endorphin_junkie
Cathlete
Hi Everyone, I'm reluctant to post this but can't talk to my family about my dilemma. I have a pretty good idea what I need to do but need some objectivity and unclouded perspective. As many of you know my husband died almost 9 years ago. It has been extremely difficult at times but I have maintained a relationship with my in-laws and husband's 5 siblings in great part for the sake of my 3 Girls (aged 12, 15 and 17). My MIL died in June of '05 and during that summer my FIL spent a lot of time with us and I was happy to let him grieve and heal through time spent with his grand daughters (his legacy as he calls them). At one point he said something that made me bristle something to the effect of 'being my bloke until I met someone'. I was uncomfortable with this and said 'No you are my father-in-law and grandfather to my Girls'. I talked to my SIL about this and she was kind enough to say to him that he needed to remember that I was his daughter-in-law and that forgetting that could risk his relationship with his grand daughters. Fast forward to last Thursday. My FIL is here, he has just deposited $3 000.00 into my Girls bank accounts for them to travel abroad and bought my youngest a beautiful Yamaha flute. The Girls were at school and he and I were having coffee in my kitchen. He told me that the woman who has been his companion (since shortly after my MIL died) can't have a sexual realtionship with him for a variety of reasons. He joked that it was probably not such a bad thing because at 78 he didnt' know if he still had that in him. He had a wonderful relationship with his wife and they were still like kids after 61 years together flirting and very affectionate. He told me he missed this very much and I responded that it was very sweet and refreshing to see how their love and attraction to each other had endured. He smiled at me and took off his glasses, I thought he was going to cry but he came and hugged me, told me he loved me and kissed me, then he tried to kiss me AGAIN and cupped my breast saying something completely inappropriate, in that instant I was thinking a million things, anger, disappointment, confusion, shock, revulsion......I put my palm on his chest and pushed him away saying 'Ooohh, you're being bad'. I can't believe he did that to his son, to me, to my Kids, he took the relationship I have built with him and his family for 20 years, cheapened it, mocked it, tore it to shreds and threw me for a loop that I still haven't come down from. I am so pi$$ed that he did this and I don't know where to go from here. He was here on Sunday for a half hour, the Girls were here and I just kept my distance (no greeting, no contact, cool demeanor). My Kids adore him, love the stories he tells them about their Daddy and I know he is no threat to them but I don't want to be anywhere near him and need him to know that what he did was selfish, inappropriate, hurtful, destructive and........... I am mad at myself for the way I reacted. Part of me wishes I had thrown his sorry a$$ out the door but another part wants to give him the benefit of the doubt that he got caught up in a moment and lost his fool mind. I can't bear to talk to him face to face as his anger can be explosive, I am inclined to write it down and mail it to him (or not mail it to him depending on how I feel after). What a mess!! I don't want to tell his daughters and desperately need some advice or thoughts. Thanks all.
Take Care
Laurie
Take Care
Laurie