Why do relatives like to comment about weight/food?

This thread is so true! What really cracks me up is when people truly compliment me and say things like "I can't believe you're 48 and have 4 kids, how to you do it?" When I proceed to tell them how I do it, very shortly their eyes glaze over and they get into this stupor. I assume they are thinking "yeah right I am going to do that!" and I don't consider myself extreme at all! I get up 3-4 mornings a week at 5 am and workout before work for one hour and then 2 or 3 times a week weight training in the evening. What's so big about that? The main thing is I just don't sit on my butt and watch TV that frees up TONS of time.
Oh well, I know I am preaching to the choir here.

Paula
 
>Hi all,
>
>I like this thread and know what you all are experiencing.
>We live in the laziest, fattest country in the world so as
>frustrating as these comments are I now take them a
>compliments
>and even say "thank you" when somebody makes a rude comment
>about
>what I eat, don't eat and that I use weights and cardio so
>that I
>can enjoy good health and better quality of life. I think a
>lot
>of people are jealous so they make these ignorant comments, it
>is really a reflection of their own negative image of
>themselves.
>
>I have lost over 20lbs the last year. When people ask me how
>I
>did it and I mention good eating, eating less, cardio and
>weight training, you should see the scowling faces I get when
>I say
>"weight training". he he he
>
>Cindy
>
>

Cindy, ITA. Good way to look at it. And you're right, no one wants to hear that being healthy requires some level of discipline and committment!

I have to share this story: I worked a job one time with a heavy woman who, by her own admission, ate burgers and fries almost every night. She was always talking about this or that "get thin quick" scheme with the other women in the office. Never once did cutting back or hitting the treadmill figure in her plans. Drove me crazy. One day I saw she'd left a fax on the machine, something she had sent to I assume another heavy friend, an ad page from a magazine for one of these ridiculous "take this pill and with no other effort in 3 days you'll be smokin' hot" things. She'd written on it "I don't know about this, sounds like all those other things we've tried but it might be worth a shot." I wrote on it, "How about eating less, and getting more exercise?" and taped it above the fax machine. Terrible on my part but I was so annoyed by her constant yapping I had to do something (and no one knew she'd sent it but me, they just saw the advert with both comments on it.)

Crazy.

Sorry so long! Sparrow

"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming ‘Wow - what a ride!’ — Peter Sage
 
I get that all the time!! even from doctors!! I have one doctor telling me to gain weight and another one to tell me to maintain my weight, and my family does that to me all the time, especially mil shse is rude about it bad! she is always asking me if I ate and what did I eat and ask's me if I am telling her the truth and everyone tells me to gain, It so gets on my nerves
 
Robin,

I get this all the time, too. People can hardly believe that I am 50 and actually BORE ten children and have remained thin. Many will say, no wonder you are so thin, from running after those kids all day! Well, it is my healthy eating and working out that has kept the weight off. I have worked hard after each pregnancy to lose the baby weight. These are people who do not know how I eat or work out to stay thin.

The people who know I eat well and work out regularly give me the same bull that your BIL gave you. I have gotten it from people for 30 years now. Comments like "Oh, are you going to eat today?" to "Oh, you are actually eating?" Yes, I eat, if I didn't I would have died many years ago of starvation. I have never starved myself nor thrown up (bullimia), nor have I been a binger. I do not fill my plate to heaping.

I had one friend tell me constantly that I was too thin - she never worked out a day in her life and was always trying to lose 20 pounds. I even talked to my doctor about it -He told me I was not too thin and that did my friend know that there was an obesity epidemic going on in our country? I am on the lower end of a weight chart, but not below what I should weigh. Needless to say, she is no longer my friend, I couldn't take her digs anymore. She even had told me when I had a miscarriage it was because I was too thin. Well, I have had ten full term pregnancies - so I have enough estrogen to conceive without any fertility treatment. That told me that I was fine.

Thirty years ago I was in a steam room at a health club - there were two other women in there. I couldn't see them, but I heard this one woman say, "I put on 5 pounds a year over the last 12 years." I was in shock - for I did my math - WOW! That is 60 pounds! That has stuck with me all of these years and has had a huge impact on me. How easy that would be. Think about it once, people gain 5 pounds a year doesn't seem like much, but my gosh it adds up. What is easier to lose 5 pounds or the 60 that accumulated over the 12 years.

These people who dare to comment and seem to obsess about how we eat - they are the ones with the problems. They need to get rude comments back to shut them up.

Cheryl
 
>>I heard this one woman say, "I put on 5 pounds a year over the
>last 12 years." I was in shock - for I did my math - WOW!
>That is 60 pounds! That has stuck with me all of these years
>and has had a huge impact on me. How easy that would be.
>Think about it once, people gain 5 pounds a year doesn't seem
>like much, but my gosh it adds up. What is easier to lose 5
>pounds or the 60 that accumulated over the 12 years.

And weren't you thinking "how could you let it continue?" I put on 5 pounds a year the first two years I was at my job, but when I figured that out, I started working out consistently.

Some people don't even try. That's what I thought when I went to a board meeting for a foreign language association I am a board member for. I hadn't seen some of the people in about a year. One women (who got on my case one time for 'not being able to eat anything") had gained about 20 pounds, and in her fat @$$ and gut...and she wasn't slim before that. My former department chair, who had had bypass surgery and had, for a while, gotten rid of his bulging gut, had the gut again! (Wouldn't one round of bypass surgery get the message to you?). Other women my age or a few years older had guts hanging out. "Some people don't even try." was all I could think.

Sorry, but no food tastes as good as NOT looking like that feels!
 
Robin --

I always get tongue-tied when people say the "unsupportive" comment, but I love your comeback. I have a "friend" who I think means to be nice, but is always commenting on how "great" I look or how "good" I am about eating, but it ends up feeling that she is being passive aggressive -- because she is. There's always a put down woven into the words. She is usually communicating that it must be nice to be born tall and thin (I'm born tall, but work hard like the rest of us here to be thin and healthy) and it must be nice to have time on my hands to exercise. Someone as busy and important as her doesn't have time for exercise. (My husband says it amazing someone as unlikable as this woman could have such high self esteem -- but doesn't it seem to go that way?)

I think sometimes that women-to-women there are no standards of sportsmanship about health and diet. I think a lot of women cannot admit feelings of envy to themselves and instead passive-aggressively lash out.

When I get this kind of comment from a friend, or a family member, I end up thinking and thinking of how I could put it in a sportsmanship framework which sometimes gets hilarious, but I stretch to find a way to say something positive -- usually in my head after the fact since at the time, I'm remembering that it's not nice to be rude, even when "she" starts it. So to your BIL's annoying comments:
--It's so sweet of you to be concerned about me, but I am feeling so fit and healthy!!
--Oh you are such a kidder, Me? Blow away in the wind. I'm feeling so strong these days.
-- All these questions about my eating, I'm beginning to wonder if you've got a book contract and are going to start writing the "eating healthy for dummies" book after dinner. (oops, that's not so nice.)

But I must say, I like the holding on to his fat wife as an anchor ever so much better.

Did I mention you look mah-velous????

Barb:) :)
 
You know, your post really made me think--I get that from friends & coworkers, but I get the opposite from my family. Stuff like:

Mom: I was as thin as you when I was your age, but I didn't have to diet or workout.

Sister: I could be that thin too if I had the time to workout. (note: sister does not diet at all, she has a chocolate chip cookie addiction)

SIL: I could be that thin too if I hadn't had children.

I have a really weird competitive dynamic in my family which I think comes from my mom. No matter what my sister & I accomplish, she did it better when she was our age with half the effort.
 
Lauramax,
that sounds tough with your mom and sis and SIL.

to Mom: you Lucky lady. Those were the days. I know you are happy for me.

Get this:
When my mom came to visit me last month (she is 80), in front of my kids, while getting a tour of the basement gym from my KIDS, she turns to me and says:

"So, how much weight can you lift?"
me: silence.
Her at age 80: Come on, how much? How much? Can you lift this bar bell?? ( she said this about 4 times)

My kids, in shock, like come on Mom, aren't you gonna say something.....so I resorted to a combination of Will Ferrell and Scottie from Star Trek and managed to cough up:

"Ah, mi-lady (like I can imitate a Scottish accent), I lift as much as the engine can take..." which turned out ok and I felt ok about it --but it still makes me sad that she couldn't just say something like "good for you for working out."

-Barb

:) :)
 
Hi Robin. I'm the new kid on the block with the same issues. I have decided to get healthy and get back into shape for me but my family thinks it is for them. The thing is if you are not doing what someone else is doing they tend to think they are doing something wrong. I eat more healthy and exercise (beginning is hard) and take what they say in stride. If I don't eat what they eat they say what are you eating that for? or They make it a point to say you'll be hungry later. I think to my self if I am hungry later at least I haven't eaten all of my daily calories in one setting. I laugh to myself and then they wonder what I am laughing about. I say nothing and go on because I know it drives them crazy. Then I ask them how they felt when I didn't tell them and remind them I feel the same way. I say everyone has a right to their opinion but I don't have to accept it. I say thank you for being overly kind and move on. What is good for the goose is not always good for the gander, ya know? Use what you can use and discard the rest. It would help if people take their on advice. I know my family's intention is to help but it doesn't make it easier. Keep your head up and keep on the road to healthy success. :7 :7
 
I have started a new job as a nurse tech on a medicine unit at a hospital. I have noticed that the older overweight nurses really eagle-eye what I eat and make remarks about it. But the younger, thinner ones don't even notice or comment. Maybe it's because I'm older than them (one thing you learn as you pass 40 is that some 20-y.o.'s think you're dead) -- but the older ones think it's some weird competition thing? The thing that alarms me is that we see patients all day long in their 50's and 60's that treated their body badly and are now paying for it. It's not the extremes either, like the alcoholics and smokers, for some it's just being fat, no exercise at all, and eating grease. Let me tell you, it scares the bejesus out of me. There is NO WAY I could eat a cheeseburger again. I do not want to be a whale wearing a diaper and gettomg stuck for blood glucose reading every meal. But I see the lunches these large women get, it's burgers and fries. Saddens me. And then they call me names for eating veggies and Lean Cuisine, which is not that extreme. I have restrained myself from pointing out the dichotomy here, but not sure how long I can hold out.
 
Hi Meredith,

People are in such denial about the abuse and neglect they are
doing to their bodies. I think the get mad and resentful when they
see people like us who take care of themselves so they say
insulting things. Like you I would be scared to abuse and neglect
my body but working with nurses who do this must really be
hard frustrating to watch. My friend Nancy was an aerobics instructor and regular exerciser. She died of a brain tumor
at 42 years old but she did live almost two years with it which
is amazing considering how advanced it was when caught and she
had to learn to WALK again after her surgery which she did
quite well. My point here is her determination and physical
strength is what kept her alive that long and I know her 4
children were better off having their mom around as long as
possible.

Cindy
 
My father has spent his share of time in coronary care units, and I'm always amazed at the number of grossly overweight nurses there are working in those units. You'd think they'd learn!

"It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt." Mark Twain ;-)
 
Yes...I get this ALL the time. At every family get together the focus is ALWAYS about what is on or not on my plate. I've learned to not buy into it anymore. I just let my family or my in-laws make their comments and I just smile. I used to explain myself, but those days are over!! I find it amazing (and sad) that they do it on each and every occasion and I've been with DH for over 6 years. I'm a pretty interesting person and would much rather talk about current events. The food critiquing gets boring!!! Even my hair stylist asks me what I eat!!x( :-( x(
 
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