Wow - 2 weeks and he's "met somebody"

Travisli

Travisli

Cathlete
My husband and I are getting a divorce. It was my decision, after 23 years (19 married) and I believe in my heart it was the right decision and not one that I came to overnight.

He moved out of the house on April 4th. I just got off the phone with him because he's planning to come over and see the kids today and he told me that "he met somebody" already. He felt it was important to tell me because he took her into the grocery store last night and he knows people talk, we live in a small town, yadda, yadda. . . .

I've got a myriad of feelings, most of them happy -- in a sense I guess I feel relieved because he is moving forward. . . but at the same time I'm amazed and astonished. . . . it's been 2 weeks.

He asked me if I had met somebody yet?! :confused: I thought that was an odd question. I have two kids and am in the process of moving out of our house to move into a rental and he thinks I'm out there looking for somebody new? To be honest somebody new is the farthest thing from my mind. . . . I guess that's why his news was kind of surprising.

Don't know what my purpose of writing this was, other than to get it off of me. Now I can go back to packing :)

I finished STS Week 2. Yay for me :)

Travis
 
Oh Travis, I wish you and the kids the absolute best during this transition in your life. <3

2 weeks does seem kind of sudden. One wonders if this isn't a knee-jerk reaction to the divorce. You know...your absence leaves a void, and his immediate response it to fill it. I'm just guessing, of course. I wish him well also.

(I'm in my second go-around with STS Week 2. :eek: )
 
Wow, two weeks is fast! It sounds like he has issues being alone. Of course on the other hand maybe he's hoping you'll be jealous??? It sounds like you're very clear on what you want and where you need to be but he probably isn't. Anyway, I wish you the best. Divorce is not fun business.

Congrats on finishing week 2!

Jo
 
No words of wisdom from me.

I hope you and the children are doing well. This must be a terrible time for you. I hope you are doing well. Even though you were sure it was over, I'm sure this must be a hard time. You are in my thoughts and prayers. There is a lot of change going on in your life. Reach out if you need us!!!!

How in the world are you doing STS??? you go girl!!!!

ellie
 
Travis,

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

It makes me wonder though, after so many years of being together and he found someone else in two weeks? He must have already been seeing her. I really don't want to sound awful, but it sounds so familiar to me. After 13 and half years of marriage my man (at the time) all of a sudden found someone new after we split up. Found out later he had already been dating her much longer than he said. Men can be such cowards and sneaks sometimes. I'm hoping that is not the case for you. You deserve so much more than that.

You know what you don't want in life, so live the way you prefer now. It can be so good and it will. Time has a way of healing all of us. Things constantly change, usually for the better.

Good vibes/prayers out to you,

Janie
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I am sorry you and your kids are going through a difficult time!!!

Are you sure that he has really met someone, maybe he is just trying to make you jealous.

If he in fact has met someone that fast, hopefully he will be happy and not give you much grief during the divorce.

All the best to you and your kids!
 
Thank you all for the well wishes, thoughts and prayers. They are appreciated.

I don't think he was seeing anyone before -- I think he just happened to meet someone who is also going through a divorce and it's nice for him to have someone to talk to. I am truly happy for him.

He just left and it's a very hard time. He wants us to be friends, and truly we are, since we've known each other for so long. But I find he can say something and it will just set me off - and I'm immediately pissed off. He asked me why I was so angry with him, since I've gotten everything I want without much fight. I don't know why I'm so angry - and why he can make me so angry so quickly -- it's a yucky time for sure, but I really need to work on just being nice and friendly to him no matter what we are discussing, it just seems hard.

Anyway, STS and working out is keeping me sane -- I'm happy to do it.
 
Travis,

Hugs to you!

I know it must be a shock that he's seeing someone so soon, but you know...Runcrazy has a point.

People deal with things in different ways and some people hate to live a lone.

When my ex and I split many years ago, it was GREAT to be by myself and learn about who I really am and what I really enjoy. I think living a lone was the hardest to get used to but I grew to love it...a lot.

just take things in stride and don't take it personal. just enjoy who you are and who you are going to become.
 
hugs, Travis! I'm so sorry for the tough times you're in.
I'm happy you are taking the time to care for yourself by working out and seeking support when you need it.
Hang in there!

Becky
 
He probably dated someone once or twice is calling it "met someone" to make you jealous, and perhaps to prove to you (and himself) that he isn't a loser. If he just met her, the chances of it going anywhere are not high.
 
I'm sorry for what you're going through, but if you've thought about this for a while, you must have realized the marriage was over. However, I have to agree with Janie, I think he knew this longer than you think. Not to say they had a physical relationship, but my first thoughts were he knew her already.

Good luck, take care of yourself and those children.

Dana
 
No worries!

You look great! You feel like you've made the right decision, and you're moving on with your life.

I agree with Nancy -- this is probably temporary. But from experience, it's best when the ex moves on. It really does make everything easier. (Been there, done that!)

Just keep moving in the right direction -- keep working out (because it's working so well for you). And stay positive (because it's good for you). :D
 
I think he has a need to be wanted. You don't want him so he filled the void with someone who did. I'd only be worried about it if your kids get attached to her, or he tells them she's going to be their new mommy.

I seriously doubt the relationship will last, he's rebounding, plain and simple.

Take care of yourself. At least it sounds like you're on friendly terms and it hasn't become a nasty power struggle, as so many divorces do. Keep your sanity the best you can and look at this as a new beginning.
 
Hi Travis - it seems like you have the right attitude. I just want to tell you that its OK to feel confused right now. Things are probably going to be muddled for awhile. Your relationship with your soon to be ex is still strained but eventually you will find a new "normal." I am proud of you for taking care of yourself and being kind to YOU during this time. I went through a divorce earlier this year after being married 11 years. If you ever want to talk, send me a PM. Big hugs to you.
 
Hi Travis - My BIL is in the process of getting divorced after 20+ years of marriage. He's only been moved out for about a month and he's already had two "girlfriends"/dating partners/whatever, so this situation isn't really that odd. I think some guys just need to have a woman in their life for whatever reason. I know there are women who are this way as well.

{{{{{BIG HUGS}}}}} and best of luck to you in your new life. :)
 
I'm dealing with some tough times in my marriage right now and the odds are very high that we will not make it. I've come to terms with that and am actually ready to move on. The issues are his, not mine (I don't want to get into it here - this is your post). But, I can understand what your soon-to-be-ex is doing in a way. I think it's more of a need to convince himself that he's still desirable and wanted. It's scary to have to move on after all those years of being married and it's lonely in a lot of ways. You're used to spending your spare time with someone else, and suddenly that someone is no longer around and you're finding yourself by yourself a lot. Being alone can be a very good thing, but after awhile it gets, well, boring.

About the relationship - no, of course it's not going to last, but he may need this right now to assure himself that he's still a man and still desirable. It has absolutely nothing with how he felt about you, and I doubt it's to make you jealous (it could be, though). I seriously think he's just reaching out for some comfort and assurance. If she's going through the same thing, then they have that in common and may be able to help each other through it.
 
Thanks for all the support, hugs and general information.

I believe my soon to be ex is just reaching out for comfort and assurance as well. I don't think he has any ill intent.

My emotions are high and change on a daily basis -- some days are easier than others. I think once my boys and I move out of the house and into our rental I will be able to begin again and can work to create that "new normal" relationship with my ex.

Thanks again ladies.

Travis
 
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