What do I teach my pre-teen girls about healthy eating?

[hokypoky]

I'm not sure what my next steps should be as my girls are becoming aware of their bodies, weight, etc. I want to be very careful and thoughtful about what we talk about, without creating issues they have to deal with later on.

As someone who has overcome years of eating issues from when I was a kid, I have been careful to not talk about dieting from Day One .... tried to set a good example by eating healthy but never restricting foods .... teaching them that all meals are important, never to skip .... what choices are better than others .... if they asked for a cookie, we'd get a piece of fruit or some yogurt first ..... of course, working out is a priority for me and my girls see that.

But now they are saying things like, "My stomach is fat" and while I don't think they are overweight by any means, I know there are changes in their diet (and by "diet" I mean the way we eat ) that would be beneficial. They ARE growing (ages 10 and 12) but we could be getting sloppy.

My first instinct (which I think now could be too rash) was to sit down with my version of a food pyramid, so there'd be a visual of where foods should rank in their daily eating. Some kind of lesson on whole foods vs. processed. But now I'm wondering if having a "lesson" is too much? On the other hand, I don't want to nag all day, "Cream cheese would be a better choice than Nutella on your bagel...." and have the little comments have the wrong effect.

To add to the challenge, my 12-year old has Type 1 diabetes, and her insulin is calculated around how many carbs she eats. Her general eating plan is to average 60 carbs per meal, with 15-30 carbs for snacks. There are times when she exceeds this (a smoothie can have 70-100 carbs!) and we try and save those things for occasional treats. Additionally, thanks to the diabetes, she now has Celiac's Disease and is allergic to gluten. So anything "whole wheat" is out of the question and many gluten free foods have a lot of stuff in them to make them taste better. While I watch what I buy, I struggle with wanting to do whatever it takes to make her life feels like any other kids.

I'm the type of person to take these challenges and help us learn, but I don't want to head in the wrong direction. Help this mom!

 

[JT]

Not having kids, I would have you all meet with a nutritionist or dietician so they will learn what their caloric intake should look like for their ages. Your daughters may be repeating what other peers are saying or thinking so they may be believing it too.
Be sure to give them positive feedback on how they look. When I came into that age, I was very small and petite. My parents made sure I knew I didn't have anything wrong with me and that I should enjoy it cause once a lifestyle changes like work, college, etc, I would have to make an effort to keep it.

 

[tralaiven]

I have two kids out of the house and two at home. What I would say about this is that with kids many things are more caught than taught. What I mean is that how you live your life in front of your kids makes a huge impact on them. What do you buy at the grocery store and what is in your pantry and fridge? Salad stuff? fruit? whole grain and veg? Or do you load up on chips, cookies, ice cream? (I doubt you do this)

What I have noticed with my two grown kids is that they know how to eat and live healthy because we eat and live healthy...now I have also noticed that they also have picked up some of my weaknesses....my son loves Cheez-its which is something that was my reward....(not any more....I got sick of them) I also taught them by talking with them about life in general as well as eating...but mostly I believe they are who they are because of how I lived my life in all things...not just food and thereby they learned....

Remember that poem..."Children Learn What They Live"?

So when my younger girls at home say, "mom am I fat?" or "Look how big my belly is.." I just say..."You're fine just the way you are" and then make sure they have healthy stuff to eat, make sure they see me eating healthy and exercising and yes....if they are sitting on their bootay too much since it is Christmas Holiday...I make them go with me to walk the dog...or tell them they need to put in a 1/2 hour on the treadmill...(yes, I do this) But I also tell them it is for their good and they aren't doing me any favors.

 

[JeanneMarie]

I have two kids out of the house and two at home. What I would say about this is that with kids many things are more caught than taught. What I mean is that how you live your life in front of your kids makes a huge impact on them. What do you buy at the grocery store and what is in your pantry and fridge? Salad stuff? fruit? whole grain and veg? Or do you load up on chips, cookies, ice cream? (I doubt you do this)

What I have noticed with my two grown kids is that they know how to eat and live healthy because we eat and live healthy

This is exactly what I think!

My mom never sat me down and talked about food groups and pyramids and the like. She just cooked healthy, tasty meals and I learned from that. I'm afraid I would have run for the door if she'd tried to lecture me about it. Sometimes you can just think and plan too much. Let them learn by example.

My own child has learned the same way. None of us have ever had weight problems or eating issues.

 

[JT]

Thank you, JeanneMarie and Tracy, because I am curious to read what parents post.

 

[Fit_mommy]

I do not believe in not letting a kid be a kid as far as being allowed to eat chips, cake, cookies, candy, etc but I DO impose limits on how much my son can have. I also make sure he eats his fruits/veggies, etc and definitely lead by example as well.

 

[RapidBreath]

I completely understand your daughter's predicament. I had a terrible sugar problem for most of my childhood (seizures from low sugar). Controlling type I is tricky. I was lucky, I did not need any insulin and did not develop diabetes. (knock on wood right?). I like Dr. Oz's approach in his book "You Staying Young". He is very reasonable, has lots of pictures, and makes it simple. And most of all, he is not ''all or nothing''. An all or nothing approach with your daughters will back fire. You can probably get it at the library to look at and decide if it seems like a place to start. I wouldn't make it a huge thing. I do recommend correcting them when they say, "I'm fat!!" gently offer a different point of view. Part of the issue when girls are growing is they are developing that estrogenic feel to their skin and for the past 30 years we have been told that we are supposed to be bone thing and 'hard' or cut. Well. For the most part, we aren't really. We are women. We are supposed to be a bit soft, especially to the touch. Thats one way how you can tell a woman from a man. Men like it when you are soft!! Girls aren't supposed to be boys! We are supposed to be soft and a bit fluffy. Supermodels usually look like tall skinny boys. Some have boobs, most don't. Its an inappropriate body type. In Israel, they banned underweight models from their printed materials in an attempt to protect their girls from these bad body images. Frankly, I look like a Rubens.

When I was a teenager I was put on a low fat, low calorie diet because I was over weight. That was a mistake. I lost most of my hair. My blood sugar issues got much worse. My bones became brittle, I stopped growing. My bones broke and no one knew it. I developed interstitial cystitis and PCOS (without the cysts, just all the other symptoms.) I was able to heal myself with a lower carb diet, more of an emphasis on healthy fats (walnut oil, olive oil, and coconut oil.) and lots of vegetables. I eat a moderate amount of protein and I only eat grass fed beef or antibiotic free/sodium free chicken. I also avoid soy because it compounded all of my weight issues and my PCOS. My dairy is always organic because of the antibiotics (which cause weight gain by altering your gut flora/fauna.) No girl wants hirsuitism. I use cardio to help with my insulin resistance. Your daughter may need to have lots of low intensity activity. I'm sure that as a cathlete you already provide that for her. I just wanted to let you know that it helped me personally with those kinds of issues.

My favorite go to grains (as I do try to stay away from wheat, it hurts my insides.) are quinoa (cooked with chicken broth and a little apple juice.), lentils (very good ratio of protein/fiber/carb.), and home made (from scratch to avoid gluten and the lining in cans can have BPA which interferes with reproductive organ development.) beans. A home cooked chili with beans, some tomatoes, a little bit of fresh jalapeno, and very small amount of grass fed beef can really help a growing body feel a lot better (especially during ttotm).

If your daughters will eat fish, thats a wonderful way to help with their development. Salmon is especially good and if they can have it, I do recommend it. It has helped my body in many ways. It helped even out my blood sugar tremendously.

 

[lifeisgood]

This post is a good reminder to me that I need to clean up my eating, just in time for New Year's My 3 year old came to me saying a boy called her fat and of course I reassured her that she is not fat and is very healthy but it scares me at how early on this can start. He also told her that eating too many grapes will make her fat! I agree with keeping more healthy snack options in the house and limiting the unhealthy snacks, I need this as much for myself and my husband as for the kids. And you living a healthy lifestyle will sink in with them.

My 5 year old has become interested in what foods are healthy and what foods aren't and I've started teaching him that having the "unhealthy" foods in small amounts is OK as long as we don't eat the whole bag and balance it out with our healthy options.

My son is built like my husband, very slim, but my daughter is built like me, short & stout. I can already tell she'll have my thighs. I want her to grow up accepting and loving her body shape, I heard early on that I was fat when I wasn't and it led to me becoming fat and having bad self esteme. I think it would have helped me to see body shapes that are healthy and different from models and actresses. Seeing someone with a shape similar to mine could have helped me realize earlier in my life that I may not be slim but I can be healthy.

Cindy

 

[mini-natty]

Let me start off by saying that, by your short description, the way you are raising your girls sounds perfect. I think you are heading in the right direction, as far as setting a great example on how to live a healthy lifestyle. Raising teenage daughters is not any easy task. I am not saying raising boys is easy, but girls pose a different challenge. There is so much pressure for girls (and women) to adhere to this "perfect" body image, that is just unrealistic and unhealthy. But in the end, it's the mother who they look up to for admiration, confidence and strength.

My daughter is almost 3, but I have already started to try and set a good example for her. I won't ever use the word "fat", not ever, and she knows I exercise and eat well. Ok, to get a toddler to eat anything healthy is downright difficult, but my girl loves green beans, broccoli, beans, tofu, anything. I don't deny her "junk food" like FitMommy said, let kids be kids, but I do try to limit the amount she has and find healthier alternatives.

The relationship I had with my mother during my teenage years was unfortunately not a pleasant one. She battled various eating disorders and had a horrible body image. She was on every diet imaginable. Fat thighs & butt, diet, ugly, skinny, were words often used by her in the house. She would criticize everyone including herself, and I had to be the witness. So from this experience, instead of following in her footsteps, I know WHAT NOT to do/say in front of my daughter and I vow to never bring her up in that type of unhealthy environment. Is seems like you are already providing that for your girls. You know what's best for your family, just follow your instincts.

Good luck & take care,

Natasha

 

[MommaPew]

From your post it sounds like you're actually doing everything "right". I think it comes down to portion control and showing what a true serving size is.

I've been trying to tell DH that a lot lately. He is diabetic and obese, however, he has finally made a commitment to get his health in order. When he visited his dietician this week pretty much what she recommeneded he eat he kept saying "well, my wife eats that so pretty much I should just start eating what she eats" (p.s. I always have the dreaded 10# I want to lose though....)

It's sad what our kids are being exposed to these days. My 6 yr old son is skinny, not an ounce of fat on him and more than once he has lifted his shirt, grapped his tummy and said "I'm fat". I don't know where he gets it from, except from comparing his Dad to others along with seeing me workout out 5-6 days a week. He did get interested in the Canada Food Guide this week and wanted everything to be explained to him.

I think its education, portion control and being taught everything in moderation along with making your own food as much as possible in our hectic life! It's hard when the role models out there are unrealistic though.

 

[Traildoggie]

Your 12 yo sounds like the biggest challenge. with T1 diabetes AND celiac disease that's a lot on her plate already, and neither one goes away or gets better. She must already be well educated on what foods she can eat and what she can't. With the built in limitations, it seems likely she won't have weight problems.

Do you try to feed everyone in your family to comply with her needs? I guess I would think the hardest issue would be making sure that, as she gets into her rebellious teens, she doesn't indulge in things all the "other kids" are eating and drinking as she will pay a much higher and more immediate price. I would guess you've already had a few appointments with a dietitian?

I'd set a good example. have appropriate foods well stocked. limit fast food and junk. I'm thinking that must be the normal routine for you already. Wow. that would be a challenge. Can you get them involved in cooking, shopping, meal planning? that would be an indirect way to demonstrate the food pyramid concept.

 

[hokypoky]

I just wanted to thank all of you for the wonderful feedback - I've been battling a terrible chest cold this past week and haven't been able to mentally form the response you all deserve!

Yes, the biggest challenge is with my 12-year old - Type 1 and Celiac's. I find myself pulled in the directions of healthy eating so she'll live a long and happy life to wanting to overcompensate and make her feel like a "normal" kid by not denying her the empty foods. Such a battle! This week (with your words in the back of my mind) I've gently been reminding the girls about which foods there should be more emphasis on, without making a big deal out of it. I appreciate that insight.

I never say the word "fat" in relation to my - or their - bodies, consciously trying to make up where my own mother didn't realize her impact on my eating. Interestingly, I thought by letting the girls have a treat here and there I was preventing the road of dieting and struggles I've dealt with since childhood, but after thinking back, I remember that as kids, we would have the occasional bowl of ice cream or bake brownies. Plus my mom was a Girl Scout leader, so you can imagine where that led ..... boxes of thin mints! So I realized that THAT wasn't the cause of my issues later on, it was most likely due to the fact that we all kept our feelings bottled up inside and never were able to express ourselves. And that has been a great lesson to teach my girls - say what you're feeling, get it out and let's talk about it.

We have met with a nutritionist, probably a year or so ago, and I think I'll pull out my notes from those sessions and just refresh my memory with what she stressed at the time.

Thanks again, everyone, you've really eased my mind and given me more focus!