Not such a Happy Easter...

morningstar

morningstar

Cathlete
I'm feeling pretty bad this long weekend. My family is all together, celebrating Easter, in a different province from me and I feel very much alone. The thing that is really making me feel bad is that I ran a race yesterday under some pretty challenging circumstances; they all knew about the race and the circumstances and not one of them has emailed or called to ask how it went. It's really hurting my feelings and exacerbating the feeling of loneliness on a big holiday. Holidays are hard for me, both for having a difficult relationship with my family and for living very far away from every single one of them. With work at a 12 out of 10 on the stress scale, just nothing seems good or positive or okay right now. I didn't even work out today. I spent an hour yesterday crying hysterically over a Dog Whisperer episode where the dog ("Baby Girl") went from being in a state absolute terror at everything to the point where she couldn't eat, to a state of peaceful joy, and then she died of bone cancer a few months after finding that joy. I couldn't stop crying for ages.

I know, I know, suck it up, buttercup, right? Things are rough all over and other people have a much harder life than I have. I know I'll get over it, but thought I'd share how I'm feeling in case there are other Catheites out there having not such a great Easter too and wanting to share how they're feeling.
 
Oh, Morningstar, big hugs to you. I'm sorry you're having a hard day.

I don't have any words of wisdom for you, I just wanted you to know that I saw your post and I'm sending you some gentle, mellow vibes.

Hope tomorrow is a better day.
 
((((((((((((((((Morningstar))))))))))))))))))))...wish I had the words to say to make it better. But wanted to send hugs and lots of Easter love your way. And huge congrats on the race!!! I'd love to hear the kick ass details!

:) Jonezie
 
You are not alone!!! Take a bath and give back to yourself. Take the moments of silence and just Be. I hope you have a better day tomorrow. Sometimes you have to go through storms - but, they always pass. We are here for you!
 
(((((Morningstar))))) Congratulations on achieving your race under such stressful circumstances. I admire your perseverance and self-belief. I know that the next time I want to quit, I will think of you and keep going. An important lesson I have learned in life is that we don't pick our families and they can disappoint us in ways that no one else can. Stop expecting anything from them. They will lose their power to disappoint you. Friends are the family we choose for ourselves.

Nancy
 
((((((((((SUPER DUPER BIG HUGS, Morningstar!!!!)))))))))))))))! I'm sooo sorry for your pain!! You have us on the Cathe site! I know it's not the same, but we are here for you!! I've been estranged from my step-father and his wife for four years because he refused to give us unconditional love and to stop insulting everything about my family. To hell with family who don't love us for who we are!! Your Cathe sisters love you!

Pam
 
Sending lots of hugs your way Morningstar, I wish I had something wise to say, but know that you're loved here and we're all proud of your race accomplishment and that tomorrow will be a better day!!

Now, like someone else said. . . go take a bubble bath and give back to yourself!!!

Hugs!!
 
Congratulations on your race! I am sorry you are having such a bad day. Hope you get to feeling better.
 
Lots of hugs to you, Morningstar!

I called my mom today, but didn't hear from either of my siblings or my dad. He checked in by e-mail on Friday, so I guess that counts. I wish there were words to make you feel better, but just remember that we are all with you and family tend to take family for granted.

I'm sorry I didn't ask about your race, but I'm not sure I knew when it was! I'm sure you were awesome!

Give yourself a hug and an atta girl for such an accomplishment yesterday. Take a deep breath and know that even though your family wasn't thinking of you, you are always in my heart, thoughts and prayers!

Take care!
 
morningstar said:
I'm feeling pretty bad this long weekend. My family is all together, celebrating Easter, in a different province from me and I feel very much alone. The thing that is really making me feel bad is that I ran a race yesterday under some pretty challenging circumstances; they all knew about the race and the circumstances and not one of them has emailed or called to ask how it went. It's really hurting my feelings and exacerbating the feeling of loneliness on a big holiday. Holidays are hard for me, both for having a difficult relationship with my family and for living very far away from every single one of them. With work at a 12 out of 10 on the stress scale, just nothing seems good or positive or okay right now. I didn't even work out today. I spent an hour yesterday crying hysterically over a Dog Whisperer episode where the dog ("Baby Girl") went from being in a state absolute terror at everything to the point where she couldn't eat, to a state of peaceful joy, and then she died of bone cancer a few months after finding that joy. I couldn't stop crying for ages.

I know, I know, suck it up, buttercup, right? Things are rough all over and other people have a much harder life than I have. I know I'll get over it, but thought I'd share how I'm feeling in case there are other Catheites out there having not such a great Easter too and wanting to share how they're feeling.
Click to expand...

That's not what I was thinking at all. I think you have every right to be disappointed and hurt. Every one should have at least one family member they can rely and count on. I'm sorry you don't have that.

Hang in there. Tomorrow will be better. Like someone else said, take a bubble bath and try to relax.
 
I wouldn't tell you to suck it up. You're hurting and it's the right thing to admit that and not run away from it or try to distract yourself from it. Today you got dealt some pain--and as I know you know pain is part of life and we have to have pain in order to have joy. Just be gentle with yourself and know that everything is impermanent, so this sadness will pass.

The doggie story chokes me up too, and I didn't even see it! So you aren't alone there either. Life sure can be cruel huh? For dogs and people and every other living thing. I think the only thing we can do is practice kindness and compassion towards ourselves and others. And you know, the Baby Girl story doesn't have to be purely sad. It's also really joyful that she got to feel some real peace and calm before her time came. It's actually really beautiful in a way.

I'm sure we can find another angle to your loneliness today that is beautiful in a similar way. I think there's something really pure about your journey. When you let go of the idea that you need or even crave their approval, you might find that your own approval is more than enough.
 
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((((((Morningstar))))) How was the race on Saturday? Sorry, about your family,I know how you feel!I been there so many times. You can't pick your family, but you can pick your friends! If you need to talk, PM me your phone#!


 
Oh my....you are not in a good place. I grew up in a very dysfuctional (sp?) family. I had to let them go. That may seem inappropriate to many, but just because we are related means nothing to me. I know who my family is....they are my friends. Good luck to you. I have no desire to see my family at all. Not good, but it is the truth. I hope you are feeling better.
 
Thank you all so much. I really appreciate each and every one of your responses and that you took time out from your own holiday to try to make me feel better. It means so much to me.

Pixiesis, that's the thing about Baby Girl that had me crying so hard - that at least she had those few shining moments before she left this earth. And your comments got me going again!

For those of you that asked about the race, you are shortly going to be very sorry you asked!

It was an 8K race that I did after a bout with a really bad virus that I had for three weeks and after mostly beating ITBS. I ran slow, but I really wanted to work on my the length of my intervals and endurance, as that is what took the biggest beating during my illness. The longest interval I had managed during the recovery from my illness before the race was 8 minutes. During the race, I did a 25 minute interval, something I had only accomplished twice before in my life, and then a 20 minute interval, and then finished off the race. I took short walking breaks in between each interval. This was a very hilly course, with a couple of big monsters, one of which I ran up and the other which I ran part way and walked the rest. It was right at the very end of the route, but I didn't know that, or I would have tried to run up the second monster too. I kept a nice even pace throughout, even during the ups and downs. So, although I was very upset that my time was so slow, 57:17, I accomplished almost everything I set out to do and I didn't actually try to push for speed, so I can't really expect to have a faster time than my easy pace allowed. If I had run up that last hill, I think I would be much less upset about that slow time. The day was very warm and beautiful, and the route was in a stunning park. I had created a special playlist for racing that I really enjoyed (if anyone wants me to list it, I will, just because it really is a great playlist for someone with my weirdo taste in music). I walked home afterwards, another 6K at a very easy pace.

I'm still in a depressed state today, but I'm going to have another cup of coffee and then go out for a run. Maybe that'll turn me around and I'll stop feeling so sorry for myself.

Again, thank you all, you lovely lovely people.
 
(((((Morningstar))))),

Hope you are feeling better today. Sorry you had such a horrible day yesterday. That's awesome that you were able to complete the race after dealing with such a long illness. Again more big hugs to you. Enjoy your coffee and your run today.
 
Morningstar!

I wouldn't be the least bit disappointed about anything in your race! You accomplished so much and did better than you expected or probably should have been able to do with coming off of an illness! Kudos to you!

Be proud of how you did! Enjoy your run today! It's a beautiful day and the start of a new week! I'm sending you positive energy every day!

Have a great week!
 
(((hugs))) Sorry your day wasn't so great, but congrats on the major accomplishment! What an amazing job! I would have found more excuses not to go. Way to go girl!!!!!:D
 
Sending ((((((((((hugs))))))))) for your family's thoughtlessness and ^^55s for your race accomplishments!!

ITA w/ all the comments re: the family you're born into isn't necessarily your "tribe." Find your own tribe, spend time w/ them, share your wonderful self and accomplishments w/ them. I think most families are dysfunctional in some way. (Mine certainly is.) That's why there are so many books & movies about nutty families--they are easy to relate to! :D

It sounds like the stress of work and your recent illness & injury have pushed you into a more fragile state emotionally and your family's attitude was just the capper on all the other crap. You've posted before how about important exercise is to your emotional & physical sense of well being so not being able to exercise as much as you like has probably added to the strain you're feeling.

Since Spring is all about renewal of life maybe you could find ways to bring some of that renewing energy into YOUR life right now. If your body is still a bit worn down, do some gentle things. Spend time w/ people who make you feel great. Buy some flowers. Read a book about some place you'd like to visit. Go to a museum or a concert. Go dancing. Get a pedicure. Cook something you've never made before. Ask someone to lunch that you've been wanting to get together w/. Build a bookcase. Take photos of that beautiful park you raced thru to remember how great you felt finishing that race. Whatever floats your boat!

I hope you feel better soon and work eases up. Take care of yourself and things will sort themselves out~
 
Aww! Hugs!

Well, you could live with those people and they still might not show up for your race, but hey if you lived down here (CA) I would show for all of them. (bringing up the rear doing the truffle shuffle.)

In a way I kinda know how you feel. I was feeling really frustrated yesterday watching tv thinking "Sheesh I used to work in that world and now I don't have a focus anymore!" and dang it if it didn't annoy the peep stained poop outta me!:eek:

Then I ran downstairs and played piano for an hour.:p
 
Morningstar!

I've been there, and it sucks. But (just my opinion) coffee and running are two of life's greates pleasures and I hope they brightened things up a bit!

Dog stories can be super-duper depressing (Old Yeller, My Dog Skip, Where the Red Fern Grows, Animal Cops, Underdog to Wonderdog, you name it) - sometimes, I can handle handing my heartstrings to sad dog stories, but usually I can't cope with anything more emotionally engaging than re-runs of Ultimate Cake-Off. I have never cried while watching that show, even when I just knew that the sugar-glass cake topper was a doomed enterprise from the get-go.

Anyway, congratulations on your race, nuts to your insensitive family, and hurray for dogs, coffee, running and cake.
 
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