I have asked my husband at least 1000 times...

Worknprogress

Worknprogress

Cathlete
that if he has to work late to either come home one hour BEFORE the boys go to bed or AFTER they are in bed.

WHY? Because when Dad comes home they get REALLY exicted and it is a "free for all."

But he came home again at 7:45 - I had just put the boys in their pj's getting ready to read their story before they go to bed and alas, Dad comes home, obviously never quietly and they jump up and are ready to play!!!!

I am SOOOOOO frustrated!!!!!!! I have asked him if he has to work late which is almost every night to understand I MUST get those boys to bed for THEIR benefit.

He is a GREAT dad so I can understand them getting really wound up when he gets home. But it is not good for THEM to be up late just to play with Dad.

I have asked him this over and over yet he still walks in during our bedtime ritual. Any suggestions?
 
Debbie, I feel your pain. Well, technically, my ex-husband's second wife feels your pain because that sounds just like him when my two were a bit younger. He never "got it" about bedtime.

I don't know that there's a fix for this. You can try the "I feel frustrated and sad when..." Or you can put him on wake up duty after he does a bedtime jazz-up.

I don't have too many answers for you - it helped me tremendously on so many levels just to get divorced! :D:eek: But, I recognize that's not always the answer.

Good luck!
 
I've given up on the whole issue. My boys are 7 and 10 and since we homeschool, they can sleep in if they need to, but I prefer they have a regular bedtime and that they are ready to sleep when they go to bed.

DH isn't quite on the same page. We usually read for 1/2 an hour before bed and then the younger one goes to sleep and the older one will stay up and read on his own for awhile. Because of the way DH structures his evening, "playtime" often begins half an hour before reading time! Not conducive to settling down. And sometimes he and the older one will play downstairs after the younger one is in bed or instead of his being there when I read. Again not helpful. But, I've learned to pick my battles and decided that one wasn't worth it.

Hope you can fine a solution that works for you.
 
teaching a lesson

My husband would "wind up" my son with wrestling, computer games, etc. before bedtime. I asked him numerous times not to, because then it takes me forever for him to go to sleep and he won't go to sleep on his own (he's 3). he needs someone to be in the room with him. He would yes me to DEATH, and then same thing would happen.

Now, when he winds him up, I will tell him, guess who is putting Nicky to bed. . . you. So at least I am not aggravated with the bedtime, and I am not the "Heavy", plus, my DH has caught on and gets it now and does his best not to get DS riled up.

So maybe if he comes home and interrupts the routine, he can have the honor of getting them down? At least you won't be stressed over it.
 
I just said goodbye to my son as he left for basic training and to start his own life. From my point of view - let your husband and your children enjoy each moment they have with each other. Time flies and soon they will be gone.
 
Time w/ dad is important, but so is their sleep and the bedtime. Can bedtime realistically be pushed back 15 or 20 mins? They can bounce with dad for a few, then DAD can settle them down, read the story, chat and put them to bed. Would that work? Then you would also get a few mins of "me" time while dad is doing the bedtime business.

Nan
 
I second that "Dad time" could be the reading of the story and then hopefully give them an idea when he will be home in time to "play" with them.

But then again, mine are nearly 20, 22 & 23 and I say you gotta enjoy it while you can. It goes so fast - I can still remember when they were little . . .

Perhaps setting a time limit for playing may work and then make the clock part of the play time somehow? Like, wrestle for 5 mintues, video for 10 min., then bedtime story, but a little shorter since they just played for 15 min?

Good luck !
 
Let him put them to bed. :p

Worknprogress said:
that if he has to work late to either come home one hour BEFORE the boys go to bed or AFTER they are in bed.

WHY? Because when Dad comes home they get REALLY exicted and it is a "free for all."

But he came home again at 7:45 - I had just put the boys in their pj's getting ready to read their story before they go to bed and alas, Dad comes home, obviously never quietly and they jump up and are ready to play!!!!

I am SOOOOOO frustrated!!!!!!! I have asked him if he has to work late which is almost every night to understand I MUST get those boys to bed for THEIR benefit.

He is a GREAT dad so I can understand them getting really wound up when he gets home. But it is not good for THEM to be up late just to play with Dad.

I have asked him this over and over yet he still walks in during our bedtime ritual. Any suggestions?
Click to expand...
 
Sunshine1528 said:
Perhaps setting a time limit for playing may work and then make the clock part of the play time somehow? Like, wrestle for 5 mintues, video for 10 min., then bedtime story, but a little shorter since they just played for 15 min?

Good luck !
Click to expand...

this is what we do for most activities with viola. being autistic its hard to get her to transition but that adhd side is really in full swing if daddy plays before bed time. we set the rules and the timer. but HE has to calm her down help her brush teeth and then he lays down with her for a few minutes calming talking. gives her a chance to work on conversation skills while he winds her down after getting her going. my husband's schedule usually has him coming home at 8pm so i say in bed no later then 9 and it gives them time. if he comes home later we just adjust the timer accordingly but if its 9:30 there is no hopping around playtime. he will go in and talk with her but that is it. she usually gets it that its to late to play.

kassia
 
Worknprogress said:
that if he has to work late to either come home one hour BEFORE the boys go to bed or AFTER they are in bed.

WHY? Because when Dad comes home they get REALLY exicted and it is a "free for all."

But he came home again at 7:45 - I had just put the boys in their pj's getting ready to read their story before they go to bed and alas, Dad comes home, obviously never quietly and they jump up and are ready to play!!!!

I am SOOOOOO frustrated!!!!!!! I have asked him if he has to work late which is almost every night to understand I MUST get those boys to bed for THEIR benefit.

He is a GREAT dad so I can understand them getting really wound up when he gets home. But it is not good for THEM to be up late just to play with Dad.

I have asked him this over and over yet he still walks in during our bedtime ritual. Any suggestions?
Click to expand...


Debbie,
My DH has little control over when he gets done w/ work. Sometimes it's 6:30, sometimes it's 10:30. Meetings come up. Deadlines change. It's just part of his job.

I think you have to change your mindset about the situation. Your DH is such a loving dad that he WANTS to see his kids every night--he wants that time w/ them. He doesn't want to hang out at work to avoid his family. (and there are a LOT of guys like that!)

Your kids obviously adore their dad so his coming home late is a double bonus--they get to play w/ him and stay up later than usual. What kid wants to give up that??

Is the problem that you want some downtime at night for yourself so if the kids are awake, you can't do what you want for yourself? Or, are your kids really that hard to wake up in the morning? If the kids are a pain in the morning, let your DH deal w/ them THEN and at bedtime. (In my experience, guys only believe what they see, not what we tell them happens!)

Otherwise, I'd let him play w/ them. You're really going to want your kids to have strong bond w/ their dad as they get older. IMO, missing 30-45 minutes of sleep is worth it to cement that bond.

My DS is 11 and DD is 13 and they get really bummed if my DH works so late that they don't see him at all. They want to tell him about their day, show him their latest test or artwork or video game accomplishment.

If the only time your DH sees his kids is right before bedtime, then give him that time. JMHO.
 
I agree with letting him put them to bed. he gets time with them and you get downtime.

But for me, if I were the guy, if I got off work, i wouldnt sit around waiting an hour after they were in bed to go to my own house and I'd be pissed if someone asked me to. My opinion.
 
If your husband is unwilling to change the time he comes home, why not make it HIS responsiblity to get the boys to bed, then? (And if your DH is anything like my DH, he will think this is ridiculous, because you "already know what to do", and "he's tired".)

It lets him get his time in with them in the evening, and then when they are riled and don't want to go to bed, he can experience first hand how hard it is.

That's what I do when DH does stuff like that.
 
Life is way to short and no one is promised tomorrow let him play with the kids when he gets home late but also let HIM be the one to settle them down and put them to bed. You use that time for I am sure much needed downtime. The kids are kids and they will survive not going to bed EVERY night at the same time.

Therese
 
I agree - let him put the kids to bed. I have a similar situation at my home. I workout when the kids go to bed. So if DH is coming in late and delaying bedtime - I hand it over to him and go workout. Everyone is happy this way - he loves spending time with them and after missing dinner, etc, he needs the time with them. They love seeing their dad before they go to bed. And I get to start my workout. :)
 
I sometimes have the same problem but a more common problem is when he wakes them before leaving to go to work. He likes to go give them a kiss and tell them goodbye, which is of course very sweet. It's fine if it's 5 or so or if it's more like 7 when they need to get up anyway. But if it's the 5:30 - 6:30 time frame then they usually wake up and want to stay up (and Mommy wants them to stay in bed longer). I used to get very frustrated about this but now I just try to see the sweet side and shrug it off. Now that they're a little older it's usually o.k. but sometimes the little one still gets rather cranky by dinner time if he got up too early.
 
For the last couple of years we had been letting them stay up a bit later to have play time with Daddy. Then my one son started Pre-K 5 days a week so we now have to get up and get to school. Of course, my younger sone (3 y/o) has to get up as well and come with us.

After the first couple of months we noticed how tired they were getting and decided that we needed to get them to bed earlier. So when my husband was home at a decent time (which would be 6:30 -7 pm) they would play a bit and then we would get them to bed. But if he came home in 7:30-8:00 range the boys play with him and then have a hard time settling down and getting to sleep.

I really love how he plays with them but there are days now my son will tell me he is too tired and just wants to lay down on the couch. What 5 y/o boy wants to do that? And just about every morning I have to wake my 3 y/o up and when I do, he is really sound asleep and it takes me a few minutes to get him up.

If we didn't have to get up in the morning, I wouldn't care how late he played with them (as long as it was reasonable). But this seems to be affecting them.

ladysaraii - I understand what you mean about not being "allowed" in your own home when you are done working. So I offered if he couldn't get home earlier enough to play with them and didn't have anything keeping him at the office working later then come home and sneak down into the finished basement. What guy wouldn't want to come home and veg out in front of the tv while his wife is putting the kids to bed?

Once they are in bed, they do know it is not play time and he does go in there and lay with them and talk to them a few minutes.

I never want to be my husband's mother so I don't want to "correct" him with his own children.

It seems though, the general concensus is to let him put the boys to bed on the nights he comes in during bedtime. I think I will try that.

Thanks for all of the input ladies!!
 
How about letting your husband be the story teller once he gets home. Let him read the good night story and finish putting the boys to bed. Allows them to spend a little time together or either gets him to come home a bit earlier or a bit later. I know how frustrating it is to be just about done for the day just to have someone come in and get everything all stirred up again. But if the responsibility becomes his, I bet he'll make some adjustments in one direction or the other.

Tracy
 
I'll never be a parent so you can tell me to stick it (I'll understand) but MY dad lived to come home to his kids. Mom was kind of a drag all day, worn out from dealing with us. But when Dad came home it was party time. I have wonderful memories of his daily homecomings, crawling all over him, making lots of noise... Imagine how it would be if your husband wasn't around. It may seem like a hassle now but you'd miss all the racket if it suddenly weren't there :).
 
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