How old at children's birth?

I had my DS at 26 and DD at 30. We had been married 3 years and it just happened...no planning. We enjoyed those first 3 years. We traveled, got established in our careers, bought a house then a dog, went off BCP and let nature take its course.

ITA with the other posters that there is no ONE perfect time (or age) to have children. It is so personal~based on your desires, goals, and ability to conceive.

MC~ This is a life-long decision and you shouldn't feel guilty or be bullied about how you feel. The only concern I have for couples with a magic time in the "future" is that nature doesn't always comply with your timing.

JJ
 
MC-

Perhaps he's blowing the amount of work out of porportion because he will be working all day while you (or whomever?) takes care of the baby.. maybe because you will most likely be the one dragging out of bed in the middle of sleep to attend the baby? .. Perhaps not, but maybe he should get one of those little life-like baby dolls like the Hogan's got their son in one of those "Hogan Knows Best" episodes lol!

But seriously, he shouldn't think of how being an "old dad" will do for him or how having a kid at a younger age will be better for him.. but how it might be for the kids.
Think about if you had had your first when you were 20?
Unless you're from a big home grown family where that is what women typically do (no pun here), but that doesn't always work so well for everyone. Ive heard from girls that have had their first when they were 16 or 17 and they said they were "glad they got it out of the way" so they could enjoy their 40's more.. even though their own mothers did most of the raising.. but anyway..
I think that *most* people are better off waiting til their late 20's or 30's when they have already made most of their mistakes and have heeded their own parents advice.. you can offer more to your kids when you're mature, experienced, more settled in your life, have more wisdom and have already passed your Saturn Return :)

So I carried on.. big deal hehe.. Im just supporting your decision to wait, I think young parenthood is waaaaay overrated :)
 
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DH and I just had our first in June and we're both 31. We both wanted to take time to get things done that are ultimately harder with kids, like traveling. We're still going to do that with our little guy, but obviously there will have to be a whole other level of planning involved!

We're not going to try for another one for at least another year, which should put us both around 33/34 when we have #2. I think age is mostly irrelevant with having kids, honestly.
If you do it before you're ready, you're going to be miserable. Heck, you're going to be miserable some of the time even WHEN you're ready! :)

Part of me envies people with grown kids that are mostly done raising them by this age. But I can't fathom having done this in my 20's. We didn't event get married until 28 because we we're ready!

I think you're never actually ready to have kids! You're just more ready to give up certain parts of your life to complete your family, is all.
 
I was 22 and DH was 25 when we had DS. We got married when I was 20, young I know. We made the decision to have kids young (we originally planned for 2 - but one is enough, thank you) so we would still be young when he was grown. Its worked fine so far for us, and we both had the energy to be up all night w/ a baby - not that being up all night with a baby is easy at any age. To be honest with you, sometimes I wish we had waited so we could have gone out more and done more things when he was younger, but most of the time I am perfectly happy the way it is. We can travel, etc when he leaves the house or is old enough to be home alone. He is 7 now, so it really isn't all that far away. I can't say what is best for you, there are pros and cons to both having a baby younger and older. What I can say, if you are not 100% sure you even want kids, then now is not the time. If you know you want kids, but are waiting for enough money/the perfect job/perfect house - then it probably is time - because rarely is there going to be enough money/the perfect job/the perfect house. Maybe try to figure out why you think you're not ready - do you really not want kids (which is fine) or is it those other things, which are not likely to all just fall into place. Sit down with your hubby and really try to talk it out. In his mid-30's he's not going to be an "old dad". The one thing I wouldn't do is agree to it just to please him, if you are really not ready.

Nan
 
My husband was 51 and I was 36 when our daughter was born. I just wasn't ready prior to 35. I wasn't even sure I wanted children when one day I just KNEW I did and this was the right time for me. Suddenly it was very clear and there was zero doubt in my mind that I wanted to be a mother.

Laughing Water gave you some excellent advice to think over. Do not do this unless this is something you REALLY want. Because as much as I love, wanted, and prayed for my daughter, being her mommy is the HARDEST job I've ever done. And I don't know how I would do it unless I was totally 100 percent, knew in my heart and knew in my gut that I wanted to be a mother.

But the good news is, for you and your husband, is that you have time. You can sit down and talk about this some more because it sounds like you are in very different places right now and you both need to be in the same place for this to work.

I wish you the best of luck no matter what you decide!
 
It's not just about age!

I had my children at 36 and almost 39. The hard thing about children for me isn't "when should we have them?" but "what do we do after we've got them?"

Please consider that children are really a lot of work -- more than you can imagine. You love them more than you can imagine, but they completely change your life.

Also consider that if you have a child or children with special needs, the challenges become much greater. I don't think a person is ever completely prepared for children, but you have to feel positive about having them because you may end up resenting your husband and/or them for everything you've had to give up on their behalf. And in most cases, it's the mom who does the most for the kids and also sacrifices the most.

I dragged my heels about having kids, but eventually decided to go ahead. I love them both and I'm glad I have them, but I'm also glad that I waited until I felt more comfortable with the idea.

I hope that all of these messages have helped you. Good luck with your decision!
 
Hey Beavs-it's "Oily" bo-hunk;)

I had my first dd at just shy of 27, my 2nd dd just shy of 29, and my 3rd dd just shy of 34. My husband is a year older than me. They are now 9, 6, and almost 2. We're very happy with the age we were when they were born, the spacing between our girls, and the fact that we are now done:)

My mom was married at 15 and had 2 kids by the time she was 18. My best friend had her first just shy of 34 (her husband was almost 45!) and she is now pregnant with her second-she'll be 35 when the baby is born. Two completely different ends of the spectrum, both very happy with their choices.

It's so true that the decision when and if to have kids is so personal and depends on so many factors both within and without our control. You need to do what feels right to you-go with your heart. It won't steer you wrong.
 
My husband & I are only 6 months apart in age (him being older). We had our first son when we were 22 & our second at 24. For us that worked. I have families I do daycare for who didn't have theirs until they were 40, for them that worked. I think it just depends on each couple. Good luck with whatever you decide. Children are such a joy.
 
I think Beavs hit it right on the nose! ;)

No kids here, but my mother had me in her mid 40's. And not to toot my own horn, but she will tell you that having me later in life was one of the best things she ever did. Long after my sisters were married and had their own kids, I was my mom's best friend. And I definitely kept my parents young. :) You and your DH just have to decide what works for you. Personally, I am very happy without any children. There's pressure from DH's family that we have kids though because I guess he is the last of his "line" name wise. I'm not just having a baby for that reason though. You can't just have one because someone else wants you to. You are the one who is going to be that child's mother, so you have to wait for when you are ready.
 
DON'T have children until you both are ready, even if that means there won't be any. REALLY!

Janie
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I had my kids at 29, 31, and 36. (DH and I are the same age.) I am very happy with how long we waited and how we spaced our family. All three times we started trying because I "felt" that it was a good time, and it has worked out great. (We were very lucky that we had no trouble conceiving, in fact, #3 was conceived after only 1 month of trying. So much for fertility waning at age 35!)

Having said that, ITA with the posters who say to WAIT if you're not ready. There is no rush, and becoming a parent is the toughest thing I've ever done in my whole life, as well as the most rewarding. Don't rush into it just to please your DH. You both need to talk about this some more. 35 is definitely not too old to have a second child, or even older than that, especially from the man's point of view. Don't feel guilty...your gut is trying to tell you something. It is a lot of work and responsibility, and if you need more time to get used to the idea, then take that time. Good luck!!
 
Dh and I were married at 18 and both knew we wanted kids right away. Three years and numerous fertility issues and procedures later, I had ds @ 22. Dh and I both knew we wanted to be young parents and have really enjoyed it thus far.

For the record, I know very few people that at 18 are ready to have children, but Dh and I honestly were. We were married, on our own, self supporting, and had already completed our associates degree. I know many of my friends who now at 26 are no where ready to have children or even get married for that matter. Its just comes down to what YOU are ready for.

Peyton started preschool last months and looking around the room I don't think I pretty much fell somewhere in the middle age wise. I recognized a few parents who were probably in ther mid 30's and then I saw a few who I know graduated highscool w/ my sisters (2004 & 2006).
 
Barely

age 36. I turned 36 on May 10 and my son came into the world on May 13 - the night before mothers day. I have no regrets about waiting other than we were not able to have another (fibroid tumor - total hyster). Also - I think that a women's body just doesn't bounce back as well later in life. MHO.
 
baylian said:
I think that a women's body just doesn't bounce back as well later in life. MHO.
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I think this is one of those things that really varies from person to person. I think I healed faster with each pregnancy, and thanks to Cathe, I got into in better shape after baby #3 than at any point in my adult life, even before kids.
 
I had my first DD when I was 22. I had my 2nd at 34. I much preferred having Nicole when I was younger. I am glad for Mia & I am really enjoying her to pieces, but seeing what a royal pain-in-the-patookey my now 15 year old DD is, I am NOT looking forward to dealing w/this again in my 50s!
 
As you can tell from all the different responses – any age is right, as long as it is right for you and your husband. Keep talking and trying to understand each other and I am sure, it will happen at the right time for you both.


I did things a little backwards than the most. I had my first DD at age 17 then got married a few years later. My DD is now 18 and in University – WOW!! Where does time go. I had my second DD at age 23 and she is now 12, in grade 7 – WOW!!! :eek::eek:


There were definitely struggles along the way and it would have probably been better for me to wait but I would not trade my kids in for anything. I have a great relationship with both of my kids and I am very proud of them. I also like the fact that they can’t pull the wool over my eyes that easily.
 
My husband was 40 and I was 25. We have a huge age gap 15 years apart. Honestly we just let nature take its course. We've been happily married for 9 years and have 2 extremely wonderful children. His best friend had twin boys at 44. Having kids is something that you can't possibly change your mind about once they're here so be sure. It WILL change you life forever. It is the one thing that I'm the most proud of.
 
I was 23 with the first and 29 with the second. I had a very difficult pregnancy with my son so it took several years for me to take the chance of possibley going through a bad pregnancy again, but I did and with no complications.
 
I was 27 with my first son and 32 with my second son, and now. . . 9 years after having the second child I am in better physical shape then I ever was before I got pregnant.
 
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