Acceptance? (long)

LauraMax

LauraMax

Cathlete
OK, this kind of goes along w/some of our posts from the last few weeks about minor weight gain & how much it matters. I was waiting til I had a few spare minutes so I could say everything I've been thinking about & have it be understandable without pi$$ing anyone off. :p

First of all, I noticed on Cathe's home page the average age of forum members is 43. How cool is that? I can't talk about this stuff w/most people I know, I get that eye raise/smirk/STFU look. But you guys really get me! :)

So. When I first gained this weight I was horribly depressed. I mean, I was seriously down on myself & I had a lot of trouble dealing w/it emotionally. I felt that what separated me from the crowd, what made me different, was the fact that I had the drive & discipline to have 15% BF & to keep it year after year.

After 3 different diets & little to no weight loss, I realized I need to start being more realistic. I spent the last 2 Saturdays cleaning out my closets & putting all my small sizes in the attic. Today my closets are pretty much empty LOL. I tried on every piece of clothing I had & I must admit, it was pretty depressing in a lot of ways. I cannot believe that, less than a year ago, I was so flippin tiny! And even worse, I totally took it for granted! Now all those beautiful clothes I can't fit into anymore are up in my attic waiting to become a Thanksgiving feast for moths.

In other ways it was kind of liberating. I don't have the mad scramble in the mornings anymore trying something on & tossing it in a corner b/c I either can't pull it up past my a$$ or, if I can, I can't button it. Now everything in my closets fit (from Stacey London: you don't dress for the size you want to be, you dress for the size you ARE!). And I know what what's in my wardrobe, what I'm missing, & what needs replacing.

I did some self examination. I did what I hate to do: I really LOOKED at myself in the mirror. And you know what? I didn't hate what I saw. OK I have more jiggle than what I'd like. But I'm muscular, I'm fit & I'm healthy for my age. Some might even say I have a much healthier & attractive look than I did 10 lbs ago. Not me, but some. ;)

Then I started doing what one poster suggested (& I apologize for forgetting who b/c it was such a great suggestion). I started listing the things I liked about myself. I was really happy to find that list was longer than the list of things I didn't like about myself.

So, maybe I'm starting to accept the fact that I'm no longer at 15% BF & probably never will be again. Maybe I'm starting to accept that I'm not Cathe, I'll never be, & I need to be who I am instead of trying to be someone else. Maybe I'm starting to accept that the new, curvier Laura is better than the old, boyish Laura. It's been a long road getting here, & I don't think I'll ever stop trying to get back to that ideal weight, but I'm no longer losing sleep over the fact that I'm not there right now.

Or maybe tomorrow I'll be all kinds of pi$$ed that I don't look like I did less than a year ago. But today is a good day. :)
 
Laura!

Congrats on the great day! Hopefully you'll feel this way many more days to come! I struggle with the same issues! I will have to try the list of positives. I took one of those dna photo surveys and it pegged me correct - I love to workout and if I don't feel i look good on the outside, I don't feel good on the inside, which I know is wrong.

You have come a long way, you look AWESOME!!!!!

Many more great days to come for you!!!!
 
Laura,

Congratulations!:D You know life is all about ebbs and tides.;) I'm so glad you are having a great day.:rolleyes: Enjoy it!

I feel pretty good myself today.:)

Janie
 
I'm glad to hear you are doing a better job at acceptance than me. You look awesome by the way!!

I have been down lately over my weight gain and I am feeling discouraged myself especially when my clothes don't fit and I feel I have to get rid of some of my clothes as well. I refuse to accept my current weight as I am 15 lbs over where I should be but a change in medication caused my metabolism to slow down and I have less give in my diet than I used to.

I have a wedding to be in and a 15 year reunion coming up and I wish I could get to the weight I want to be at.
 
I'm 10lbs heavier than I was the first 11 or 12 years of my marriage, and I was pretty hard on myself about that until the last year, so I understand. I mean, I managed to keep my high school weight after 2 kids and into my early 30s, so what the heck happened? It really bugged me.

One day, I did the closet purge and never looked back. I decided I was going to be healthy, not thin. In addition, the book "Outsmarting The Midlife Fat Cell" really helped me change my frame of mind regarding this subtle shift in my body. A breast cancer scare slapped me upside my head too, basically saying, "You want something to worry about? I'll give you something to worry about..." Suddenly the skirt that no longer fit no longer mattered.

Looking back at my teens and 20s, I wasted a significant amount of time exercising (lots of aerobics), eating crap, and worrying about how I measured up to others (why, I don't know).

Now I'm learning to eat well, taking vitamins, exercising smarter and for myself (NOT to please anyone else), and my priorities are straight.

There's more to life than the number on the inside of our jeans, ladies. :) <3 I'm wishing you, Laura, and all Catheites many, many "good days."
 
LauraMax said:
I did some self examination. I did what I hate to do: I really LOOKED at myself in the mirror. And you know what? I didn't hate what I saw. OK I have more jiggle than what I'd like. But I'm muscular, I'm fit & I'm healthy for my age. Some might even say I have a much healthier & attractive look than I did 10 lbs ago. Not me, but some. ;)

Then I started doing what one poster suggested (& I apologize for forgetting who b/c it was such a great suggestion). I started listing the things I liked about myself. I was really happy to find that list was longer than the list of things I didn't like about myself.
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I am so glad to read this. Life is too short to spend it hating your own body.


Some might even say I have a much healthier & attractive look than I did 10 lbs ago. Not me, but some. ;)
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Ahem, yep, that would be me. I know I sound like a broken record, but you really do look terrific!

I love this forum, but unfortunately along with the good things about discussing fitness with others who enjoy it is the tendency to feed off of each others' insecurities. I know that when I start looking at lots of pictures of people who look like Cathe, it starts to give me a distorted view of what a realistic woman's body should look like. (And let's face it, Cathe looks great, but she is hardly representative of the average woman!)

Keep reminding yourself of all the great things about your body, Laura. You have a lot to be proud of!!
 
Hi Laura:
I don't post much, but feel compelled to say that you look fabulous in your recent road trip photos. Moving toward a place where you truly appreciate yourself on the inside and outside is liberting and I think it pulls more positive energy into your life all around - which is why I keep trying to do that!

Sometimes easing up on the stringent rules we sometimes inflict upon ourselves is the best thing we can do to just be happier all around. (...and buying a new pair of shoes always makes me feel great too!) :)

Alicia
 
aloxx said:
Hi Laura:
I don't post much, but feel compelled to say that you look fabulous in your recent road trip photos. Moving toward a place where you truly appreciate yourself on the inside and outside is liberting and I think it pulls more positive energy into your life all around - which is why I keep trying to do that!

Sometimes easing up on the stringent rules we sometimes inflict upon ourselves is the best thing we can do to just be happier all around. (...and buying a new pair of shoes always makes me feel great too!) :)

Alicia
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Oh yeah, there will always be new shoes! :):):):):)

Alicia, you mentioned something I forgot to put in my post, which is how what's on the inside has become much more valuable to me than what's on the outside. I don't know if it's a consequence of turning 40, or maturing, or just having a little more common sense, but one of the things I realized was that I truly am happy w/who I am inside, & perhaps that shows on the outside. :cool:
 
Laura,

I think you have posted a message that just about everyone on this forum can relate to.

As women in today's day and age we live in a society where we can be/do/have anything we want. We can be doctors, nurses, lawyers, astronauts, stay-at-home Moms, teachers, etc. but gosh darn - we better look great doing it as well!

I can't tell you how many times during my weight struggles that I have felt terrible about myself. In fact, after having my 3rd child in my forties I bought my first designer purse. HOWEVER, I put the purse away and told myself that I would use it when I dropped the weight I had gained during pregnancy (which in my 40's was not easy to do). That purse sat up in my closet for months until one day I realized that my daughter was with me when I bought that purse (she was 12 at the time) and I told her my thoughts about not using it until I was "thin" again. In essence, I was teaching my daughter that I was not worthy of that purse until my body was a certain size. Needless to say, I grabbed that purse off the shelf and began using it right away!! Honestly - it was for her sake not mine - I still felt I didn't deserve it.

Because I have her, now 15, I try to be very careful about what I say around her since I am teaching her how to love and nurture herself. Unfortunately, in my own head, I still struggle with how I feel about myself in regards to my weight.

I know it sounds bizarre but when we are invited to a party or the holidays are coming - I always think in terms of "how much time I have to lose the number of pounds I want to" instead of realizing how much fun I will have spending time with friends and family.

I am seriously considering doing the closet cleaning thing - Laura. My "small" clothes are still there in hopes that they will remind me to lose the weight I so desperately want to. I would love to live "healthy" instead of every day being about losing weight.

Thanks for your post - I think it helps us all realize we are not alone in our feelings about our body image and acceptance.
 
Laura - thanks for this post! It was very eloquently written. I've always known that you're a pretty smart lady!

I've had to come to terms with myself lately, too. Not because of weight gain (yet...), but due to other things that made me realize that I'll never have that perfect bod. And like you, I realized that there are a lot more things about me that I do like than that I don't. It's a great feeling to know that, isn't it?

Now then - take a nice Saturday and go shopping to complete your new wardrobe!
 
Laura, I'm going to go for the superficial reply here--

I looked at your picturetrail photos. I'm assuming that's you with the incredible blue eyes in the road trip album...I don't know how old the pictures of you are in the "my album" album.

BUT LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING LADY!!!

You look so much younger with a little meat on your bones. Yes, your body was TO DIE FOR (yeah, I'd almost cut off my right arm to have ever had abs like that) but you look so much healthier & you still have pretty arms.

I'm glad you've come to a place where you are more accepting of what your body is doing right now.
 
Really good thoughts. One thing I have found is that in just about every stage of my life I have always wanted to "drop just a few pounds" and it seems that that was what I was focused on. And when I look at pictures of me "back in the day" (I´m 51) I think, "what on earth was i thinking?, I looked great". I think we, well I, for sure, waste way too much time on the superficial. Thanks for the reminder! (but let´s still keep in shape :))
 
Laura, boy am I proud of you! I loved your post and would love to go shopping with you!;) Kate, anyone??:D
I think you look lots younger now with a few more pounds, those pounds showed up in the face, right where they needed to go! You look amazing, didn't Cathe compliment your arms?? Of course she did! Most women would kill to have your body, so there! I am working on my own body thing, I think I have chosen to ignore the negative voices and focus on my fun new workouts with the kettlebells. They make me feel powerful and strong, like an athlete. I am really into that athlete thing, so am going with it right now!

((hugs)) just for you, being you and sharing your thoughts.:D
 
Laura, what a great post! Reading it made me tear up. Honestly, you look amazing and fabulous as you are now (I saw those recent RT photos, lady!), and I'm so happy that you're happy now. And I agree with everyone else that you need to get some new clothes! Can I go shopping with you and Tneah?! ;)
 
Good for you Laura !

I hit the big 50 this year. The past couple of years were very stressful with some deaths of co workers and the changes in metabolism hitting all at once. No longer could I take a week and drop 5 lbs. because I wasn't being good to myself.

And for the past two years I have carried 5 and now an extra 10 lbs more than when I was quite happy with myself. (And I do love the fact that I made it to 47 or 48 before I hit this brick wall that eventually comes to at least 90% of us females !).

So here's where I'm at these days: Yes I am trying to drop the extra weight. No, haven't been able to do it because I still want to be able to eat only about 90% clean throughout the week or splurge here and there.

Yes, these forums have loads of motivation and understanding and I have made some very positive body changes this year. No, it isn't weight or fat %, but I am slowly "morphing" my body into reshaping itself (even though it is going slowly).

Yes, I still have the unwanted "fat pads" from my belly button down to my kneecaps. No it hasn't all disappearred - but it is less than was there on Jan 1st when Gayle (banslug) started the Challengers checkin (the first check in I ever kept up with).

Yes, it is jiggling less and I see some real muscles even under my "fluff". No, I don't care to give up the fact that many ladies much younger than me would love to have the body I have.

Yes I am becoming better at accepting compliments. No, I will not stop working to make myself the best I can be - but, as others have said - I'M DOING IT FOR ME.

What more can we do but enjoy the fact that others would love to be where we are? We truly need to be less critical and realize that there are very very few people that are 100% satisified with themselves, whether it be physical, mental or emotional.

The name of the game is to be the best you can be, inside and out.

You go girl - great post that I am sure will help others come to the same revelation you hit today. Now please don't go backwards - you know how many of us on the board would love to have your physique.

Happy day to all ! :D

ETA: this is the time in my life where all the "old" ways of working out just aren't "working" any longer so it has been a year of reading everyone's posts, ideas on best ways to workout and definitely much experimentation - just like you have been doing LauraMax. Seems those of us more seasoned ladies just need to switch things up just like our metabolisms have switched things up. Sure makes life interesting and makes us get more creative !
 
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Girl, you kill me. I look at your pictures and think how I'd give anything to have YOUR body! Is this that whole grass is always greener thing?

BTW, what did you you decide about becoming a trainer? I haven't been here regularly lately and was wondering.
 
Interesting thread!

I will be 50 this November and have that weight gain around my waist. Never used to gain it there before. However, I'm still feeling pretty strong on the bike for an old broad. :p

Went riding on Saturday with a couple girlfriends . We did a 56 mile ride, with some hills along the way. One of the gals is 52 and is pretty thin, but is currently trying to get down to a certain weight (120# and she's 5'6 or so). She had no power at all and had to cut the ride short. Didn't seem to bother her though, as she was burning calories and was probably anxious to step on the scale . This always happens when she diets. Me, I'd rather weigh a bit more, but still be able to kick butt. I love that feeling of strength and athleticism.

I too have come to more of an acceptance of my body, but I'll still work out, have fun and stay active.

Great thread, Laura!:D
 
Hi Laura,
You're a beautiful lady and look absolutely wonderful where you are now as well as where you were then. :) I don't have a lot to say. I just wanted to give you a big
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. It sounds like you're at a very good place right now. I think all of us understand and can relate to this post.
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Hi Laura,

I can relate to what you are going through. I am 47 years old and over the past 3 or 4 years I have noticed many body changes that I didn't like and had to change and modify my workouts to go along with it. I am much better a listening to my body and accepting it as OK (at least most days!!) I would love to be more lean and fit looking too but not sure if that will happen for me. You were wise to clean out your closet and move on with that part of your changes. Just an FYI that if you now need a LOT of clothes, I shop a local thrift shops and find nice clothes very inexpensive.

Cindy
 
Laura,

All I have to say is that you're beautiful inside and out! I've never met you in person, but your photos are stunning. I love reading your thoughts!

It's a very long journey isn't it?
 
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