COME BACK JONEZIE

Apparently, she thought the Shelley (allwildgirl) thread was directed at her. For some reason, it reminds me of a Carly Simon song.

Carrie
 
carres1973 said:
Apparently, she thought the Shelley (allwildgirl) thread was directed at her. For some reason, it reminds me of a Carly Simon song.

Carrie
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Dare I say that this comment is an example of why she felt like leaving. Was this necessary?

Jonezie is a sweet, sincere person. I miss her and wish she would return as well. She's an asset to this board!
 
I guess the argument could me made that wasn't she doing the same thing she accused others of? She felt someone was bullied in a thread so started a thread about bullying under the guise of asking if anyone had ever been bullied...only because of her work. It was obvious, I think, to more than one person what she was doing.

I also do not believe she is gone. I do feel she was a fun addition to the board. However, if everyone who ever felt slited or upset by something on this board (or any other for that matter) left, there would be no one around.

Carrie
 
Joneize picked up her toys and moved to another sandbox. That was her decision.

When she announced her leaving she called most posters non-adults that were hiking their legs all over the forum. So we are supposed to beg for her return??
 
Linda...I heard through Facebook (It's the new PM, apparently) that you started this thread and I wanted to explain. First of all, I couldn't love you more. And I say the same to a lot of the women on this thread and this forum.

Carrie is right. I'm not leaving. I'm just taking a break. And it's NOT because I feel bullied or attacked. It's because I can't sit around and watch people be their WORST selves and not say anything about it. Whether or not the "Shelley" thread was directed at anyone in particular, two of the main contributors to that thread sent me a PM saying how much their feelings were hurt about the "Serial Bully" thread. I thought it was a good sign and a beginning to a wonderful line of communication. One of them had a son and grandson with major physical disabilities. I thought that person would be the first to stand up for the underdog, the person with the biggest heart who could empathize when someone else said they were offended by something. But that was not the case...an entire thread was started to make fun of people who voice their feelings, who announce PM's, people who "take offense," people who think they are bullies. And people jumped on it like Jerry Springer jumps on a love triangle between a woman, her lover, and her sister!! And call it what you want, but it was TOTALLY in the spirit of making fun.

On top of that, I've since leaned that Cathe herself has been attacked on this forum. I've learned that one forum member who likes to stir the pot on the forum actually hides out from people at the Cathe RT. And now...even after two threads have been posted about the ridiculousness of the star ratings, you've got people going crazy rating the threads. One member even admitted to one star rating the thread she was contributing to.

It's heartbreaking, it's BEYOND ridiculous...and it just depletes the hell out of all of us at the end of the day. I leave this forum at the end of the day feeling exhausted and in the worst mood...the opposite of how you would think you'd feel coming off Cathe's forum. I cannot imagine how many people are reading these petty threads and wondering when in the world we are going to get back to something that matters. I can just hear the collective "ugh!!!" from the forum.

And I am PART of that. I'm the other end of the tug-of-war rope. And the thing is...if I let go, the perceived power struggle will end. And people will start talking about what really matters.

Like I said, I'm not gone for good. I've got so many Cathe friends on Facebook now. And you can always e-mail or PM (Yes, I said PM) me. I just want to think the best of ALL the people on this forum, and I can't do it while I'm watching them act their worst.

So...it's not goodbye. Just bye for now. I'll see you soon, lovies!

:) The Eternally Optimistic Jonezie

PS...Call me if someone starts singing Kumbaya.
 
Jonezie said:
Carrie is right. I'm not leaving. I'm just taking a break. And it's NOT because I feel bullied or attacked. It's because I can't sit around and watch people be their WORST selves and not say anything about it. Whether or not the "Shelley" thread was directed at anyone in particular, two of the main contributors to that thread sent me a PM saying how much their feelings were hurt about the "Serial Bully" thread. I thought it was a good sign and a beginning to a wonderful line of communication. One of them had a son and grandson with major physical disabilities. I thought that person would be the first to stand up for the underdog, the person with the biggest heart who could empathize when someone else said they were offended by something. But that was not the case...an entire thread was started to make fun of people who voice their feelings, who announce PM's, people who "take offense," people who think they are bullies. And people jumped on it like Jerry Springer jumps on a love triangle between a woman, her lover, and her sister!! And call it what you want, but it was TOTALLY in the spirit of making fun.
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Call me stupid but I participated in that thread for some light-hearted fun. I was in no way wanting to poke fun of people. I guess I missed that.

I think anyone could read my posts and know that I am not a bully, not at all. My personal life is particularly dark right now and sometimes I just need a break from the reality of my own life. That thread gave me some huge laughs and gave me a bit of an escape.

A bit of history though for me......I lurked for a while and then finally joined a few years ago. There were 3 names that were constant on the forum at that time and continued to be so for a while. Those 3 names were Shelley all wildgirl, buffetgirl (Robin) and FitFairy (Catherine). They were huge contributors on this forum and were always fun, helpful, honest, open, and I could go on and on. Honestly, I don't have any recollection of them ever being offensive. And let me emphasis the fun part because I think that was the intent. Kind of spoofing forums and the quirkiness of them.
 
How could the Shelley thread be bad? Robin is such a wonderful woman--one of my favorite online friends. She really is completely a sweetheart. I don't get it. I enjoyed that thread--thought it was all about taking the mickey out of people in general for some common silly things that are done on the forums. I was mainly there for the weinie fun, myself.
 
Jonezie said:
It's heartbreaking, it's BEYOND ridiculous...and it just depletes the hell out of all of us at the end of the day. I leave this forum at the end of the day feeling exhausted and in the worst mood...the opposite of how you would think you'd feel coming off Cathe's forum. I cannot imagine how many people are reading these petty threads and wondering when in the world we are going to get back to something that matters. I can just hear the collective "ugh!!!" from the forum.

And I am PART of that. I'm the other end of the tug-of-war rope. And the thing is...if I let go, the perceived power struggle will end. And people will start talking about what really matters.
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My 2cents worth is that Jonezie came to the forum and then tried to be the cheerleader, defender, and forum moderator. If you try to control the content of the forum you will be exhausted at the end of the day.

I don't think the forum posters are at all ridiculous. It's life. You shrug off the bad and laugh with the good.
 
It sounds like there has been a lot of gossiping going on. I've been on every roadtrip for the past 3 years and have no idea what that story was all about? Not going to comment on the rest of it because I really don't want to get in the middle of it. I honestly don't want to know what people are PM'ing each other either. I do know that the one member saying they one starred a post was totally a joke and the person who they said it to was one of their close friends - unless there was another reference I missed. I think there have been a lot of misunderstandings here and most of them would best be sorted out privately in a PM. And I promise I am not being smart about that. PM's - Private Messages - do have a very important place especially in sorting out differences. The forum itself really isn't a good medium for that. Way too much room for miscommunication and other parties getting involved. It becomes a huge bitch-fest for all sides and there are no winners. I think I'll go look at some pictures of puppies now.
 
Honestly, Jonezie, I think it's in rather poor taste to state here, on the public forum, what people have been telling you in PM's. They whole point of a PRIVATE message is that it is PRIVATE. Not trying to be a smartass, but after seeing you point fingers at several people who are long-time respected forum members, I gotta say... it ain't cool, man. It ain't cool. Stop trying to moderate the forum - it's not your job.

Now, Liann, kindly direct me to the puppy pictures. I need to see some cuteness! :D
 
Worknprogress said:
A bit of history though for me......I lurked for a while and then finally joined a few years ago. There were 3 names that were constant on the forum at that time and continued to be so for a while. Those 3 names were Shelley all wildgirl, buffetgirl (Robin) and FitFairy (Catherine). They were huge contributors on this forum and were always fun, helpful, honest, open, and I could go on and on. Honestly, I don't have any recollection of them ever being offensive. And let me emphasis the fun part because I think that was the intent. Kind of spoofing forums and the quirkiness of them.
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My experience is the same as yours. I remember one of my first posts years ago was about my amazing nephew being bitten by my in-laws dog when I was babysitting them both. Shelley, Michele (Miss Lee), Robin, all the "old-timers" were so sweet and supportive and made me feel OK about it even though I barely knew them.

Also - and this is 100 percent a genuine question - are there really people who feel they are being bullied on these boards? In my (unfortunate) experience bullying is a vicious, ongoing campaign of harrassment designed to destroy one's self-esteem, and one that cannot be escaped such as work or school. People disagreeing with me on a message board that I can turn off at any time doesn't seem to rise to the level of bullying, IMO. A couple of years ago I felt I as getting too riled by the board discussions, so I walked away. I didn't announce it, I just left. When I felt like coming back a year or so later, I did. It was that easy.

I find too that many feel free to post whatever they want, in whatever manner they chose, yet when they get responses that match the passion/intensity or their own, they get very offended and claim others are attacking them. Could we all sometimes have a better choice of words or tone? Sure. But these boards are full of opinionated, strong-minded women. Therefore when I post a strong opinion I fully expect that I am going to the same in return.

Anyway just my 3 cents.
 
I can tell you one sure-fire way to ruin a forum is to have all the attention focused on one or two select people. Another way is sweeping negative comments about forum members as a whole. That, frankly, especially p*sses me off, because I don't like being cyber-judged, and I don't like being lectured, and I don't come on this forum to examine my bellybutton or feel like I'm on an Oprah episode.
 
Jonezie said:
I leave this forum at the end of the day feeling exhausted and in the worst mood...the opposite of how you would think you'd feel coming off Cathe's forum.
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It doesn't sound like this is a healthy place for you to spend your time. I mean, I have NEVER left here in a bad mood. Ever. It's been quite the opposite actually. Maybe you should stop focusing on percieved imperfections and enjoy the women who post here just as they are. You might as well be accepting because you are NOT going to change anyone or anything here. And besides, this is a great bunch of women and I'm starting to get a little tired of the whining about how this one is mean and that one is abbrasive, etc......
 
I don't think that (in fact I would bet anything I have) Robin's intention was anyhing else than to post a fun thread and it was not directed at anyone particular but at a situation. I believe that the intention was to poke fun at the ever increasing announcements of PMs being sent. I have always thought that it is kind of odd that people would announce publically that they have sent a PM, after all it's called a PRIVATE message but whatever floats their boat. It doesn't affect me one way or the other.

Like on every forum there are always people who like to demonize others and think they are above the intelligence level of the rest of the people. They will latch on to a lighthearted thread and turn it into something that it wasn't intended to be.

To be honest I think you went overboard in trying to defend others but I understand the intention behind it. I don't think you can get everyone to get along at a big forum like this. I think differing opinions and viewpoints are great as long as it is done without bashing. That being said, I don't think it was necessary that you pointed out what Robin had told you in a PRIVATE message and single her out but it's not like you are the only one who shares private messages.

But I agree with you, mean-spirited bashing and gossiping sucks the life out of me as well. I think it almost has turned into a pack mentality. One person dislikes another, gets her/his undies in a twist and all of a sudden the rest jumps on the target like vultures. Very reminicent of the mean "it" girls highschool clique that everyone dreaded but are too scared to speak up because they fear to be the next victim.

This forum is not what it used to be and that is very sad.
 
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To comments regarding bullying, PMing, the forum not being what it used to be, etc., I say you all have some valid, excellent points. But at the end of the day, it's just an internet forum, some of us are friends and some of us aren't, it is what it is. We can't make this a utopia and we shouldn't worry about the fact that it isn't.

And Jonezie, I mean this sincerely, it's obvious you have some real friends here, so why do you always leave the forums in a bad mood? Why do we always focus so much on the bad and not the good? Why not post here with your friends and ignore your non-friends? I think that's what the rest of us do, for the most part.
 
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