Prayers for my Dad

Thinking of you, I recently have this same issue and my heart goes out to you. This is so difficult and no words can adequately help in this situation, only love and acceptance. Be strong, he would want this.
 
Dear Peg:

My deepest sympathies for how hideous this feels for you right now. It is god-awful, no two ways about it.

I don't know if there is an ideal way for us to lose a parent. My own father succumbed slowly to dementia two years ago and was a very different man towards the end of his life than he had been earlier, of course. And yet, all these different times of him were still him. The disease may have weakened the body and mind but his temperament and core personality of such affableness and good naturedness remained true to the end.

Your father was a very strong man, as you describe him from your memories of him. He remains that same man today though. That former man resides inside the man who you now see and who is loosening his grip on life before your eyes. You don't lose him, in that sense. He will always be a presence in your life because of the man he was, because of the tenets by which he lived his life and how he treated others, and all the things that we learn from our fathers, by example, and continue today in our own thoughts and actions. I catch myself asking myself frequently, 'what would my father have done' and 'how would he behave now?' and the answers inform my decisions and philosophy. I bet there are many ways in which you do the same as you carry the strength of your father inside you, having learned from his examples. It's a gift, really.

Sending you all friendship and support as you and your family summon up the strength to say goodbye to your father and ease his suffering.

Clare
 
Oh Clare.....you made me cry. I appreciate your loving words and encouragement. You're a lovely person! Thank you. You're absolutely correct. Through all of this I've been remembering his strength, intelligence and sense of humor. Was he perfect? No. Was he the perfect father or husband? No. But he was and is my dad. I was a daddy's girl and this has been quite ugly and unpleasant to say the least. His wake was filled with friends, neighbors, state troopers (most of whom are retired) and former Army pilots. They told us stories, we laughed and cried. His funeral was fitting and filled with Military ceremony. Again we cried. Now I need to make him proud and "carry on". My brother, sister and I are his legacy and I'm certain he is happy. I know his struggle is over and that gives me peace. I will grieve in my own way and let it go on for as long as I need it.

THANK YOU to every one who posted here. I feel the love. I highly encourage all of you to have a living will so your wishes are known. Do you want to be rescusitated, intubated, tube feeds etc.? Let your wishes be known to family or your doctor so no one has to decide for you. It's a horrible decision to make for someone you love.

Thank you all so much.
 
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oh wow... i'm just so so sorry for you... sending all the good thoughts to you and your father... that must be... hard to say the least... i would be in depression for sure.. I would surely need Paxil.
 
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tlc93 said:
i just need a little help right now. My father has been in ICU for almost 2 weeks on a ventilator and getting tube feeds, 3 IV lines for pain meds, sedatives and fluids with antibiotics. He's end stage COPD. The family has been crying at his bedside for days on end and tomorrow we will cease life support. I'm a crying mess alternating with some relief. I don't know how to feel. He has always been a strong man, former state police and Army officer. An imposing figure and not one to be messed with. He is a ghost of the man I once knew. My dad needs comfort and peace. I pray for his struggling to end. Peg
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Hi Peg,
I was reminded of this post from you and thought I'd check in and see how you were doing. If you see this, just know that people are still thinking of you and care... Hope you and your family are finding comfort and relief.
 
Hi everyone. Thank you Sneakers. That's very thoughtful and kind of you, I really appreciate it. I can honestly say it hasn't been easy. He passed away April 1st, then we had Easter, then his birthday was May 2, then Father's day. I cry easily and some of that may be menopause I don't know. I simply miss him very much and find myself thinking "I wonder what dad would say about this, wait till I talk to dad about that, I want to give dad this book" and so on. That's when my heart hurts because I know I cant. I have very one sided talks with my dad now and hope he hears me. I was lucky to have him and need to remember that.
 
I keep picture of my father in a little frame on my kitchen window shelf. It is a photo taken in the UK the day my first child was born. Even though I had to cut the baby out of the picture --so to speak!-- in order to make it fit the frame, I know that she is there as a swaddled bundle in his arms and I still see the complete image as I look at him every day. I catch his eye as I am washing up and applying hand cream, and I smile at him and periodically renew my vow to myself and to him to continue trying to live up to the good person he was.

Carry on your chats with your father. They help.

My birthday is May 5th: May babies are special people!!!!!

Big hugs to you Peg,

Clare
 
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