Need Advice
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kryptychyck
Cathlete
I would go. You know your son best, but I think deep down it would affect him in a positive way. Perhaps it will be like an olive branch and help open up some communication and improve things once he is out on his own. I don't have children so I only have the perspective of the child. I don't think he means that he doesn't care. Perhaps he is being defensive? I think it would mean something if you went, even if he doesn't show it. Plus, these moments only happen once so I would go and he will have the memory of you being there forever.
I hope that helps!
I hope that helps!
Sugarbean
Cathlete
I am in the military and take care of basic trainees routinely, and basic training is absolutely brutal. When he finishes, it might be the most difficult thing he has ever accomplished in his life, and he will be so proud to have you there to witness it. I would absolutely go. He used to be your baby!
jgarr44460
Cathlete
GO
My son graduated Marine boot camp last October. I know other sons who told their parents they didn't care if they attended or not. I encourage you to attend for several reasons. It's a once in a lifetime event and that alone is a reason to go. The military puts them through hell before they reach graduation and I personally feel that deserves recognition.
He will come out of boot camp a different person. THAT person will hopefully/probably want you there as they tend to grow up a lot at boot. I would also suggest that while he is at boot that you write letters to him. I have heard other recruits say they didn't care if they received letters - they do. When mail call comes and they call their names - they really do want to hear from home. It becomes a lifeline to the outside world. I also would suggest that you not make travel plans until you are a little closer to graduation. I can only speak from a Marine mom perspective but I know people who made non refundable travel arrangements early and the date changed or some injury prevented their recruit from graduating on schedule. It's something to think about anyway. You have a rollercoaster ride ahead of you as your son goes through boot and his military career. It's so worth it though. Good luck to you and your son - GO!
JenG
My son graduated Marine boot camp last October. I know other sons who told their parents they didn't care if they attended or not. I encourage you to attend for several reasons. It's a once in a lifetime event and that alone is a reason to go. The military puts them through hell before they reach graduation and I personally feel that deserves recognition.
He will come out of boot camp a different person. THAT person will hopefully/probably want you there as they tend to grow up a lot at boot. I would also suggest that while he is at boot that you write letters to him. I have heard other recruits say they didn't care if they received letters - they do. When mail call comes and they call their names - they really do want to hear from home. It becomes a lifeline to the outside world. I also would suggest that you not make travel plans until you are a little closer to graduation. I can only speak from a Marine mom perspective but I know people who made non refundable travel arrangements early and the date changed or some injury prevented their recruit from graduating on schedule. It's something to think about anyway. You have a rollercoaster ride ahead of you as your son goes through boot and his military career. It's so worth it though. Good luck to you and your son - GO!
JenG
Worknprogress
Cathlete
No matter what kind of relationship we have with our parents we always want them there.
Think of the future and the possibility that a relationship with your son could be very good. You may look back and wish you had gone.
I am sure that kids always use that "I don't care" phrase but deep down they really do, they just don't know how to tell us.
Go and be proud. Being in the military isn't easy these days with all that is going on in the world so your son made a very brave choice. I think it he will get much more positives out of it than negatives.
Think of the future and the possibility that a relationship with your son could be very good. You may look back and wish you had gone.
I am sure that kids always use that "I don't care" phrase but deep down they really do, they just don't know how to tell us.
Go and be proud. Being in the military isn't easy these days with all that is going on in the world so your son made a very brave choice. I think it he will get much more positives out of it than negatives.
RapidBreath
Cathlete
Go
When I was a teen I told my mother that I did not care if she was there for my surgery and I nearly died. It wasn't that I did not want her there. I had too much going on to give her that ego stroke of Yes mommy I want you. I was in way too much pain. In retrospect, she apologized and felt really silly for not being the adult in the situation. It is easier to go and wish you hadn't than not to go and wish you had. As for him being an idiot about treating you badly while getting free rent, kick him out. I'm serious. If he will do better on his own, then you need to help him to become a man. If he can't act like a man at home then kick his sorry butt out.
I have off and on stayed with my folks for financial reasons and every time I work my butt off. I do the cleaning, grocery shopping, bake home made bread, cook meals, take care of the cat and the yard (its six acres.) and I am eternally grateful not to mention available to help when needed. I'm so sorry you don't have the same relationship with your adult child that I (as the adult child) have with my parents.
When I was a teen I told my mother that I did not care if she was there for my surgery and I nearly died. It wasn't that I did not want her there. I had too much going on to give her that ego stroke of Yes mommy I want you. I was in way too much pain. In retrospect, she apologized and felt really silly for not being the adult in the situation. It is easier to go and wish you hadn't than not to go and wish you had. As for him being an idiot about treating you badly while getting free rent, kick him out. I'm serious. If he will do better on his own, then you need to help him to become a man. If he can't act like a man at home then kick his sorry butt out.
I have off and on stayed with my folks for financial reasons and every time I work my butt off. I do the cleaning, grocery shopping, bake home made bread, cook meals, take care of the cat and the yard (its six acres.) and I am eternally grateful not to mention available to help when needed. I'm so sorry you don't have the same relationship with your adult child that I (as the adult child) have with my parents.
maddiesmum
Cathlete
I agree with all of the first 6 posts. I would definitely go in your case. Your son is not yet the man he is going to be. I would go for the boy who might be hurting or is just too egotistical and lazy right now to know what is good for him and how to appreciate his parents, and I would go for the man he is about to become an how proud you will be of him when he graduates and shows you and shows himself exactly what he is made of deep down inside. Don't write him off just yet and don't let his "I don't care" attitude infect you.
Clare
Clare
MCunningham
Cathlete
I totally agree with the above posts. When I graduated military boot camp in 1998, the person I most wanted to see there was my mom, and for two reasons:
1. I wanted to know that I was important enough for her to take the time (and money) to come down to see my graduation.
2. I was proud of what I had accomplished, and I wanted her to be proud of me seeing me walk down the parade grounds in my uniform and flag (I was the guidon bearer, right out in front!) It was the proudest moment of my entire life to this point, and it was so very important to me to have her be there and see it and be a part of it.
Additionally, there is NOTHING more important than letters from home when you're in boot camp. You're so sequestered, no news, no radio, no TV, no "normalcy"... the only thing that keeps you remembering that boot camp is temporary is letters from home. Whether or not he opens them is his choice... I can guarantee you that he may forget the content of your letters, but he'll never forget that you wrote them. (He'll also never forget if you DON'T write them-- I promise.)
It sounds like you're going through a tough time, and as one previous poster mentioned, he's not yet the man he's going to be; don't think of his reactions now. Make sure that 20 years from now, when he's a father himself, he looks back on your actions and knows that you guys loved him and supported him. Make sure that 20 years from now, he wants to model his parenting after your example.
Keep your chin up. It'll get better!
MC
1. I wanted to know that I was important enough for her to take the time (and money) to come down to see my graduation.
2. I was proud of what I had accomplished, and I wanted her to be proud of me seeing me walk down the parade grounds in my uniform and flag (I was the guidon bearer, right out in front!) It was the proudest moment of my entire life to this point, and it was so very important to me to have her be there and see it and be a part of it.
Additionally, there is NOTHING more important than letters from home when you're in boot camp. You're so sequestered, no news, no radio, no TV, no "normalcy"... the only thing that keeps you remembering that boot camp is temporary is letters from home. Whether or not he opens them is his choice... I can guarantee you that he may forget the content of your letters, but he'll never forget that you wrote them. (He'll also never forget if you DON'T write them-- I promise.)
It sounds like you're going through a tough time, and as one previous poster mentioned, he's not yet the man he's going to be; don't think of his reactions now. Make sure that 20 years from now, when he's a father himself, he looks back on your actions and knows that you guys loved him and supported him. Make sure that 20 years from now, he wants to model his parenting after your example.
Keep your chin up. It'll get better!
MC
My son is a Sailor!
He graduated last Friday (the 6th), and I've never been more proud of him. He's 19 and wouldn't hold a job, was lazy, mooched off of everyone around him and was so ungrateful. I would try to talk to him and would get nothing more than a grunt. We finally told him he had to do something--he could no longer live off of us. We encouraged him to join the Air Force, but he chose the Navy, and I believe he's satisfied with his choice. His letters were so positive from the start. It was so comforting to know that even tho boot camp can be a nightmare, he was growing from it. I've saved all of his letters because I saw how much he was changing into a man. I wrote him frequently as did a lot of our family members. I believe you should write him--he'll need your support. You also should go to the graduation. It was very impressive, as I would have expected in a military ceremony. There were 740 graduates and about 3000 family members there. When the recruits marched in you would've thought Bon Jovi took the stage--everyone went wild! We spent the weekend with him (as much as he could--he still had rules to follow!), but we made it all about him. We did whatever he wanted, ate what he wanted and we just a great time visiting. He was very sweet, and even now I'm crying as I think about him. Don't give up on your son, this experience will change him.
--Sharon
He graduated last Friday (the 6th), and I've never been more proud of him. He's 19 and wouldn't hold a job, was lazy, mooched off of everyone around him and was so ungrateful. I would try to talk to him and would get nothing more than a grunt. We finally told him he had to do something--he could no longer live off of us. We encouraged him to join the Air Force, but he chose the Navy, and I believe he's satisfied with his choice. His letters were so positive from the start. It was so comforting to know that even tho boot camp can be a nightmare, he was growing from it. I've saved all of his letters because I saw how much he was changing into a man. I wrote him frequently as did a lot of our family members. I believe you should write him--he'll need your support. You also should go to the graduation. It was very impressive, as I would have expected in a military ceremony. There were 740 graduates and about 3000 family members there. When the recruits marched in you would've thought Bon Jovi took the stage--everyone went wild! We spent the weekend with him (as much as he could--he still had rules to follow!), but we made it all about him. We did whatever he wanted, ate what he wanted and we just a great time visiting. He was very sweet, and even now I'm crying as I think about him. Don't give up on your son, this experience will change him.
--Sharon
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Govtgirl
Cathlete
GO!!!
I agree with everyone else that says: GO! I was in the military, as was my whole family. Nothing makes you appreciate your family more, or even the simple things in life, than boot camp. It's brutal, most definately, and packs a heckuva whollop in the bad-attitude department.
You will probably be met by a young man at the end of Training; the difficult selfish boy will be history.
,
I agree with everyone else that says: GO! I was in the military, as was my whole family. Nothing makes you appreciate your family more, or even the simple things in life, than boot camp. It's brutal, most definately, and packs a heckuva whollop in the bad-attitude department.
You will probably be met by a young man at the end of Training; the difficult selfish boy will be history.
,Just wanted to post an agreement to what others here have said. My husband is in the military, and I've been a part of the military life as his wife for nearly 19 years. The son you know that is going into Basic Training is going to be a different young man when he comes out. And I think it is important not only for him to see that you as parents are there to recognize that, but I would imagine that he will want to see you if for no other reason than to feel like not everything has changed.
What service is he going into? My husband is in the AF. If by chance your son is joining the AF and if you have any questions about it, please let me know. I'm more than happy to answer.
What service is he going into? My husband is in the AF. If by chance your son is joining the AF and if you have any questions about it, please let me know. I'm more than happy to answer.
goldenpath
Cathlete
Antoher vote for "Go". If you don't go, it may strain the relationship even more. I think by you attending, it can only make things better and not worse. I think it will mean a lot to him, even though right now, he does not make you think it will.
Plzzz Go!!!
Plzzz Go!!!
DirtDiva
Cathlete
Sharon, this is where my son is headed shortly. Tonight he is filling out the necessary papers, etc., and I am terrified. But he wants to serve his Country. I'm besides myself with anxiety over this. Thank you for writing what you did, it helps.
You're welcome--it's a scary thing knowing that they've signed a contract that is impossible to get out of (in any good way). It's so hard when they grow up and you can't make their decisions for them anymore, but what a great feeling when you know they are where they need to be and you don't have to worry about that anymore. The new worries will come when he's actually deployed some time later this year. At least I know he has job security for the next 6 years. . .
--Sharon
marnold
Cathlete
Carolyn, please go regardless. Bootcamp will change your son...mark my words. DH and I have both served and we know as well as anyone. He will need your support, trust us. The military sounds like a perfect fit for him and trust me you will not recognize him once he graduates. The military will grow him up in ways that civilian life will not. Good luck to you!
LauraMax
Cathlete
Yes, go. Kids are brats, esp. when they've just entered adulthood & want everyone to think they're grown ups. That's why they say dumb stuff like they don't care. Of course he cares! And I'm willing to bet by the time basic training is over he be chomping at the bit to see you.
