Do you think this is rude...

[dr.mel_PT]

1st some background: My friend asked me to be in his wedding. I've known him for about 10 years and we've been pretty close. He is getting married this Fri and the first time I met his wife-to-be was this past March. I'm from NY and the wedding is in Philly, so it'll be about a three hour drive for me.

This morning I came in to an email from wife-to-be addressed to me and the other bridesmaids. Basically, without asking me first, she volunteered me to be the driver for the wedding party!!! Not only that, but I have to drive to her friend's house, who I've never met (and she isn't even in the bridal party), and pick her up to take her to brunch. It's 45 min from my hotel to the city where we are having brunch, then 30 min to the hair salon, then another 30 to the ceremony/reception.

Now I found this whole gesture to be extremely rude!! I would NEVER volunteer someone I hardly know to cart myself and my friends' butts around without asking first, especially if they were out of towners and don't know the area at all. I don't even have GPS, so I'm going by whatever I printed off of Yahoo maps. Not to mention, I drove 3 hrs+ to get down there, have to drive 3 hrs+ back and now I have to do all this driving the day of?! If it was me, I'd have arranged maybe a friend or my mom to come do brunch & get her hair done with us and drive everyone, not burden someone else with it!!!!

I don't even know what to say because I hardly know this girl. Thoughts?

 

[morningstar]

Consider it a gift for your friend and remember that all brides are divas.

 

[Vee]

I agree it is inconsiderate. She didnt even ask first. But in your shoes, I agree with morningstar, I would suck it up and do it for my friend. Unless she really showed a very nice side to herself, I wouldnt be inclined to build a friendship with her after this though. Are you sure your friend did not ask her to take your help and forget to ask you?

 

[lori254]

This is only my opinion, not advice -- you asked for thoughts, so here goes...I wouldn't do it. I never do anything I don't want to do, especially something I feel I've been railroaded into doing, and would find something like this extremely offensive. I would respond to her email, cc'ing everyone she addressed it to, and advise that I am not able to do this, no explanation necessary.

 

[Liann]

I think I would be pretty pissed actually. I think the first thing I would do would be to inquire with the friend about the situation. Maybe he did volunteer you? The second thing I would do though would be to let the girl know I am unfamiliar with the area and would prefer for someone else to drive. I don't like being walked over. If I'm asked to do something, or I volunteer to help, that is one thing. But to be told that I will be the chauffeur wouldn't be cool with me.

 

[Fitnessfreakk366]

I agree with Liann and Lori. I think it's rude and for her to just assume you will do all this driving is ridiculous. I think I'd talk to the friend as well. See if he had any influence on her asking you. Oh I'm sorry - TELLING you.

 

[pixiesis]

Yep, I think it's rude, at least as it appears at this point, and I think you should get out of it. I'd find out first if your friend volunteered you or was supposed to have asked you. If the bride thinks you already agreed to this, she isn't being rude, she just needs to be told that you are unable to do this. If I were you, I wouldn't do it, and I wouldn't feel obligated to apologize or explain why.

 

[Govtgirl]

NO WAY, I would NOT do this! This woman and types like her only get away with it because people let them. I would not make an issue of it, not breath a word of anger to your friend, I would simply email her and say "Thank you so much for thinking of me but I simply won't be able to do this."

 

[Afreet]

Wow. That's crazy. When you met her, did she seem like a rude and presumptuous person? Could this be a mistake?

I agree with the others - definitely call up your friend and let him know you're happy to help them out, but that you were surprised to find that you had been volunteered for chauffeur duty and random brunches with people you don't know. Maybe there's a reasonable explanation (not that this seems likely, but still...).

Give them the benefit of the doubt - weddings are major planning nightmares. If you discover that she really is just a rude and bossy person, do whatever feels right.

I agree that you're perfectly within your rights to refuse, but if you're feeling magnanimous, you might take the high road and just go along to help them out - maybe nobody else can do it for some reason?

 

[melimcn]

I wouldn't do it either. Anyone that has the audacity to assign a role to you like this (whether your friend volunteered you or not, clearly no one asked YOU), doesn't deserve the courtesy of you helping them out.

The term "Bridezilla" exists for a reason, and apparently that serves as an excuse to be rude and presumtuous.
You don't owe her any explanation other than "I won't be able to help you out." But if it's demanded, you can simply say that this doesn't fit in with your plans for the day.
It doesn't!

 

[DirtDiva]

This is only my opinion, not advice -- you asked for thoughts, so here goes...I wouldn't do it. I never do anything I don't want to do, especially something I feel I've been railroaded into doing, and would find something like this extremely offensive. I would respond to her email, cc'ing everyone she addressed it to, and advise that I am not able to do this, no explanation necessary.

Right on !!

 

[Beavs]

This is only my opinion, not advice -- you asked for thoughts, so here goes...I wouldn't do it. I never do anything I don't want to do, especially something I feel I've been railroaded into doing, and would find something like this extremely offensive. I would respond to her email, cc'ing everyone she addressed it to, and advise that I am not able to do this, no explanation necessary.

That's about would I would do.

 

[Alana_as]

I TOTALLY agree with all the ladies! It very inconsiderate! I totally know how you feel too...well, my DAD does at least. because...

My brother is getting married on november 7th and the bride doesn't like my dad! BUT GET THIS....

She EMAILS and friggen list of THING SHE wants MY DAD to PAY for at the and for the wedding!!!!

SHE DOESN'T HARDLY TALK TO HIM and like I said...NOR does she like him....

Then she has the BALLS to send him an EMAIL (soooo impersonal!) for shit my dad needs to pay for?!

NOW THAT'S BEYOND RUDE!

So..honey...if I had a choice..I WOULDN'T DO IT EITHER! F THAT S!!!! lol

 

[JanetP1507]

This is only my opinion, not advice -- you asked for thoughts, so here goes...I wouldn't do it. I never do anything I don't want to do, especially something I feel I've been railroaded into doing, and would find something like this extremely offensive. I would respond to her email, cc'ing everyone she addressed it to, and advise that I am not able to do this, no explanation necessary.

I COMPLETELY AGREE!! I would go through the roof if I got an e-mail like that.

 

[Stebby]

She should have hired a professional driver for the day. This is what limos are for.

 

[dr.mel_PT]

She didn't seem like a bossy or mean person when I met her, nor when we hung out for her shower/bachelorette party. This really came as a shock to me. I'm guessing the reasoning is because no one has cars since people live in the city but still, it is rude. Every wedding I've been in, the mother of the bride & the mother of the groom each drove; we all got our hair done together, did lunch or whatever together and the logistics were WELL PLANNED!! Not this whole we drive 45 min here then 30 here then 30 there. AND we had a limo or what have you to get us to the ceremony/reception.

I understand times are tough and money is an issue with a lot of people so maybe a limo wasn't entirely feasible, but volunteering me is absurd. I called my friend to voice my concerns and he opened up the floor by asking "How is Mark (my boyfriend) getting to the wedding?" I said "Well, I don't know because he was going to drive my car from the hotel to the ceremony, which is why I booked a place 10 min away. Then today I found out I'm a chauffer for day of and I never agreed to that." He's like "Oh really?" as if he didn't know and in the next breath "Well we figured someone could come get Mark and bring him to the ceremony." Wow, well thanks for offering me up. I said honestly I'm not comfortable driving in the city esp in a place I don't know without GPS and he goes "OK, well ::bride-to-be:: will ride with you since she knows where she's going." Um, really?! Thanks for addressing my concerns. I am so over this. I hate to say it but it looks like I'm just going to have to suck it up and deal because I don't know what else to say without being a total b!tch about it!

 

[Liann]

Wow, I can't even say what I would want to say to that "friend" at this moment. Not cool... It's not your responsibility to play chauffeur especially if you are uncomfortable doing so. It'd be a cold day in hell before I agreed to run a bunch of people around downtown Philly without knowing the city. Geez, I'm getting mad for you! It must be hormones!

 

[lori254]

Hmmm...I just typed up a response to your last post, Melissa, then thought better of it. Will keep my opinions to myself unless asked.

 

[dr.mel_PT]

Hmmm...I just typed up a response to your last post, Melissa, then thought better of it. Will keep my opinions to myself unless asked.

Bring it on, lol! I don't get offended easily. Everyone I'm telling this story to says I'm a pushover so I'm ready for it haha

 

[Liann]

Bring it on, lol! I don't get offended easily. Everyone I'm telling this story to says I'm a pushover so I'm ready for it haha

It's hard because you are being put into a bad situation and made to feel that you are the bad person if you don't just do it. When in reality, it's the people who are trying to pawn this responsibility off on you who are being rude and inconsiderate. It's pretty much a sign of the times - just call it the Entitlement Generation.