you's from charities that our guests donated to as our gift... it was very cool and made us all feel good!

Just a thought (or 2nd thought in this case!)