Question for moms...

[Heidisue]

Married at 20 and had baby at 26. I think if it is meant to be it will happen. We didn't try to get pregnant, I just went off the birth control pill and about 6 months later got pregnant, had a miscarriage, and 4 months later got pregnant again and now I have a beautiful baby girl. It's a blessing and whether you are ready or not, when it happens, you will be happy.

 

[naughtoj]

I so sympathize with you and your ambivalence.

This is such a hard thing to figure out once you get a little older!! It's like you are so set in your ways you just can't imagine life another way. You'll never be ready. Me personally,...I know I could emotionally deal with it but financially I don't feel confident. I am also scared about how it will change my relationship with my husband. I wonder if motherhood will be the thing that fulfills me, gives me purpose. As I get older, I am now scared about what it will do to my body and if my health is good enough to handle it. Most of all, I am scared that if I do wait too long it will be too late. I wonder, what if I love being a mom and really want more children after I have my first? Then I will be too old if I don't start now. I don't want to have kids after 40. NO WAY.

For me, I think I will just not try to prevent PG. If it happens, it happens. I have decided that April is the perfect month to get pregnant here in Az, sooo.......just maybe. Gotta think about it.;-) ;-) (then it will never happen, right? LOL

I say just do it. But I think we need more information!

 

[lala1]

I was 29 with my first, 32 with my 2nd and 35 with my 3rd. Got married at 26. This is such a personal thing, and for me depended on how old I was when I got married. I did know that I preferred not having kids after 35. MY DH wanted kids before I did and I finally gave in...and am so glad I did. I would have loved to have more had I been younger..*sigh*. But everyone's life is different with different experiences. Too hard to compare!

 

[jaypea]

Hi,
I was 29 (almost 30) when I had my son. He is now almost 2. My DH and I are planning to try to conceive this summer, so if all goes well, I will be 32 (almost 33) with my 2nd.

Just take this advice...you will never be ready/fully prepared to have a child. You just have to jump right in and do it! I hear too many of my friends say that they want this or that before they get pregnant (ex: a bigger car, a big vacation, more time with their husbands, more money, etc.). I tell them all the time that there is NO perfect time.

Good Luck!
-Jen

 

[Stebby]

I was 41 when I had my first and only. I didn't even want kids until I turned 39, then I suddenly had an epiphany that if I didn't at least try, I would come to regret it for the rest of my life! Fate was definitely on our side - I got pg after 5 months of trying, I had zero complications, and my little girl is the light of my life. I'm now 45 and she's 4 1/2. A side benefit to having a little kid at my age is that people guess my age at about 10-15 years younger than I am... they must just assume what age I must be to have a daughter this age.

If I were 10 years younger I would probably have a second child. At my current age I am too scared of the risks, which are enormous at this point (and I do have a couple of mid-forties friends who had kids born with severe disabilities). Also I would likely need fertility treatments if I tried to have another one now and the thought of that scares me silly.

I agree with everyone who said there is no right time -- you just have to take the plunge at some point and then live life as it comes. Best of luck to you.

 

[Calee]

Thank you everyone for your input and support. I am scared on so many levels; How will this affect my marriage? How will we financially work things out? What toll will it take on my body?
On the other hand, I almost feel like I would be selfish to wait for those reasons. I hope that I will be the kind of woman that is fullfilled with her kids and have purpose and love being a mom.
Most of you said that there never is a "right" time. I kind of want to just go off BC and let whatever happens happen, but then all of those thoughts come rushing back about feeling truly ready. I don't know if I can tell if I am emotionally ready or just baby-hungry...
Please continue to offer experiences and/or advice!
Calee

 

[banslug]

Calee-

I was 25 when I had my first, 28 with my second and last (so far) child. DH and I, at that time, wanted to be done having kids by 30. Just a personal thought at THAT time. Now, however, I'll be 35 next month and DH passed away 2 years ago this past September. First, I wish we had more children (didn't for many reasons, including the fact that DH and I were so young when he passed and our baby was only 3). Second, I want another baby. NO DOUBT. I feel that now, at an older age, I have much more life experience to handle it.

My bottom line.....there are pros and cons to EVERYTHING! More PROS to having children at ANY AGE!

Second bottom line.....there may be no PERFECT time, but I refuse to allow LIFE to get in the way of what I want. If I can do it NOW, I do it NOW! Life is too short and sometimes LIFE just makes the decisions for you....good or bad.

Good luck. God Bless!

Gayle

 

[kelley111]

I had my first at age 18 and my second at age 25. Yes, 18 was too young, but I do not reget it at all. My boys are now 25 and 19, and I'm only 44. I love it. We do lots of things together such as bowl in a bowling league. I'm glad I had them young for many reasons, but can also see the advantages of waiting, mainly money reasons. As far as traveling. Yes, we could not travel a lot early in our marriage, but now we have the benefit of traveling with our kids while we're all still young. I get along great with the young ladies that get brought to our house who think it is great that I exercise with Cathe.

 

[Michele S]

Calee -

I think all your "fears" are normal. Financially, emotionally and physically it can be hard.

For me, financially, with each of my kids we were never in a good place. With the first, we weren't ready; the second, we weren't ready; and with the third, after finally getting ourselves into a better place, it was a hard decision to make, knowing that for at least a few months I wouldn't be working and trying to figure out if we could budget ourselves on one salary and for how long we could make it work!

Physically, with my first two I never thought about it. With the third I did. And to be honest, this time around, things didn't bounce back quite as easily but they're getting there. I was very lucky to have gained under 30 pounds each time, and with nursing my weight came off very easily. My abs look like a Shar Pei, but I'm hoping that that will improve over time, too!

My older two, DS 8 and DD 5, fight like cats and dogs; they both adore my 8 month old. My son is smitten with her, totally in love. My MIL told me one day that if I had not had the third, I would never have seen that side of his personality and she's right. He would move heaven and Earth for her!

I wish you luck in your decision! Kids are a challenge every day. There are times when I want to pack them up and ship them to the moon, but after a day (or two ;-) )I'd be in a rocket going to get them!

 

[MSJ]

I had my first child at 26 and my 6th child at 37 1/2. I concieved our 4th child at 32 and he has down syndrome, but the rest are "typically developing" (ei. normal).

We have never been able to "afford" children, but went boldly forward and did it anyway. They share bedrooms, wear gently used clothing, don't have all the latest fads and gadgets, and they will have to pay their own way through college. But they are happy and we are happy and I look forward to growing older with our beautiful children and their future children.

My body is not what it would have been had I stopped at two. I joke that the only time my abs are tight is when I'm pregnant, but I work out 6 days a week typically and I'm in good shape--not fitness model shape, but I don't look like the stereotypical tired, fat mom of multiple children. I'd like to lose a few pounds, but my husband is really happy with where I'm at now and that's a good thing, I guess.

Anyway, I won't tell you what to do. That's between you and your husband, but I will say that I don't think kids are as expensive as we are led to believe and that you will never regret your decision to have them.

Best of luck with your decision:7

Maggie

 

[lala1]

Just another thought re: bouncing back. Like I said I have 3 kids and it took a bit longer with each one, but I did it. And I have had to watch my weight just about my whole life, so although we think about how it will affect our bodies, it is not insumountable, and if you are committed it becomes a moot point, IMHO. My kids are 20,18,15 and I am in the best shape of my life. (although it didn't take me that long to get in shape !) Even if I weren't I wouldn't have it any other way. Best of luck in your decision.