Teens and sex

L

lesliemarie

Cathlete
Is anyone seeing an increase in the labido in teens and them having sex? my daughter says there are several girls in school that are pregnant, STD's here are on the rise, my 12 year old is so boy crazy and curious about sex, Had an incedent regarding sexual behavior with her and other kids that I am so frustrated that sex is so in their faces now days. I talk to my kids openely about sex and hoping that will want them to wait till they are at least in college or married.
 
This issue is getting younger and younger all the time. When I was in high school, (mid 90's) it was the thing to do. I look back now and see how stupid it all was.

When my kids are closer to their teen years, I am going to download some pics of stds and tell them this can (and probably will by that time) happen to you. I beleive that you can't stop a teenager from having sex....they will do it anyway. But, you can teach them to be protected from stds and pregnancies!!!

Good Luck...this situation has to be so frustrating for you!

Sara
 
I have to tell you, I am a nurse-midwife and see dozens of these little girls weekly. You usually can't stop them from having sex unless you have put the fear of GOD in them (literally). THe pictures of STD'sare good and will scare them, but the problem is that adolescents never believe bad things will actually happen to THEM, only to someone else. What I try to do in my practice is teach them how to say no and learn to have more respect for themselves. Learning to be safe and responsible is also a biggie. For example, we role play that if they decide to sex with a boy, they must make condom use nonnegotiable. If the boy will not wear one, we talk about how he is disrespecting her and how that should be a major red flag. We also talk about other things like the added worries that becoming sexually active can bring (such as worrying about their reputation or becoming pregnant), and that they can stop having sex if they decide they are not ready. I am sorry if I am rambing on--I could easily do that on this subject. I do feel they are being bombarded by the media--have you gone clothes shopping for your "tween" recently? A nightmare. I have two little girls so believe me I understand. Good luck, and just try to keep the lines of communication open, which I am sure you are!Take Care! Laurie
 
yeah, I can relate! My kids aren't as old as your DD, but I see it all around me and I went through the same thing. DH and I started the sex talk very young with our kids (DD was 8 and DS 7) because it is SO important for them to hear it before they are too hormonal and rebellious to even care about anything we say. Plus, we don't want them to learn about it from someone who believes in the whole "oral sex isn't sex" and "you can't get pregnant if I pull out" crap and tries to pass it off to my kids. I want them to understand sex, the intricacy of it, and be educated about their bodies, what they will feel and how to seperate what they feel from what is good for them or what could harm them. DH told DD what he thought the first time he had sex and a man's feelings about sex (this will be awesome! I bet it will feel great! I wonder how this feels different from another girl) and I shared with DS what a woman feels about it (we are going to get married and be together forever, and he really loves me and I love him so much!) so they are aware of what goes on through the opposite sex's mind because, let's face it - men and women do not think alike. We are very open with them, and when they have questions, about anything not just sex, we are always available for them and are open about our past and how our choices affected us.

As far as the media, we really don't care about what anyone else is doing in Lalaland so we hope that the kids will pick that up - that it doesn't matter what anyone else is doing, just be yourself. Sheesh, that was long! :p

Missy
 
AAGH! This is sooo scary to me! We were pretty stupid in high school and to think middle school girls are doing this stuff now. I have boys, and my 8 year old is due for the "talk". Ugh.

Sally
 
Oh my! This is a constant concern with me. And I have to add to the comment about shopping--a nightmare. I refuse to allow my 15 yr old DD to wear anything with lace that shows, like the camis, etc. It's simply bedroom wear (or perhaps elegant nighttime wear, which se doesn't need) as far as I'm concerned. But it is SO HARD to find things....
 
I found a note when my son was in junior high asking him to have sex with the little girl (they were not even dating-if you can date in junior highx( ) He is now 18. I think we would all like our children to wait till college and marriage-just not sure if the MTV age is thinking the same as us. x( x( x( x(

Missy said it best. Talk to them about the emotions of sex-long before you think it could happen. Because it happens. My son is known as a player :-( . He's handsome. He's smart and I hate to say it----he's sexy. Thankfully, he plays "some" girls but he LOVES girls that are strong, capable, athletic (fit) and intelligent. And that is how I raise my daughter. Strong, capable, intelligent and fit. (She military presses 65lbs at 16yo, can do 72 push-ups in a row in positions I never thought of!)

Just keep talking and be a good example.
 
It is really scary. My son is 16. I find a really good time to have a heart to heart is when we go out to dinner, just the two of us (my husband travels). Away from the TV and other distractions, we can really have a great discussion and I feel like he's really listening.
I totally agree with "Just keep talking and be a good example"! Well said!
Rhonda
 
I've seen investigative reports about teens and sexuality, especially their having 'sex parties' and kids casually participating in certain types of behaviors that they don't consider to be 'sex' (maybe they got that idea from former president Clinton?). It seems that girls are more than willing to do this for boys, and even expected to, while it doesn't usually go the other way around. I never thought I was a prude, but I feel more and more like one when I hear things like this and it disgusts me.
 
Yeah, it is scary how willing the girls are to "service" the boys. Some of the things that were going on with kids at the middle school where I formerly taught were appalling (e.g. blow jobs at the bus stop for lunch money, rainbow parties, etc.). And I agree about the clothes being an issue - we are constantly having to talk to girls about showing cleavage or wearing their skirts too short.
 
>Yes...are you ready? The girls wear a different color
>lipstick and then take turns performing on one boy...hence,
>the rainbow.

end.gif


My garden is filled with papayas and mangos
My life is a mixture of reggaes and tangos
Taste for the good life, I can live it no other way
- Jimmy Buffett
 
>Yes...are you ready? The girls wear a different color
>lipstick and then take turns performing on one boy...hence,
>the rainbow.

OMG! Do they have no respect for themselves? (And how can boys who are on the receiving end have a positive image of girls/women?)
 
It's unreal how much things have changed since my teen days. I went back to college at 38 years old in 2001 and was stunned at how many girls talked openly and proudly of the fact that although they had performed oral sex on countless boys, they were still 'virgins'. THANKS BILL CLINTON!! (I know he's not fully to blame but his attitude about what went 'down' with him and Monica sure didn't help matters any).

It's never too early for sex education, we are born sexual beings and curiosity is a powerful motivator, which is why I have talked to my Girls openly about sex since they were very young. It's not always comfortable but it's my responsibility. I've been blunt enough to say to them that having sex is no big deal 'dogs can f#$%', the challenge is learning about yourself and managing your sexual curiousity in a manner that allows you to respect yourself without regret. I find that the 'captive audience' works well, that's what we call car talks. No one can run away and you don't have to maintain eye contact if things are getting a little uncomfortable.

Take Care
Laurie
 
Bill Clinton in my opinion really started the whole oral sex thing. Here is this charming president avering he DID NOT HAVE SEX with that woman. That woman?! I have four daughters and when the time is approriate we have the talk I never imagined I would have to verbalize. The amount of STD's trasmitted through this act is frightening. Our gums are soft tissue and can hold bacteria and who knows what! One of my daughters had never thought of it in that light and was she freaked out. Frankly the act in and of itself really only benefits the male. These girls feel cheap and less than they are when it is done. Being accountable to a higher power and making promises to your God or whoever you worship can be a very powerful motivater to keep on the safe path. Being straight foward and putting all the ugly on the table you think would work. It is a scary world out there and praying every day for my kids and others is a necessity.

Cheryl
 
Wow, Bill Clinton really is the cause of everything wrong with the world today. That happened, what, seven years ago? Who knew that that many 6, 7, 8, and 9 year-olds were watching the impeachment on tv? (Maybe the republicans that decided to impeach a president for lying about his sex life should take a little credit for that fiasco being all over the media.)

Gotta tell you, God didn't keep me or any of my friends from having sex as teenagers. ( One of my friends actually would have sex after going to church youth meetings with her boyfriend...maybe they were moved by the spirit!)

I'm not saying these girls shouldn't be taught how they may not be ready for this, it's a big step, they need to respect themselves, etc., but trying to use God seems a bit like telling a kid Santa won't come if they misbehave. Praying that things will get better is just passing the buck and not being very realistic. Facts and talking to your kids truthfully and giving them information about how to keep themselves safe seems like the best bets. Telling them how horrible sex is could backfire, because if they DO do it, and find out that it really feels good, they'll probably just wonder what else you've lied to them about.

(and, speak for yourself with "it only benefits the male" stuff. In case you didn't know, there are a few things that males do that don't "benefit" them, either, but can sure be fun for the female) Sorry to go there, but let's be real.
 
They used to have the different colored plastic bracelets... girls would wear several different colors on their wrist, each color representing a different act, and whatever color a boy snaps is what you are expected to perform for/to him. They banned them in most schools a few years back, it was all over the news. I don't remember anything like that when I was in school, and I graduated in the 90's - not even 10 years ago! x(

Missy
 
I think where we land in society has so much more to do with one person or one event. IMO the bottom line is, if our 12, 13, 14 year old girls think this is the way to go, then we are failing them on a greater level than can be blamed on Bill and his peccadilloes. There's nothing wrong with consenting adults engaging in whatever they chose to do. The question is, what are we teaching our girls that they will offer themselves up as sexual entertainment for the boys at such a young age?

Could part of the problem be that we are allowing our kids to act and think too much like adults, not just in their clothing, music, etc. but in how we allow them to be in the world. When I was a kid there was a very clear line between the adult world and the kid world. Does that even exist anymore?

As for the religious perspective, I grew up in a home where sex was open for discussion and where, thankfully, my parents never put a negative spin on it. I did hear, "respect yourself and take responsibility for your choices" many many times in those discussions. So, I am in the camp of full disclosure. That said, I also have a couple of friends who abstained from sex - of any kind - until they were married, simply because of their religious beliefs. So I think it really depends on the person/circumstances. I would never advocate lying to a kid about sex, or telling them, as my friend's mom did to her, that sex was painful unless you were married. :eek:

Wow, I've rambled. Sorry, all.

Sparrow

My garden is filled with papayas and mangos
My life is a mixture of reggaes and tangos
Taste for the good life, I can live it no other way
- Jimmy Buffett
 
Who said that Bill Clinton was the cause of everything that was wrong? What he said about what he did was very damaging to the people and children who look up to the president - whatever age they are. Children are like sponges - at all ages! - and soak up everything that is around them and it makes an impression on them and they remember these things whether it is good or bad, whether we try our hardest to protect them from what damages them - especially like his careless and irresponsible comments. I don't think he was a bad president but I do think that as one of the most influencial and powerful people in the world he set a very dangerous tone concerning sex for this generation and future ones. You cannot deny that.

Please don't put others down because they believe in prayer. You may find it useless and pitiful, and that is fine, but there are many here that have faith and hope and have seen prayer work in their lives. After we talk to our kids and teach them about the joys, dangers and responsibilies about sex, prayer is what is left so that God can guide them and they can make the right decisions.

I don't think that anyone here said anything about how horrible sex is, or said it was bad. Almost everyone here that posted has kids and knows that sex is awesome! But STDs are very real, having multiple partners increases that risk, and our children need to know that so they can be safe and make educated decisions. People who don't think that anything can happen to them need to have some sort of fear put in them before they get nontreatable diseases like herpes or warts... or worse, they kill themselves with AIDS. We are, as you said, just trying to give them the facts.

Do you have kids that are in school? There is nothing about what is going on in school that has anything to do with pleasing gals.

I can't believe I responded to this post, but I just feel like so much of what you said was unfair and hostile to those of us that are trying to raise smart and respectable young people in a world where it is getting increasingly difficult to do so. If anything support and words of encouragement are needed; we are all doing the best we can with what little we have been given to work with (the people/environment around us).

Missy
 
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