Need Advice on Awkward Situation

Debinmi said:
Well said! I had a woman supervisor who once said "always listen to your gut!" She explained there were deep, visceral reactions happening that the brain may not be picking up on but the body, the gut, knows. It's part of survival skills. It's possible the gut could be wrong, but "rather safe than sorry" is an expression for a reason.
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What you said is absolutely profound and as I've finally been able to mentally unpack the situation, I remember previously thinking, why all of a sudden do I feel anxious/nervous about seeing this guy? It certainly wasn't the "butterflies" feeling of attraction, but more of a anxious uncomfortable feeling.

While relaxing in the tub tonight I pondered things more and all this came to my mind: within the last 6 months, 2 times I saw him driving down the street over from me where I normally walk and he said, oh I'm on my way to a job, I just drove down this street to see if I'd see you. Then when the texting started, he would tell me when he would be at the house around the corner from me. More than once. Personally, I didn't care when or if he was going to be there. I didn't want to get into a habit of feeling like I have to "check in" with someone or I need to be notified of his schedule. I believe his wife wasn't with him when he was texting me while on the Wales trip because I don't think a teacher can take 3 weeks off during school for a vacation. I also believe that his wife wasn't home when he would text me in the afternoons as well. He would call me sweetheart, even in a few texts. I never said anything to him in a text that I regret, which is also why I wanted to tell in person that we should no longer text. I was also uneasy about the thought of his wife looking at his phone and thinking who the hell is this.

Now that I've been able to sort through my feelings and once again feel strong and proud for what I did yesterday, I'm now over the nervous feeling about will I or won't I run into him tomorrow morning and what will happen? I needed today, it was a day of rest for mind and body.
 
Hazlady said:
Part of your anxiety is fear of the unknown. Before you confronted him you didn't know how he would react. Now that you have confronted him there is still some uncertainty on how he will react. Hopefully he will just avoid you until the job's finished and then move on. The more often you walk by that property without seeing him the less anxious you will feel. Let me know how the Sea Bands work. I've just started taking Lion's Mane for brain fog, still a little early to see if it's working.



Tracy, you were the one in that situation not anyone else, so you were in the best place to decide what was best for you. You were feeling uncomfortable, this could have been your intuition picking up on hidden signals. Sometimes when women assert themselves and take control they are labelled as uptight, unreasonable, b##ches, or other derogatory terms. If the tables were turned and it was him who said the relationship was making him uncomfortable, no one would say anything derogatory about him. In fact, he would probably be congratulated for choosing to save his marriage. I congratulate you for choosing to acknowledge your feelings, taking control, and ending this relationship.
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You're exactly right, I was afraid of what might happen. When I couldn't sleep last night, I even turned on my phone at 3 Am, afraid that he might've texted me during the night. In another post, I gave reasons for why I felt increasingly anxious around him and now it makes sense.

Oh and I tried the Sea Bands last night but I don't think it was fair to say they didn't work because I was dealing with mega anxiety. I'll try them again in a few days. And I'll let you know if they work. I tried melatonin and it worked for like 2 weeks and then gave me horrible bathroom issues.
 
Lady Vol Fan said:
Have you tried a weighted blanket?

(P.S. I'm glad you blocked his number.)
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No I haven’t but I have those bed sheets called Sheex, the ones designed by the former WNBA players. I love them because they’re stretchy and soft. I need to check out weighted blankets. My problem is sometimes I get hot at night. I’m sure it’s mid life hormone fun.
 
It was a interesting morning. I woke up at 3 AM with anxiety running high because of the possibility of seeing Kevin after telling him we shouldn't text anymore. So Luca and I turn the corner and his car isn't there, its 7:50 AM, and he's usually on the street by then, we walk past the complex and I could see through the top of the gates and his car wasn't in the driveway either. Later in the morning, I ran a few errands and had to drive by the complex to get to where I was going (he doesn't know my car) and I saw Jacob the helper's car on the street, the gate was open and Kevin's car was where it was yesterday, all the way to the back fence. So now my jitters are prolonged because will I run into him tomorrow or has he decided to avoid me?
 
ashaw said:
It was a interesting morning. I woke up at 3 AM with anxiety running high because of the possibility of seeing Kevin after telling him we shouldn't text anymore. So Luca and I turn the corner and his car isn't there, its 7:50 AM, and he's usually on the street by then, we walk past the complex and I could see through the top of the gates and his car wasn't in the driveway either. Later in the morning, I ran a few errands and had to drive by the complex to get to where I was going (he doesn't know my car) and I saw Jacob the helper's car on the street, the gate was open and Kevin's car was where it was yesterday, all the way to the back fence. So now my jitters are prolonged because will I run into him tomorrow or has he decided to avoid me?
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Hmmm, as it was pointed out earlier, if he was looking for an easy hook-up, your little talk may have dashed his hopes with you as his target & he's moved on .. good job!
 
Well, if he was not intending anything more than friendship, then he could likely be trying to steer clear so as not to be accused of stalker behavior.

OR..He could just as easily not been aware of his own behavior and you made him aware and he's embarrassed.

We can't clearly read his previous intentions by his subsequent behavior of avoidance.

Just work on you. You got this.
 
This morning, I had a change of workout plans. I had my heart set on CTX this week, but when I planned things out Sunday, I didn't know I'd be dealing with some disrupted sleep, etc. So, I decided while awake early this morning to just finish things out with Fit Split- I did the Mixed Impact Cardio and Pull Day today and dang, I forgot how hard it is! The biceps giant sets are absolute killer. I was able to do one set with a 35 pound BB, but dropped to 30 for the other sets, but I did use 12's and 15's for the W curls and sweeper curls, but I took pause breaks in between. I certainly want to give CTX another try, but I knew that this morning, I didn't have the mental focus to learn a new step routine, etc.

Not only have I blocked his number, but I also deleted the selfie from my phone. Looking back, I guess it was dumb to take the selfie, but a few months earlier, I did something similar with a very nice young yardman I'd known for about a year. We would always say hello when I'd see him on doing yards on Friday's while out with my dog and he told me last April that he was joining the National Guard. I told him how proud I was of him choosing to serve our country and the last time I saw him, we took a selfie before he went to basic training because I knew I'd never see him again. When I took the selfie with Kevin, I certainly didn't have any flirtatious intentions, it was simply a picture with someone I'd gotten to know over part of last year and that I thought I'd never see again.
I don't know what will happen tomorrow, but you all may certainly be right, that if he thought he was heading towards a possible hook up, well he knows that ain't gonna happen now.

I think sometimes I'm still overwhelmed when I realize what a potential crisis I averted by putting an end to the texting. I know that I didn't do anything wrong and there is nothing in the messages to him that I'm ashamed of. I just hope that I can sleep tonight. Anxiety seems to affect my sleep much more than it used to.
 
Maybe do some clean-up: delete all texts between you & empty your trash, clean your cache, etc. & put him behind you as you go forth. Leave no digital trace. Be grateful for your strength & courage to establish your priorities (your integrity & your relationship with yourself & with your husband), & to having asserted yourself.

Maybe evaluate boundary setting. You seem very outgoing & maybe want to make some new friends. Maybe work on establishing friendships with people who don't pose a threat to your marriage. Get your husband involved; maybe go out with other couples, etc.
 
I think he most likely misinterpreted your friendliness for interest and now you have set him straight. He may be a bit embarrassed, as Linda said, especially if he was dousing himself in aftershave for you. At some point the anxiety will subside, and you will feel stronger knowing you have successfully dealt with the situation.
 
I’ve actually already done my digital housecleaning. I permanently deleted the selfie, the texts and his number is blocked. It’s good because I needed to clean out pictures and stuff to free up iCloud storage because I don’t want to pay for more storage.

i truly didn’t think the selfie was inappropriate because I’ve taken selfies with a few people I befriended at the Kroger where I shop. One is my Frank who works in dairy, the other was Mary Lou, the self checkout attendant. We took a selfie when she retired because I knew I’d never see her again and I even have her a cute card and a bottle of Jack Daniels.

I don’t know if I could’ve worked my way through dealing with the situation if not for all of your help. I knew I was growing uncomfortable around him and it was something recent but until I really thought over I realized it was the secret texting relationship that was bothering me.

But I have really learned a lot from all of you and I’ve learned how to listen to my intuition, assert myself, and to set boundaries and better set them in the future.
 
I had my first encounter with Kevin this morning, after Monday. It was very interesting. Jacob, the helper was already there and was talking to Kevin when I walked up. This is the first time in a long time that Jacob has been there that early. Kevin stayed at a distance, hands in his pockets the entire time and didn't say much. He still smelled like aftershave when he petted Luca, but not reeking of it like before. It was awkward, but by Jacob being there it was less awkward because I wasn't alone with Kevin. I slept last night, the bad anxiety has subsided and I know in my heart I did what was right. I put a stop to a situation that was only going to lead to trouble.

Tomorrow will be a week that I came here and told everyone my ordeal. I can't thank you all enough for your support!
 
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