What to do if your child is being picked on

dorothyrd said:
It is too bad athletics is so over valued. Why does he have to be an athlete? I understand wanting physical fitness, but have him bike, swim, things of that nature. Also at 7 a lot of boys are not very coordinated(and a lot are, hence the big discrepancy). So it is too bad he has to feel like a failure when he is 7, when at 12, he may grow into some athletism.

There are other things besides sports when he is older, scholastic bowl, music, theatre, so he does not have to be an athlete.
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I agree 100% with what Dorothy has said. I am constantly having mom's ask me if and when my kid is going to join baseball, . . and when I say not this year they look at me like I have the bubonic plague. Not all kids have to participate in sports and I would have to disagree with the posts about karate, . . . he will probably face the same problems if he is not athletically coordinated. Your kid is good at something, . . . find out what it is. For my daughter is drawing, . . my son loves sports but loves music too. Sports are supposed to be fun and I feel that all this competition and need for winnning will kill your sons confidence. If he hears that he sucks enough he may start to believe it. A lot of the kids in these sports just want to win, . . what the heck happened to teaching them good sportsmanship. Have you thought of private swiming lessons? You may have another Michael Phelps on your hands, . . . not all girls like dolls and not all boys are meant to play sports. Hang in there.
 
My heart is breaking reading this post!!!!!

So many good points made by all, I just wanted to add my two cents...

I agree that your son should do what he enjoys-- if that involves team sport, individual sport, or some other hobby/outlet. And if he's doing what he enjoys, and the coaches/teammates are the issue, seek out a club that will nurture him & not tear him down.

As a competitive swim coach, I've seen a lot of good coaches & a lot of bad coaches. If he wants to continue in sport, I'd look more to the quality of the coach than anything. Good coaches just want to teach & help kids develop in all aspects of their life and won't stand for other athletes picking on team members. I've seen kids on my teams that couldn't swim at all develop into confident young men & women.

But I agree that your son should follow his passion. Just make sure he surrounds himself with people that are in it for the right reasons.

((((((((((HUGS))))))))))) to you and your family! Good luck & best wishes!
 
I didn't read all of the other posts, so my apologies if I repeat something someone else said, but my oldest son (almost 7) also isn't very athletic. He hasn't got the stamina for it really. He's more artistic. He plays in a YMCA soccer league that is MEGA laid back, not competitive at all, and that has really helped him simply enjoy the game. Do you have any such leagues where you live? If so, they are really great. Also, this past summer, we enrolled him in an art camp, and he LOVED it. He got to draw, paint, do photography, etc. We're thinking about enrolling him in drama lessons at the local arts center too. He loves to write so maybe a writer's camp in the future too. Some kids are athletes and some aren't. It takes all types to make the world a beautiful place. Just help him find his niche and he'll bloom. That's what we're trying to do. Good luck!! :)
 
that is so sad! My oldest son is 7 and he,too, is sometimes picked on. He is not very good at sports either, but he has a heart of gold and keeps trying! There have been many times that other kids have said things, but somehow it bothers me more than him! He just doesn't care what others think! I think we've told him to just do his best, and if kids pick on him, then they aren't kids that he wants to be friends with anyway....we have tried to find other things that he IS good at and are trying to concentrate on those....good luck! That is one of the hardest part of having kids--other kids picking on them! Unfortunately, WE as parents can't fight for them.....

BestICan
 
I agree with everyone who said team sports are overrated! It is fine to not be good at sports, or even interested. I completely understand how your DS is feeling. When I was 7, I got picked on too - the word "sucks" wasn't really in use 40 years ago, but I got called plenty of other names, including fatty, stupid, browner and dork. Nobody ever wanted me on their team because I was just bad at every team sport. I still am. However, I discovered swimming along the way, and became a great swimmer. Then I discovered weight training and really took to that too. I also became an OK skier. And I love to go for long walks by myself. The way my brain works, I can't process or coordinate with what is going on in a team, and I can't react fast enough to something that someone else on a team does (such as throw me a baseball, or pass me a baton, or kick a soccer ball to me) - but I found that I am pretty good at individual activities, where I don't need to be aware of what anyone else is doing.

I have 3 brothers, and 2 of them aren't remotely athletic either. They never did any team sports, beyond what they were forced to do in elementary school. But they both walk, and they are both pretty healthy. One of them took judo for awhile - I saw a few mentions of martial arts, and that might work for your DS.

Your DS will find his way, and he will do fine even if he never plays any sports at all. They aren't for everyone.

Stebby
 
I am so appreciative of all the wonderfully supportive and helpful posts. I feel much better knowing that I'm not alone and that there are so many loving and kind people out there. We've had a lot of challenges in our family lately, and it's easy to start wallowing in self-pity and believing that people are just no damn good. But reading all these responses today has lifted my spirits and reaffirmed my belief that most people are awesome.
 
I agree with everyone here about martial arts and getting your kid out of "team sports" which, in my opinion, ought to be called "MOB sports" these days. I was a picked-on kid so I can relate. Still, while kids were mean back then I believe it's much worse now. Martial arts would be an entirely different experience for your child and I bet he would LOVE it. Martial arts will give your child confidence and belief in his own abilities because it's all about him. He won't have to rely on others or live in dread of letting someone else (on the team) down and being scolded. And, as was beautifully illustrated by one poster, it never hurts for a child to be able to defend his or her self against someone bigger or (seemingly) stronger.

This kind of stuff makes me so mad. What ever happened to raising kids to be respectful and kind towards others? I also agree about the Columbine remark. This is exactly how those type of events start. Get him into martial arts now and help him to take back his power and glory in his own strength and ability. It's not about size in martial arts. Just look at Jackie Chan, Jet Li, and Jean Claude Van Damm. None of those guys are "big" and all of them are rich movie stars now ;)
 
dorothyrd said:
It is too bad athletics is so over valued. Why does he have to be an athlete? I understand wanting physical fitness, but have him bike, swim, things of that nature. Also at 7 a lot of boys are not very coordinated(and a lot are, hence the big discrepancy). So it is too bad he has to feel like a failure when he is 7, when at 12, he may grow into some athletism.

There are other things besides sports when he is older, scholastic bowl, music, theatre, so he does not have to be an athlete.
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I absolutely agree with this post.

IF your son wants to play a team sport, I think you should encourage him to keep trying and stick it out because there IS value in team sports.

And, I do not agree that he should avoid sports altogether. I do not agree with promoting a sedentary lifestyle at such a young age. Get him moving somehow.
 
I just lost a note I was writing to add to this discussion. Phooey. I'll keep it short. Same thing with my now 11 year old son. I didn't' realize how competitive the sports/athletic world is today. I'm 55 and had my son late in life. At age 7 at a baseball camp he was told he made the team lose. Soccer by 2nd grade was uber competitive and he hated it. He was uncoordinated and had a hard time keeping focus on the game. The boys and coaches didn't want him on the team.
I told him in third grade he had to do something athletic for good health. He did swimming lessons for a year even though he hated the chlorine smell. It made him sick to his stomach. He tried Karate and Tai Quan Do but hated the fact he had to go 3 times a week. I had him do gymnastics once a week which worked for 2 years but the other boys kept passing him up and he never got passed Advanced Beginners. This past summer he took tennis (90 degrees outside the whole week, if you try it go for an indoor class. I can't get him near tennis right now. He took a sailing class through the city park department and loved it but that was only one week. Then I found a Fencing Camp this summer. He likes fencing. He can go once a week or 3 times a week. No pressure and we can borrow the equipment from the school until we really know if he's committed. I just rejoined a local scout troop but I did shop around until I found a group I was comfortable with.
You are a wonderful Mom and you are doing the right thing asking for suggestions from this wonderful forum. God Bless.
Colleen (I guess this wasn't so short.)
 
He's a little young but you may want to try other physical activities that you can learn as a family like rock climbing, mountain biking or kayaking. You can learn together and then he can develop life-long hobbies that will encourage physical fitness but not cause him to be a target of aggression from other kids. He will also learn to challenge himself without having to be in a "we win - you lose" situation.

Lisa
 
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