My DH's secret Myspace account

Clarissa

Clarissa

Cathlete
I am very upset. My DH has a myspace acct. He has never even LET me on the D@!# site before, to even look up old friends. So today he mentions that he is thinking of getting one b/c on Sat it was my b-day and we had no one to go out w/ becuase we got married young. So we talked about old friends that night.... He didn't even tell me he had an account....??? So today, I looked up old friends for him and low and behold, he was a friend already on THEIR sites?! He has been a user with pics and music, etc. Most of his friends are female and I don't know any of them. And he is writing to them while at work. WTH???? Please don't think I sound crazy jealous but put yourself in my shoes. Please please offer me some advice. I am so sad and angry right now I can hardly contain myself. Please help. I have bad self-esteem and I don't want to revert back to feeling bad about myself the way I did before I lost my weight. You never can truly change who you are inside. He is such a freaken hypocrite. And of course, I am the bad guy here and he is mad at me...good grief.

THank you so so much for listening. Like I said, I would call my friends, but I really don't have any..., clarissa
 
man i don't even know what to say. i know if dh didn't let me in on this i would be royaly pissed and i would think we would have a right to be so. but honestly don't think the problem is YOU.especially since he is mad at YOU for HIS lie. that just doesn't make sense. i know easier said then done. i have low self esteem as well but obviously he is an ass. maybe he is having issue b/c you married young. dh went through that and we split up but got back together(yeah and guess who DIDN'T crawl back to whom ;-) ) i wish i could offer advice but i know how you feel.

kassia

http://www.picturetrail.com/ldy_solana

http://jtjulian2003.tripod.com

YOU CAN'T HAVE EVERYTHING,WHERE WOULD YOU PUT IT??

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Clarissa,
I don't think you sound crazy jealous at all. I'd be upset too if I found this out. Can you talk about it with him? I'd just flat out ask him --very calmly-- why he never told you he had an account. And as far as your self esteem --you should never feel bad about yourself!! You look great!
 
First of all, who is he to not let you go on the site?? That would bother me, if I were you - then add to the fact that he has a secret site, with mostly female friends, and I think I would lose it. You are not being jealous, much less crazy jealous. Do not let this feel bad about yourself at all - look at Jennifer Aniston - Brad Pitt left her for Jolie. Not saying at all that your DH is going to leave - just saying that even if he is doing some flirting, it has nothing to do with you, who you are, what you look like. It has everything to do with who he is and probably his esteem issues. Talk to him, if you can, and if your BS radar goes off, then by all means listen to it! Personally, I would play it cool and send him a msg as someone else and see how he responds. Best of luck to you - I've been there before. No matter what, you will come through stronger and wiser. Shana
 
Clarissa,

I agree with everything Stephanie said.

I'm sorry you're going through this, but please don't blame yourself or let your self-esteem issues get in the way. This is his fault. I'm really not trying to make you feel worse about the situation, but if he has nothing to hide then there is no reason why you shouldn't have known about his account. Plus, the fact that he has female friends on there that you don't know and the fact that he doesn't want you to have an account sounds a bit strange.

I believe communication is always the key so you should talk to him. You deserve to know what's going on. Do not let him turn this around on you. Demand the respect you deserve.

Best of luck.
 
OK, to play Devil's Advocate here:

This may just be something that he wanted to keep for himself. Maybe it makes him feel connected to an old part of himself.

The friends that are female...I wouldn't read too much into that. Any page that you visit, you can randomly invite someone to be a "friend" on your page. You don't even necessarily have had to had contact with them beyond the standard "friend invite" that goes out for that.

If you have low self esteem, I can imagine how your first thought goes right to "he's been decieving you and you're not enough for him". But that may not at all be it.
Don't you have anything that you keep to yourself and don't share with him? I'm not talking about something huge, just something small that's yours for one reason or another.

As for "he won't let me log on"...that part would so never fly with me! THAT he does not get a vote over!

Either way, good luck, and please don't get down on yourself!
 
I would be so angry and hurt!!!!!!! [hugs] [[hugs]]
~Melanie~

Jadon born 11/23/05
Justin born 1/17/04
Jory born 4/9/94
 
I think your reaction is completely normal! I kinda went through something similar with my DH when we both caught on to My Space. I pretty much canceled my account after a week. He had lots of old female friends all of the sudden popping up out of nowhere and was writing back and forth, not mentioning he was married! At least he was open with it, emails would come and go through our account. I don't think he'd cheat, but he's the kind of guy who needs his ego stroked. I gave him grief and he canceled on his own, too. Really, what good is there opening a can of worms if you don't have to?

Not letting you have an account, not cool in my book. Talk to him and be calm, it's not your fault.
 
I agree with meowracer and others. You are a gorgeous woman and this is all him, not you.

What he did was wrong. I would think that the reason he didn't want you on the site is because he knows what he's doing, and doesn't want you to do the same. I don't think he'd like it if you had mostly guys that you talk to every day as "friends" on your page.

DH and I both have our own myspace pages because of his music. I even have the password to his page and I help him maintain it, send birthday wishes, etc. We're each other's #1 friends on both our pages. He sees my page and I see his all the time. We don't hide that stuff from each other.
 
Hi Clarissa

I would be extremely mad if I were in your shoes. He has no business creating a cyber social network behind your back. His reaction is a classic case of guilt. He is actually mad at himself for getting caught, so he turns the mad on you instead.

"So today he mentions that he is thinking of getting one" <--- a guilty guy talking. He knows you'd be pissed and he is trying a sneaky way to let it out.

As another post said, trust your BS radar. If it's going off, there is a reason for it. Get to the bottom of it and hold your head up high.

You look great, btw.

We are all your friends here, so you do have a lot of friends. (((hugs)))

Penny
 
Sounds like your DH is controlling. He doesn't want you to go on, but it's OK for him to?! You certainly have every right to stand up for yourself and ask questions.

From all of your posts, I can see that you are caring person who is a super mom and a compassionate friend to the people on this forum. You are always honest, yet respectful. And I've never "seen" you to be arrogant or rude. Plus, you are beautiful. Sounds like you're quite the catch to me!! :) Now, go and tell yourself that, and BELIEVE IT!!!

Sending hugs and online support your way.
 
Sending hugs your way Clarissa.

I would say that this could easily be innocent enough but there is one thing that bothers me. The fact that he would not "allow" you to go on myspace prior to this. That is what bothers me about the whole thing. If that were removed the situation I would definately say that he just opened the page and didn't think about telling you cause it never came up and he didn't think it was a big deal. Why would he make a big deal over you not going on and then have a page of his own?? Things that make you go hmmmm.

I am very easy going and not a jealous person. I normally give people the benefit of the doubt but something's not sitting right with me this time....

Let us know what happens and feel free to come back here for support any time you need it! We are your friends here!:)
 
Clarissa, I don't know what to say (though I really like everything that Wendy said, so maybe I should just agree with her).

I think this sounds odd and it seems like you need to have a long talk with your husband--I know that's easier said than done, sometimes. I hope this turns out to be no big deal, but I don't think you are being irrationally jealous and I do think it's weird that he wouldn't let you have a MySpace account yourself. My DH can be on the controlling side, but he would never try to control my internet use (unless it was something that cost money).

(((HUGS)))

[font face="comic sans ms" font color=green]***Lainie***
fitness blog: http://fitnessfig.blogspot.com
http://bestsmileys.com/exercising/7.gif
If you want to give God a good laugh, tell Her your plans.[/font]
 
Clarrisa,

I don't know what happened to my original reply, it just disappeared into cyber space.

I totally understand your reaction! FURIOUS is what I would be, you have told us many times that you married young and feel that you have no friends.
Other posters have already mentioned your self esteem, so I won't go there BUT...

Maybe he is feeling the same way??? Maybe his self esteem is low too and on myspace he is another person, with lots of friends and is popular, especially with the girls. And maybe (he is a male remember they are a different species to us) he is embarresed (spelling??) to share this with you. He might need "HIS SPACE"

I'd put a picture of you on his myspace!!! That would fix his little red wagon!! Don't tell him just do it, he opens it upand there you are !! Under the heading of, "My Gorgeous WIFE" I'd do that, and I think you should too.

You are a very good looking girl, be proud of yourself.

Andrea
 
Clarissa, you've gotten great advice. Just know that there are people thinking of you. I hope everything works out.

*♥´¨)
¸ .• ♥ ´¸.•*♥´¨) ¸.♥•*¨)
(¸.•♥´ (¸ ;.♥•Jennie•♥


Smoke free since: 2/05/08
 
He doesn't want you to have an account because he don't want people to see how hot you are now. I would be p*****. That is really all I have to say. Men do things and there is really no explanation to why. Me and my husband would have to have a heart to heart on this. Good luck. I'm sending you hugs and prayers.

Farrah
 
The whole "he never LET me" comment got to me, too. He's your DH, not your father. As far as the lie, you need to talk about it with him. If you feel you're going to get too emotional, and go off track with your thoughts (been there!) try writing down the things you'd like to get across before hand. (I've also done that, and it helps me stay focused on the points I need to convey). Good luck to you. Marriage isn't always easy!
 
Clarissa--I would be devastated. Secrecy in marraige (other than nice surprises) is not a good thing. I think you have every right to be concerned. And the fact that he has transferred all his guilt on to you and made you the "bad guy" is also troubling and seems emotionally abusive.

(((hugs)))

Maggie
 
Lots of good comments and mine are the same.

Wouldn't let him control my use of the computer at all, do think that sometimes computer communicating is a way to be in contact without really being in contact, but sometimes can get out of hand.

Sorry to hear you have self esteem issues and I understand because I was heavy in high school and have lost weight and created a healthier lifestyle for myself. You, as many have said, are a good person AND a good looking lady}( That is coming from others so make sure you tell that to your inner self right now and, please be convincing !

Next, don't live for others - you know that one - you take care of you for yourself, that is why you lost the weight.

I married in my mid-20's the first time - it is hard work to all - but when marrying young I think sometimes you miss out on experiences others have had. I am also feeling I wish I were more connected to those I grew up with since our small town all pretty much moved on after high school and I am now living in a small town where everyone stayed. They all know each other and have shared their lives. Oh well, my choices and now I do what I need to to have my own life. Maybe DH is looking for experiences or connections he misses or feels he missed out on.

I think communication is definitely the key to a marriage - expressing your feeling without accusing is important - I know you know, but sometimes it takes a lot of control to say it the correct way. But, being an HR person, maybe slip into the HR role and use it in this instance. Don't jump to conclusions, cool down and communicate.

We are all with you - let us know how it goes or come back if you need us to tell you how wonderful you really are - we can do that in a heartbeat:+
 
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