How do you handle people who ask for money???

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FabAbs

Cathlete
How do you handle people who ask you for money? We were at Whole Foods a week ago Sunday and I was in the drivers seat putting my seat belt on and a women probably in her 40’s or so came up to the window asking for money. She said she didn’t have any gas and needed some money and I told her I didn’t have any money which was true the groceries we bought we used our debit card for. Then she said she had enough gas to get the gas station across the street but not home and would I buy her some gas with my debit/credit card.

My husband kept telling me roll the window back up and go and I kept telling her I couldn’t help her because our daughter had to go to work which was true. So she left and I backed out and she jumped in front of the car ahead of me to do the same thing. I felt guilty because what if she really did need it. I know last year I was at Target when my battery died and a man in the car next to me didn’t have jumper cables but gave me a ride to Firestone down the street and I was grateful to him for that. .

But here is the kicker, last Friday my daughter calls me Panera Bread saying the lady that asked us for money on Sunday was in the parking lot doing the same thing!! This mall is about 20 miles or so Whole Foods so I guess she must of gotten money for some gas.

This is happening more and more and I'm not sure how to handle it, like I said it doesn't take much to make me feel guilty. I also like to think I'm the kind of person who will help another person out if I can.

…Cheryl
 
I always say No and keep it moving. I'm from Newyork and grew up in the bronx so people were always asking for money. It always made me feel unsafe when people do this. So when ever I feel in danger I just roll up my window and say no. Plus I work hard for my money to just give it away to someone who is capable of working.
 
I say NO too. If I even see someone approaching my car window, I lock my doors or if possible drive away and there is no way I would ever roll my window down for ANYONE. This is all from growing up in Baltimore though. You learn to be very distrusting. I live in the country now, but still would not think twice about reacting the same way.
 
The request for gas money is so often a scam ... it's probably very difficult for those who really do have an emergency to get help!

Check this out:
http://www.snopes.com/fraud/distress/stranded.asp

Long before we had clickfraud and spam, we had this ...

If you really think someone is stuck, you could call the local police department and ask them to assist if it's a smaller community, or offer to call a cab and pay the driver directly yourself.

Fortunately I now live in a small community where it is still relatively safe to help out people in need, with small things like rides from our tiny airport into the local hotel. It is like a breath of fresh air!

Re giving money, I was taught that it is most unwise to open a purse upon request in public, since it shows what you are carrying and may lead to your being targetted later. It also shows you are willing to comply with someone else's instructions - this is one way that people target victims. There are relatively safe/easy ways I've found to help others during my near-constant biz trips, mainly by choosing who *I* want to donate to rather than waiting to be approached, like these:

* in DC, give the remainder of my metro ticket to someone who looks like a broke college student after my last biz trip is done
* ask to have the remainder of my lunch boxed up and give what's left to someone who is outside asking for money for food
* drop some change in the hat of a person playing an instrument/doing mime if you enjoyed the performance - and assuming that busking is legal.
* if you do want to give money, carry it separately from your purse - but still better if you want this to be a legit transaction is to get a coupon for a free or prepaid meal.

It's a shame that we have to be so careful when all we want to do is help a person who is right there in front of us rather than going through an agency, but that's the reality.
 
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I had a funny and somewhat embarrassing situation like this recently. Walking in a small local shopping center a guy had a couple of bucks in his hand and asked me if I had change. I said no and kept going. When I came back that way he was on a pay phone. He wasn't asking for a handout but for change for a dollar so he could make a call. I felt like such an idiot.
 
This seems to be the trend as of late. I cannot tell you how many people have approached myself or friends, especially at highway rest stops looking for money. I find it very hard to believe that one would travel, especially on toll roads without money.

One time we having drinks at a bar, sitting in the patio seating area when a familiar woman walking by on the street approached. Before she opened her mouth I said "Hey, you got five dollars?!" She bust out laughing and said "I was about to ask you the same thing!" So next time you think someone is about to hit you up......:p
 
shadowpup i was going to say sometimes things like this are set ups but i couldn't remember specifically why but remember reading that website.

phyllis i wouldn't feel bad you were acting on good instincts. its a shame we have to be so cautious in this world but better safe then sorry.

we have had ppl ask us to pay their gas money and my dh is straight up guy in a situation like that, pretty much if you can have nicer newer things than we have you can afford your gas. i would have felt bad b/c the person might have been in trouble but he tells me i have to suck it up b/c some ppl will prey on your niceness. even if they don't have ill intent of stealing from you they might not really be in trouble they just don't' want to spend their own money.yeah its like that here.i have seen kids in my school that would rather be suspended for stealing a lunch then to break the $10-20 in their pocket for the $1.60 lunch and their parents act no better in the real world.

its a shame that ppl might be in real need and can't get help but from the sounds of it this woman was a scammer anyway.

kassia.
 
I just smile my sweetest smile and say warmly, "No, I'm so sorry," then keep going. I'm not going to risk my safety on the chance that someone may be legit. If they kept pestering me I would suggest they contact the police for help.

Stebby
 
Whenever someone approaches me in the parking lot I know it is a scam. If the person was legit, all they would have to do is walk into the store and ask a manager for help. These people are professional grafters. They can make upwards of 50K a year all tax free. So never give money to anyone, and don't expose your credit card because they will steal your identity in a heart beat. Offer to call the police, bet you a dollar they won't take you up on it:)
 
I just say I'm sorry I cannot help you. At my business many times we will be out doing yard work or repairs and someone will come up to us asking for money.

We got to know one lady well and one time we loaned her $5, never saw her again. It's really strange when you are doing maintenance and someone will come up and ask to help you(for pay) and when you say no they just stand there and stare at you working.
 
She was a con artist. Just walk away. Don't even look her in the eye. People who really need help find the YMCA, Loaves and Fishes, and the Catholic women's shelter down town with services to help them find jobs or other services for those who are mentally handicapped. They can shop at Desiree services. I know, we did when I was a really little girl. We got second hand clothes because we could get them for 10 cents. It worked out really well. So, this nonsense about you give me money is bogus. If someone is hungry you can buy them a meal but do not be a push over. These are hard times but there are solutions that do not involve being a con.

Just say, "No." Do not engage them in any sort of conversation.
 
We have many "familiar faces" in our town, too. I'm too suspicious to give people money in a parking lot... one time a woman approached DH for money saying she was alone and new in town. He didn't give her any, but saw her later meet up with her partner around the corner. Saw the pair again doing the same routine a month later. Ugh.

My 8-yr old is very sensitive to the less fortunate, though, and burst into tears last week when we saw the usual group of homeless holding cardboard signs at Wal-Mart. I keep a couple $5 McDonald's gift cards on hand for these people. I figure it's a good lesson in compassion, they can get a hot meal, and for some reason these people strike me differently than the couple roaming the parking lot. Although when I see a 60-yr old holding a sign that says "Iraq veteran" I want to ask, "Really?!!!"
 
PhyllisG said:
I had a funny and somewhat embarrassing situation like this recently. Walking in a small local shopping center a guy had a couple of bucks in his hand and asked me if I had change. I said no and kept going. When I came back that way he was on a pay phone. He wasn't asking for a handout but for change for a dollar so he could make a call. I felt like such an idiot.
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Thats funny! We don't have pay phones here anymore lol.:p
 
Thanks for all your replies, I won’t feel guilty when I say no to someone!. I was listening to the radio shortly after I posted and this was the topic of discussion. I live in a suburb of Detroit and the Auto Show was at Cobo Center this past week and the callers were saying how many people there were close to the entrance doors asking for money and they felt the police should of kept them about a block away.

Then this one caller said he regularly sees a man dressed in old clothes at an exit ramp holding a sign saying he is a Vietnam War vet and is homeless. One day he decided to wait and see where he went, he went to a parking lot across the street got into a pickup truck NEWER than the car that caller was driving and followed him to a house about equal to what the caller lived in. The caller has a friend who is a police officer gave him his license plate and address and they charged him with something, I can’t remember what it was.

My husband said if he wasn’t with me I probably would of given her $5, but I don’t think so. I know there is no way I ever would of gone to the gas station though. If I was out of gas or had some other problem I would of gone into the store and asked if I could use the phone to call someone to help me if I didn’t have my cell phone with me.

Cheryl
 
Yeah, this has been happening to me a lot too. Twice in one day in fact. I was in the Target parking lot and there was a guy on a bike asking for money and he came up to my car and scratched the back of the mirror with the handle bar. I was like WTF! And he still had the nerve to ask me if he could clean my windows...for MONEY. I said no way man! I was able to rub the scratch out, but I was furious.

The same day, I was leaving from having dinner with some friends and a man came up to me and asked for money, and I said no, I'm sorry. And then he asked to use my cell phone! I replied, nope, i don't have too many minutes left. Which wasnt really the case. THEN to top it all off, he said "Well, then can you give me a ride? It's not too far out of the way" I think I was seeing red....he wouldnt take no for an answer. I'm a 22 year old girl, I'm not going to let some stranger into my car. Ayyy yi yi
 
wonderwoman said:
I always say No and keep it moving. I'm from Newyork and grew up in the bronx so people were always asking for money. It always made me feel unsafe when people do this. So when ever I feel in danger I just roll up my window and say no. Plus I work hard for my money to just give it away to someone who is capable of working.
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ITA! I feel bad too denying people money but at the same time, I don't want to bother with them. One time I was visiting a friend in Philly and some guy came up to me at the gas station saying how he needed money to put gas in his car. I just told him no, very firmly, and got in my car, locked the doors, and drove away.

Wonderwoman, I grew up in the BX too! Neill Ave area near Morris Park
 
I wouldn't do it either if someone approached me like that. I have given money and food to homeless people in the street. If I'm somewhere where there are bums around, I'll take out some $$ and keep it in my pocket so I don't have to open up my wallet. If for some reason I don't feel safe, though, I don't make eye contact, don't give money, and I keep going.

In college I used to live in the Charles Village area in Baltimore (shout out to fellow Baltimoron Liann!) and once an elderly homeless-looking guy came up to the rowhouse I lived in with my boyfriend and another roommate and knocked on the screen door. It was summer so we had the front door open. I didn't feel like I could ignore him since the door was open and he could see us so I went to talk to him. He had some story and he wanted $10. I gave it to him and felt bad for him, though I didn't believe the story for a second. I'm sure he had some kind of addiction but giving him the money got rid of him quickly.

Here's the kicker though. My boyfriend at the time was a total chicken-sh*t and as soon as he saw the guy, he ran and hid and left me alone to deal with the scary homeless guy! I didn't realize it until I turned around and went to look for money and saw my boyfriend had actually totally bailed on me. He was askeered! LOL! I CANNOT believe I didn't dump him then and there!
 
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