Maeghan my thoughts & prayers are with you, I can relate to how you are feeling right now & I don't wish that kind of pain & sadness on anyone. I had a Siamese/Himalayan mix cat, got her when she was 8 weeks old and she died in bed with me at the age of 10, she was so human like and my best friend. I still miss her today but the pain does get better, hang in there. I am so so sorry.