strip club opinion
- Thread starter kariev
- Start date
pippa
Cathlete
>I don't know ANYONE who had a stripper at a bachelor
>party...your fiance and his friends sound like sleazes....I'd
>re evaluate....this ain't gonna stop when you're married....in
>fact, it will get worse..........
WOW...I don't know if this is in response to the OP or someone else, but that is really judgemental. I know lots of people that have done the whole 'strip club/stripper' bachelor party thing and plenty that haven't. For almost all, it is a one time/occasional thing.
I have no idea where the idea that if someone does it once then "it will only get worse" comes from. In fact almost every guy I know *only* go to these places for bachelor parties.
>party...your fiance and his friends sound like sleazes....I'd
>re evaluate....this ain't gonna stop when you're married....in
>fact, it will get worse..........
WOW...I don't know if this is in response to the OP or someone else, but that is really judgemental. I know lots of people that have done the whole 'strip club/stripper' bachelor party thing and plenty that haven't. For almost all, it is a one time/occasional thing.
I have no idea where the idea that if someone does it once then "it will only get worse" comes from. In fact almost every guy I know *only* go to these places for bachelor parties.
Amy Steppe
Cathlete
Hi Karie,
It is not like he is going to leave you for a stripper.
And if he were to leave you for a stripper he met only once, then would you really want to marry him?
It is not like he is going to leave you for a stripper.
And if he were to leave you for a stripper he met only once, then would you really want to marry him?
>I don't know ANYONE who had a stripper at a bachelor
>party...your fiance and his friends sound like sleazes....I'd
>re evaluate....this ain't gonna stop when you're married....in
>fact, it will get worse..........
This was rude! Anyway, when it gets closer i will reevaluate the situation. Everyone is right, he isn't going to leave me for a stripper. He doesn't go and its his friend, who is a sleeze ball, that wants to take him and plan it. I do trust him and he is very respectful to me. Thank you all for the opinions. I didn't expect such a large response. And people are right, in the grand scheme of things its one small thing. Thanks again.
>party...your fiance and his friends sound like sleazes....I'd
>re evaluate....this ain't gonna stop when you're married....in
>fact, it will get worse..........
This was rude! Anyway, when it gets closer i will reevaluate the situation. Everyone is right, he isn't going to leave me for a stripper. He doesn't go and its his friend, who is a sleeze ball, that wants to take him and plan it. I do trust him and he is very respectful to me. Thank you all for the opinions. I didn't expect such a large response. And people are right, in the grand scheme of things its one small thing. Thanks again.
upperwests
Cathlete
Wow Vrinda,
I loved your post....and totally agree with you. My first marriage took place in 1980 and my second was in 2004. I am sooooo glad my 2nd husband INSISTED he did not want a typical bachelor party. But, granted, he was 47 when he got married! So, 20 of his closest friends took him out for a fabulous surprise dinner. I personally have a problem with strip clubs. I just think it's "WRONG" for any woman but me to be "all over" my husband. I consider myself to be a very liberal and "modern" (for lack of a better word) person), but I don't think it should be a rite of passage for a man about to be married. I think I would of had a very hard time if my husband's friends did not respect his wishes.
Paula
I loved your post....and totally agree with you. My first marriage took place in 1980 and my second was in 2004. I am sooooo glad my 2nd husband INSISTED he did not want a typical bachelor party. But, granted, he was 47 when he got married! So, 20 of his closest friends took him out for a fabulous surprise dinner. I personally have a problem with strip clubs. I just think it's "WRONG" for any woman but me to be "all over" my husband. I consider myself to be a very liberal and "modern" (for lack of a better word) person), but I don't think it should be a rite of passage for a man about to be married. I think I would of had a very hard time if my husband's friends did not respect his wishes.
Paula
0 Push ups
Cathlete
Karie,
Thanks for the entertaining post.
An important part of a marriage is communication. Talk it over with him. Let him know how you feel about it. Reach an agreement. (don’t go – go but promise not to touch – etc…) This is a good topic for you both to work on together.
Congratulations on the up coming marriage, and good luck.
It will be 35 years for us this coming March. We wouldn’t have made it without communicating.
Thanks for the entertaining post.
An important part of a marriage is communication. Talk it over with him. Let him know how you feel about it. Reach an agreement. (don’t go – go but promise not to touch – etc…) This is a good topic for you both to work on together.
Congratulations on the up coming marriage, and good luck.
It will be 35 years for us this coming March. We wouldn’t have made it without communicating.
I've been to strip clubs with boyfriends past and present and it's really no big deal. I'm sure that's what your fiance thinks as well.
Also realize that most strippers are bisexual. If there are women around, they seem more interested in them than their male companions. I had one boyfriend laughingly complain that the stripper was paying more attention to me than him (that seems to happen more often than not!). Not that my bf isn't hot -- he is -- it's just that in my experience the women chat me up more than they do my male friends (yes, the strippers hit on ME!).
Look at this way. Most guys are very simple creatures. The are constantly sizing up ALL women and, for a second or two, determine whether they would sleep with them or not. Sorry, but it's true. Guys are very visual and that's the way they operate. Very few "evolve" beyond this point. They just know from about age 12 or so, that they need to hide it. So....guys are doing this all day long whether they're at strip clubs or not.
Strip clubs are really a form of theatre and the participants know it. The guys like the attention they get from the strippers but, if they can suspend their fantasy for a minute, they also realize that the strippers see them as nothing more than money machines. It's just a business. Believe me, the girls aren't interested in the customers (most of them have boyfriends, etc. anyway) they just want the money. They'll do whatever they can to make the guy feel good to get the cash. Guys love the attention regardless but, if they're insightful enough, they realize that it's all looking, no touching and there's no way the stripper is really interested in them.
So just view it as a business transaction. Nothing beyond that will happen. It's no big deal.
But if you look at the big picture, there seems to be a double standard operating here. Strip clubs obviously promote the objectification of women -- the emphasis is on women's bodies and their perceptions as sex objects. But isn't that what a lot of the women want for themselvse? They want to look "hot" or "sexy" and see exercise as a way to achieve an "ideal body" so they can look like a "fitness model" or attract male attention. I'm not saying that there aren't women who are motivated to exercise for health reasons but, really, I'd say a large number want to "look better". They're investing time in how they look, but why? Some women treat exercise as part of their "beauty" regime more than anything else. So aren't we, to some extent, promoting women's looks rather than other attributes (our minds, attitudes, etc.)?
Personally, I don't "exercise". I play sports and take on challenging athletic pursuits. I'm not interested in how my body looks. I'm healthy and challenging myself and that's what matters to me. I hang around people of all body shapes and we're more interested in what we can do and our attitueds and not how we look. If only the rest of the world could be this way
Also realize that most strippers are bisexual. If there are women around, they seem more interested in them than their male companions. I had one boyfriend laughingly complain that the stripper was paying more attention to me than him (that seems to happen more often than not!). Not that my bf isn't hot -- he is -- it's just that in my experience the women chat me up more than they do my male friends (yes, the strippers hit on ME!).
Look at this way. Most guys are very simple creatures. The are constantly sizing up ALL women and, for a second or two, determine whether they would sleep with them or not. Sorry, but it's true. Guys are very visual and that's the way they operate. Very few "evolve" beyond this point. They just know from about age 12 or so, that they need to hide it. So....guys are doing this all day long whether they're at strip clubs or not.
Strip clubs are really a form of theatre and the participants know it. The guys like the attention they get from the strippers but, if they can suspend their fantasy for a minute, they also realize that the strippers see them as nothing more than money machines. It's just a business. Believe me, the girls aren't interested in the customers (most of them have boyfriends, etc. anyway) they just want the money. They'll do whatever they can to make the guy feel good to get the cash. Guys love the attention regardless but, if they're insightful enough, they realize that it's all looking, no touching and there's no way the stripper is really interested in them.
So just view it as a business transaction. Nothing beyond that will happen. It's no big deal.
But if you look at the big picture, there seems to be a double standard operating here. Strip clubs obviously promote the objectification of women -- the emphasis is on women's bodies and their perceptions as sex objects. But isn't that what a lot of the women want for themselvse? They want to look "hot" or "sexy" and see exercise as a way to achieve an "ideal body" so they can look like a "fitness model" or attract male attention. I'm not saying that there aren't women who are motivated to exercise for health reasons but, really, I'd say a large number want to "look better". They're investing time in how they look, but why? Some women treat exercise as part of their "beauty" regime more than anything else. So aren't we, to some extent, promoting women's looks rather than other attributes (our minds, attitudes, etc.)?
Personally, I don't "exercise". I play sports and take on challenging athletic pursuits. I'm not interested in how my body looks. I'm healthy and challenging myself and that's what matters to me. I hang around people of all body shapes and we're more interested in what we can do and our attitueds and not how we look. If only the rest of the world could be this way
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sparrow13
Cathlete
I haven't read all the responses so apologies if I repeat what has already been said.
When DH and I got married there was no bachelor party. His choice, not mine. He said he didn't see the rationale behind going out and getting blazing drunk or oogling women on the night before he was to be married. As he put it, his commitment and respect for me/us didn't begin on our wedding day, it began months before when we decided to build a life together, and he felt that the traditional bachelor cheapens the importance of the next day. Of course I was pleased, because that's generally my attitude about it. Frankly if single guys go to clubs I have no issue at all, but I've never been into what the traditional bachelor party implies: one more night of good times and sexy women before I settle down to a boring married life with the old ball and chain. Makes no sense to me.
Just my opinion. And DH's. No offense intended.
Sparrow
When DH and I got married there was no bachelor party. His choice, not mine. He said he didn't see the rationale behind going out and getting blazing drunk or oogling women on the night before he was to be married. As he put it, his commitment and respect for me/us didn't begin on our wedding day, it began months before when we decided to build a life together, and he felt that the traditional bachelor cheapens the importance of the next day. Of course I was pleased, because that's generally my attitude about it. Frankly if single guys go to clubs I have no issue at all, but I've never been into what the traditional bachelor party implies: one more night of good times and sexy women before I settle down to a boring married life with the old ball and chain. Makes no sense to me.
Just my opinion. And DH's.
No offense intended.Sparrow
LaughingWater
Cathlete
Exactly. I'm far from a prude, but I too feel that kind of behavior cheapens what should be one of the happiest days of your life. I know couples who still fight about their respective "parties" that took place over 20 years ago.
I've also been to weddings where bachelor party gossip was flying around during the reception ~ how lovely. Who needs that aggravation? My general opinion about strip clubs aside, single dudes can do what they like. Guys in serious relationships, however, should reconsider. It's just not worth it.
joditeaches
Cathlete
I think it is completely disrespectful to go to a strip club. It only hurts feelings, and I do not see the point. I don't think that a couple should do anything that makes the other uncomfortable like that. I think it is sad that that is a tradition before someone gets married. It is degrading.
SirenSongWoman
Cathlete
I don't know if this will help but I work with a girl who used to dance in a strip club, only a few years ago. She's pregnant with her third child. She's not what you'd expect. We had a discussion about that chick everyone's talking about on CNN who didn't report her 2 year old daughter missing for a month (they think she killed her kid) and this girl went off when the conversation became about irresponsible parents. Like I said, she's not exactly a girl-gone-wild. There's a creepy little old maintenance guy at work who, evidently, used to go to the club where she worked... A LOT. One night he was staring at her while she was working and she got mad and asked "Like watching me work?" He said "I used to like watching you a lot..." She told me it was the only time she'd ever been at a loss for words but she really wanted to punch him. Unless your man shows signs of being one of those guys who has such a problem he eats his lunch in a strip club, like the maintenance guy, I doubt you have anything to worry about. As for the dancers, like just about anything else you get paid to do, it's just a job (a well-paying job really helps a single mother who lacks the skills to be a computer programmer, which is the lure). Most of them have normal home lives and aren't looking for dates. Like my co-worker said "I wouldn't be looking for dates at a strip club!"
Chill, girl. Bachelor parties take place at strip clubs because guys aren't, as a rule, real imaginative, which is why dumb traditions get entrenched. They friend's getting married and they feel they have to Do Something but don't know what else to do so... But, whatever you do, DO NOT let him shove cake in your face at the reception. It wasn't funny when the first guy did it and, depending on the bride, it can be downright dangerous
Chill, girl. Bachelor parties take place at strip clubs because guys aren't, as a rule, real imaginative, which is why dumb traditions get entrenched. They friend's getting married and they feel they have to Do Something but don't know what else to do so... But, whatever you do, DO NOT let him shove cake in your face at the reception. It wasn't funny when the first guy did it and, depending on the bride, it can be downright dangerous
DeanaMax
Cathlete
I can't believe this thread is back!
I've been around strip clubs enough to learn that many are bad news - besides the obvious that it objectifies women, there's more than just looking. I know this to be true - i can tell you so many stories.. a tasteful place as a couple is one thing, but a bachelor party with a group of guys is another, imo.
I've been around strip clubs enough to learn that many are bad news - besides the obvious that it objectifies women, there's more than just looking. I know this to be true - i can tell you so many stories.. a tasteful place as a couple is one thing, but a bachelor party with a group of guys is another, imo.
miller2917
Cathlete
My husband had one and they went to Ontario where the girls were completely naked. I wasn't thrilled about that but knew he loved me and going to a strip club for a bachelor party wasn't going to change that. My overall opionion though is that it is a huge waste of money with hopefully no return. I would NOTcondone regular visits but a one time event should be fine if you are in a trusting relationship.
In your situation, you are getting married b/c you're in love, that won't change. Lay some ground rules maybe, like no (private or not) lap dances, or maybe suggest a phone call from him at some point in the evening for some reassurance that he is having fun but not the wrong kind.
I have kind of a funny story. My husband (at the time boyfriend) was going out of town for a bachelor party and I was in one of those moods where the strip club thing bothered me. When I asked why he had to go he said it was a special occassion and that he doesn't go all of the time. Anyway, I was going out that night b/c my friend's divorce was final and told him we'd probably head out to a male strip club (something I am not interested at all and something not really available to heterosexuals in columbus). Anyway, we went out that night and my other friend met this cute single guy through a friend of a friend. We concocted this story for my husband that we back to this guy's house and talked him into stripping for us. He was SO UPSET and I just said now you know how I feel. Devious I know, but it got the point across about how it can make one feel.
Anyway - once you're on your honeymoon this will be a distant memory. Don't stress about it.
In your situation, you are getting married b/c you're in love, that won't change. Lay some ground rules maybe, like no (private or not) lap dances, or maybe suggest a phone call from him at some point in the evening for some reassurance that he is having fun but not the wrong kind.
I have kind of a funny story. My husband (at the time boyfriend) was going out of town for a bachelor party and I was in one of those moods where the strip club thing bothered me. When I asked why he had to go he said it was a special occassion and that he doesn't go all of the time. Anyway, I was going out that night b/c my friend's divorce was final and told him we'd probably head out to a male strip club (something I am not interested at all and something not really available to heterosexuals in columbus). Anyway, we went out that night and my other friend met this cute single guy through a friend of a friend. We concocted this story for my husband that we back to this guy's house and talked him into stripping for us. He was SO UPSET and I just said now you know how I feel. Devious I know, but it got the point across about how it can make one feel.
Anyway - once you're on your honeymoon this will be a distant memory. Don't stress about it.
SirenSongWoman
Cathlete
I think that's HYSTERICAL. Talk about getting your point across.