Thinking about loosening up (long)

>Well, I am probably going to catch it for this but here goes.
> I love this board, and I love working out to Cathe. I am on
>the flip side of this discussion, in that I have had a weight
>problem all of my life. I still have about 20 pounds to
>lose. Now if I lose this 20, I would still be far heavier
>than most of the ladies here purport to be. By about 40
>pounds. Will I be healthy? Yes. Will I be gorgeous? Yes,
>will I have tons of muscle? Yes. Will I be able to eat
>fabulous food and not obsess about it? Yes. Basically I get
>concerned reading some posts on this board, not necessarily in
>this thread, but there are few that raise a little red flag
>for me, about eating disorders and severe problems with self
>esteem. If we have a little bit of fat or flab on our bodies,
>that is not the kiss of death. It isn't even that unhealthy,
>particularly as we age. Now I am striving for health and
>fitness, but at some point we have to realize that having
>supermodels as role models is not realistic for most women.
>Women can be gorgeous, healthy and fit and still eat whatever
>they want in moderation. It is so tiring to obsess over every
>calorie. Food is not evil, it is one of the greatest pleasures
>in life. Why deny yourself? I don't think being skinny is a
>great pleasure. As a matter fact, I think it sounds really
>painful. There is so much self denial, guilt, and obsession,
>that I think it takes away from enjoying life.

I just wanted to say this is so well said and wanted to thank you for sharing it.

Robin
 
Go for it, Nancy. Life is too short to die pissed ;) We're only on this planet so long & you want to feel like you've really enjoyed yourself. I'm not saying let yourself go or anything but dig in once in a while. Hey, my DH & I enjoyed a fabulous bottle of New Zealand Sauvignion Blanc last night & just relaxed after my son went to bed ;) Those are the kind of "let loose" moments I like.


"you miss 100% of the shots you never take"


Debbie
 
Oh, my! I slept in (very) late this morning and imagine my surprise at seeing all of these wonderful, thoughtful responses! I just adore all of you wonderful women. No wonder I have that huge number of posts under my name. LOL. I have read each of your responses twice, and I'm going back to read them again now. Thank you to each one of you for sharing your thoughts and your stories. As usual, I'll have more to say (always!), but just wanted to start off by thanking you each for sharing your thoughts.

-Nancy
 
It made perfect sense to me, Robin, and your poem could not be more perfect. It captures my sentiments exactly.
 
Oh, Rose (and HB too)! Please rest assured that I have no intention of giving up my exercise. If anything, I very much want to increase it, and when I'm finally retired, I would love to work out much more often! I mean, I'd even like to do as many push-ups as Honeybunch someday if I can! (okay, that's a big "if").

It's funny because while I was typing my response to you, our FreshDirect order arrived. My kitchen counter is now almost completely covered with fresh veggies of every color and description.

Rose, I am absolutely unwilling to give up one bit of my health and vitality! I would not trade it for anything in the world. How can you enjoy life if you're not in great health? My father's was always saying "as long as you've got your health, you can do anything". And he and my Mom lived by that too, and my Mom still does.

So, it's not health I'm thinking of loosening up on. It's just that when I was younger I had very little confidence in myself. To cut a sharp figure in a suit, and to have the right hair and make-up and clothes, etc. hid a multitude of insecurities. I could walk into a room and act confident even if deep down I felt that I didn't measure up. If I gained a few lbs., I would lose my desire to socialize because I felt that everyone else was better than me.

I'm behind my peers, but I am starting to gain more confidence now. I mean, I know that my nieces and nephew love their Aunt Nancy no matter what she looks like, because she's fun to be with and she really pays attention to them and loves them with all her heart. I know that my clients appreciate my expertise, and are not really judging me by my appearance. These days, I will allow a sponteous meeting with a client even though I didn't "dress for it" that day.

I have more confidence now, so looks are becoming less important. So maybe I can spend less energy on following the scale and all that stuff, and spend a little more time just enjoying the cole slaw.

And as for your "pig-out" days, HB, I know they work great for you. But for me, I would not want to think that I'm spending 6 days per week denying myself the things I really love. I want to eat what I love 7 days per week. Fortunately, though, I really do love my salads and my veggies and my fish. I just need to allow myself to eat the olives, the guacamole, the hummus and maybe even some chedder cheese once in a while. I mean, those things taste best in smaller quantities anyway because they are so rich. But it's silly for someone who loves guacamole as much as I do to not eat it for 10 years at a time, ya know?

So, bring on the Mexican. Not every night, not even every week, but maybe more often than every 10 years! :D

Does that explain it a bit better Rose?

-Nancy
 
"I'm close in age to you and we were sadly of the generation of woman that had to be SO in control. We had to be strong. So many of my women friends got strong by denying their softer, intuitive, vulnerable side. We became more manly and lost our softer side. For me that was the BIG change I had in losening up."

Robyn, what a fascinating comment. I have had the same experience, particularly in my profession. I was so gung-ho about developing a career that I never took the time to have kids. But a lot of the young women today seem to feel that having kids is the priority, as it should be. But I think they may be going a little too far in the other direction, but I don't think my generation got it right either. There's got to be a reasonable middle ground somewhere.
 
Wow Judy! Good for you! I've never had kids and wouldn't dream of wearing a bikini. But then I tend to carry my weight in my midsection so I'm just not cut out for a bikini. Isn't eating out the best? I love those relaxing times with my DH more than anything too.
 
I am in awe of you, dear Laurie. 3 jobs and 3 kids and still in good shape and great health. I bow to you, Wonder Woman! Thank you so much for the wonderful compliments, and for sharing your story.
 
Well, all I can do is agree with Bunbun and Robin, Ivory. Your healthy attitude is what I strive for. I'm inching my way there. It is so difficult to have a healthy attitude towards these issues when you are young, which I assume you are. Your attitude is mature and wise and absolutely spot on.

This may sound a bit weird, but I really do think that facing 50 is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I was afraid of it, but I'm finding absolutely nothing to fear now. Let me count the ways:

-I'm more confident than I've ever been before
-I'm enjoying life more
-My cholesterol level is the best its ever been
-My health is as good as it's ever been - My doctors are all very happy with me
-I run, skip and jump more than I did as a child
-I make more money now than I ever have in my life
-My stepson is all grown up, happily married, has a great career and is off and running on his happy new life

I mean I ask you: why in the world did I ever fear this??????? :D :D :D

-Nancy
 
Yes that explains it. I mean, I got a little bit scared when I read your post. I thought you were doing what my mom did years ago and what a lot of people do when they reach a certain age and they feel they don't want to work as hard as they did before. I think that if you keep exercising and eating what you want (again in moderation) you won't gain weight and if you do gain weight it might be only a couple of pounds that wouldn't change your shape or your health drastically.

Personally, I don't obsess about weight as much. I only know my weight when I go to the doctor and they put me in the scale. I think it would be awful for me to live my life according to my weight. I also eat what I want in moderation and if I know I ate something with a lot of sugar and fat (like the other day I was eating Italian food and after I had orzo, veggies and chicken breast with some rich and creamy sauce and the waitress came to ask if I wanted any dessert and I said sure bring the Tiramisu and that was my lunch! :9) then I eat lighter the rest of the day. Like I already mentioned I think we can enjoy food and wine and all the things life offers us but we should never forget about our health.
 
Nancy,

I know exactly how you are feeling - since I will be turning the big 50 this Wednesday! Sometimes, I do find that hard to believe - I have actually been looking forward to it (maybe I am secretly trying to convince myself that it won't be all that bad) HA - HA.

When I went to my yearly physical on Nov. 2 - I found that I had gained 10 pounds from the year before - I knew that I had gained some weight, but I just didn't realize it was 10 pounds. The thing about it was at least 6#'s was on my stomach. I have always had a flat stomach, except when I was pregnant of course. I have had 10 children and I always felt proud of my flat stomach which I had worked on so hard all of these years.

I realize that I am going through menopause (haven't had a period since last January). But my doctor just was matter of fact about it - well, it happens to all women - you now have an extra layer of fat on your stomach.

I work out like a dog and I do watch everything I eat faithfully and I still gained the weight. I know a few years ago that would have put me in a tizzy. I look at it much differently now - I want to work out for the health part of if (functional fitness) not just so I can look good.

Well, I was quite thin, I weighed 112 a year ago - then I was 122 which is not bad for my height 5' 5" - I guess it was the point of the matter - to work out like I do and to watch what I eat to gain a gut - could have gotten me down.

I, too, want to enjoy myself and not put so much enphasis on my weight, wrinkles, etc. I still have 7 children at home and I home school. I want to be a good example to my children on how to grow older gracefully.

All of my blood work was excellent from the doctor. He said I was extremely healthy and my levels were in the normal range. I have much to be thankful for.

Just to say I have lost 5 pounds of the 10 I gained - I do not want to lose more - I feel comfortable in my skin now - even with the extra 10 I wanted to accept it.

My mother was always so matter of fact about getting older, it had a real impact on me. She died at 74 from congestive heart failure - but aging did not bohter her - and I have always wanted to follow in her footsteps for she was and is my best friend.

I love all of your posts, and you have been very inspiring on this forum. I think you will work this out really well.

Cheryl
 
Hi Nancy! I'm 52 & feel exactly the same way you do. That's why I changed things around this year w/my exercise regimen. I was constantly beating myself up all year long & got injured way too many times during the summer. The last one involved my back & it was a doozy. Now I take an entire week off every 6 weeks. This used to be unheard of for me. But I'm finding as we age our muscles need more recovery time & that's exactly what I'm giving my body. I'm much more lax about my "diet" too. If I want some cake, I have a little. If I want wine (I love wine too) I'm going to have it.

Life is too short for us not to enjoy ourselves. Just perhaps different activities are kicking in for me. Such as going cross country skiing in Feb. & snow shoeing. I've been thinking of taking up kiaking next summer. Also golfing in the spring.

This is the time to enjoy ourselves!! So kick up your feet, eat healthy & w/gusto & have a glass or 2 of wine on me!! Ha!:7
 
Nancy,

Good for you!! I can't think of a thing to add because so many wise and wonderful comments have already been made, except this: will following a strict diet and exercise regimen make us live longer or will it just seem like it?

Michele
 
Nancy,

You know I will be 51 in February. I am fortunate not to be a "Foodie", therefore I don't feel the need to eat things that may be bad for me. I'm of the mind that the best way for the body not to break down with age is to eat things that medicine has found to feed the body and brain. I want to go into my aging years happy and healthy and healthy has much to do with being happy :)

I don't deny myself things I love like cashews and frozen yogurt. The yogurt, to me, tastes just as good as ice cream but I know it's healthier. I love my fish and veggies and salads. If I crave a baked potato, I find that a sweet potato tastes as good if not better. I will drink egg nog at Christmas and will have some pumkin pie but I won't overdo.

I like the way I look now and I like the way I feel. I know I am taking care of myself to the best of my ability so that I won't be a burden to anyone when I get older. I still "workout like a dog" because I enjoy it...not because I feel I have to. Knock on wood I haven't had any injuries related to working out but I believe it's because I don't overdo. At least my body hasn't told me I am. Working out for 45 min to an hour seven days a week is enjoyable and agrees with me according to results of my physicals so until the body tells me otherwise, I will continue.


Anyway, just wanted to say I appreciate your thoughts because I have had the same. I have found a happy medium with my eating and my workouts.

I don't worry about aging and dying like some people my age do. I know I'm doing the best I can to maintain a healthy lifestyle.
 
I am in the same place with my thinking. I'm 41 and have never had a weight problem, I'm very petite, I eat what I want. But I used to be so obsessive about my workouts, I HAD to work out 6 days a week and I HAD to do exactly what I had listed for that day in my rotation. If I had a 90 minute workout scheduled then I was going to work out 90 minutes even if I only had 30 available. Then last year I had surgery for cancer, no chemo or anything, I'm fine recovered 100% But I started thinking of all the little things I wasn't enjoying because I was so focused on my workouts and how I looked. Now, I workout 3-4 days a week because I want the health benefits. I'm just sick and tired of worrying about how I look. My husband loves me the way I am and I just don't care what anyone else thinks anymore! Ahhhhhh, so liberating! I'm even letting my gray hairs grow in. My whole life the only thing I liked about my hair was the color, a great chestnut color. Then I started getting grays a few years ago and had it colored. What a pain, keeping up with it not to mention the expense and damage it does to your hair and all the special "for color treated hair" products you have to buy. Forget it! I've also gotten involved in dachshund rescue and focusing on helping the doxies is way more important to me and more fulfilling than looking in the mirror. I want my spirit as healthy as my body! Anyway that's just my babbly 2 cents.

Lorrie
 
>I'm just sick and tired of worrying about how I
>look. My husband loves me the way I am and I just don't care
>what anyone else thinks anymore! Ahhhhhh, so liberating! I'm
even letting my gray hairs grow in.

>I've also gotten involved in dachshund rescue and
>focusing on helping the doxies is way more important to me and
>more fulfilling than looking in the mirror. I want my spirit
>as healthy as my body! Anyway that's just my babbly 2 cents.
>
>
>Lorrie



Lorrie,

My feelings exactly--except for the part about the gray hair--they better color my hair before they close the lid on my coffin--LOL!!

Also, I love dachshunds. I had 2 longhaired weenies. They were the love of my life. They're both gone now and I miss them something fierce. They just steal your heart away, don't they? They've got nothing but personality!

Sorry Nancy, I didn't mean to high jack your thread.

Michele
 
"I am fortunate not to be a "Foodie", therefore I don't feel the need to eat things that may be bad for me."

Candi- I just want to make sure that you don't give others the wrong impression. I firmly believe that most obese people truly don't like or enjoy their food as much as thinner people, and I think that being a "foodie" or a food lover gives me a leg up against being very overweight.

TLC has been running these documentaries on morbidly obese people and it seems the one thing that they probably have in common is that their brains don't give off the "I'm satisfied" chemicals found in most people. These shows and my personal observations make it clear that the more you enjoy food, the easier it is to control your weight. Most of the very overweight people I know have a very limited repetoire of foods that they like, and I really think that people who struggle with significant weight issues need to try to open their minds to new foods and new tastes. And by the way, you sound like a food lover to me because you "love" fish and veggies and salads. You would be surprised how many people, given a choice, don't choose those foods!

-Nancy
 
But does anyone
>really care how slim their lawyer is?
>


:) :) :) :) I hope not! ;)


I am chiming in on this one a little late in the game, but I think that you are right on track here. I have tried to incorporate this thinking into my lifestyle more and more.

My poor Dad passed away when he was 51 and he was VERY healthy. He ate perfectly, ran two miles every other day and was very dedicated to a fit lifestyle. I still remember how *amazed* people were that he was gone. He said that missing out on the foods and other things didn't bother him much, but I think that he lived a little too rigid, in many ways, to enjoy himself completely (he was a foodie too ;) )

My brother took a lesson away from it all that he was going to get out and enjoy himself, eat what he likes, etc. b/c you only have one life to live. More and more, I am learning & incorporating this also. I tend to believe that unless you go off the deep end, the impact won't be great.

...and Nancy, stop saying that you are OLD!
 
Christine, I am really am so sorry about your Dad. What an inspiration for me to start living. If only I didn't have to spend 12 hours per day going to, coming from, or being at a law firm. That would help a lot too. :-( Wouldn't it be so cool to work part time?
 
I guess I misunderstood what "Foodie" meant. Yes, I love certain foods but I can pass them up without too much problem. I know you have a hard time with ice cream, telling us that sometimes you can eat a whole half gallon at on sitting. If available, I buy portions and can stop at one serving and be satisfied.

Anyway, I appreciate your comments. I loosened up a few months ago but will continue to watch my intake of certain foods for health reasons. By the way, I absolutely hate french fries, gravy, etc. DH and I don't eat at restaurants very often because it's not a past time that we appreciate as much as others and I limit what I prepare at home based on my idea of what's healthy. But, most times I don't pass up a cookie, piece of cake or pie at work like I used to. I just limit my consumption of those foods. I really don't feel like I'm missing out on much and I can still fit in my size 4's ! :)
 
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