So frustrated with my life

Jasmin416

Jasmin416

Cathlete
I am just so frustrated. I lost my job 3 weeks ago because I had a problem with my boss who was extremely belittling to me since I started the job 3months ago. I asked to speak with the owners about it and the day before my meeting with them they fired me. Now I have been packing up my apartment to move back in with my parents until I find a new job.

On top of that, I have a guy in my life (who I've always been crazy about) playing games with me and I am cutting him out of my life as of today. I missed an evening out with a friend and her friends last night because a date cancelled on me and I couldn't reach my friend afterwards. Now I am sitting in all weekend because all of my friends have boyfriends now and no one is available. I don't know why I cannot find one decent guy out there for myself. All I seem to find are guys who love to text as the primary form of communication, not call and play games. These guys are all in their mid 30s too.

Things are looking very grim right now
 
(((((HUGS)))) I am so sorry you are going through a rough time right now. Hang in there.

I have been out of the dating game for a long time, but as for the texting, if the next guy you date starts texting you to communicate, don't respond. Then tell him you don't really read texts all that much and that calling and leaving a voicemail or talking directly to you might be better. I am paraphrasing Dr. Phil (although I am not a fan by any means), he says something to the effect of people will treat you that way you teach them to treat you. So decide what it is you don't want to put up with from a guy, any guy, and then stick to your ground. You may lose some boyfriends that way, but they aren't worth a grain of salt if they aren't going to treat you the way you feel is respectful and dignified.

Kristin
 
Jasmin,

I am sorry about what happened with losing the job. Good luck with finding a better and more fulfilling job. Sending best wishes and good luck vibes your way.

I think Kristen had great advice and I would extend it to looking out for early warning signals of manipulative/game playing behaviour and refusing to put up with it. Our intution is very strong at catching warning signals about a potential partner but the natural desire to find love can blunt that intution. This isnt scientific, but I firmly believe that single people who change their mindset to only entering into a relationship if it promises to be truly great, increase their chances of crossing paths with "better" partners who share the same mindset and want a truly reciprocal/sharing/considerate relationship.

If you are newly single, it will take time for you to find a rhythym for time with existing friends and to establish new friendships. But I am quite sure this will be resolved soon. Perhaps you can use your solo time to get out and do all the things you like to do - visit the library if you like reading, go jogging in the park, take dance lessons...or whatever you enjoy. This opens up possibilities to meet and interact with people and takes your mind off the job and your ex.

I am so sorry this is a tough time...but hang in there....((hugs))....remember it is just a tough time...things change...they always do.
 
So sorry about you losing your job! I've had pretty bad bosses before and it's no way to spend the majority of your day! Good luck with your job search! You'll find the right fit!

As to boyfriends - I really can't speak to that either as I have been happily married now for 8 years (don't ask about what came before!)! I believe the advice from Kristin and Vee is good advice. Don't try to force it! You'll find the right one in time. I know that's probably not what you want to hear, but it's true!

As to friends, I agree about finding fun things to do and learn! You meet lots of interesting people that way! Maybe even a few single friends who don't have obligations and responsibilities with significant others and children. It's hard to connect with married friends when you're single! I went through that as I married later in life and all my friends were getting married in their 20s!

So, hang in there! Find a hobby you've always wanted to get into and go for it! You'll be having fun and meeting people and, who knows, maybe even make that job connection while you're at it!

Stay positive! I'll be sending good, positive energy your way!

Tricia
 
Sorry to hear about your recent rash of bad stuff. The ladies before me have given you EXCELLENT advice, and I absolutely LOVE the way Vee worded it. TOTALLY ON TARGET! It will take time to adjust to the single life, and if your friends are true friends, they'll adjust right along with you. Like you, I'm single and although I'm not dating anybody at this time, I understand about the warning signs/6th sense and I FIRMLY believe we need to listen to that (again, exactly what Vee said about blunting that intuition).

Like my sig line says, when the tough times hit for me, I just keep repeating

KEEP ON TRUCKIN', MAMA!!!!!

{{{{{HUGS}}}}}

Gayle
 
So sorry to hear about your job loss and BF. :( Life can be so challenging sometimes and we feel like we are alone and the world is against us. Hang in there, things will get better. Hopefully you will find an even better job you love.

As for dating...ugh! Would never want to be back there. I got married at 34 and for a long time always seemed to pick the wrong guys, etc. I finally found a good one--keep strong and confident and don't settle for less than you deserve. Here's a great quote to live by:

“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.”

((hugs)) :)

Sandra
 
Keep a daily log of your positive achievements

Jasmin416,
I feel for your double loss (your job and your boyfriend). I agree with the others on this tread that you should keep positive and hang in there.

I checked your CatheSpace, and you were in real estate. My close friend was in real estate for the longest time. She related to me how competitive that occupation was -- as far as internal staff competitors and external business competitors -- so I feel for you. Keep an open mind about other lines of work, and keep up an energetic job hunt. And think about commuity college and night school, if you aspire to a different occupation that you enjoy doing. And there has been many media reports of grown children moving back with their parents in time of economic hardship (like now for instance). So you are not alone there.

I defer to others as to advice as to meeting the right man. Since you are physically active, you may want to check out co-ed sporting activities in your area, for sports you enjoy doing with others (hiking, distance running, swimming?). Instead of searching out someone, find enjoyable activities with others, enjoy the activiy, and allow things to happen on their own.

Finally, avoid depression. Combat any anger towards others and yourself. One tip: keep a daily diary, and note down in it all constructive things you have done for the day (your job hunt; meeting people; doing good turns for others). Try to do positive things, such as joining a volunteeer charity group. By coincidence, I spent six hours yesterday going door-to-door collecting food for our local food bank (our church collected 40 boxes, or about 460 pounds). It was tiring (needless to say I declared yesterday a "day off" from exercizing!), but I got to know my fellow church volunteers better. By keeping a daily diary of constructive achievements, you will tell yourself that you are a positive force to others. Remember that the positive things you do to others will be returned back to you in time.
-- David
 
(((((hugs)))) Hang in there...Just when you think you cannot take anymore, the tide always turn. Life is full of ups and downs - it will get brighter.
 
About the guy: Manipulator/Controller types are usually insecure cowards who need to have someone in their lives to tear down to raise themselves up. These guys usually think the whole world is out to get them and all the bad things that "happen" to them are someone else's fault (every year, the busiest day at every women's shelter in the U.S.A. is the day after the Super Bowl). Break ties completely. Do not respond in any way and he will eventually go looking for a new target. And you will not fall for the manipulator/controller's tricks ever again, will you? And remember, it's better to be alone on a Saturday night than to be ensnared in the trap of a controlling man. Besides, if you're with one of those you won't be free when a great guy shows up. You know about The Law of Attraction? Like attracts Like. Be complete and confident alone and you'll attract the quality of men you deserve (i.e., The Best).

About the job: By firing you they did you a favor. I once worked for a manipulative boss (see a pattern here?) of whom I got a bad vibe during the interview. It was part-time with great pay and benefits and I was in school so I told myself I was being silly. Man, let this be a lesson: Listen to your inner voice. I spent a solid 3 years with my stomach in knots. I've worked for lots of amateur manipulators since (working for 2 now) but this guy was just freakin' evil. The man behaved as if I couldn't do anything right. I was deeply respected in my prior job (a position of authority) and couldn't understand how I could have suddenly become such a train wreck... Of course, I wasn't. I believe he had a sixth sense about what he could get away with and knew by hiring me he'd have a toy for his personal amusement. I'm too strong for that crap now but I remember. The whole situation was so traumatic. I WISH he'd have fired me so you are lucky. Your former boss thinks he's really wounded you and that pleases him. Forget him. Be glad you aren't stuck dealing with that fool anymore and move on to something much better. Years from now, you'll be grateful you were forced into not having to waste another moment of your valuable time working for such a loon.
 
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(((HUGS))) to you Jasmin.
Everyone has already given you so many great words of advice and comfort-- I only wanted to add that I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there, sweetie.
 
i am frustrated too. i do not like my job which i've been at for 10+yrs,retail,and all my friends are married so its hard to spend time with them.i dance at a studio once a week but get bord because most people are married and too many women. i have tried meeting friends at the pool but do not like smoking and they mostly talk about drinking.
i could join a gym but i have all i need at home.one friend of mine teaches kb and wrestling.i've been to one class and need to continue going to make friends. i just dont like the location.

laura
 
josiespcah6ojsh said:
i am frustrated too. i do not like my job which i've been at for 10+yrs,retail,and all my friends are married so its hard to spend time with them.i dance at a studio once a week but get bord because most people are married and too many women. i have tried meeting friends at the pool but do not like smoking and they mostly talk about drinking.
i could join a gym but i have all i need at home.one friend of mine teaches kb and wrestling.i've been to one class and need to continue going to make friends. i just dont like the location.

laura
Click to expand...

I finally re-joined the 24-hour gym near my workplace because I really needed access to cable machines and the assisted chin-up. I'm usually there at insane hours but hit it early today because I'm on vacation. When I get my body where I really want it I'm going to be there a lot when the cuties show up. LOTS of very attractive men.

I'm happy to have a gym again... as long as the guys with the cell phones stay the freakin' h*ll out of the squat cage. Rudeness at the gym has become utterly epidemic since I was last a member - and it seems like everyone's just accepted it. But all the hot men... It's worth it.
 
Jasmin,

You have already received wonderful advice; I just wanted to give you another post of support and encouragement! I will keep you and your job situation in my prayers.
 
I know how you feel!!!

I went into business for myself at the exactly wrong time- fall of 08. I was even hired and then that industry tanked, completely. I am living with my folks. I am working for my Dad but I'm not making any money. I'm looking for work and I'm not dating. Although, in terms of guys I gave up over a year ago and have found that just being me and making me happy is a lot more fun than looking for a guy that (for me) just doesn't exist. I have so much more time since I stopped the whole internet dating thing. I am a lot more fun to be around now that I don't worry about fitting societie's idea that you must be a part of a couple to be happy. Its just not true. People can be happy who are in relationships. But, as you just pointed out, a lot of dating situations are just irritating. Leave those idiots alone, you don't need that garbage. Only date nice guys. You already know when a guy is a nice guy, don't you? You can tell. After all, in the mean time, you have us!
 
a 24 hr fitness is straight across from where i live. i could walk except that its under the freeway. i am not sure what to do there. i have a p90x chinup bar at home. i have started using the treadmill at the apartments weight room but since i have all my other dvds a can only run once or twice a week. if i'm doing a p90x rotation it would be hard to fit in running because i enjoy all his dvds except cardiox.

laura
 
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