strip club opinion

K

kariev

Cathlete
yes, you read the title right. What are you opinions on strip clubs? The reason I ask is because I'm getting married in may. Of course, my fiance' is going to have a bachelor party. I'm actually not happy about it. When I think of some big boobed striper on him I just want to cry:( I know its traditional and its going to happen no matter what so I have been trying to work on just excepting it. Did you guys have a problem with you now husbands bachelor party??? I'm not much of a partier so i'm not even sure if I want a bachelorette party. I don't tell him I don't want him to go b/c its what his friends are planning for him and I don't want to argue over something that is not going to change. Plus I'm not the type that would try and stop him from doing anything he wants to do but I am uncomfortable with the situation. So I just wanted to know your thoughts or experiences on this. Thanks
karie
 
Hi.

My husband had the traditional bachelor party and I had no problems with it. I was out at my bachelorette party the same night so perhaps that helped a bit. Not sure. You should go out and do SOMETHING that night even if it's just a quiet dinner with your closest friends.

Anyway, that being said, I have no problem with strip clubs. I have no problem with my DH going to them so long as he doesn't frequent them. He actually rarely goes and TBH I think he's only been to one MAYBE 3 times since we got married back in 2003 and that INCLUDES his bachelor party.

Hey, who am I to tell him no when I went to a bachelor party myself last March and went to a JUICE BAR of all things!?!? :7 :7 :7 He was away for a few days and I was actually invited in lieu of him. It was a party thrown by a mutual friend for a mutual acquaintence of ours. My DH was invited but couldn't attend so our friend asked if I wanted to go instead. LOL I wasn't the only girl there so it wasn't too bad. I actually had fun! Anyway, that's neither here nor there I guess but to answer your question, no I didn't have a problem with my DH going to a strip club for his B-party. :)
 
Kariev, I am getting married in May also (May 25, to be exact;) ). This is my DF's second marriage, and he had a traditional bachelor party the first time, plus we are having a destination wedding, so luckily I don't have to worry about the strip club thing.

I think that if I was in your position, I would be very uncomfortable about it. I think it just depends on the person and their attitudes towards sexuality. I would consider myself somewhat modest, which is probably what makes me so squeamish.

Good luck with the situation!!
 
Karie I also wasn't big on the whole strip club bachelor party concept. But fortunately, my DH wasn't big on it either. At the time his buddies threw the b. party for him he was working in Columbus which had a very large gay population. So the friends arranged a big golf outing, but - you guessed it - they arranged for one of their gay buddies to show up at the golf course in drag. The pics are hysterical. Maybe come up with some different alternatives to see if your DF is ok with any of them. Good luck.

Lorrie

www.picturetrail.com/lsass



 
Does your fiance know how you feel about the bachelor party planned for him? If you're really uncomfortable about it, then I think you should tell him and hope that he decides to change the bachelor party to something that you're more comfortable with. I'm sure that he doesn't want to do something that makes you want to cry! If it's something that you think you can live with, then let it go but if it's really going to bother you I think you need to communicate that to your fiance.

Good luck!

Erica
 
Don't have an answer for you... just a question... if your friends take you to a strip club... you know... to help take your mind off of things... and you don't want to go... can I go in your place??? LOL (oh, and yeah, I'm happily married too;) LOL:9 my dh may even be a little happier that night after I get home;) LOL
 
This is a toughie. When my DH and I got married (back in '99) we were both pretty conservative (I consider myself more open-minded nowadays but I still live pretty prudishly, anyway :)). He went to Hooters and his friends got him a boob-shaped cake, and that was the worst of it. I was a little jealous when I saw a picture of him and his pals with the Hooters girls, but as he pointed out, he's more of a leg man than a boob man anyway, and it was me he wanted to marry.

Anyway, it was not a big worry with my future husband because he was just as modest and sheltered as I was, in some ways. I don't know how I would have reacted if he'd wanted to go to a strip club, but that's very hard to imagine of him anyway.

I think maybe you could gently tell him how uncomfortable it makes you, but don't lay down the law on him or anything. You are his choice, so just keep that in mind even if he chooses to go ahead.

[font face="comic sans ms" font color=purple]***Lainie***
My fitness blog: http://fitnessfig.blogspot.com/ http://bestsmileys.com/exercising/7.gif

If you want to give God a good laugh, tell Her your plans.[/font]
 
Kariev - I am sorry that I don't have any advice for you, but I just wanted to say that I completely agree with you. I apologize if it isn't what you want to hear, but it is true. I was married very young - just shy of age 20. Because I married my HS sweetheart, he is all I know. I am no longer "jealous" but used to be very much so, before I took charge of my life and gained some self-esteem. But still, to this day, I personally would not be comfortable with the situation. It isn't that I wouldn't "approve" b/c I don't tell him what to do and vice versa, but I would express that it hurts my feelings. Best of luck,
Clarissa
 
>Kariev - I am sorry that I don't have any advice for you, but
>I just wanted to say that I completely agree with you. I
>apologize if it isn't what you want to hear, but it is true. I
>was married very young - just shy of age 20. Because I married
>my HS sweetheart, he is all I know. I am no longer "jealous"
>but used to be very much so, before I took charge of my life
>and gained some self-esteem. But still, to this day, I
>personally would not be comfortable with the situation. It
>isn't that I wouldn't "approve" b/c I don't tell him what to
>do and vice versa, but I would express that it hurts my
>feelings. Best of luck,
>Clarissa

ITA!!!!! i am still jealous to a point myself. he would not want me doing a sexy lap dance on some man nor would he want some man grinding on me, so its a two way street! i would express how uncomfortable you feel but that is just me. :)


kassia

http://www.picturetrail.com/ldy_solana

"And do what thee wilt as long as ye harm none"

http://pic20.picturetrail.com/VOL1307/4842454/16585805/276676894.jpg
 
One of the most important things in a relationship is "communication". I think you should really discuss this with him; how you are feeling, how he is feeling, etc.

Debbie
 
LMAO, Linda!

Karie, I couldn't even LOOK at my DH if he did something like that. We were married very young and didn't do anything like this. He didn't even have a bachelor party. The raciest thing at my party was putting condoms onto cucumbers with our mouths!

My very strong personal opinion is that if you DF knows how much that makes you uncomfortable and does it anyway, he doesn't respect you and you should take that into HUGE consideration before walking down the aisle to him.

Wish you the best. (((hug)))
 
Neither my husband nor I had anything to do with strippers of either gender before (or after) our wedding. I am his and he is mine and that's that--call it old-fashioned, but it suits us very well. We've had a fantastic marraige for almost 15 years and guard it very carefully.

Anyway, that's my experience.

I hope the two of you are able to come to some agreement.

Maggie:)
 
My husband did the strip club thing and I was fine with it. I saw it as a rite of passage. I don't think he has been back to a club since (unless there was a bachelor party I'm not remembering (we've been married 10 years)). That sort of thing doesn't really interest my husband, he just seemed to go along with it because that's what the guys traditionally do.

I will say that when he was dropped off at our front door at 4am completely intoxicated with his underware ripped down the middle (I had to undress him for bed because he couldn't do it himself and his clothes were very dirty), I was a bit curious. . . . BUT, I knew better than to ask.

A one time thing, I'd look the other way . . . if it became habit, I'd be upset.
 
WHY is a bachelor party at a strip club considered "traditional"? I think that's silly.

If the idea bothers you, why in the world would he even consider going?

These are questions I'd be asking, personally.
 
Honestly, this wouldn't faze me as long as it's an occasional occurrence. If it's a regular thing, then I think it signals a problem. IMO, if you trust him, you have nothing to worry about. IA, why not go out and have your own fun? You don't have to party and get wild. Gather up the girlfriends and go out to dinner and/or whatever else is fun for you.
 
Interesting topic. :) I actually have the same feelings that you do on the subject and DH and I talked about it before we got married. He had no interest in them at that point and wanted to respect my wishes, so there was no strip club stuff at his bachelor party.

A few months after our wedding he went to a friend's bachelor party. They had beers and food and Hooters and then they we supposed to go to the local strip club. As they were approaching to door, he told his friends that he was going to catch a cab home and that he wished them all a good night. They all turned around and stared at him. Then a few of them decided that they would rather go home as well. I was so proud of him! I think I would have understood the peer pressure of the situation but he decided that respecting our relationship was more important than going along with the crowd. I truly am a lucky girl!

Carolyn
 
Karie,

I have been married for 17 years, and believe there is no "right" or "wrong" with bachelor parties.

Just because this could be something I would have great difficulty accepting, or otherwise is of no relevance to you.

I think it has to do with compatibility. If both partners in a relationship feel a stripper at a bachelor party is no big deal, there is less room for conflict - at least on this issue - between them, now and in the future.

No couple is 100% compatible, but an incompatibility in an area that is really important to one of them, over time, impacts the relationship. You know already that you will need to "not sweat the small stuff" to make the relationship work.

Only you can decide if this is "small stuff" or a "really big deal".

If this is a big deal, you should communicate and you should let yourself be concerned, if he does not show respect for your feelings. Something for him to consider when he makes up his mind - how would he feel if you went to a male strip club?

To make things more complicated, values change as we grow older. Things that seemed very important in the early years become replaced with new considerations as we "grow" and understand ourselves better.

Making a relationship work is a lot of give and take, and so very worth the sacrifices, provided there is mutual respect for important values. Introspection to decide what really matters, so you can look the other way with the rest, and learn what not to ignore, is a great technique to a wonderful relationship.

Good luck.

Vrinda
 
Jody,
In some states, alcohol is not allowed to be served in strip bars so they serve juice. Also, typically in juice bars, women are the featured attraction. Does that help your confusion?

Jonahnah
Chocolate IS the answer, regardless of the question.
 
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