Serious problem..........please help me..about marriage
- Thread starter joditoad1974
- Start date
Joanna,
I. too, am sorry to hear this. Words cannot say. I have not read all the posts and this may be in one of them, but FIRST you should talk to an attorney, alone. You have to protect the future for yourself and your children, however this goes. I know it sounds callous, but your boys need you to be smart and you owe it to yourself to know where you stand legally.
I. too, am sorry to hear this. Words cannot say. I have not read all the posts and this may be in one of them, but FIRST you should talk to an attorney, alone. You have to protect the future for yourself and your children, however this goes. I know it sounds callous, but your boys need you to be smart and you owe it to yourself to know where you stand legally.
merrybaker
Cathlete
Oh I have to add , That was part of what broke my heart ...was my X was Playing with my health too !!! not only his ! I had every test done the second I found all this out . God was with me cuz I caught NO STD's !!!! But My X now has HEP C !!!!!!! . Also Maximus has a point !!! Things can change ,but with My X I knew it wouldnt 60 other woman !!! I have to say now thru the years I do get along with my X to a degree . Well His life is Not to fun the party is over ,he ended up a drug addict too. Long story but about killed himself last Fall . Got hospitalized.... Has the Hep c . And Bi polar !!!!! Not a surprise now !!! Still No excuse theres meds out there to help theses people and he should still have Morrals. Hang in there Hugs to you
dani21496
Cathlete
RE: Serious problem..........please help me..about marr...
>To me, this is a severe betrayal of a relationship. Not only
>that...to risk your partner's health or life with a sexually
>transmitted disease is just awful, IMHO.
Candi! I whole heartedly, 100% agree with you!!
Mary, your story sounds eerily familiar to mine. Thank God I didn't catch anything, but I know he has. I am now happily remarried too!
Joanna, and never feel guilty if you decide to leave. You're not the one who will have ended the marriage. He is.
>To me, this is a severe betrayal of a relationship. Not only
>that...to risk your partner's health or life with a sexually
>transmitted disease is just awful, IMHO.
Candi! I whole heartedly, 100% agree with you!!
Mary, your story sounds eerily familiar to mine. Thank God I didn't catch anything, but I know he has. I am now happily remarried too!
Joanna, and never feel guilty if you decide to leave. You're not the one who will have ended the marriage. He is.
joditoad1974
Cathlete
Hey ladies..........I spoke to a counsler today about everything, and came to the conclusion that this was a long time ago...he is really such a different person now. I am going to discuss this with him tommarrow night (we are going out to eat). If this has been a one time thing, we will try to work through it, but if he admits it has been more than once, and recently....it is over. I really appreciate all the heartfelt words from all of you, and to those of you who shared your personal experiences. I really want to keep my family together for my kids...so I am going to try. Thanks again, and I will keep you posted on what happens at dinner (counsler said a public place would be best, he will be less likley to cause a scene)..
Joanna
Joanna
RE: Serious problem..........please help me..about marr...
Joanna, I did not post my opinions or any advice as I am not married and you don't know what you would do in someone elses shoes, but I think everyone has given you sound advice. See what he has to say first. I really just wanted to say I've been reading along and you are in my thougths as well, I feel so deeply for you. Good luck at your dinner! I wish you the best.
Skye
Joanna, I did not post my opinions or any advice as I am not married and you don't know what you would do in someone elses shoes, but I think everyone has given you sound advice. See what he has to say first. I really just wanted to say I've been reading along and you are in my thougths as well, I feel so deeply for you. Good luck at your dinner! I wish you the best.
Skye
Bobbi
Cathlete
RE: Serious problem..........please help me..about marr...
Joanna, your maturity is remarkable. I hope it all works out for you! Love, forgiveness and forgetting can be crazy mixed up stuff. You didn't believe it then because maybe it was more than you could handle at that time but you seem like a woman in control and I have faith your heart will lead you to the right choices. Many blessings on you!
Bobbi http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/chicken.gif "Chick's rule!"
Tell me, what it is you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? Mary Oliver
Joanna, your maturity is remarkable. I hope it all works out for you! Love, forgiveness and forgetting can be crazy mixed up stuff. You didn't believe it then because maybe it was more than you could handle at that time but you seem like a woman in control and I have faith your heart will lead you to the right choices. Many blessings on you!
Bobbi http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/chicken.gif "Chick's rule!"
Tell me, what it is you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? Mary Oliver
icklemoley
Cathlete
Firstly, I have not read everyone’s replies, so apologies firsthand if something I say here is being repeated.
I must first ask, and please do not assume I’m sticking up for your partner, but … was anything going on in your marriage in the beginning that might have led to this? You stated in your reply that “but in the beginning, it does not really surprise me”. Why do you say that? That is a very bold statement and speaks volumes. What was going on back then…?
Maybe he is a different man today? Maybe you’re a different women today? Maybe you have a completely different relationship today than you had back then. This happened 7 years ago, not 7 months so that too needs to be taken into consideration.
I do think you need to confront him, but I also think that you need to be realistic about this. You’re hurt, and no matter what, when you confront him shouting will probably take place. This is normal but can lead to much more upset that is necessary.
If this has been an ongoing situation then something really needs to be done. If this was a one time thing, perhaps forgiveness might be in order?
I think therapy is a good idea, but realistically speaking, not everyone wants to go to therapy and it is not practical for everyone. Do what is right for you.
On ending this, I must say, you can get countless advice from us, but we are not you and do not feel you’re pain. We do not have your family. Only you can decide what is best of you and your life. Please do not let what anyone on here say’s dictate YOUR OWN WISDOM, it is easy for us to spout advice and wisdom, but it is you that has to live your life.
I wish you so much happiness and resolve.
Thinking of you.
I must first ask, and please do not assume I’m sticking up for your partner, but … was anything going on in your marriage in the beginning that might have led to this? You stated in your reply that “but in the beginning, it does not really surprise me”. Why do you say that? That is a very bold statement and speaks volumes. What was going on back then…?
Maybe he is a different man today? Maybe you’re a different women today? Maybe you have a completely different relationship today than you had back then. This happened 7 years ago, not 7 months so that too needs to be taken into consideration.
I do think you need to confront him, but I also think that you need to be realistic about this. You’re hurt, and no matter what, when you confront him shouting will probably take place. This is normal but can lead to much more upset that is necessary.
If this has been an ongoing situation then something really needs to be done. If this was a one time thing, perhaps forgiveness might be in order?
I think therapy is a good idea, but realistically speaking, not everyone wants to go to therapy and it is not practical for everyone. Do what is right for you.
On ending this, I must say, you can get countless advice from us, but we are not you and do not feel you’re pain. We do not have your family. Only you can decide what is best of you and your life. Please do not let what anyone on here say’s dictate YOUR OWN WISDOM, it is easy for us to spout advice and wisdom, but it is you that has to live your life.
I wish you so much happiness and resolve.
Thinking of you.
merrybaker
Cathlete
Joanna,You are a Strong person ,You did the right thing to visit with a conselor. YOU will know what to do ,Hugs to you 
dananmis22
Cathlete
It sounds like you are taking steps in the right direction! I do have a question though.... Are you going to recommend that you guys go to counseling togoether? I would really push that, especially since he lied about it for so long with seemingly no remorse or guilt. I don't mean to impune his integrity or dedication to you by saying this, though, and I hope it doesn't sound that way. I would be very cautious with someone who could carry such a heavy betrayal without a peep.
How is your DH now? Remember to always follow your gut and never go against it. There's not much more accurate than women's intuition.
My heart and prayers go out to you! I pray that everything will turn out for you and that you will be happy!
How is your DH now? Remember to always follow your gut and never go against it. There's not much more accurate than women's intuition.
My heart and prayers go out to you! I pray that everything will turn out for you and that you will be happy!
Joanna,
This is SUCH a drag, to put it mildly but that's all the words I have right now. My advice:
1. Confront him. It is going to eat you alive keeping it inside you. He needs to know that you know. Definitely not in front of the kids although they may sense that something is going on.
2. Seriously consider your relationship with him. An affair does not have to mean the end of the marriage but it's a lot of work to save it if you want to. If you don't, be honest with yourself.
3. Individual counseling for BOTH of you, with different therapists for each of you. If he won't go, you still go.
4. See a marriage counselor. Again, if he won't go, you go.
5. If you decide you want to be with this man, try to learn how to forgive. No one expects you to forget.
6. It never hurts to see an attorney so you know what position you are in legally.
7. Be gentle with yourself. You are going through an incredibly difficult time.
8. Keep working out if you can. It will help you feel more in control of things.
I'll be thinking about you.
--Lois
"Don't forget to breathe!"
This is SUCH a drag, to put it mildly but that's all the words I have right now. My advice:
1. Confront him. It is going to eat you alive keeping it inside you. He needs to know that you know. Definitely not in front of the kids although they may sense that something is going on.
2. Seriously consider your relationship with him. An affair does not have to mean the end of the marriage but it's a lot of work to save it if you want to. If you don't, be honest with yourself.
3. Individual counseling for BOTH of you, with different therapists for each of you. If he won't go, you still go.
4. See a marriage counselor. Again, if he won't go, you go.
5. If you decide you want to be with this man, try to learn how to forgive. No one expects you to forget.
6. It never hurts to see an attorney so you know what position you are in legally.
7. Be gentle with yourself. You are going through an incredibly difficult time.
8. Keep working out if you can. It will help you feel more in control of things.
I'll be thinking about you.
--Lois
"Don't forget to breathe!"