Getting older/ No kids
- Thread starter eminenz2
- Start date
nancy324
Cathlete
I'm another one, and I agree with what most here have said. In fact:
1. I take care of myself (but I've GOT to quit this darn diet soda habit);
2. I'm nice to nieces and nephew (it's easy);
3. I'm nice to my stepson and his wife (who's a geriatric social worker with a heart of gold }( );
4. I shell out a small fortune every year for long-term health care insurance.
5. I keep in mind the following: I'm a youngish baby boomer, so by the time I get there, the trail will have been blazed by the older baby boomers. (Right??)
1. I take care of myself (but I've GOT to quit this darn diet soda habit);
2. I'm nice to nieces and nephew (it's easy);
3. I'm nice to my stepson and his wife (who's a geriatric social worker with a heart of gold }( );
4. I shell out a small fortune every year for long-term health care insurance.
5. I keep in mind the following: I'm a youngish baby boomer, so by the time I get there, the trail will have been blazed by the older baby boomers. (Right??)
MSJ
Cathlete
Although my husband and I have 6 children so far, there are quite a number of people in both our families who are childless by choice. This places a burden on us and our children insofar as even though most of these folks have the financial resources in place for their long-term care, having the money in place is not enough.
You need people to advocate for you and see that you are being cared for properly and with dignity. You'll also probably want people to visit you and who is more likely to visit you than your family? (I said more likely, because I realize that a lot of old folks are neglected by their own).
I hope I am making sense with this. We have 5 people on my side alone who are 60 and older and who chose not to have kids. This doesn't include my BIL and SIL who are also childless, although much younger.
We are already faced with caring for my FIL, who has dementia and I am totally committed to caring for my MIL as she ages. But how will we be able to advocate and care for the others in a complete and effective manner? They all have circles of friends, but their friends are all aging along with them. Maybe all their care will be in the hands of lawyers or some sort of hired advocate--still, without any oversight by caring family, could those people be trusted?
It's not that we don't want to be as helpful as possible, but will we be able to do it? Sometimes I feel as thought the entire extended family bears down on ours. It took 3 of my grandfather's children to see that he was cared for properly as he progressed in age (he died at 97) and he had plenty of money.
Another thought: My grandfather as he aged was able to live in an extremely nice place where all his needs were provided for. Whenever we would visit, people would salivate over our children. It was so refreshing for them to see young faces and hear young voices. When our 6th child was born, one very old woman said to me with tears in her eyes,"It has been so long since I saw a baby." It about broke my heart.
I hope you find answers for this issue.
Maggie
You need people to advocate for you and see that you are being cared for properly and with dignity. You'll also probably want people to visit you and who is more likely to visit you than your family? (I said more likely, because I realize that a lot of old folks are neglected by their own).
I hope I am making sense with this. We have 5 people on my side alone who are 60 and older and who chose not to have kids. This doesn't include my BIL and SIL who are also childless, although much younger.
We are already faced with caring for my FIL, who has dementia and I am totally committed to caring for my MIL as she ages. But how will we be able to advocate and care for the others in a complete and effective manner? They all have circles of friends, but their friends are all aging along with them. Maybe all their care will be in the hands of lawyers or some sort of hired advocate--still, without any oversight by caring family, could those people be trusted?
It's not that we don't want to be as helpful as possible, but will we be able to do it? Sometimes I feel as thought the entire extended family bears down on ours. It took 3 of my grandfather's children to see that he was cared for properly as he progressed in age (he died at 97) and he had plenty of money.
Another thought: My grandfather as he aged was able to live in an extremely nice place where all his needs were provided for. Whenever we would visit, people would salivate over our children. It was so refreshing for them to see young faces and hear young voices. When our 6th child was born, one very old woman said to me with tears in her eyes,"It has been so long since I saw a baby." It about broke my heart.
I hope you find answers for this issue.
Maggie
nancy324
Cathlete
I hear you, Maggie. When my Dad was in the hospital for the last week of his life, my mother and us three kids took turns taking breaks from being at his bedside: going out for lunch or going home to sleep. We spent the entire week advocating for more pain meds for him, and two of the three of us were lawyers. It's hard to imagine what it would have been like for my mother by herself, and that was just a week! A few times I found my mind wandering to the question of what it would be like if it were me in that bed, and my DH predeceased me, which statistics say he will do. To be honest, I couldn't even think about it for more than a few seconds. I'm just glad my Dad had us and I guess I have no choice but to take life as it comes.
kathryn
Cathlete
>You need people to advocate for you and see that you are being
>cared for properly and with dignity. You'll also probably
>want people to visit you and who is more likely to visit you
>than your family?
ITA
And I dread getting to an age where I have to be taken care of. I have no children or nieces/nephews (I'm an only child), and I really don't trust any of these care facilities to 'take care' of me as I would want to be taken care of. I saw how my grandmother was 'cared' for in the last months of her life after her stroke: being forced to share a room with an 'old lady' (as she said), having to eat what they prepare at the time they say, not being allowed to walk except in a walker under the supervision of a barely 20-year-old who called her by her first name (which I can't imagine my grandmother gave her permission to do) for only as long as it took the young woman to get bored--which was about 20 feet).
(Maybe I'll have to find a vegan commune to move to?)
>cared for properly and with dignity. You'll also probably
>want people to visit you and who is more likely to visit you
>than your family?
ITA
And I dread getting to an age where I have to be taken care of. I have no children or nieces/nephews (I'm an only child), and I really don't trust any of these care facilities to 'take care' of me as I would want to be taken care of. I saw how my grandmother was 'cared' for in the last months of her life after her stroke: being forced to share a room with an 'old lady' (as she said), having to eat what they prepare at the time they say, not being allowed to walk except in a walker under the supervision of a barely 20-year-old who called her by her first name (which I can't imagine my grandmother gave her permission to do) for only as long as it took the young woman to get bored--which was about 20 feet).
(Maybe I'll have to find a vegan commune to move to?)
Beavs
Cathlete
Having worked in a nursing home for many years, the staff are just trying to do the best they can. There are always horror stories, but then there are many kind dedicated people who do their best with limited resources. Working with the elderly is difficult for a variety of reasons. Other than the food, I doubt the vegans could do much better with the limited resources the U.S. dedicates the health care. Becoming a nun may be a better bet.
story1267
Cathlete
Dave, I share your concerns about "what happens to the kids?" Never mind will they be able to care for me, it's a question of who will take care of them when I'm gone. DD will likely be able to fend for herself in the world but I really don't know about DS.
My sister is an elder-care social worker and she's ready to move into assisted living now! She is determined to keep her DS from caring for her.
She and my brother and I just went through a major deal over the past year with our mom being ill, needing to move the folks from their house to a smaller place and the incredible worry over how it was all going to work out.
I fully intend to purchase long term care insurance when the time comes.
I'm with Nancy and waiting on all you boomers to blaze the trail for us!
I know that if SO and I ever marry we'll have to review the whole thing again. He will likely never agree to assisted living so we'd have to arrange for home care and that is $$$$$.
My sister is an elder-care social worker and she's ready to move into assisted living now! She is determined to keep her DS from caring for her.
She and my brother and I just went through a major deal over the past year with our mom being ill, needing to move the folks from their house to a smaller place and the incredible worry over how it was all going to work out.
I fully intend to purchase long term care insurance when the time comes.
I'm with Nancy and waiting on all you boomers to blaze the trail for us!
I know that if SO and I ever marry we'll have to review the whole thing again. He will likely never agree to assisted living so we'd have to arrange for home care and that is $$$$$.
This is always a difficult subject.
I helped my mom care for my grandmother with Altzheimers for years before she HAD to go into a nursing home when she broke her hip. Then my brother had a brain tumor removed while he was in his 20s leaving him with many medical problems requiring our care which now that I'm out of the house fall completely on my parents. They are both in their 60s so guess who will probably have to take care of them all down the road since I have no other siblings.
Yikes, and then who will take care of me
The whole thing is too scary to think about.
I helped my mom care for my grandmother with Altzheimers for years before she HAD to go into a nursing home when she broke her hip. Then my brother had a brain tumor removed while he was in his 20s leaving him with many medical problems requiring our care which now that I'm out of the house fall completely on my parents. They are both in their 60s so guess who will probably have to take care of them all down the road since I have no other siblings.
Yikes, and then who will take care of me
The whole thing is too scary to think about.
sundari
Cathlete
>Wow! Everyone's circumstance is so different.
>
>I would also like to mention that we assume that every parent
>has been unselfish and loving. That's simply not the case.
This is also very true not every parent has been a good parent. Also having children will not guarantee that they will take care of you til the end.
As so many of parents today are still supporting their 50 year old children who have no money or any kind of assets.
Of course these are worse case scenarios but they do exist.
>
>I would also like to mention that we assume that every parent
>has been unselfish and loving. That's simply not the case.
This is also very true not every parent has been a good parent. Also having children will not guarantee that they will take care of you til the end.
As so many of parents today are still supporting their 50 year old children who have no money or any kind of assets.
Of course these are worse case scenarios but they do exist.