Sorry need to vent...(long)

kraphti

Cathlete
<Deep breaths and counting to 10>

Ok, so I get a phone call from a friend and she says, "Hey I was just calling because 'son' asked me to call and see what you are getting him for Christmas, the books from last year were ok, but he really want's video games."

I go "What????"

So she repeats it again. I asked her why in the world she would call and ask that. She says, "Well you know how kids are (he's 10 by the way) and they do that kind of stuff. He'll be mad if he doesn't get the games he wants." """WTF"""

I tell her that I am well aware of how kids are, but my question is why would you as an adult not correct him on this and why as an adult you would even call and ask."

She makes it even worse by saying well, he's getting older and wants Xbox video games and wanted to see who would be getting them for him and she'd though she'd help by making sure he doesn't get duplicates and has to return them.

Ok...I'm ticked by now and tell her that she's made me upset and I can't even talk to her about this now because I'm bound to hurt her feelings.

Questions for you parents out there:

1. Is this a new thing that the kids call up and say hey what are you getting me from Christmas? Isn't this just plain rude? My Mom would have hung me out to dry if I'd dared to ask her something like this.
2. Why do some of these new-fangled parents think people are planning to spend mega-bucks on their kids? Just because I don't have kids, doesn't mean I'm spending a lot on presents for yours.

I'm still tripping that she actually called me with this. I'm really tempted not to buy her kids anything, but I know it's not fair to them since they are being raised to be this way and they won't understand. I don't want to punish them for bad parenting.

I'm not even gonna try to discuss this with her until this weekend, because if I talk to her now, she will not like what I have to say, she will be weeping and crying and her husband will be calling me...."She's hurt that you are mad at her....you know she's on the selfish side....blah...blah...blah...she doesn't really know any better...blah...blah...blah...she won't eat dinner..." I just don't have time for all that needy melodrama.

Just had to vent...I don't know why anything she does like this surprises me at all.

BTW....several of the other kids I normally buy presents for, out of the blue, have said to give their presents to the kids that lost everything because of Katrina. I mean they want all of their presents to be donated. WOW! They made me cry. As a treat to them, I'm planning them a surprise New Year's pizza party to show them how special they are. (Yeah for their parents for raising kids with some values.)
 
That actually made me laugh. I can't believe that the boy would be so obnoxious as to have her call and that she would be so clueless and actually make the call! Wow!

I agree that it is very, very rude and that this boy needs to learn to appreciate any gifts given to him and the thoughts behind the gifts.

Erica
 
Desi,

I've raised two and no, this would have never happened with mine. They know better. Your friend, as you pointed out, is an adult and should have set her child straight on this. I don't see how she was not embarrassed to ask something like this.
 
desi,

that was rather rude to assume that you were buying gifts. and for her hubby to say "well that's how she is" is not a good excuse. my hubby was a spoiled brat until he actually had to earn his way. so ppl can learn. i don't think you are punishing the child by not wanting to spend an enormous amount of money on them. those games are NOT cheap at all b/c i wanted to get dh some for xmas(we have gamecube, a cheaper system).

i don't know call me crazy but i never heard anybody(other then my selfish sister)call and ask "BTW what ya getting us for xmas?" i find it rude,ignorant and quite selfish. if you do get her children something, get what you CAN afford to get and what you think would be good, if they don't like it then what a pity that they can't be thankful.

btw i think that is way cool about the pizza party for the kids that don't want anything but to make other kids happy. those are truly great kids and my hats off to their parents b/c they are really doing something right. i really hope you get this all squared away.


kassia



When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be
disappointed to discover they are not it -- Bernard Bailey
 
I do not believe for one minute that her son asked her to call you. I think she's using that as an excuse to avoid returning things and to par down her Christmas list. No, this is not now and will never be (Oh, I pray) considered anything but absolutely tacky. Miss Manners would have a field day with this one.

And then to say, "Well, the books were okay, but he wants..." Some people have more chutzpah than they need. I'd actually ignore it, get the kid what YOU want to get him, and if she asks why you got him that, simply chuckle and say, "Oh, I didn't think you could possibly have been serious."

Or better yet, point to the examples of the wonderful kids on your list (I actually teared up when I read that - what incredible kids you know) and say, "Oh, I was planning on donating a gift in his name to the victims of Hurricane Katrina, like I'm doing for the other kids on my list at their request."
 
>I do not believe for one minute that her son asked her to
>call you. I think she's using that as an excuse to avoid
>returning things and to par down her Christmas list. >
>

That was my first thought also.

Colleen
 
>BTW....several of the other kids I normally buy presents for,
>out of the blue, have said to give their presents to the kids
>that lost everything because of Katrina. I mean they want all
>of their presents to be donated. WOW! They made me cry. As a
>treat to them, I'm planning them a surprise New Year's pizza
>party to show them how special they are. (Yeah for their
>parents for raising kids with some values.)


that is incredible!!! and bravo the parents especially!!!

I am sorry that your friend is being like that. We had a great thread going last week about this, too. I think it was "how much do you spend for Christmas" or something like that.

Don't let her fit, or his, whoever's it is, sway you. Some of the worst gifts I have gotten as a kid, particularly books, are the gifts that I remember and appreciate the most as an adult and have had the greatest impact on me and I still have today. In fact, I am reading one of those books to my kids right now! One day, this boy may be grateful that you didn't give in and he will thank you. :)

Missy
 
It's plain to see where the 10 year old learned his manners!

~ Kim

"Welcome the challenge...embrace it...don't fear it." - Cathe Friedrich
 
Hi Desi,

I had this happen to me in the past. Children who only called right after Thanksgiving just to make sure that the topic of Christmas would come up and then they would make their requests. No call on Christmas to ask about my day or to say thank you. Just an annual call to make sure that the presents were coming. Do I look like Santa? I believe in the a deeper meaning of Christmas but found myself reinforcing a whole different thing all together. Now, I only give gifts that come from my heart and that are received the same way.

I never even thought about the mom theory but I can believe it.

Don't fret about this. I like the idea of giving to the children suffering from the effects of Katrina.

jordan
 
Desi, if you buy this kid ANYTHING for Christmas, you will only be an enabler, meaning that you will just be enabling this kid to continue to be this way for the rest of his life. Remember, this lady's son asked his mom to call you. He said, "Mom, call Desi and ask her what she's getting me." In other words, HE is controlling MOM, and if you buy him something, he is controlling YOU, too. I don't know about you, but I absolutely REFUSE (almost hyphenated that word with a profanity) to let a 10-year-old control me.

Edited to say: I didn't think of the mom "conspiracy theory." Kids these days are being brought up to be quite bold and rude, so I wouldn't doubt that this kid asked his mom to call you if she's the kind that would actually call.

So, here's what I would do in this situation:

1) I'd give the kid a lump of coal with a card that says that anybody who is bold enough (and rude enough) to ask what someone is getting them deserves nothing better than coal.

or, to show her how ridiculous she was for calling, and to be a smart-arse...

2) I'd call the mother back and ask her what she's buying me for Christmas. Then I'd tell her I need a new set of dishes or a new computer and I'd rather know what she's going to buy me so that I can make sure to tell everybody else so I don't get duplicates and have to return them to the store.

or, if you absolutely MUST buy him something...

3) I'd buy him a $50 Certificate of Deposit at the local bank with the stipulation that it can't be cashed out until he's 18 (I'd make sure it gets set up that way at the bank - I've never bought a CD, so I don't know how this works).

In no way, shape, or form, would this spoiled little brat get an Xbox game from me. And if he asks why I didn't give him one, I'd say, "Because the person bearing the gifts makes the decisions on what gifts get given and to whom. The recipient does NOT make this decision. I was extremely upset that you asked your mother to call me and ask me what I was going to buy for you and that I was told what to buy and what not buy. Now, if I had asked you what you wanted for Christmas, then you have all rights to tell me. But to assume that I am going to buy you a gift, and then dictate to me what I can and can't buy is not only rude, it is tacky and NOT in the spirit of Christmas. May this be a lesson for you that from now on, unless someone asks you what you want for Christmas, you have no business telling them what to buy you." Of course, you can make this little speech your very own, and word it how you want.

You should not feel like you're being rude or unreasonable by refusing to buy this kid a gift. He (and his mother) were rude and unreasonable for rudely asking you (and then telling you) what you would buy. Do not reward this rude behavior, because you only encourage to happen again...and again...and again...and again...get the picture?
 
I see greed and rudeness when it comes to gifts in my DH's nephew, unfortuately...

He is 12 now but I have noticed it over the years and it keeps getting worse...

A couple of weeks ago we were with this boy and the rest of DH's immediate family for dinner...The boy wants a paint ball gun for Christmas. He was incessantly pleading and begging for one and his mother kept telling him no. When she said no he'd ask why not. When she told him why not, he would argue with her about her reasons and then start the begging and pleading all over again. It was a viscious cycle that probably lasted a good 15 minutes during dinner and his mother would tell him to stop and he would blatantly ignore her!!! It was ridiculous! This kid does other things as well that just curl my hair. He is one of the most disrespectful kids I've known in a LOOONG time! This is just one example...
 
I'm really trying hard to understand why you refer to this person as your friend. I can honestly say that I don't have any friends who behave this way. I wouldn't call them a friend if they did. I wouldn't bother to say anything more to her because she just doesn't get it. I would simply stop calling her. Just my 2 cents.

Michele
 
Oh, your post made me laugh at the end when you said her DH will be calling you " she won't eat dinner", "its not her fault she is selfish". Sorry but I thought it was funny.Almost like I could hear the tone in your voice.
My mom would have strung me up as well.I couldn't even ask for something to drink when I went into someone elses house.And when someone would say "do you want a drink?" My mom would say "no, she fine". I could have been dying of thrist!
There is no doubt in my mind that some kids have gotten more selfish with time.And it is up to us as parents to show them when things are rude or not.I would have never done such a thing and I would have told my daughter what she did was wrong.But I know that she wouldn't have asked either b/c she is already aware of what is rude and what isn't.If a friend of mine had asked her what she wanted she prbably would have said "I dunno" .Not to mention that she only asked for a couple of things from us.
You have every right to be bad.But i did enjoy reading your post.SOunds (sort of)like a friend of mine.She did something once that was uncalled for so I called her on it.When her DH got home she was sitting and crying.He then gets mad at me b/c she is such a good friend and so on.I then made it quit clear that this was a 2 way street, shes far from drprived when it comes to my help, and I could careless about what his views on it were.
Lori:)
 
>Oh, my. What this kid needs for Christmas is a Mom with an IQ
>above the wind chill factor in Buffalo. :p


BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH - Oh, Nancy, that was solid gold:)
 
Hmm, I don't agree that you should punish the kid because his mother is clueless. You really only have HER word that he asked her to call, and I agree with the posters that this is unlikely. It is more likedly that she prefers other people to spend $50 on video games than herself.

I'd buy him something lovely and educational and smile broadly as he opens it.

Marie
 
Update on spoiled parent and child:

Friends Hubby calls last night....(I saw their name on the caller ID and let the answering machine pickup.)

"I know you are there and just don't want to talk to any of us. I don't blame you at all. Sorry she's behaving like a little brat. She's not speaking to me now because I've finally had it. My Mom called and said she'd called her whinning about this crap. Now Mom's pissed and said that she's not sure she'll even show up for Christmas Eve's dinner. Sat son down and told him what he did was wrong and why it was wrong and we'd talk tomorrow about why he's gonna be getting less stuff for Christmas than he thinks. Please don't buy him $*@#. Sat her down and we had a long, long talk. Well now she's sulking like a kicked puppy. Really am tired of this #$&@.....I though I had 2 children and not 3. If I could do it all again..."

I almost feel bad for him, but heck he married her knowing how she was...(BTW, she was my friend first and I'm saying this.) They have issues in their marriage and I stay out of it. Sounds like they are in some serious trouble.
 

Our Newsletter

Get awesome content delivered straight to your inbox.

Top