When did opinions start to equal...

[kirsten777]

...a free pass to be insulting, disrespectful, rude, etc? I get so tired of seeing people use "in my opinion" after they told someone off, or to shut-up, or whatever. An opinion is someone's personal point-of-view, that's it, I may not agree with some of the stuff that is said on this board, and I may state my opinion or view point in either agreement or disagreement, but I hope I always remember to respectfully disagree.

I used to be a lurker on this board, and then decided I would start contributing because there have been some very interesting exchanges- but I get so upset when I see all these personal attacks - some of them are downright nasty - that I'm really not sure if this is a forum I want to belong to. But I enjoy a lot of the exchanges, so I am in a bit of a conundrum.

I'm sure I will be flamed for my above statement, so be it, but the fact that I almost don't want to post this speaks volumes.

 

[Janis]

Kirsten

I am feeling exactly the same way. It is no wonder lurkers lurk. And new people interested in what Cathe has to offer, via her QVC appearance or her Eggland's Best association just very well may say - no thanks not interested.

Thanks for taking the courage to post.

 

[nancy324]

Just bumping. Don't mind me.

 

[Shannon_B]

I totally agree

 

[syzygy314]

As a very meek person, but one who will occasionally post an opinion on things when its something I'm truly interested in, I must agree. Although I have never been the recipient of such abuse, I must say that the first time someone treated me like that would be the last time I ever did anything but lurk!

I have met some wonderful people here and have learned a lot and would hope that everyone could be more respectful of ALL opinions so we can have a forum full of interesting exchanges and a lot of new voices (and "ears")!

Tricia

 

[LasVegasFitGirl]

CONUNDRUM

I too lurk and I find many conversations enlightening, interesting or not. And, just like my television, I can "change the channel". I like to think it's people expressing their honest opinions about a topic to get feedback. Somewhat like a debate...maybe there's no right or wrong, just your side of the story.

 

[JesusLives]

...a free pass to be insulting, disrespectful, rude, etc? I get so tired of seeing people use "in my opinion" after they told someone off, or to shut-up, or whatever. An opinion is someone's personal point-of-view, that's it, I may not agree with some of the stuff that is said on this board, and I may state my opinion or view point in either agreement or disagreement, but I hope I always remember to respectfully disagree.

I used to be a lurker on this board, and then decided I would start contributing because there have been some very interesting exchanges- but I get so upset when I see all these personal attacks - some of them are downright nasty - that I'm really not sure if this is a forum I want to belong to. But I enjoy a lot of the exchanges, so I am in a bit of a conundrum.

I'm sure I will be flamed for my above statement, so be it, but the fact that I almost don't want to post this speaks volumes.

Amen to that! Try mentioning God in a post (because it's your own personal belief) and watch the nastiness fly!

 

[clothesminded]

It wasn't always like this, but it's sad to see it happen. Many of the people I look forward to reading their posts aren't here any longer. I don't have to guess why. I've been going over to the forum at bodybuilding.com. Not only have I gotten great advice from being a lurker, but I think with less women on the forum there seems to be less drama. Sad, but true.

 

[janiejoey]

I'm so sorry that you are experiencing that. Where are the flame wars anyway? I can't find them to see what you are talking about. I don't get on here but maybe a few times a day and may have missed it. I just wanted to see how and why you are getting upset.

Sometimes, you could tell SNM (I think) about one of the threads in question and they most likely will delete it. If it is that offensive, and it sounds like it is.

Hope you have a better experience in the near future.

Janie

 

[spyrosmom]

To quote my husband "I don't have opinions, I have facts." *sigh*

I've noticed somethings that DO come off as direct attacks, but there are quite a few that don't that people take that way. I could read it and not be offended, but the original person being responded to is. I think part of the problem that tone/inflection is lost in the written post. Sometimes the authors real intention gets lost in the words, when the wrong tone is read in it, especially if it is on a sensitive or emotional topics. I don't think most of it is intentional, but I definately can see where some of it is.

Nan

 

[horseshowmom]

I'm so sorry that you are experiencing that. Where are the flame wars anyway? I can't find them to see what you are talking about. I don't get on here but maybe a few times a day and may have missed it. I just wanted to see how and why you are getting upset.

Sometimes, you could tell SNM (I think) about one of the threads in question and they most likely will delete it. If it is that offensive, and it sounds like it is.

Hope you have a better experience in the near future.

Janie

Just a guess....the Barbara Boxer thread??? I'm not going to read it as it's political and that's not what I'm here for, but those threads can be touchy.

 

[kirsten777]

I'm so sorry that you are experiencing that. Where are the flame wars anyway? I can't find them to see what you are talking about. I don't get on here but maybe a few times a day and may have missed it. I just wanted to see how and why you are getting upset.

Sometimes, you could tell SNM (I think) about one of the threads in question and they most likely will delete it. If it is that offensive, and it sounds like it is.

Hope you have a better experience in the near future.

Janie

The "flame wars" are sprinkled throughout this forum, I have fortunately, never been the target, and no one has ever been rude or disrespectful to me. What I am noticing is that people (not just in this forum) seem to feel "safe" saying things to people they more than likely would never say to someone's face (of course there are exceptions, there are plenty of people who could care less what they say or how they say it). I guess my biggest thing is, that with politics for example, there are Republicans, Democrats, Moderates, Independents, Green, and everyone of them has their own beliefs, their own points of view, and what amazes me is that someone will make comments against a Republican bashing, or bringing up something bad about Democrats and vice versa. Why is this an issue? Unless someone floats somewhere in the middle - their views and beliefs are more than likely going to align with whichever political party they associate themselves with, with exceptions of course, I'm sure most everyone disagrees with some aspect of whatever party they are a part of. For example, the Rush Limbaugh (?) quote, or the thread about Barbara Boxer (I think that's her name) - everyone was stating their opinions, some for, some against, some a little of both - everything was going fine, it was a nice little back and forth of people's opinions, then all of a sudden comments start to be a little insulting - why - why is it hard for some to allow for differences of opinion. Responding negatively to someone's point of view with a well thought-out, argument for or against (like we learned to do in school) promotes thought and discussion, venom just produces more venom and is counter-productive to learning anything from someone else's point of view.

 

[kirsten777]

I too lurk and I find many conversations enlightening, interesting or not. And, just like my television, I can "change the channel". I like to think it's people expressing their honest opinions about a topic to get feedback. Somewhat like a debate...maybe there's no right or wrong, just your side of the story.

It's not the honest opinions as feedback that bother me - it's the comments masquerading as opinions that essentially are insulting or rude. In a debate, if someone behaved the way some do in this forum, they or their whole team would be disqualified. Though I agree, I should probably stop reading anything not related to fitness as those seem to be "safe" topics, but I shouldn't feel like that, I should be able to venture forth into a discussion and have it be just that, a discussion with intelligent individuals who have difference of opinions. And your right, there is no right or wrong, only what is right or wrong for a particular individual.

 

[kirsten777]

To quote my husband "I don't have opinions, I have facts." *sigh*

I've noticed somethings that DO come off as direct attacks, but there are quite a few that don't that people take that way. I could read it and not be offended, but the original person being responded to is. I think part of the problem that tone/inflection is lost in the written post. Sometimes the authors real intention gets lost in the words, when the wrong tone is read in it, especially if it is on a sensitive or emotional topics. I don't think most of it is intentional, but I definately can see where some of it is.

Nan

I agree, I have definitely read posts where all of sudden someone becomes incensed and the original poster has to explain what they meant. And on sensitive topics, it's even worse - which makes it more important to be respectful. Emoticons help to a point - but we do lose a lot when we don't have body language, eye contact, inflection and tone, etc., to rely on. My problem isn't with those posts, it's the posts with a blatant disregard for other people's opinions, beliefs, etc. I have seen posts where someone told someone else to "shut the f*** up!" or "there you go again..." I wouldn't say that to someone in person, let alone to someone on a thread, it totally undermines a persons beliefs, as if that person's opinions are worth nothing because they don't agree with them.

 

[kirsten777]

Just a guess....the Barbara Boxer thread??? I'm not going to read it as it's political and that's not what I'm here for, but those threads can be touchy.

That's one of them. And it's too bad, because it started out fine, just a bunch of people with their opinions - then BAM! I too am really here for the fitness info, because there is some great info on here, but I enjoy reading other things as well and seeing different view points, and I would like to continue reading them, but I may have to stop because it really isn't enjoyable once the thread goes past a true debate and into a school yard fight. Maybe forums aren't for me, from what I understand, many of them are like that, which is really a shame.

 

[syzygy314]

Just a guess....the Barbara Boxer thread??? I'm not going to read it as it's political and that's not what I'm here for, but those threads can be touchy.

I saw that thread too and just bypassed it. I do follow politics and the happenings in our world today, but in other venues. This is where I get my workout and diet advice and motivation, fashion help, hair help and things like that!

I did voice a small comment on the Iran thread, but only in support of the people there and hoping for peace and progress.

Anyway, I hope we see less flaming and rudeness here! Not that I have actually seen any!

Tricia

 

[Sunshine1528]

This was on another thread . . .

"All negativity is an illusion created by the limited mind to protect and defend itself."

This thread reminded me of the quote.

Read it or don't, no need to respond to anyone harshly - that's how I feel.

But as a person in HR, it seems one of my common statments as of late is "different people perceive the same words to mean different things".

Some may stand behind that for their posts?

 

[Miss Lee]

{{{{{Group hug}}}}}

 

[fit_fairy]

This was on another thread . . .

"All negativity is an illusion created by the limited mind to protect and defend itself."

This thread reminded me of the quote.

Read it or don't, no need to respond to anyone harshly - that's how I feel.

But as a person in HR, it seems one of my common statments as of late is "different people perceive the same words to mean different things".

Some may stand behind that for their posts?

I love that quote!!

 

[kirsten777]

But as a person in HR, it seems one of my common statments as of late is "different people perceive the same words to mean different things".

Some may stand behind that for their posts?

I agree that one doesn't have to read the posts and that people perceive things differently than others - but if I'm reading through a thread, commenting here and there, because a great exchange is going on - and then all of a sudden for the next 10 posts people are being abusive to each other, such as "shut the f*** up" and other lovely comments which I don't think belong in the "opinion" category, nor is there any room for misunderstanding with statements such as those. (There are a few threads where this goes back and forth, and then others jump in - reminds me a school yard fight), that's what I'm having a problem with. Whenever someone has misunderstood what someone has written, an explanation follows and all is well - people misunderstand the written and the spoken word all the time, and people have to clarify, but I don't think anyone has to clarify some of the comments that have been made in response to someone's opinion in some of these threads. Would it be that difficult to write a response, get away from it for 5 mins, come back, re-read it and ask "if this was sent to me would I find it an interesting point of view or downright insulting/rude/ect"? Maybe I am not living in reality - maybe what I ask is not possible - since throughout history there have always been those who respond in a hurtful way whether with words or with physical violence - so maybe it is a moot point, and I should just digress.

And really, it's not just here or online in general - the lack of consideration for others is astounding - so many people just don't seem to give a rip about anyone else - we are definitely firmly ensconced in the "Me" decade.

Well, thanks for listening and responding - and onward we go