not a good report i'm about to post. i just totally binged. i know its b/c i feel so overwhelmed with my life right now. i'm just now starting to study for the boards for my physical therapy licensure. i also just found out that my brother is stuggling with a drug addiction to oxycoton. due to all of this i just completely spun out of control. i just devoured 2 boxes of kashi bars, 1/2 jar of peanut butter, 1 bowl of cereal, and 2 skinny cow ice cream sandwiches. i feel AWFUL! I knew that this was going to make me feel worse but it was such an overwhelming feeling that i have been battling this urge for about 2 weeks now. even with and increase in carbs and healthy cals i couldn't overpower it. Im trying to just move on and not beat myself up but its hard when your belly is protruding like your 9 months pregnant. I just want to view food normally and no matter how hard i try i'm always thinking about it. Its been about 6 weeks since my last binge which makes me feel even worse b/c its like i have to start all over. I also feel that the more i try and control things in my life (workouts, food, school, etc) the more out of control i feel. Sometimes i feel that working out contributes to my binges even though i workout for no more than 1 hour 5 days per week. I just feel like i let myself down. Being that what i ate was so fibrous i'm expecting to spend sometime in the bathroom later LOL
YUCK
- Thread starter kariev
- Start date
marnapril
Cathlete
please remind yourself that you don't eat this way every day, that's it's a one-time binge and that you can move on. although, i would highly recommend some stress-relief, therapy, counseling... SOMETHING so you are not feeling so out of control. sounds like you may be battling similar issues as your brother (addiciton/compulsive behavior?)
wgilchrist
Cathlete
I stopped doing this after my Dr took me off the pill! It just didn't agree with me. About once a month I felt COMPLETELY out of control. It was scary and was getting progressivly worse. Food seemed the only outlet to numb me.
I feel much better now and reach for food mostly out of habit but never out of utter desperation.
Please don't beat yourself up. There is a lesson to be learned in everything. Find out what it is and move on. You are obviously very strong and will be fine. Just let this pass.
Sincerely,
I feel much better now and reach for food mostly out of habit but never out of utter desperation.
Please don't beat yourself up. There is a lesson to be learned in everything. Find out what it is and move on. You are obviously very strong and will be fine. Just let this pass.
Sincerely,
JodelleFitzh20
Cathlete
The Battle
it happened and it's over. You are only one meal away from being back on track. Your next meal will be better. Don't beat yourself up. You are dealing with alot. Give yourself some credit. My brother also is going through his addiction to oxy. He is just out of prison and trying to stay clean but everyday is a battle, yet so far one that he is winning. But he wakes up every morning and has to decide how he is going to get through the day without screwing up...and similarly so do we who are trying to eat good and take care of ourselves. We are bombarded by temptations and frustrations all day, and sometimes we fall off the wagon just like an addict. The good news is that every day is a new day and a new chance to start over and try to not make that same mistake again. You learned a lesson and your battle is an everyday thing just like our brothers. So don't be down on yourself. Instead of letting this discourage you, let it encourage you to try harder tomorrow for tomorrow is a new day.
Side note: I know it's so hard learning of your brothers addiction, but the best thing you can do is be there for him and try not to judge him. Hate the drug for what has done to him, but don't resent him. He needs you and your support. You don't have to be there as a hand-out, but just as a hand to hold. And in the meantime, here is a scripture that has helped me and I hope it helps you...Lamentations 3:22-23,32-33 - "Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.....Though He brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For He does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men."
Message me if you'd need some more support, I'm here for you girl. I know your pain.
it happened and it's over. You are only one meal away from being back on track. Your next meal will be better. Don't beat yourself up. You are dealing with alot. Give yourself some credit. My brother also is going through his addiction to oxy. He is just out of prison and trying to stay clean but everyday is a battle, yet so far one that he is winning. But he wakes up every morning and has to decide how he is going to get through the day without screwing up...and similarly so do we who are trying to eat good and take care of ourselves. We are bombarded by temptations and frustrations all day, and sometimes we fall off the wagon just like an addict. The good news is that every day is a new day and a new chance to start over and try to not make that same mistake again. You learned a lesson and your battle is an everyday thing just like our brothers. So don't be down on yourself. Instead of letting this discourage you, let it encourage you to try harder tomorrow for tomorrow is a new day.
Side note: I know it's so hard learning of your brothers addiction, but the best thing you can do is be there for him and try not to judge him. Hate the drug for what has done to him, but don't resent him. He needs you and your support. You don't have to be there as a hand-out, but just as a hand to hold. And in the meantime, here is a scripture that has helped me and I hope it helps you...Lamentations 3:22-23,32-33 - "Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.....Though He brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For He does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men."
Message me if you'd need some more support, I'm here for you girl. I know your pain.
runninggal
Cathlete
Kariev, you have written posts in the past with a similar theme. Go back to your psychologist, sweetie. You don't have to suffer alone. There is help.
Hugs to you.
Sarah
Hugs to you.
Sarah
morningstar
Cathlete
I hate to make light of your pain, but I would just say, as binges go, this is nothing! You didn't even have full fat ice cream sandwiches! C'mon, if you're going to put yourself through all the guilt and agony anyway, at least have stuff that you really really love and crave, not what just happens to be there. Anyway, that's my philosophy- I might as well fully enjoy it before the stomachache and guilt hits!
runninggal
Cathlete
FYI~ Kariev's binge has nothing to do with food. This is self-medicating with food as a coping mechanism for other issues.
pepnchar
Cathlete
I've been there!
Hey there -- I completely know what you are going through -- I have had many binges under my belt during the last few weeks. I'm going through a lot of stress too -- and I get on myself about being out of control -- believe me, eating without any control is a very scary feeling! I used to be a lot worse. I am a (somewhat) recovered bulimic, but lately I am battling a stalking ex boyfriend and his constant harrassment, raising my daughter alone and trying to make ends meet while spending quality time as a mom. All that stress manifests itself in cookies, ice cream and other carbs. But I can let it go and move on without doing the dreaded "p" word. I give myself credit for the time when I am able to fight the urges off (you made it a couple weeks before giving in, that commendable!). And I agree, as binges go, that was a minor snack. And relatively clean food too. You'll be OK. We're all pulling for you!
Hey there -- I completely know what you are going through -- I have had many binges under my belt during the last few weeks. I'm going through a lot of stress too -- and I get on myself about being out of control -- believe me, eating without any control is a very scary feeling! I used to be a lot worse. I am a (somewhat) recovered bulimic, but lately I am battling a stalking ex boyfriend and his constant harrassment, raising my daughter alone and trying to make ends meet while spending quality time as a mom. All that stress manifests itself in cookies, ice cream and other carbs. But I can let it go and move on without doing the dreaded "p" word. I give myself credit for the time when I am able to fight the urges off (you made it a couple weeks before giving in, that commendable!). And I agree, as binges go, that was a minor snack. And relatively clean food too. You'll be OK. We're all pulling for you!
thanks ladies. its nice to know i have support here. i'm feeling a little better. i actually got about 2 and a half hours of studying in this afternoon. i decided to be a little productive instead of dwelling in my mistake. i was going to do any extra workout but decided not to as i didn't want to punish myself. what i also realized is that for the past week i have been doing a lot of artificial sweetners (diet coke, splenda, etc) whenever i put this back in my diet my cravings start. i'm actually starting to get a little hungry for dinner and think i will have a nice salad with some protein. i just keep telling myself that it takes 3500 extra cals to gain an extra pound of fat. i think my total for today will be around 3000. so i'm around an extra 1500 which isn't the worst. i haven't gotten my cardio in for the past 4 days. i've just been lifting some weights and it just doesn't give me that extra boost like cardio does in my mood. i just hate how it takes about 2 days to get rid of all the excess water i will have from the extra carbs and sugar. i know i have had similar posts in the past. i just wanted to vent this since it has been awhile since it occured.
syzygy314
Cathlete
I'm sorry you're having a hard time right now. Family issues and stress are difficult to deal with.
Don't look at this as having to start over. Try to just tell yourself that you've done it, it's out of your system and tomorrow is a new day. Sometimes we all binge and sometimes we all binge more than once! If you are binging on a regular basis, try to write down how you're feeling before, during and after and track it. It could be there's something missing in your diet. Maybe, you are going through some type of eating problem. Either way, I think tracking your food and your emotions and psychological mood when you binge might help you.
I agree that what you ate as far as snacks and food binging go wasn't bad! You could have eaten the whole jar of peanut butter with bars of chocolate and chocolate syrup! That would be my binge snack!
Kariev, if you think you need to, talk to your doctor about it. The logs will help you and your doctor figure out what's going on and get in under control if it's more than just binging because you're craving!
We're all here for you any time you need support!
Just keep going! You'll do better tomorrow!
Good luck!
Tricia
Don't look at this as having to start over. Try to just tell yourself that you've done it, it's out of your system and tomorrow is a new day. Sometimes we all binge and sometimes we all binge more than once! If you are binging on a regular basis, try to write down how you're feeling before, during and after and track it. It could be there's something missing in your diet. Maybe, you are going through some type of eating problem. Either way, I think tracking your food and your emotions and psychological mood when you binge might help you.
I agree that what you ate as far as snacks and food binging go wasn't bad! You could have eaten the whole jar of peanut butter with bars of chocolate and chocolate syrup! That would be my binge snack!
Kariev, if you think you need to, talk to your doctor about it. The logs will help you and your doctor figure out what's going on and get in under control if it's more than just binging because you're craving!
We're all here for you any time you need support!
Just keep going! You'll do better tomorrow!
Good luck!
Tricia
aveggiegirl
Cathlete
Hang in there Kariev. You will get through this...you are brave and strong. I agree with the others. See your doctor for some help. You are in my prayers tonight.
Sunshine1528
Cathlete
Glad you came here to get it off your chest ! Sounds like you are in a better place with good ideas on how to finish out the day. Drink lots of water for a couple days and get some cardio in there.
I have been very "blah" lately as I focused more on my STS workouts than my cardio and it just doesn't help the stress factor. You need a little extra boost from the cardio both for your "high feeling" and for a little extra metabolism charge !
Hope tomorrow goes much much better for you !
I have been very "blah" lately as I focused more on my STS workouts than my cardio and it just doesn't help the stress factor. You need a little extra boost from the cardio both for your "high feeling" and for a little extra metabolism charge !
Hope tomorrow goes much much better for you !
RapidBreath
Cathlete
If I haven't suggested it to you before
My favorite place to go to help me deal with food issues is the podcast called Inside Out Weight loss which is really about dealing with serious food problems with reasonable techniques that in my opinion work. It won't work overnight but it can help you start to relax around food. I don't know if this is true of you, but it sounded like you would have binged on anything that was in the house that had any sugar in it, right? any carbohydrate source would do?
One of the little bits information that I found to be interesting is that binges usually start with a carbohydrate/sugar combination and end with a protein/fat combination. Also, I believe that the reason we use sugar/carbohydrate sources in times of stress is that it actually dulls the mind. It numbs us. One of the ways to treat alzheimers is to go on a low carb diet, well it stands to reason that a higher carb diet inhibits the ability to remember. Ever heard the phrase, "Drinking to forget"? Well, it sounds like you are eating to forget. I am so sorry you had this episode. Its tough. I get it.
Never be embarrassed about what has happened with you. I do think you should see a therapist if you can.
My favorite place to go to help me deal with food issues is the podcast called Inside Out Weight loss which is really about dealing with serious food problems with reasonable techniques that in my opinion work. It won't work overnight but it can help you start to relax around food. I don't know if this is true of you, but it sounded like you would have binged on anything that was in the house that had any sugar in it, right? any carbohydrate source would do?
One of the little bits information that I found to be interesting is that binges usually start with a carbohydrate/sugar combination and end with a protein/fat combination. Also, I believe that the reason we use sugar/carbohydrate sources in times of stress is that it actually dulls the mind. It numbs us. One of the ways to treat alzheimers is to go on a low carb diet, well it stands to reason that a higher carb diet inhibits the ability to remember. Ever heard the phrase, "Drinking to forget"? Well, it sounds like you are eating to forget. I am so sorry you had this episode. Its tough. I get it.
Never be embarrassed about what has happened with you. I do think you should see a therapist if you can.
morningstar
Cathlete
From my blog, a few months ago:
You know, it's about the journey, not the destination. Every day we have a choice how we want to treat ourselves- like goddesses or like trash. Some days the trash wins and some days we believe in ourselves. But each day we wake up and have the opportunity to make a positive choice. A fall off the wagon doesn't have to mean a fall off the cliff and we don't have to hate ourselves for making less than healthy choices - eating 2 bags of nummy barbeque soy chips (mmmmm...soy chips...) is not the same as killing children, for cryin' out loud! We are all works in progress - I am aiming for perfection to hit 36 minutes before I'm dead (I figure 36 minutes is probably all I can handle of perfection before it kills me!)
That being said, as someone who used to have an eating disorder for 20 years, therapy may help. Our relationship with one of the substances that is imperative for our survival is often complicated and highly emotional. Therapy may help at least in coming to understand that food isn't supposed to be used as medication for your emotions and that it is supposed to be fuel for your body. You wouldn't overfill your gas tank, right? But if you did, would you feel guilty and hate yourself for it?
You know, it's about the journey, not the destination. Every day we have a choice how we want to treat ourselves- like goddesses or like trash. Some days the trash wins and some days we believe in ourselves. But each day we wake up and have the opportunity to make a positive choice. A fall off the wagon doesn't have to mean a fall off the cliff and we don't have to hate ourselves for making less than healthy choices - eating 2 bags of nummy barbeque soy chips (mmmmm...soy chips...) is not the same as killing children, for cryin' out loud! We are all works in progress - I am aiming for perfection to hit 36 minutes before I'm dead (I figure 36 minutes is probably all I can handle of perfection before it kills me!)
That being said, as someone who used to have an eating disorder for 20 years, therapy may help. Our relationship with one of the substances that is imperative for our survival is often complicated and highly emotional. Therapy may help at least in coming to understand that food isn't supposed to be used as medication for your emotions and that it is supposed to be fuel for your body. You wouldn't overfill your gas tank, right? But if you did, would you feel guilty and hate yourself for it?
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fit44
Cathlete
Very interesting about alzheimers. My brother had a very aggressive form of alzheimers but luckily didn't live long enough for the disease to fully progress. He died of a blood clot to the lung. Which was a true blessing.
Also, Skwigg just reviewed a book about food layering and hypereating. It is amazing how food effects our thinking.
Anyway, I thought you might find this book review interesting.
http://skwigg.tripod.com/blog/
Also, Kariev...
Scroll down Skwigg's blog she talks about intuitive eating as well. She has been very candid about her binge days.
I love reading her blog because she's so down to earth and funny!
((Hugs)) I'm so sorry you are struggling with so much.
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hi guys. well today is a new day. suprisingly i got hungry last night and had a nice salad dinner with 4oz of steak in it. i actually slept really well last night which is unusual for me after a binge. I'm not too bloated this morning either. I'm looking forward to my workout today to burn up and sweat out some of this. Yesterday i ended up getting in 2 and a half hours of studying. I had decided to be productive and stop wallowing in my guilt. I was going to do an extra workout too but decided i was just doing it as punishment and i didn't want to do that to myself. In the end i ended up only eating 1500cals more than what i normally ate so i know i didn't gain a pound of fat. The binge was definately fueled by stress. I didn't handle it very well and next time i will talk about my feelings with loved ones instead of botteling them up. Also, i noticed that for the past week i have exponentially increased my artificial sweetner use (diet soda, diet/sugar free foods, etc) and i know this has something to do with my cravings. I love knowing i can come here and get support from you guys and not get judged. thanks for listening.